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Worried about friends child- advice please.

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Sticky Wicket36659

1511

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 18:06

Thats what I have read about MS by proxy too SW, that they have or have aspired to a medical background, and have suffered abuse. the problem with the interwebby as everyone has access to everything knowledge wise and it can be a dangerous thing. The problem with MS by proxy is it is VERY difficult to diagnose. Yep, and unless the person will go and be diagnosed by a specialist you have no chance, which they won't because everyone else has a problem not them! They even tell the doctors what is wrong with the child etc. The woman i mention is the most manipulative person you could ever meet, and butter wouldn't melt in her mouth when you first know her, then it comes.

2322

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 18:02

Thats what I have read about MS by proxy too SW, that they have or have aspired to a medical background, and have suffered abuse. the problem with the interwebby as everyone has access to everything knowledge wise and it can be a dangerous thing. The problem with MS by proxy is it is VERY difficult to diagnose.

Sticky Wicket36659

1511

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 17:31

To add that the DH found out once he started putting the pieces together that the wife had suffered abuse as a child (father) and run away as a teen from home, he never knew any of this about her. One key point was that over the years she would make friends, dominate their lives and then just have a massive bust up with them and never speak to them again. The DH went back years and years researching/contacting family members/friends and the pattern was there time and time again, it all tied in with the MS, she always wanted to be a childrens nurse!

96

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 17:27

Should have mentioned that the LO is by all appearances a mostly normal, slightly withdrawn little boy. I have personally witnessed the mom getting increasingly agitated about tiny things like a dime-sized rash on the child's belly (inspite of me and another RN offering our opinion that it was probably just contact dermatitis because he was otherwise fine...). There have been a few such incidents over the last year or so...

Sticky Wicket36659

1511

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 17:27

This is so weird to see as a dear friend of mine (the now ex DH) figured this out about his wife and her 3 children. The case is an ongoing one and quite a saga, everyone who has known this woman over the last 20 years knows she is fruit the loop yet she plays a very clever game. We have supported her DH (ex) for years over this and he has done everything by the book, seeked therapy himself, for the kids (when she will let him) and had court appointed counselors involved. She would continually take the children to different hospitals and even exacerbate certain minor health conditions, seriously amazing stuff. It's done horrendous damage to the kids. The DH figured it out, no one believed him, accept all of us who knew the family. He went to court in Oz for a divorce and custody based on her mental health, they appointed court shrinks /counselors avialble in the ME country they reside in. The divorce /custody battle has gone on for 5 years, he has joint access but the court will not give him full custody as she has refused therapy and tells a great story. Just to give you an idea of time scale, it took him 13 years to realise what was going on. I would suggest you speak to the DH and show him information or point him into the direction of MS by proxy, once he sees it he may start to place the pieces of the puzzle together himself. Then it's a nightmare.

5499

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 17:26

Don't worry, Freckles; the difference is your child IS sick. A doctor has examined him and diagnosed him as being sick. The child the OP is talking about has not been diagnosed as being sick So many kids get one illness after another after another here and it seems your DS just has his name on that long list of kids. The OP's post is nothing like this normal situation at all :(

298

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 17:07

I have a rather horrible story about this so don't read on if this is likely to upset you. I know a woman in my home city, well actually in the country outside my city, that had this. Her children were always having something dramatic or another. She also used to go onto Long Term Trying to Conceive forums and 'invent' conditions she had, miscarriages etc. Harmless enough. Then one day something truly horrendous happened. Her 2 year old drowned in their backyard pool. Tragic right? Yes... Absolutley horrible. BUT the police actually suspected the mother of doing it and she was held for many hours for questioning. She wasn't formally charged in the end but everyone who knew her and her delight in making up these illnesses for both herself and her daughters suspected something amiss. She is now getting her attention through the media as she has set up a foundation in the name of her daughter. She is always finding out stories of people who have tragically lost their children and calling them out of the blue to offer 'support'. She is thriving on the attention she gains through this as of ourselves her story comes out again. Horrible horrible stuff. <em>edited by Scotchanddiet on 15/03/2011</em>

116

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 17:04

Suggest to the DH that he go and talk with the family doctor.

213

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 16:22

In that case, If the OP thinks there is a problem, she should definitely talk to the father

353

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 16:14

Many years ago at another expat posting I knew a young mum who talked about nothing else but her sons illnesses. He always appeared to me to be a normal bright happy little guy. The mother once told me she gave him sedatives because he was too much work to care for all day. A few weeks later the father told us he was worried sick about the child as sometimes he was so lethargic he could barely move. I told him his wife was drugging their child as they were about to undergo testing for diabetes isipidis. This woman needed psychological help but she was using her child to get the attention she craved. Jeez! What a sick world we live in :(

369

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 16:12

Many years ago at another expat posting I knew a young mum who talked about nothing else but her sons illnesses. He always appeared to me to be a normal bright happy little guy. The mother once told me she gave him sedatives because he was too much work to care for all day. A few weeks later the father told us he was worried sick about the child as sometimes he was so lethargic he could barely move. I told him his wife was drugging their child as they were about to undergo testing for diabetes isipidis. This woman needed psychological help but she was using her child to get the attention she craved.

3901

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 16:12

it's a form of attention-seeking and very sad for all concerned..i would advise you to speak to her DH again.

353

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 16:09

I think the OP is not worried because the child is ill a lot but the reaction of the mother.... the attention that the mother seems to be revelling in, in telling others about the sickness of the child, the attention that the mother is commanding regarding this.... ok now I am getting paranoid...*hurries to delete her thread re her poorly boy* Lol!

Freckles 128127

787

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 16:08

I think the OP is not worried because the child is ill a lot but the reaction of the mother.... the attention that the mother seems to be revelling in, in telling others about the sickness of the child, the attention that the mother is commanding regarding this.... ok now I am getting paranoid...*hurries to delete her thread re her poorly boy*

2222

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 16:06

I think the OP is not worried because the child is ill a lot but the reaction of the mother.... the attention that the mother seems to be revelling in, in telling others about the sickness of the child, the attention that the mother is commanding regarding this....

213

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 16:03

some kids are constantly ill in Dubai. Mine were when we first moved here. It's the pollution and the dust in the air not to mention the disgusting microbes that some bring back from their home countries.

858

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 15:58

Not saying that you are over reacting BUT my 2 yr old is constantly sick....ear infections, throat infections, scarlet fever (which he has right now) etc etc. How do you actually know that the child in question isn't genuinely sick and what possible delight would a mother get from constantly taking her child to the doctor or hospital????? sadly, it does happen. The mother may enjoy looking like super mom. She may love the attention. what kind of a freak does that? Read 'Sickened' by Julie Gregory, very sad.

1236

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 15:57

Not saying that you are over reacting BUT my 2 yr old is constantly sick....ear infections, throat infections, scarlet fever (which he has right now) etc etc. How do you actually know that the child in question isn't genuinely sick and what possible delight would a mother get from constantly taking her child to the doctor or hospital????? sadly, it does happen. The mother may enjoy looking like super mom. She may love the attention. You are right of course and such mums are themselves in great need.

Freckles 128127

787

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 15:53

Not saying that you are over reacting BUT my 2 yr old is constantly sick....ear infections, throat infections, scarlet fever (which he has right now) etc etc. How do you actually know that the child in question isn't genuinely sick and what possible delight would a mother get from constantly taking her child to the doctor or hospital????? sadly, it does happen. The mother may enjoy looking like super mom. She may love the attention. what kind of a freak does that?

2222

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 15:53

Not saying that you are over reacting BUT my 2 yr old is constantly sick....ear infections, throat infections, scarlet fever (which he has right now) etc etc. How do you actually know that the child in question isn't genuinely sick and what possible delight would a mother get from constantly taking her child to the doctor or hospital????? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%BCnchausen_syndrome_by_proxy

199

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 15:51

Not saying that you are over reacting BUT my 2 yr old is constantly sick....ear infections, throat infections, scarlet fever (which he has right now) etc etc. How do you actually know that the child in question isn't genuinely sick and what possible delight would a mother get from constantly taking her child to the doctor or hospital????? sadly, it does happen. The mother may enjoy looking like super mom. She may love the attention.

Freckles 128127

787

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 15:50

Not saying that you are over reacting BUT my 2 yr old is constantly sick....ear infections, throat infections, scarlet fever (which he has right now) etc etc. How do you actually know that the child in question isn't genuinely sick and what possible delight would a mother get from constantly taking her child to the doctor or hospital?????

2222

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 15:47

If you are really really sure that this is happening - then perhaps you need to talk to the DH and get him to do something.

96

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 March 2011 - 15:41

I have a friendly acquaintance who has an LO around 2-3 y.o. The child is constantly sick, stomach flu, intestinal things, headaches etc. etc. The mom is forever telling our circle of friends about these constant hospitalizations, doctors visits, tests etc. Over time, I have come to get the distinct sense that aspects of this situation are very much like Munchausen's by proxy. The doctors and hospitals, always different ones, seem to never be able to find anything wrong with the child and after emergency room trips and tests, the LO is well for a few days and then it starts over again. The mom gets very excited and often talks about her own heroic actions staying up all night with the child, rushing the LO to this or that emergency room, the massive expense of all of this etc. etc. I'm not an MD, but I was an LPN for many years at home and my alarm bells are ringing every time I talk with her. The mom's we know are talking about possibly staging an intervention, or reporting her (but to whom?). Has anyone ever dealt with something like this here? What can be done, if anything, to get someone some psychological help, especially someone who may have a mental illness that is endangering their child like this. Another DH has discussed it with her DH a bit (in a grunty, manly sort of way) and her DH is very worried for the child, but not certain of what to do. The wife gets extremely angry, even violent, with him if he questions the necessity of all this medical care for the boy. Advice on how or if we can help would be greatly appreciated.

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