Need help re DH and toddler tantrums - any advice would be appreciated

UmmShamsa62001

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 21 September 2013 - 22:35

FYI 'Super Granny' came to see us approx 12 months ago and I think that actually made things worse as now the default response to anything is the threat of time out or straight to time out without even trying to understand what is wrong and what the root cause of the 'naughtiness' is. He constantly threatens her with time out and tells her she is naughty...

Edited to add: 'I don't think that any kind of public forum/course would be a good idea as DH is even stricter and less tolerant in public.
<em>edited by UmmShamsa on 21/09/2013</em>

AussiePup

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EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 29 September 2013 - 21:02

I have 2 of those at home... one is 3 and the other only 1.5 (and I think he is worse!!) LOL. I do notice however that Mr 3 is worse when he is tired and that generally tends to be the time that Daddy gets to play or spend time with him. Especially since starting nursery full time (and by that I mean 8-11.30 only but 5 days a week) Mr 3's behaviour by 3pm is atrocious (sp). But he wont have an afternoon sleep. I've started to put him to bed earlier and that is helping with a lot of our sleep issues as well as behavioural stuff during the day. DH also has to realise she is only 3! I have to remind myself about that at times and certainly remind my DH because sometimes the way he talks to both boys is too "adult" I think. Maybe look at the time he is spending with her - is she tired or hungry (lowering blood sugar can also make them very moody) and then look at the activity he is trying to do with her. Perhaps that can help settle the boat between them a little more. Good luck!!

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shjbelle

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EW GURU

Latest post on 26 September 2013 - 13:55

Our nearly 3 year old DD is a handful; she's fun, feisty and strong willed but she's also a very sensitive child. DH can barely stand to spend any time with her these days - the smallest little niggles seem to turn into huge mountains as he gets so angry if she won't sit still, or read her book nicely, or get dressed immediately etc. The point of this post is not to knock my DH but try to find some kind of solution or way to help him learn to deal with her and actually listen to her before simply assuming that everything stems from naughtiness (which is doesn't.). He refuses to read any kind of books about behavioural issues and categorically refuses to discuss it with me. Can anyone recommend a course, DVD or similar? FYI 'Super Granny' came to see us approx 12 months ago and I think that actually made things worse as now the default response to anything is the threat of time out or straight to time out without even trying to understand what is wrong and what the root cause of the 'naughtiness' is. He constantly threatens her with time out and tells her she is naughty... Edited to add: 'I don't think that any kind of public forum/course would be a good idea as DH is even stricter and less tolerant in public. edited by UmmShamsa on 21/09/2013 ermm... she's 3. they do call it the terrifying 3 age. DD is like that too. Sudden bursts of tantrums and what nots. please do tell your DH it's normal, it's a phase. What I do with my dd is acknowledge her tantrums and get her to explain why is she angry/upset. Call me a bad mom, but sometimes I ignore her tantrums . lol :D (which is not often) it'll pass. well.. at least i hope so. :D S

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bintyibbs283740

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Latest post on 22 September 2013 - 12:14

Try and explain to your husband that the crying and tantrums are all a normal part of a toddlers development and that at this time children are understanding more and wanting to communicate but perhaps they can't either because they don't know those words or they don't have the patience themselves etc. Don't bring up any books like 'oh it says in this book etc' and if he asks where did you get this information from just say 'it just makes sense' - most of the time it does!. Please please please don't take this in any wrong way anyone but from my experience, I think some men forget (or perhaps don't even know) that these things happen and they have to be worked through not just dealt with abruptly 'because its embarrassing' or frustrating. Yes it is frustrating but the situation of course will not get any better with them also throwing an 'adult' version of a tantrum ie also shouting back at the child or huffing and puffing and walking away. Get down to the child's level (literally - bend down or kneel) try and hold her in place or keep your hands around her lightly and calmly shush and then talk. Ask her what she wants and why is she crying. Sometimes I hold up my finger to my mouth (shushing action) and press my lips together and make a funny face. Of course every child is different and different things work for different people. My DD (21 months) is tantrum-ing as I type so I'd better go walk the walk! Hope things work out!! :)

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JoyceB11624

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 21 September 2013 - 23:07

To be honest, I'd throw the books out! Some old fashioned advice is to ignore the tantrums completely, make a great fuss of her when she is well behaved and encourage DH to play with her and read stories to her when she is being "good". Consistency is the key and you must both be using the same rule book. Don't give your LO lots of choices, but say, " do you want to wear the pink dress or the yellow one". Some men do expect to be obeyed by children immediately and have no patience with toddler tantums and I would confess that when I was raising my children some 30 odd years ago, negotiating with a toddler was virtually unheard of and I didn't tolerate any nonsense either! However, your LO's early years are precious and your DH maybe needs to realise that tots are really just out of babyhood and can't control their emotions. It will pass but the key word is consistency and no matter how violent the tantrum, it's vital that parents keep calm and don't give in to the purple face and thumping feet! Be ready with reassuring cuddles once the wobbler has passed. :)

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