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Moving toddler to own bed???

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 05 February 2011 - 22:45

We recently moved our 3 year old to her own bed. She still comes to our bed every night around 3-4 pmish. Then she will hug me so tight as if I am going to run away. How can I stop her from coming to our bed? If we say no to her, she screams murder and wakes the baby up.
Anyone has been through it? I really need some sleep.

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Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 10:12

I have no experience personally of this but couple of my friends had similar circumstances with their LO's getting up in the night and coming into their beds. A few of them bought those day/night clocks which you can set to a specific time when it is 'okay' to get out of bed. EG we have one (yet to be used) which is a bunny and the bunny ears pop up and eyes open when it's daytime so DD knows that it's time to get up. Friends swore by it as the LO's would actually wait for the eyes to open (usually falling back asleep). Guess it makes it bit more fun and interactive for LO's - anyway might be worth a shot? Sorry nothing more helpful - we haven't co-slept and are just in the process of thinking that DD might be moved from cot to big girl bed and dreading that!! Good luck :)

Hello.Again.Kitty

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Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 12:26

Situation is this: DD1 is in her own mattress in our room. DD2 is in the cot (has been there since birth) but ocassionaly comes to bed for breastfeeds. We are obviously in our bed. DD1 has been co-sleeping with us since 9 months of age. The reason we want her to move to her bed is because I think it's time to get some bed space for us. She moves around a lot, but recently she started hugging me tight while sleeping. I am not getting any sleep due to this hugging (previously used to hug daddy but I became the fav while daddy was away on work trip). We put her mattress in our room for a long time, decorated it, put her teddies in it, she volunteered to sleep there. She started lying down while playing or for naps. There was no force involved. She is happy to go to sleep in it provided that me/daddy puts her to bed. At night, when she wakes up, she either wants me to go there or come to our bed. It has to be ME, NOT daddy. She is a daddy's girl, loves her dad to bits, but don't know why it has to be ME AT NIGHT. So, what advice would you have? I should add she has always been a little sensitive and clingy. Should I just put up with the hugging for now and forget it? I can't function if I can't sleep all night. That's why the desperate need to move her to her bed. Hmm... so no jealousy involved with the younger sibling, which is helpful... and she's obviously happy about her bed, but just wants cuddles. Personally, I would just be firm and clear - everyone has their own bed at night and should stay in it. Remind her that you're not far away at all and will give her huge hugs when the sun is up. If she climbs into your bed, pop her gently back in hers and remind her of the boundaries. It might take a while to sink in, but it will eventually!

184

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 12:17

Situation is this: DD1 is in her own mattress in our room. DD2 is in the cot (has been there since birth) but ocassionaly comes to bed for breastfeeds. We are obviously in our bed. DD1 has been co-sleeping with us since 9 months of age. The reason we want her to move to her bed is because I think it's time to get some bed space for us. She moves around a lot, but recently she started hugging me tight while sleeping. I am not getting any sleep due to this hugging (previously used to hug daddy but I became the fav while daddy was away on work trip). We put her mattress in our room for a long time, decorated it, put her teddies in it, she volunteered to sleep there. She started lying down while playing or for naps. There was no force involved. She is happy to go to sleep in it provided that me/daddy puts her to bed. At night, when she wakes up, she either wants me to go there or come to our bed. It has to be ME, NOT daddy. She is a daddy's girl, loves her dad to bits, but don't know why it has to be ME AT NIGHT. So, what advice would you have? I should add she has always been a little sensitive and clingy. Should I just put up with the hugging for now and forget it? I can't function if I can't sleep all night. That's why the desperate need to move her to her bed.

Hello.Again.Kitty

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Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 11:24

Her bed is in our room still. My baby no2 is 1 year old. Do you think she will still equate this to the baby coming. I couldn't do it before the baby was arriving because I went home to give birth. We only had one bed for us at my parent's. Hmm, so correct me if I'm wrong, you're all sleeping in the same room and you and DH are co-sleeping with No.2, and you've moved DD (No1) into her own bed, but which is still next to yours. But up until now, you've all been sharing the same bed, so all 4 of you... or had No.2 been in a crib or something and has recently moved into your bed? I don't really need to know the ins and outs of your sleeping arrangements, but I think a lot depends on what they have been and when changes occurred. It's all a bit complicated from an emotional point of view! It's quite probably that your DD just doesn't understand why she should have to move out, esp if you've all been sharing the same bed perfectly happily up until now. Think about why you decided to move her and how you went about it. If it was a bit of a spur-of-the-moment, random non-event, then I can see why she would be confused! Have you explained why she's moving into her won bed and why No.2 is staying in yours for the moment? Have you listened to how she understands the situation. Ask her simply why she comes into your bed. You might be surprised at her answer and in any case, it'll give you the insight to be able to convince her that her bed is the best place ever!

184

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 11:11

Her bed is in our room still. My baby no2 is 1 year old. Do you think she will still equate this to the baby coming. I couldn't do it before the baby was arriving because I went home to give birth. We only had one bed for us at my parent's.

Hello.Again.Kitty

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Latest post on 05 February 2011 - 23:14

Thanks for the advice kitty. Yes, we were co sleeping before. She is in her own bed in our room. I also thought it would be too much transition for her to be in her own room from co-sleeping. Has any co-sleeping mum been through this? In that case, it's a huge step for her and far more deeply psychological. I haven't been through it myself, but I would imagine you need to think about how to show her that she is still equally loved and cared for, hasn't had her place usurped by her younger sibling (which is hard for any toddler, let alone a co-sleeping one), that she hasn't been rejected and that this transition is a positive step for her. You may have to go heavy on rewards, one-on-one time with you and her before bed (so a really focussed bedtime routine) and probably set intermediate boundaries - so, for example, that she can come into your bed for a snuggle when the sun is up, but when it's night time, she has her own big bed all to herself. You may also find that moving her bed into your room - again, as an intermediate stage may help her adjust. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but if you were to have subsequent children, try to make the transition before they can equate it with the baby arriving. That's why we moved DD so early - basically because we needed the cot for DS but didn't want her to make the connection and for her to conclude that she was being "kicked out" or replaced by DS. <em>edited by Hello.Again.Kitty on 05/02/2011</em>

184

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 05 February 2011 - 23:04

Thanks for the advice kitty. Yes, we were co sleeping before. She is in her own bed in our room. I also thought it would be too much transition for her to be in her own room from co-sleeping. Has any co-sleeping mum been through this?

Hello.Again.Kitty

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Latest post on 05 February 2011 - 23:01

I think a lot depends on what the transition was. If you were co-sleeping and have moved her directly into her own room and bed, then you need to be far more sensitive and understanding of her emotions that if she was already in a cot in "her" room. We moved DD from her cot in her own room to a Big Bed when she was 19 month old (gosh, so young - couldn't imagine doing that for DS, currently 19 months! lol!) and really bigged it up. It was a Big Bed for Big Girls and had all the pretty bedding, teddies, fairy lights and most importantly, a stair-gate on her door threshold! ;) More often than not, she was more than happy to go to sleep on her own and has always been a sound sleeper, so rarely woke up unless something was really bothering her, at which point, we'd discuss it in the morning. We did have an episode where she was scared to sleep alone (thanks to a film that she glimpsed on a flight - grrr) and would come in to our bed in the early hours (we'd removed the stair-gate at this point). We had to live with the broken sleep and give her a quick cuddle in our bed and put her back in hers... sometimes having to lie down next to her until she fell asleep. Crying is unfortunately par for the course, but at least you can talk about it with her... and always take her back to her room to comfort her. edited by Hello.Again.Kitty on 05/02/2011 <em>edited by Hello.Again.Kitty on 05/02/2011</em>

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