Moving out of my parents shadow

Mrsb very valid response I totally agree with you that parents should be respected and listened to ad it is our duty. Sorry I misunderstood you. OP just try to reason with them. Wish you the best

OP, I don't know what your situation is. I don't know whether you have brothers or what your family's financial position is, or if you have brothers, how traditional they are. What I want to tell you is what happened to my mother. My grandfather felt education was wasted (fortunately your family didn't share his opinion) on a girl and took her out of school at fourteen and send her to a finishing school to prepare her for marriage. After finishing school she had to stay with them until marriage. She got married and had four children. Then my father died and she had to look after four children (ages ranging between 5 and 13) with no work experience. If it was not for my grandfather and uncles, we really would have starved. My advice to you is to talk to them about your future. Explain to them that you can not take the chance of not getting work experience, because you do not know if you are going to really need the experience in the future. Depending on your degree it may also be of little value if you don't have recent work experience in your field, as the world is changing so fast. In that case, your degree could be a waste of money. My first step would be to try to convince them with logical reasoning why you need to work. Explain the outcomes of possible scenarios if you don't get work experience and something bad happen in your future and you are unable to look after yourself, like what happened to my mother. What if something happens to your parents, who are going to take care of you? We can only pray nothing bad will happen, but you have to be prepared. Explain to them that they had raised you responsibly and that they must trust the values they instilled in you and that nothing would change when you are working. Then be true to your word. I hope you can convince them with reason. Unfortunately, I don't have any idea of the legal implications if you decide to go against their will.

Reply to Singarosa: I am sorry that you felt my response was so inappropriate. I would like to try to explain what I meant in my reply: First, I meant to read to Quran for guidance. I find when I have a problem, I read it and I find that suddenly the answer is before me. Working is not wrong for Muslim women, in fact, I am well educated and work full time. I did not mean that Sarah18 should not work. I meant was she should respect her parents and what they want for her. I mentioned that if she was worried about their future, she should remember it is the responsibility of her brothers to look after them unless, of course, she has no brothers in which case it would fall upon her and her other sisters and then, of course, I can understand her dilemma about wanting to work. Perhaps I am conservative, but I do believe that we should follow our parents wishes for us. Sometimes it is difficult when their wishes are in direct conflict with our own. In this case, what to do????? I find when I have inner conflict, reading the Quran helps me solve my problem. On the contrary, I do not believe that Muslim women are oppressed at all, in fact, we do enjoy a great many freedoms. Certainly, I do. However, we also have duties to our parents. These should come first.

When I read posts like this, I am so thankful that I was born to liberal, western parents who raised me to become a confident, independant woman and who sent me out to discover and conquer the world at a young age. Who never raised me in the shadow of my brothers but as an individual with equal rights. Who recognised my aspirations and pushed me to acheive them. Who were always there to guide me but without pigeonholing me into a traditional female role. I am so thankful every day. edited by derien on 20/03/2013 I truly concur with you and am ever so grateful to my parents for letting me and supporting me financially to have the education I could only dream of and achieve what I aspired to be!

Reply to mrsb. Just because you are a muslim doesnt mean your role in life is to get married, cook for your husband, clean the house and raise kids. This is not what Islam teaches us. Yes she the OP maybe shouldn't leave her parents and live alone what i know, this can only be done if you are divorced (God forbid). And you can't just tell her to go sit and read your Quran that is not the way to say it. I am sure all she wants to do is work and become an individual and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I am totally for women working being muslim or not. and all she has to do is explain to her parents that she wants to be independant not just sit at home and wait for the husband to come and pick her up and get married. That is not really fair, how will she know how this world works if all shes going to do is sit at home and wait to get married. Marriage is not supposed to be like that, and what kind of example will she set for her future daughters, that way the cycle will never end. mrsb, with all due respect you should read the Quran and see what a beautiful example it set for women. What you just posted is basically telling all the non muslim ladies out there that we are oppressed and all we think about is marriage. and even if she had brothers she can still work, i have 2 brothers and 2 sisters and we all work and help our parents out. in the end they raised us to be educated and working human beings and they can rest knowing that they did their job well. especially for us ladies, so that we dont become so dependant on our husbands and asking for money every day to go grocery shopping or to get something or or or. which i hate i really hate.. OP the advice i have for you, is sit with your parents and convince them how important this is in our society, and how you have to be independent to survive in this world, God forbid, your parents will not always be there, and neither will your brothers if you have any, how will you survive then ? Just don't go against them, but convince them and best this is ISTIKHARA, Istikhara is the solution to everything trust me. Best of luck and i really wish you the best and hopefully you will be a strong independant woman, not in need for a man in able to survive. mrsb. i really do not mean any disrespect just my honest opinion about how you portrayed women in islam. Just to be clear, in Islam if you are divirced (God forbid) your parents don't have a say but it is out of respect you listen to them, but the law doesn't mind you living alone or working, but it might be a problem if your parents complained since it is against their wish, and again you should always respect your parents no matter what unless it is something against the religon. just speak to them, they love you no matter what and want the best for you, you just need tot ell them what is the best for you. <em>edited by Singarosa on 20/03/2013</em>

When I read posts like this, I am so thankful that I was born to liberal, western parents who raised me to become a confident, independant woman and who sent me out to discover and conquer the world at a young age. Who never raised me in the shadow of my brothers but as an individual with equal rights. Who recognised my aspirations and pushed me to acheive them. Who were always there to guide me but without pigeonholing me into a traditional female role. I am so thankful every day. <em>edited by derien on 20/03/2013</em>

Of course, I don't know your story and I don't "walk in your shoes". I am assuming you come from a muslim family. As a Muslim, I can totally understand your parents. They have prepared you for marriage and are now waiting for/seeking an appropriate offer. It would be most disrespectful of you to go against their wishes. I do not understand why you want to do this. You need to sit and read your Quran and pray for guidance in the matter from Allah. You need to speak calmly and quietly with your parents, explaining perhaps why you desire the opportunity to work before your marriage. As a parent of a young DD, I would be concerned that perhaps you were mixing with western girls who have more freedom to behave as they wish. Remember you have a duty towards your parents. Do you have brothers? It is their responsibility to look after your parents financially, not yours. If you don't have a brother, perhaps this is a logical argument you could put forward to your parents - who will take care of them in their old age if you are not working and do not have an income. Otherwise, accept your duty as a good Muslim daughter and obey your parents. I am sorry as I know this is not the response you were hoping for but it comes from my heart. I shall make dua for you.