toddler and a new born.. how did you manage?

And one more thing (I was going to edit but I thought I might confuse myself, never mind anyone else). Don't overcompensate for your elder one having to share you! I made that mistake with DS and his behaviour went downhill literally overnight. He went from being a typical toddler - cheeky and a bit naughty but not awful - to being a horror, simply because I was letting him away with murder as I felt so bad he wasn't the only focus of my attention any more. Once I re-established firm boundaries and stopped thinking I had to somehow make it up to him for having his sister, he felt far more secure and his behaviour improved no end. If anyone has any suggestions about what to do now he's being a horror to get my attention because his sister is now 8 months and far more interactive, I'd love to hear them ;).

I've found having two tough as well and one thing that hasn't helped me, ever, is people telling me how much tougher our mothers and grandmothers had it ;). I know they did, and hats off to them - I can't imagine how they ever got through a day without either bashing their heads off the wall or resorting to the gin - but that really doesn't make it any easier for us when we're in the middle of it. And it doesn't make us feel any better, either. Every time I say anything about how hard it's been, my mother starts on about how she had three of us under four in a foreign country where she didn't speak the language and she had to drive everywhere because Dad's licence had been borrowed by the Queen and it was -25 outside and.. and... and... I think you'll get what I mean! All it does is trivialises how we're feeling and makes us feel worse; we ought to be supporting one another and sometimes, all that means is a little empathy. Sure, most of us have the life of Riley compared to 50 or 100 years ago. But if saying,"Jeez, I know - it's a killer!" makes another mum feel a tiny bit better, isn't it worth it? And we all know we're going to be fine. Because at the end of the day, we'll have to be - what's the alternative? Send them back for a refund?! I don't mean to offend anyone with this post at all and I hope it isn't taken as a moan! *slinks off to pretend she is coping admirably with a toddler and a newborn because h3ll, why wouldn't she be?! It's peanuts compared to what Mum had to deal with!*

Hi presam12 I won't lie... I've found having 2 tough. Was so glad I had my mum here for 4 weeks, then in laws, then mum back again... All up they got me through to just under DS2 12 week mark. It was fantastic to have grandies to entertain DS1, he loved it. B'feeding for me has been a challenge both times and this time it was more a case of wanting to bf as I was a lot more comfortable with it this time but that meant feeding, then pumping then feeding etc etc. That took up so much of my time and then DS2 had colic and reflux and suffered very badly with constipation, hard work :( only now in past week or so am I starting to figure the whole looking after 2. We are lucky to have full time help however other than cleaning of the house and our laundary I only use her to help with the kids as I would grandparents etc if we lived at home... So am trying my best to be hands on with both of them as much as I can. Admittedly that doesn't always work to the way I want it and I have to call out for our maid to help me out (like last night DS2 was up a llllllllll night until 5am from 11pm with bad wind so needless to say I got very very little sleep, today I had our maid watch DS1 for 3 hrs in the morning so that when DS2 went for nap, so did i! Thankfully he slept 3 hrs so I had a lot more energy after to play with both of them in the afternoon. I wish you all the best for it. I'm sure you will be ok. We manage to make it work somehow, that's just what us mothers do. ;) I think getting head start on your DS with getting him use to daddy or maid doing bedtime and bath will help greatly. Ds2 was always a mummies boy up until I was in hospital with DS2... then Ds1 got a nice bonding experience with daddy for a few nights and all great! Sing out if you ever need a hand though. Im sure loads of us (including myself) can come lend a helping hand if u need it. :)

Congratulations on finding out what your new arrival will be! I'm sure with the sounds of things your son is already quite excepting of the forth coming new arrival and will be an outstanding 'big' brother when time comes, helping to prepare things now and share in what was always soley his before.....This also means sharing his mummys time as well and hopefully he will adapt to that too as well over the coming months. With delivering two babies, then again two more we soon became a couple, family of four then family of six in a short period of time and everyone adapted and coped and learnt to share our time quite naturally.........As will yours. It has taken me many years to realise I can't be there in all instantaces for everyone at all times, but try my damnedest to be and do....... As mine have grown over the years I have looked back and thought how much pressure I put on myself, and realised that the world wouldn't of collapsed around me if I'd backed off a little...... Though still don't.... But can know its true and advise it to others even if I don't take it to heart always myself if ever and at all with ease. As for all those males in your household, we had three boys and one girl in our two sets of twins and wouldn't have it any other way. Yes, lots of football on but just get involved too. I can explain the offside rule quite confidently and as for motor racing........ I just joined in and ended up the only female in the UAE Championship a number of years ago racing. Tee hee! You'll be fine. Honest! <em>edited by Solo on 01/07/2012</em>

I should also have said - having 2 has not been nearly as bad as I expected. Having to share his mummy does not seem to have emotionally scarred my son for life like I imagined during those 9 months of rolling around in bed all night. He is happier than ever and now that he is used to having her around, he seems to quite like her! Baby#2 is much easier to entertain than #1 was because big brother unintentionally provides hours of amusement. If I am busy with 1 child I try to include the second with constant running commentary etc and both seem to enjoy it & find the other quite interesting (my toddler is VERY interested in the contents of his little sister's nappy and insists on supervising each nappy change lol), Like JoyceB and flydiver11 said, try not to stress yourself out so much. It is difficult imagining having 2 when you are already struggling to cope with only 1 (which I was) but having 2 definitely isn't twice as hard! But do try to find help, either paid or family, for the first few weeks if you can. And do think ahead about how you will keep your toddler entertained when baby needs attention. I guess I could have coped without having a maid, the house would just have been messier, my husband would have eaten more pizza and my toddler would have watched a lot more TV - none of which would have killed anyone. And just like the first time around, the first few weeks will seem to pass in a flash, one morning you will just wake up and realize that you have all adjusted just fine to being a family of 4!

Congrats on your new baby. You will manage just fine as millions of mums have managed. My best friend's mum had 2 sets of twins in between my BF and her brother. I can still remember watching her coping with her brood but still managed to slap on her red lippy!! My mum had no washing machine and hand washed my terry nappies. I at least had the "luxury" of a twin tub machine but had to hang nappies outside to dry. DH was away a lot with work so I was on my own with a tiny tot and new baby much of the week including overnight. Mums have the ability to just get on with it. Enjoy this time, your babies will all too soon be grown and gone. My DD is married and DS will be winging his way to Dubai for 3 years next week. You'll cope fine :)

Firstly, super congratulations on having your second little love. I totally understand your fears. I stressed myself out a lot before my LO was born. When I said to my mother in law the other day "how will I ever cope with two?" she replied, as smoothly as you coped with one. (which wasn't so smooth at times, but we got there in the end, and on looking back, I'm dying to do it all again :) My grandfather was one of 21, and my grandmother one of 17. I remember my grandmother laughing at how many loads of washing we did in our household of 4. She reminisced of a time where she had to wash and dry (in a UK winter mind you) all the kids clothing each night, as they only had enough for one set each. She laughed about cracking her frozen cloth nappies off the washing line. Also she used to tell me when I said I loved her soup, that she used to line up all the younger ones with one bowl of soup in front of her, and spoon feed them in a row. No sterilisers so everything was boiled over a coal fire. They all survived to live long happy lives, with good jobs and lovely families. I'm sure I will still have panic attacks before a second bub arrives. So I'm posting this to remind myself as I push my designer buggy from my air conditioned car, to an air conditioned mall where Im lucky enough to be able to buy my family anything they need, whilst wearing clean clothes that were washed in my automatic washing machine, and ironed by someone else, that I have a happy healthy family.... So life is awesome:) Good luck with your new addition. Enjoy every moment. It all passes soooo quickly.

You are stressing yourself out needlessly so. You need to be enjoying your time and not freaking. Although you are concerned about how your husband might manage your little one at home and him only settling once seeing you, then maybe for the following months before delivery let your husband see to him at night if he wakes to get him used to when you go into hospital. As for the household things, as long as he's happy, fed and cared for, the washing can wait. We had two two year old twins when our second twins arrived by c- section. The time I was in hospital the first twins were quite ill with a tummy bug, and upset too with me not there and I worried myself sick in hospital of them at home not well.....to the point I discharged myself far too soon refusing to stay though I had high blood pressure and needed iron injections as follow up too. Looking back, the children were fine, husband a star and new babies needed me too and I thought I had to be everywhere when I couldn't be. So just concentrate on yourself and new baby and leave home, son and husband to it. The hospital at one point said they'd let me go home for half a day as long as I left my babies there to ensure I cam back as I was so worried. So I stayed in another day and then all went home. Never had home help so can't comment there....but you just work on auto pilot and do as you did with one, just with two. I got used to having a bath with four in the room with me, bouncy chairs were moved from room to room and the two year olds grew up very quickly and were super big brothers relishing in helping when they could with their little brother and sister.....and yes a trip out became a well planned operation.... washing, cooking, cleaning, feeding, leaves little spare time but that's part of parenthood and if things get let for a bit then so be it, there's more important things and time with your family than having those shirts all ironed on time. I learnt to buy wash and wear materials! <em>edited by Solo on 30/06/2012</em>

I have a 4 month old DD and a 26 month old DS. I was so worried after giving birth to DD about DS at home that I asked to be discharged less than 24 hours after giving birth. This is not possible if you are having a Csection of course but for us it was the right thing to do, DD and I were healthy and happy and her being my 2nd I didn't need all the hand holding and baby bathing demonstrations I needed the first time around, I just wanted us to be together as a family. We returned to the hospital, with DS, a few times after going hom eto get the heel prick, vaccinations etc sorted out. I never had a maid before but panicked a couple of months before DD was born and was lucky enough to find someone quickly. She started just a month before DD's birth - just enough time to get settled in and DS used to her. She has been such a lifesaver. I honestly don't know how I would have survived these past few months without her. I take care of my children 99% of the time but am able to call her when I need DS to be distracted, so that I can put DD down for her nap etc (she needs a quiet room for her naps now and DS tends to run up and down screaming.... causing her to cry... causing me to tell him off.... then they are both screaming... you get the picture). It also allows me to go out with DD to run errands while DS is taking his afternoon nap for 2 hours. Believe me, running to the shop with a baby and a toddler for a loaf of bread and a litre of milk is not quick or easy ;) I would really recommend that if you don't want or cannot afford full time help you at least get someone to help you out a couple of times a week, and start NOW so that your child can get used to the person... My DS was extremely clingy at the time I gave birth and wanted me to bathe him and put him in bed every night, but I had to make a point of getting him used to DH doing it sometimes. A few days before his little sister I was born I just had a feeling that I should ask our helper to bathe him and put him in bed a couple of times just in case. In order to accomplish this I had to leave the house as he would NOT let her bathe him if I was around. Well, I was so happy that I let her do that because his sister was born at 8p.m. at night a few days later - his bedtime. Since DS and helper had practised just a few days before everything went smoothly and DH could be at the hospital with me for the birth. Like kiwispiers I also made a playroom for my DS and stocked up on toys before the arrival of #2 and it worked great. I went crazy at the ELC sales and on the classifieds and had everything gift wrapped, then hid the gifts in the storeroom. Whenever my DS was having a bad attack of the little sister blues I fetched another present from the storeroom and we unwrapped it together - sounds like a cheap trick but worked for us. And of course DD 'gave'him a big truck at the hospital lol. You only need to get through the first 2 months or so, after that your toddler will barely remember his days as an only child! I carried my DD in a sling a lot for the first couple of months, she loved it in there and that way I had my hands free when DS needed me - which was a lot ;) The other old trick that worked for us was choosing some books puzzles etc that DS liked and saved them for us to read / play with together when I was feeding DD so that he didn't feel left out. And if your toddler is used to going on lots of exciting outings every day, get him used to spending more time playing at home. Start organising playdates for your toddler at home because in those early weeks it will be very hard to take your eldest to playgroups, soft play areas, classes etc. This was one mistake I made, I took my DS out every single day until his sister was born and it was a difficult adjustment for us. Good luck ladies! <em>edited by Novice2 on 29/06/2012</em>

I am in the same boat with No2 due early Oct, there will be 22 months between them. Luckily I have full-time live in help as I wouldn't know how to get everything done (I have 2 dogs as well!). We have started getting my housekeeper more & more involved with feeding, playing & minding the toddler for up to 4 hours or so (has taken a long time & quite a few tears but they get along very well!) and I will also get her to take the newborn so the toddler & I can have an hour alone together so she still knows how special she is. We too are still going to try & keep up with all our playdates & activities, and also just take baby along... I feel a stimulated & exercised toddler will be easier to manage at home. But I don't know about managing bathtime/bedtimes etc, I'm sure we'll figure something out. Luckily I got toddler used to dad or housekeeper putting her to bed from about 15 months, so that should be okay...

I'm in the same boat, DD is due end sept/beginning oct and DS will be 2 beginning August. Hopefully my mum will come for a month mid sept so that DH can be with me during labour. DH will take some leave in addition to his one day of paternity leave. My biggest worry is if I have a c-section (DS was a section but planning v-bac) then it will be difficult with him wanting to jump on me, rough and tumble and just putting him in and out of the car,cot etc. Up until now its always been me to put him to bed and tend to him if he wakes in the night (though thankfully he usually sleeps right through and takes a 3 hour nap by day), a good friend had baby number two recently and had the same deal and it was really difficult for her with bedtime clashing with BFing time. With that in mind DH has started putting him to bed this week (he always does bathtime and stories anyway but I used to take over at the end as until a month or so ago I would BF before putting him down). The first night took quite a while, DS was very confused and got upset when DH turned out the light, but he cuddled him over the cot side and persevered, it took about 30 minutes and the second night was much easier, third night fine. Big weight off my mind and glad we didn't wait until after the baby was born to make the switch as it would have been too stressful for all of us. As far as the house, we are about to advertise for a full time maid, I think it will make a huge difference to me having someone else cook and do all the laundry so I can focus purely on my job, being a mum! My toddler loves his food too, so I'm hoping with someone else making him yummy snacks he'll take to her quickly, plan is to have someone start by August so they have been with us 2 months by the time baby is born. I'm also turning our spare room into a playroom and buying some new toys like a small slide, play kitchen etc, so that DS will have something to do indoors while I'm stuck BFing a lot and its too hot to go out much. I plan to put the moses basket/bouncer inside a playpen to keep baby safe from the toddler mayhem. He won't be going to nursery for another year so I'll have to keep up with all his activities, playgroups etc and I guess baby will just have to come too. I'm not thrilled abut that due to the germ factor but I can't really see a way around unless she miraculously has a monster sleep in the morning and I can leave her home with the maid (not really thrilled with that idea either though). I usually host a playgroup once a week and will keep up with that, maybe I'll host two a week as it would probably be easier than going out. (especially since I'll have a maid to help with food and clean up afterwards) will def be watching this thread for tips and advice.

:-) I had my second DD 8 weeks ago and there is 16 months between my two. It is a different experience with the second one. You can't focus on them full time. I use my carrier and bouncer a lot more. The toddler is harder work as she needs to be entertained and kept safe. Regarding the house do you have any help? If not why not have an agency in to do the cleaning and ironing? This will take the pressure off, even if it's just for a few weeks. Sorry I didn't have a c-sec so I can't comment about how things will be with that. With a normal delivery I was up and about the same day. Re the crying your DS will get over not seeing you if you persevere with your husband settling him. Just let him continue to do this as much as possible. He should settle after a few days :-)