How do you 'manage' an almighty tantrum from a 10 month old? Will I ever be able to get dressed again in the morning without tears? | ExpatWoman.com
 

How do you 'manage' an almighty tantrum from a 10 month old? Will I ever be able to get dressed again in the morning without tears?

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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 August 2011 - 10:35

My formerly happy-go-lucky baby who (as recently as one week ago) used to sit on her play-mat giggling in our bedroom whilst I got dressed for work in the morning has morphed into a screaming, yelling, fighting, tantrum thrower.

Every morning I shower before she wakes up, then go to her room, we have our morning cuddle, followed by nappy change and milk. After this time I get ready for work in the bedroom whilst she (usually) happily sits on her play-mat with a couple of toys and I chat to/with her as I get ready. Last week she starting whining as soon as I put her down on her play-mat. This morning she threw an almighty screaming fit which couldn't be appeased with songs together or pulling funny faces or her toys - it seems she simply wanted to be picked up. Since picking her up when she cries in the morning is simply not a precedent that I am able to set (I have to get dressed and go to the office) I opted to ignore her and continue dressing, brushing my teeth etc. (in the same room) wondering if/hoping that she would simply stop when she saw no reaction from me. Alas not, within minutes she was a sobbing wreck laying on her tummy with her face down kicking her legs and flailing her arms in anger.

Once I was finished dressing I sat her on her bottom, knelt down to her level and tried to calmly tell her that 'Mummy needs to get dressed in the morning so baby will have to wait'. She's 10 months old though...how much, if any, does she even understand from this? I then lifted her into my arms and took her to her room (to dress her) all the time talking to her calmly. It took more than 10 minutes before she stopped sobbing. Finally she was calm enough to dress and we left the house (late).

I've just dropped her at nursery and watching her go off all smiles and giggles with the nursery staff whom she clearly loves to bits and honestly, I'm a wreck. I know that it might sound ridiculous but I feel that I hardly spend any quality time with DD during the week and if every morning is going to one of tantrums and tears...

I don't know at what age a child can understand 'no' and explanations. At what age can you expect a baby (if at all!) to sit calmly and wait for you? This morning I was so torn between just picking her up and giving in instead of leaving her to sob and calmly talking to her. DH doesn't help at all as he will never agree with me on how we are going to handle such situations. This morning he was cross at me for leaving her to cry which just adds even more pressure.

Any advice would be most appreciated.

TIA

105
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 29 August 2011 - 10:54
And yes Kiwispers Bob did fix it! Perhaps we should rename him Jim'll Fix It....I'm showing my age and BBC-full childhood now ha!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 29 August 2011 - 10:53
hey DubaiMaman, Little Thinking Minds look great - thank you so much for the recommendation!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 28 August 2011 - 19:53
Glad to hear it's better:) for Arabic DVDs there is the collection of "little thinking minds" which you should be able to find in Virgin I believe. otherwise they have a website http://www.littlethinkingminds.com/. If there are any other recommendations I'm all ears!! <em>edited by DubaiMaman on 28/08/2011</em>
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 28 August 2011 - 17:05
Great to hear, happy baby=happy mummy, 10 min TV is better for her than 10 minutes crying, Bob the builder can even fix this one.......YES HE CAN!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 28 August 2011 - 16:07
Thanks so much for all the valuable advice ladies, I can't tell you enough how much I value your insight especially not having any family close by. I felt really down on Thursday as I was failing DD. So, I looked at your various comments to my thread and took action. This morning our formerly redundant bedroom TV and DVD player delighted DD with a morning burst of Bob The Builder as she joyfully bounced up and down in her Jumperoo which I had brought upstairs from the living room. I was up earlier so the last minute getting ready was only 10 mins max (as opposed to 15mins) plus, DD was already dressed herself so generally more upbeat and ready to go out. I did consider dressing before getting DD up but since she's likely to dribble and/or spit up on my clothes, I opted out on that one. In any case, it all worked out well and think the Jumperoo + Teletubbies/BTB combo is a good way to go moving forward. Thanks so much! DebsDebs PS On another note, can anyone recommend any good Arabic language baby DVDs? I wasn't keen on TV for DD at this age but since we've adopted the 10 minute morning session, I thought it might be a good time to learn a few words in Arabic since DH keeps forgetting to speak to DD in his mother tongue.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 28 August 2011 - 14:56
Sorry to hear of the tantrums, but kids have tantrums for several reasons. Either they are over-tired (which doesn't seem to be the case), or when they don't know how to express themselves. Maybe try to change the routine so you get her ready before you get ready yourself? That way she sees that you are "also" getting ready to take her out. Or put on the TV and let her watch an educational show for 15 mintues while you are getting ready. I've notived my DD going through phases of tantrums when she is having growth spurts, and not just physical growth but mental and emotional. Your DD is probably now understanding something in the world around her a bit better but doesn't yet know how to communicate that to you. It will pass, be patient! Soon you will have an 18 month old who runs to you faster than you can blink:) <em>edited by DubaiMaman on 28/08/2011</em>
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 26 August 2011 - 11:49
Maybe u can wake 15-30mins earlier and finish ur shower and dressing up and then just the rest of time before leaving home with DD... maybe she just want a slightly longer cuddle? Or maybe she just wants to smell u longer... :) Whatever it is, just remember its not forever.. :) Ignoring a crying child... well different ppl different thoughts.. but she is only got u to turn to when she is sad or uncomfortable... :)
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 25 August 2011 - 11:51
and they can understand "no", well before "wait"
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 25 August 2011 - 11:50
My 12 month old is going through a similar emotional phase, and its very frustrating, more so for my husband who like you, has his playtime each morning before work. At this age I'm not sure I'd call it a "tantrum" which implies manipulation she's not capable of. Its more the beginnings of her language developments, she is communicating what she wants (you to keep playing) and at her age she has no real comprehension that you might want/need to do something different ;). I don't think she'll understand "wait" but its developmentally good to narrate everything to her anyway. I don't personally think picking her up when she is crying is ever a bad thing, but clearly you need to be able to put her back down again. I found the best thing is to avoid abruptness, so rather than simply putting her down and walking off, sit down with her, set her up with her toys, play with her for a while on the play mat then when she is occupied with her toys, tell you you are getting ready now or just quietly and slowly move away and get ready nearby. If she cries, comfort her without picking her up if you can, but don't feel bad if you do need to give her a cuddle. BTW was your husband there while you were letting her cry? Rather than criticize you, it would seem obvious that he come and hold her/play with her while you get ready if he is available to do so.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 25 August 2011 - 11:38
Debs, you are not alone! My little miss, also 10mnths as you know, has perfected the art of throwing a tantrum! This all happened in line with 2 things. Firstly, we went away for a few days a very short while ago and secondly, she wants to be walked everywhere. Tantrums started when we returned from our trip. On the trip she was an angel, like her normal self. Got home and the separation anxiety kicked in to overdrive, if I so much as walked to the other room the screaming would start, she was never really like this when I'd leave the room and unless we were walking her or letting her climb the stairs she was throwing tantrums. Nothing I could do would stop the tantrum so I'd just sit with her and keep playfully chatting to her, after a few mins she would calm. We're away again now (in HEAVEN!!!) and the day before we left she stopped the tantrums and here she is an angel again, very giggly and charming everyone. No advice to give you on how you'll get through this, but hopefully its just a phase and hopefully a quick one at that. Hang in there and soon you guys will also be on holidays and I can assure you once you are she will be bac to her normal, happy self. After the holiday though... will be interesting, as I think they get so spoilt and love the 110% attention from both parents when on holidays then coming home that thing called 'work' ruins it all. You're the best mum she could ever ask for! Just keep giving her plenty of cuddles! ;) As for if they can understand 'no'. I believe they can as my DD is proof they can. She so much as steps near the TV now and gets a stern 'No!' from me and she quickly turns away and moves on! :D
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 August 2011 - 11:05
Debs, sorry to hear about your predicament. DD is 18 months and every morning she is up before me - I put her in her pram, put the TV on, give her toys, while having my breakfast. Then I am off to have a shower (DD strapped in her pram ;)) Alternatively I have DH playing with DD, while I am getting ready and then it is my turn when he is getting ready. It is a team effort ;) DD cried today when DH and I were leaving for work - she stopped within seconds when her nanny disrupted her by ringing a door bell. You are perfect mum! X <em>edited by JoannaS on 25/08/2011</em>
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EW GURU
Latest post on 25 August 2011 - 11:00
I remember when DD was 10 months..she is growing through her growth spurts and also teething, so there was a lil tantrum. but it passed and she is now back to 'normal' as in happy and giggly. it'll pass xx
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EW GURU
Latest post on 25 August 2011 - 10:57
At what age can you expect a baby (if at all!) to sit calmly and wait for you Never! I am sorry to hear of your upsetting morning. When I used to work I either got showered (night before) and dressed before waking DD. She was 11 months old when I returned to work. If DH was home, then it was a tag team effort, with one of us looking after DD and the other getting ready. She did enjoy watching a DVD in the morning, which kept her entertained, if I was running behind. ETA - my 8 mo DS is very cuddly/ teary at the moment as I think he is teething. <em>edited by TwoKids on 25/08/2011</em>
 
 

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