Me and Mum are not close anymore, a long thread!!

Izzy99, you sound like my mum in ur 1st paragraph.. my bro definitely has emotional issues but since him and mum are not admitting his problem, I am unable to help.. Holly, I guess you are right, it must be scary to think that she will pass on and leave such an immature and selfish young son with anything but unconditional support from somewhere. I know.. the problem is she doesnt seem to say it loud.. My mum was hit by cancer 10 yrs ago and at that time my bro was 9 yrs old, of course seeing her suffering from treatments in addition to my dad around were not the perfect ingredients to build his personality.. and I know that he has lot of issues.. the problem is with my mum refusing the fact that he is got issues.. The way she cares about him is just soooo much furstrating... I cannot even count in a long list what she do but it is just unbelievable. Gorobattie, yes my dad's genes are definitely alive in my bro :( and that's what I keep saying to myself, one day he will find himself alone as you said.. and at that time i will have my family to take care of.. I am planning to go for 2 nights visit by mid April, I have to go to see her.. despite everything.. If I leave work and if I ever need help, will any of them be there for me.... loooooooool of course not.. not even in my dreams.

em2san, I totally agree with you, the thing is I told her before the fight 100 times that I will support my bro only if he changes his attitude and I am not saying that I will give him instructions on daily basis and make his life miserable but at least he must have some respect to me.. to his family.. He has no respect to anyone including his own mum (who is fine with that but I AM NOT!!). He curses her and others in her own presence and she doesnt say a single word to him, he keeps yelling and screaming at anything she says that he didn't want to hear, she didn't raise him well. What I dont understand does she knows at least in her thoughts even if she doesnt say it loudly that what he is doing is wrong.. I wish I can lie but I am not like this at all, I cannot pretend and say that I still love my brother as you are suggesting that I tell my mum. I went through a lot with my father and it wasn't the childhood anyone would want to live. After the latest fight with my bro all I can see in him is a PHOTOCOPY of my father.. I hope one day my bro changes, not for me, but for his own and to be a successful person.. If he decided to change, I will be there for him but if he remains the same, I cannot have him at all in my life. Sometimes I wish if i can close my eyes and when I open them, just wake up with a new memory. I wish I can forget lot of things that I have went through with my parents.. I wish my mum was a stronger person who can fight for herself against the people who deserve that.. Despite the bad treatment she went through with dad she never tried to fight for herself and now she brought for me and my 1st bro another copy of dad.. When I get married, I will do my best to raise a good family and I don't want someone like my bro to mess up our life, I just want peace.. peace.. of mind and in my heart. <em>edited by JS on 21/03/2011</em>

Well, I made it clear to mum before that I will not take care of my small bro when she is no longer around.. I said if he needed like 200$ before the end of the month when he runs out of money then I will send to him only a small amount and in this case only but after what he did and the way he treated me, I am not talking to him now for around 5 months (maybe more) and definitely I am not going to help him and I will not promise mum that I will. My birthday was few days ago, my bro is a friend on my facebook so in case he forgot he is got that reminder and he didn't at least put Happy Birthday Sis on my wall. Thank you very much ladies. I am going to print out this thread and take it home with me so I can read all your replies carefully.

SueB, my 27yrd old bro tried same as me with my small bro but there is no point. I feel sorry for him as he spends most of the time when he is at home in his room with his door closed, he just disconnects himself from what happens inside the house with my small bro. They used to fight a lot then he becomes fed up, even when he sits with mum and tells her that they way she is raising my small bro is wrong, she seems to understand for few hours only and then my small bro manages to do the brainwashing again for her. Now he works a lot from his office in the newspaper, he takes mum to hospital and help with anything she needs.. Sometimes he thought of leaving mum and my small bro in one house and to move to a small apartment by himself.. but he feels sorry that my mum is sick and that she might need him to be around at night so he is not moving to another apartment.. I know that he is not happy to and last time I went back home, we both agreed then when our mum goes, we will BOTH not support our small bro in anything, let him fight for himself!! <em>edited by JS on 21/03/2011</em>

"I am sure your mum does apreciate all you have done and continue to do as mine did-she simply may not have the energy to focus on your younger brother's selfishness or do anything about it" Waffles, yes she might not have the energy to focus on my brother's selfishness, I give her that excuse.. I admire you for nursing your mum.. Honestly the though of loosing my mum anytime hurts.. I always think about her, always always she is in my mind and i really love her. ladies, thank you so much all I speak to mum every 2 days, short phone calls, every time I tell her that I love her but the thing is, she just doesn’t talk with me as she used to do before. She wants me to agree with her when saying good things (again in her opinion) about my small bro which in my opinion is just stupid and not correct. My stupid bro whom she considers a genius simply didn’t continue his education not even a high school!! I have a high school only and I didn’t want him to go through what I went though before and my mum knows very well that my life was not an easy one! If I had a degree where I work now I would have earned triple my salary and I don’t have one because I wanted to support them, because I am the eldest and I had to suffer so they live a good life, in a big house with everything they need. As for my bro, last thing I told him before he leaves Dubai: You will always be my Bro but if you don’t have respect to me, you don’t appreciate what I have did for you, and if you don’t want to listen to my advice, then just go away, I don’t want you in my life” and I told mum: “If you think that what he is doing is right, it doesn’t mean that I have to agree with you if I don’t think it is”. And she was just screaming at me supporting him. You will not believe what I have went through when they were here, he laughed at dubai fountain and said it is not impressive at all, he kept cursing at anything and without real reasons, he didn’t like any food he ate in the 5 stars restaurants I took him to, and imagine we were at the meat restaurant in atlantis and I ordered the most expensive dish for his Royalty and he was disgusted from the meat’s smell and my mum (instead of eating her dish) was actually cutting the big piece of meat for him into small pieces and feeding him in the fork!!!! He is 19yrs old not 2 yrs old anymooooooore!! My mum doesn’t understand that her little boy will end up to be a very bad person as he grows up, what I tried to explain as by entertaining his behavior she is making him a bad and selfish person more and more every day. As for the money I send them, of course I need it but I cannot stop sending it. My 27yrs old bro is a very wise person, he works in 2 newspapers and a TV (so 3 jobs), he works all day until very late at night, he drives a cheap car and he tries as much as possible not to spend on unnecessary things, he had a very old mobile until I got him on his birthday a new one, he never asked me to get him something when I go on vacation so since that big fight with mum I started sending to him the money directly and I am 100% sure that he is using it wisely. I am aware of loans he took from the newspaper where he works to help more with my mother’s treatment. Himself was giving my mum kind of pocket money until one day he decided that he will pay directly to grocery and he will buy her anything she wants but he will not give her too much pocket money because while he tries to save as much as possible for her treatment my mum goes and give the money to 19 old bro!!

Thank you all. I didn’t try again with my brother regarding the website, last time I spoke to him was last year when he was in Dubai. Since then he didn’t speak to me and my mum didn’t try to fix anything. I asked him to help me with the website as I thought my own bro would be happy to help his older sister.. Especially when he saw my excitement with the products I have, I was explaining to him about the product as I thought it would be easier to explain to him then to go to someone strange from the people who build up websites as they might not understand well the idea.. Anyway that website is not big deal anymore and anyway the products will be soon available on a very well known and famous website in Dubai.. I don’t need my bro, I just felt so astonished from the way he treated me.. It is worth mentioning that my father didn’t pay either for my school education because he was more busy in setting up businesses (unsuccessful) and spending most of his money on drink.. So my grandma and my aunties who lived between Dubai, Saudi and Italy always sent my father the money to pay for my school. I am still sending money to my mum even after the fight and I cannot stop sending them the money because they need it but only because my mum is still alive.. the only thing I feel sad about is that as I said I will loose her anytime soon but I will never be able to express my love to her.. She doesnt understand.. I feel bad because she is sick but it hurts that she prefers my brothers more than me.. I cannot split myself in 2, either I work and support them or I leave Dubai and sit next to her .. but who will pay then for treatments and house rent.. sometimes I think that maybe the treatment is not making her think wisely..