Baby Blues

Hi TDB, it's great to hear that you are feeling a bit better. I've been checking the forum and hoping you were ok. Joining some mum and baby groups is a great idea, it really helps to have people going through the same things at the same time to talk to. It's such a shame that your friends are behaving as they are. I was the first of my friends to have a baby too but my friends were all wonderfully understanding, it would have been so much harder if they hadn't been. Just be honest with them, if they are really your friends they'll be there when you are ready. I feel like being a mum is the best thing in the world too :)

First things first, get one of your other friends to slap that 'friend' upside the head. What's wrong with visitors?! Send her round to my house and I'll explain exactly what's wrong with visitors if you don't want them and don't feel ready for them when YOU'VE JUST HAD A BABY! Jeez, some people. And then... keep an eye on how you're feeling and seek help straight away if you're at all concerned it's not just baby blues. I had the classic baby blues with DS - bawling at nothing, ridiculously emotional, all that fun stuff - which stopped after a few days and then I got mild PND that crept up on me. With DD, I had the baby blues bit that never went away but instead came accompanied by its good pal, severe PND, that hit me like a brick when she was about a week old. Probably the most horrendous time of my life; I simply could not function most of the time, I had terrible anxiety and the smallest of hurdles was like Mount Everest and left me in floods of tears. Don't let anyone tell you what you're feeling is OK if you don't think it is. Everybody reacts to having a baby differently, and you're the only one who can judge how you're feeling. But honestly, don't hesitate to ask for help from medical professionals if you think you need it. I'd say it's better to be safe than sorry and if you go to a doctor and they tell you it's likely just baby blues - great. If not, you're in the right place to get the help you need. I saw Dr Delphine at Motor City Medicentres, who is a family GP and lactation consultant, and she is very knowledgeable about taking medications while BFing. Sadly the counsellor I saw at Medicentres has left Dubai now and I don't know another to recommend. I saw (and still see) psychiatrist Dr Hassan at Medicentres and while her manner can sometimes put you off, I do think she's good at what she does. Just ignore her tendency towards arrogance and bad case of verbal diarrhoea. Re the not knowing what you're doing and panicking you're doing things wrong. Did your LO come with a manual mine didn't?! I had absolutely no clue what I was doing with DS! I remember feeding him one night and falling asleep with him on my chest, and my chin ended up resting on the soft part of his head. I woke up in the morning to find it had left a dent so I was convinced I'd given him brain damage. It's all a steep, steep learning curve and not an easy one at that. Give yourself time to get to know baby, get used to being a Mum and settling in as a new family. Listen to what well-meaning friends and family say when they give you advice, but remember, while they may have had A baby, they haven't had YOUR baby. Trust your instincts and know that while you may not know exactly what you're doing every time, chances are you'll wing it with your natural instinct. And lastly, the birth. A 'failed' induction means the medical intervention the doctors tried didn't work. It doesn't EVER mean you failed. You got your baby into the world safely, and that's all that matters. I think there's a counsellor at Lifeworks who specialises in birth trauma, so that might be a good route if you think you need it. I wish I'd known about her after DS's birth - I didn't seek any counselling for birth trauma and my first reaction when I found out I was pregnant with DD was to burst into tears and have a total panic attack about having to give birth again. Needless to say, she was a section. I know it's probably all very bewildering right now and you likely don't know if you're Arthur or Martha. The most important thing, though, is to reach out if you need help. Whether it's on here, your Mum, friends who do actually care about you and don't just want to barge round for a visit, other new mums you've met, it doesn't matter. Just don't keep it all to yourself and try and muddle through. I read somewhere that prime candidates for PND are women who normally 'just cope' and think they can carry on doing that. There is help out there and whether you've got a bad case of the baby blues or proper PND, it will get better. I promise.

Some really good adivice here TDB esp.from kiwiwhispers. When I had my babies ,years ago, they kept us in hospital for 10 days.Sounds an awfully long time but it was such a godsend as we were taught to BF, bath baby and visitors during visiting hours ONLY.You chose to have baby with you or in the nursery.Now it is all about costs and Med Ins only covers the bare minimum....... Personally I found it wonderful but now they try and get the new mum out ASAP. The first 7-10 days are the Baby Blues days and they do happen,for no reason at all you are so depessed and need assurance constantly. For the sake of your new family it is important that you concentrate on that family.If your 'friend' behaves like a spoiled child with no inkling of what a woman goes through with firstly childbirth AND a C section to boot,you seriously have to put this person on the back burner for now.As has been suggested get your husband to take control of your phone and be honest with people ,say NO it doesn't suite right now for visitors,if I need you I will call. I know it is so hard for the girls who don't have their Mom at hand to 'monitor' visits and pushy people but your DH will have to 'play' mom ;) for now . If you do not improve on the baby blues front within the next few days I would suggest that you do chat to your doctor as kiwi said their are tabs that are safe for BF. For some child birth is a doddle but for others it takes time to adjust,give yourself the gift of time. All the very best to you and your new family xxx

your hormones are all over the place right now, it basically like being on drugs, very normal for women to be weepy for a week or even two post-partum. And frankly, your 3 page sms friend is not being very "supportive" at all right now, I'm appalled that someone would be so selfish. I basically told my friends to leave me alone for 6 weeks post partum, I needed that time to get my head around it all, and then I eventually re-emerged, good friends will be there for you when you need them, and give you space when you need that too. If you feel though that you might be slipping into something more, don't just brush it aside as "everyone feels emotional and overwhelmed post partum", its true, everyone does, but its also true that many women suffer from PND, (often felt as excessive anxiety obsessiveness and over reaction) and there are treatment options, including drugs that are compatible with breastfeeding. Also some women do feel traumatised by the labour/emergency c-section process, and counselling can help with that, so on't feel like you just have to suck it up and move on. Being cut open and sewed up, with minimal sedation and pain relief isn't failing, its brave, one of the first of many brave mothering experiences you'll experience, so pat yourself on the back for getting through that and having a healthy baby as a result. So banish the visitors (just get your DH to screen your phonecalls or turn your phone off/to vibrate) and focus on getting to know this little stranger who has moved in with you, bonding doesn't happen overnight, even when you have a vaginal birth with baby straight on your chest, trust me.

Very normal three to seven days afterwards. With my first two I was bawling. I think DH brought me the wrong desert to the hospital and I started to cry and couldn't stop. Also what's normal that no one tells you is that after your baby is born you may not feel that aww overwhelming loving feeling. I sure didn't with DS1. To be honest I didn't like going to see him in nicu unless DH was at the hospital.

I feel you DB, everything you described about ur feeling is normal. The first two-three weeks after my baby was born were the hardest even though i had my mum by myside. You'll calm down in the coming weeks and you will toughen up when dealing with ur DD. i can assure you that in a few months your confident as a mother would grow and you'd start posting here as an experienced mum :) True friends would understand you without you even explaining yourself, so don't worry about anyone now just focus on yourself first and your little one. Carry on BF, it'll make you more patient when dealing with your DD and get your mood sorted :) i read this once and it worked for me. All the best x

I really feel for you TDB but please try not to worry, what you've described sounds like classic baby blues which will hopefully pass before too long. Keep talking to your husband about how you are feeling and make sure you talk to a sympathetic doctor if your feelings continue to get worse. After I had my first baby I felt a lot like you have described. I felt so overwhelmed with the burden of responsibility for the tiny precious life that was totally dependent on me. I was terrified that I was doing it wrong or I'd make an awful mistake and I missed work and my normal routines awfully. On top of that was crushing guilt that I had this perfect beautiful baby and I wasn't enjoying or appreciating that. Make sure you continue to talk to people about how you are feeling. I was too ashamed to tell anyone which I really regret, it wasn't until I did start to talk about it that I realised how common and normal my feelings were and there wasn't something wrong with me. If there is anyone making you feel bad about anything try not to take it to heart. Tell them you are exhausted and trying to get to grips with motherhood but you will be in contact and would love to see them when things have calmed down. If they can't accept that then they probably aren't people you need in your life anyway. I hope you are feeling better soon.

TDB Don't worry....I went through that for 6 months after DD was born, premature and a C-Sec....it is dramatic and your body is finally calming down now, it will take time. I was really thrown by it all, a kind of shock. Take it easy, don't go out too much, really get some rest. Ignore those who feel snubbed by you, they will come around (in your time).

Oh TDB. I still remember how surreal it was when dd was born by c-section, after a long 30 hr induction process, to the song of "life is a roller coaster" by ronan keating on the radio, and can relate to the feeling of being alone when the hospital staff were tending to the baby and sewing me up...it was like I was detached from it all.... It is perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed and emotional..and please don't feel pressured into feeling like a "failure" just because you didn't have a natural birth......as for your friends, they should understand that you'll have visitors when you feel ready for them. enjoy your beautiful baby and these precious moments, and take care f yourself...xxx

Totally normal TDB. My story was very similar in that the induction failed and so after a 36 hour labour C-section it was. I also felt like a failure as I too had imagined a natural delivery, however some wise words from my Mum made me feel a little better. She said that there was no medal for delivering naturally and that whether natural or c-section the outcome was the same. A beautiful healthy baby. Think of this everytime you feel low and hopefully it will have the same effect on you as it did me! Take care and enjoy your bundle of joy. They soon grow up and cause all sorts of mayhem!lol xx