So... maybe sleep training wont work for us... helpful mamas please...

Novice's idea is good, or maybe try the Pick-up-put-down approach. I suspect I might try one of these one day if my LO doesn't get there by himsef before university :) but for now I'm just giving him what he wants/needs and I do co-seep if he is teething or unwell (he goes to sleep by himself fine and our only issue is night waking too, often just a pat, or cuddle is all he needs so when we co-seep he doesn't really wake. and we all get more sleep) was the 20-5-20 to be done for the night wakings too?, maybe just work on naptime and bedtime associations and do whatever it takes in the night , or give up for a month or so and try again with whatever method you feel comfortable right now might just not be a good time for her. It sounds like you already know what you want to do, follow your mother instinct.

Have you tried co-sleeping or having her cot in your room? Maybe she just wants to be near you. I would try the cot in your room first then if that does not work, try her in your bed. You could always let her fall asleep in your bed at story time then transfer her to her cot. I don't think u should force the issue. Its very upsetting for all involved and it may just reinforce whatever its is, maybe fear or separation anxiety, that is affecting her sleep. Another thing that I found very effective with both my girls is playing a particular music everytime they go to sleep = nap time or bedtime, they associate the music with relaxing and sleeping. My first DD had a lullaby CD and the 2nd has nursery rhyme music on the baby monitor which is lovely. They are usually asleep by the time the music stops 10 - 15 min. I lie next to my girls till they are relaxed and settled then leave the room. Sometimes I have to wait till they are asleep and sometimes just happily sucking their thumbs. Either way, they go to sleep pretty quickly. I have tried the heavy handed approach a few times and I found they became more upset/anxious and took even longer to settle down. Are you sure she is comfortable in her cot - is she perhaps too warm or too cold? I find alot of people actually overdress their kids. Can u imagine trying to sleep when you are too hot? Personally, I am not a fan of cry it out or controlled crying. I think controlled crying is only really acceptable if u do it starting with short periods of time gradually getting longer and longer. Start with 2 min, then 3 min then 4 min etc. I think 20min is far too long and quite cruel. Babies are programmed to be loved and nutured, not ignored till they give up hopelessly because nobody will attend to their cries. My attitude to this was different before I had my own kids, but once maternal instinct kicked in, I was completely the opposite! I find the people advocating this advice do not even have children of their own! So they are working from a theory or a text book so to speak. Do whatever it takes to get some sleep and what makes you and your family happy and comfortable. Afterall, she is still pretty young. You have loads of time to try different approaches. Try to be relaxed about it. She will pick up on your stress and be even worse. Good luck.

Poor you, the head banging thing must be really awful. But unfortunately, you also deserve to get a good night's sleep now and again, and if you give up now, that is unlikely to happen anytime soon. And my understanding is that it's not going to get any easier when she gets older so if I were you I would really try to persevere with some form of sleep training now, even if it's hard... We sleep trained my DS at 11.5 months and our only two rules were 1)Don't take him out of his cot and 2)No milk, only water. No x minutes y minutes recipe. Why don't you try that? We went into his room when he woke, talked to him, made sure he was comfortable & offered him water.... but during the night, unless he's ill, and yes even if he cries, he stays in his cot and that's that. Within a week he was waking only once per night and within less than a month he was sleeping through the night, every night. I leave him a sippy cup full of water and two dummies in his cot every night and he evidently helps himself to those if/when he wakes at night (the sippy is often empty in the morning). And this is a little guy that used to wake every hour or two hours maximum for a mini feed until shortly before his first birthday. I think the sleep training was easier than we expected, but to be honest I was so sleep deprived by that point that I have only vague fuzzy memories of the process... :) Just try imagining how great you and your daughter will both feel after a full night's sleep! Or how miserable you will both feel when you reach her 2nd birthday, still sleepless! Do you have blackout curtains and a night light? I really recommend it. I introduced both around the same time as the sleep training and think it really helped. I think the blackouts help them realize that it's nighttime (i.e. sleeping time) as soon as they wake at night which (once they are sleep trained) stops them from getting into a fully awake state... but the night light stops them from feeling scared and disorientated when they do wake in the dark. I also always put everything (sippy cup, dummies, mr. bunny etc) in exactly the same place in his cot every night so that he can find it easily if he needs to... good luck.

We tried all sorts of sleep training with my daughter. The screaming episodes got longer and longer to the point where when we said time for bed she would panick! She then learnt a clever trick of vomitting every time she was put in her cot. We would clean it up and put her straight back again and she would vomit again. One night she vomitted 6 times and that's when I gave up. We all found the whole thing too stressful and decided that it was easier having her in our bed and sitting with her until she fell asleep then put up with all the screaming and vomitting. One night just before she turned 2 she said she wanted to sleep in her brothers room, so we said ok and haven't looked back since. She now sleeps on her own and through the night in a single bed. Even when she's sick I can't get her to sleep in our bed now!

Obviously we love her and do not want her to hurt (she hits her head rather gently - clever little monkey ;)), but we do not want to give her attention when she hits herself. Supernanny had this come up in the episode just aired, where a girl was plucking here eyelashes out - to get attention - and Jo basically said to completely ignore it. With voluntary head-banging, the children just won't hurt themselves, unless it's by complete accident, but you must try and ignore it. You might want to try just going in a few minutes after the bang, so that she still gets the reassurance, but without the association with the actual bang. They're such pickles when they want to be. You'll find a way!

KCinthecity, Not sure how old your LO is. DD is 15 months and a really poor sleeper. She started to sleep through the night when we put her in her own room at 8 months (between 2-8 months she slept in her cot in the room with us as the apartment was not big enough for all of us). She now sleeps through the night (well, most of the time), but it is very difficult to put her to sleep. I let her cry for 10-15 minutes, sooth her for 2-3, another 10-15 minutes of cry and another sooth. By 3rd sooth she is usually asleep. Sometime she goes to sleep with no drama, but it is a very rare occasion. We tried every trick in the book. DD started to hit her head recently to gain our attention. She does it when I speak to DH and do not interact with her. She doesnt do it during the day when she has full attention of her nanny. Initially we reacted and firmly told her 'no!', but it seems we have better results when we simply ignore her after she is hitting herself. Obviously we love her and do not want her to hurt (she hits her head rather gently - clever little monkey ;)), but we do not want to give her attention when she hits herself. X

Hi, how old is your DD?

In the beginning it did not work for us. Are you sure cecile said to ignore 20 min? I was asked to ignore 5 and stay with him the room for 20 min. What eventually worked was the book every child can learn how to sleep where they advice to start with 3 min leaving the room and going inside st one min and leave again .. Tht worked for us. At 8 months they are very unsecure it may take time. Our son was very crancky for 4 weeks. U may cuddle him alot in the evening talk to him sing to him go through a book for at least 45 min before you put him to sleep evtl they like to be in the cot than bec mummy is there .. Good luck <em>edited by Layool on 09/07/2011</em>