Miscarriage- can anyone tell me when you start to feel better?

My cyber hugs to u, and really sorry u had to go through this. Be strong and someday, i pray its very soon u will b pg and will b holding ur baby. U will b a mom, God willing I had 2 m/c's . First one Stopped growing after 6 w and second one at 16w( fully developed) never found the reason, everything was perfect. With first m/c, i felt the same way as u do. i said to myself if i am destined to have a baby then i am getting closer, so had to pull myself and start over with ttc. But with second m/c, somedays i was like a rock, then suddenly sadness would hit me, and would cry, didnt want any company. Took a break went to visit my family, and glad i did , helped me a lot.

From what you write it sounds like the first thing you need to do is to acknowledge the immensity of your loss. Thinking you should be over it is not helpful. A book that might be uaeful in helping you with that is Empty cradle, Broken heart. I have a copy and I am happy to drop it of to you if you want to have a look. Also look up Faces of hope, Faces of loss on either www or FB. For some losses you never get over them but you learn to live with the pain. All the best. BC

Morning Dubai71 How are you doing today? Have you got anything planned? Stuff to do? When does your husband arrive this weekend? There is really active chat room of the main 'net' site for 'mums' in the UK. There may be loads of practical advice there. Hope you got some sleep and are feeling a little stronger. ps Offer for tomorrow still stands. I'm used to miserable mugs. Don't worry, i won't mention it again, it is just an open invitation for anyday.

I don't know your spiritual beliefs, but I always like to think that your baby is still waiting for the right body, and you will meet him/her eventually, meanwhile allow yourselff to grieve, don't try and forget.

my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 12 weeks. family and friends made lots of suppposedly helpful comments or completly ignored the issue and just said I would get over it. Neither helped. It was two things that made the difference for me. The first was a statistic - although I am not sure how accurate it is, the doc told me that 1 in 5 pregnancies don't end up in a baby. That helped me deal with any guilt I had....could I have done something different? Did I have too many tipples before I found out? Was my bad virus to blame? Who knows. It meant that I wasn't unusual. The other was a throw away (I thought) comment by some friends that had recently miscarried..and that was "don't underestimate the hormones". Took me a while to work it out - but then I realised that the horrible downer I was on, was not really me, and that it would go eventually. That there were some forces at work in there that were not completely under my control. The female body is a complex thing, and sometimes it does things that we don't think we need. It really really will pass, but you might have to work on it. I unintentionally ended up staying with a friend who was attending a hypnosis conference. She did a session with me that really helped, so did exercise. If you are really worried, seek medical help. For me, I was quite unhappy for six months. I hope you find some peace soon.

it's only been 10 days! Cut yourself some slack, please! A miscarriage isn't just a medical fact, it's also highly emotional because it is still the loss of a life - and you need time to grieve for all the hope and possibilities that weren't quite to be this time around. I still occasionally think about my mc which happened nearly 4 years ago. Thankfully, I've now got 2 lovely (mostly) children to take my mind off it, but sometimes, I do wonder about the what-ifs. I also discovered no heart-beat at 8 weeks. The one thing that consoles me is had that child been born, I would have never had the joy of my DD or my DS - I dare say I would have had 2 children, but they would have been completely different. Let yourself grieve in any way and for however long you feel necessary. It's a healing process and nothing to be ashamed of. I'd actually go so far as to say that it's a deeper and more personal thing that grieving for a known relative who's died - at least with a relative, you know them as a person, know what kind of life they had and can be at peace... with a baby, it a whole world of potential and mystery.

I'd also like to add, in addition to what the others have said, that you might consider the fact that the hormones from the IVF make you feel horrible themselves. IVF is like giving yourself PMS a hundred times over - the progesterone that you take is the same as what makes you feel like crying when you have PMS - and that make you crave chocolate and gain water weight, etc. And that medicine will take at least a few weeks to fully leave your system. So consider yourself recovering and treat yourself well. Is there anything you particularly like to do? Perhaps a day at the spa?

Ladies, i bow to all your strength. Crikey, you have been through the mill.

Oh dubai71, you poor, poor thing. Give yourself some time petal and be gentle with your expectations of yourself. You sound frightened and sad. Have you got any friends around? Not really but I only have myself to blame for that. My husband and I moved here together but were only dating before (living opposite sides of London) that and have loads of friends in the UK so here was a great opportunity to have quality time together and that's what we've mainly done, which has been amazing and time we'd never have got at home. But now, of course, he has gone and to be honest I'd be rubbish company if I did have it anyway! I know I need to pull myself together. I am interested in how long it took other people as I'm doing a really pathetic job at the moment. I know that there are far far worse things to go through but just want to know there is light at the end of this tunnel! You're not even a week in, I can't imagine the hurt of wanting to hold your baby. Maybe plan something with your huband for when you get back to the UK. Plant a lovely tree somewhere important to you both. Try setting yourself some really simple goals for the next week or so. Including a daily shower and getting outside. Is there anywhere that you can go and swim? I'm not a hippy but have suffered depression and the effect of water can be incredible. Apparently, it neutralises Ions or summat like that anyway. Do you have any cycles left to do before you leave or do you have to wait until you get to the UK? I'm in Dubai thurs morning if you want to meet for a coffee.

I am so so sorry for your loss. Grieve for the baby you lost, but hope for the baby that can come in the future. I also have had losses (2). It is very hard. Every september and january i remember the babies that should have been here with me. I am sorry for you and your family, but time will heal these wounds. Stay positive and please relax. AND DONT PUT BLAME ON YOURSELF.....

Dear Dubai71, pls don't blame yourself, if it wasn't meant to be this time maybe it'll happen next time, just don't give up hope, no matter what other people will say, it'll make it go away, just take a day at time. More or less for 10 years i've tried for baby, I've had 3 mc at 14/15wks and a stillbirth at 24+wks. I now have a handsome boy who's a handfull at 2.5ys. U never forget it (to put it bluntly, sorry), but if you are strong (which sounds like u are) it'll be easier as the time passes by. Never loose hope, and one day u'll surprise urself and u'll be holding that longed baby. Someone once told me, if the sky is dark think of the sun and it'll shine on you and make u smile :) Hang in there, take care xx

I'm sorry to hear your sad news :( I know how it is, nothing anyone can say will take the pain away and make you feel better. I have had 2 previous MC's. First one was utterly devastating for me, no heartbeat at my 12 week scan. To be completely honest with you it took me a long time to get over it, close to a year. But similar to you, DH wasn't there when I found out about the MC and for the following 12 months he was working away a lot, which I think made it harder for me. Then we moved overseas and I just had this new lease of life and felt extremely positive about the future. I forgot about TTC as we then put it off till we were settled. 12 months after that I fell pregnant, totally unexpected, but sadly MC'd again a couple weeks later. The 2nd MC, while sad, didn't affect me the way the first one did, probably because it was more of a shock, I don't know. A couple years on and I now have a beautiful 8 month baby girl. She is everything to me and DH. Reason I mention her is... for some 'weird' reason I have concluded in my mind that she was our chosen baby. The other 2 were not. I'm a huge believer in fate and I just believe now that had I not had the 2 previous MC's I would not have my baby girl. Yes the 2 previous babes would have been the light of our life, but when I look into my DD's eyes I just have a peace and calmness that what happened previously was meant to happen. I know that doesn't make you feel better, but believe me, one day in the near future when you ARE nursing your beautiful little baby that you and DH will be blessed with it will take the pain away. You'll never forget your precious little angel you lost, but you will know that the baby you're cuddling was meant for you. There is no set time to get over a MC, you just work your way through it and with each day, week, month you will get stronger. Hang in there! Hope I have gone some way into helping you realize you will smile again and your life will be full of lots of baby love. Bug hugs to you!!

Oh dubai71, you poor, poor thing. Give yourself some time petal and be gentle with your expectations of yourself. You sound frightened and sad. Have you got any friends around?