How do you feel when your friends start competing with you on anything and everything?

If someone is making you feel less than you are or belittles you, puts you down or does little annoying hurtful things that you only see, then get that person out of your life. Remove her. Just because she is also friends with other people does not mean they will automatically stop being friends with you. If they do, they are not worth it really and why surround yourself with people who do not buoy you up and help when you are down, dont gossip, care about you, thoughtful etc etc...those are the people you should be friends with. The rest really do not matter. If you think you are a doormat because you dont feel worthy, then get to a councellor, life coach or somthing and fix it! Bottom line, get rid of the people who make you feel bad, life is not worth it. BTW, this is not just a Dubai thing, it happens all over the world.

I met a lady here, she was never a friend, a passing ship, dont talk to her no more, but I am still friends with people we both know.

I have friends who make it quite clear that they are better than me, and I am hopeless at all sorts of things. Theyre probably right but its awful to feel so belittled. But I just don't compete, what is point? In fact, i have decided to feel liberated by being so hopeless...the bar is set at a low standard for whatever it is so theres not a lot to live up to, no? The real trick is to know yourself to be better than that and let the rest slide off your back. Tell me you don't really believe that about yourself? Liberated at feeling hopeless? dear oh dear. Thats what I mean though...it's 'them' with the thought system, not me, so why should I let it effect my life? or the way I do things? or feel a need to live 'up to' someone elses set bar? Well just don't label yourself as hopeless!

Think of it as a compliment. All of my friends who have 'shadows' (that's what I call these people, the identity stalkers) are great people and others want to mimic these good traits. What I've found easiest is that I don't tell these women what I'm doing... until it's done and then they are so far behind me they couldn't catch up anyway so you remove the element of competition. For example, you want your daughter to start ballet, you enrol her - don't tell that friend. But, if in the future, your daughter does well and you want to brag about it, invite the friend to the show. By that time even if she enrols a child it will be in competition with your child who is already several steps ahead and is still advancing at the same time. You want to open a business? Just do it. Don't tell her. Then if it takes off then tell her 'yes, that's my business'. Things like that. With some friends I've learnt to only speak about the weather and let them talk about themselves. gah! I couldnt imagine having to live my life with all those strategies and tactical moves in place

thanks for all the replies ... disposable friends soooo true ... but i cant just dispose her off because i will end up losing some potentially good friends which are the ONLY friends i have here .... oh i wish we could just move out of dubai ... even though i dont have a single problem related to this city for the last couple of weeks i have been thinking to move my LO's to different school just because yes you guessed it right she has her LO's going to the same school and i just cant avoid seeing her every single day :( If by cutting this person from your life means losing the others, then are the others really worth it? If they are people really worth getting to know and spending time with, then they wouldn't cut you off as well. Honestly, no friends is always better than false friends, IMO.

I have friends who make it quite clear that they are better than me, and I am hopeless at all sorts of things. Theyre probably right but its awful to feel so belittled. But I just don't compete, what is point? In fact, i have decided to feel liberated by being so hopeless...the bar is set at a low standard for whatever it is so theres not a lot to live up to, no? The real trick is to know yourself to be better than that and let the rest slide off your back. Tell me you don't really believe that about yourself? Liberated at feeling hopeless? dear oh dear. Thats what I mean though...it's 'them' with the thought system, not me, so why should I let it effect my life? or the way I do things? or feel a need to live 'up to' someone elses set bar?

I for one feel that they are not friends at all ... is it a dubai thing? Ok here's the situtation got a friend who is all sweet and nice all the time but recently i have noticed that no matter what i do she tries to do the same thing only better than me .... i dont feel good about her anymore ... and all my friends are friends with her too so cant discuss it with anyone Dubai is such a hard place to make friends anyway :( I hope this 'friend' doesn't read EW. ;) How awful it would be to read that you see her as someone who is ostensibly 'sweet and nice' but who tries to better you in every way. From my experience, people who copy you or try to go the extra mile are not actually trying to be BETTER than you; they are merely trying to keep up with you. It's an aspirational thing, perhaps. This friend may well admire and esteem you highly, perhaps see you as someone whom she would love to be, and as a result, has adopted some copycat behaviour. True, it's not fun to be on the receiving end, but could you not talk to her about it? Could you not address the issue? Could you not explain how you feel rather cornered and perhaps a little bit 'stalked' by this behaviour? Chances are, she could well be doing 'what she is doing' sub-consciously; it could be a compliment rather than a personality theft. Anyway, worth thinking about. I've discovered I'm the last person to be aware when I am not behaving in a way that is 'expected' of me, and that many people take issue with me when I have absolutely no idea of the problem. We many of us come from disparate backgrounds and upbringings, we have different ways of doing things and approaching life, of what we consider important [or not'> ... it's the life of expats thrown together, if you ask me, and sometimes, you just have to be a little bit understanding of the idiosyncrasies of those in your circle. :)

Why even bother worrying about what other people are doing anyway? Maybe you just inspire them to do things they never thought they'd do. Not worth getting het up about it IMHO.

I’ve been in Dubai for almost 10 years and sadly I don't have A Girl BEST FRIEND. I do have though lot of friends and as a single I thought before that having a close friend is important but soon I realized that I am not meeting anyone who would really care about me for "me". I met lot of girls in the past that I considered before as good friends and only one of them was always there when I needed her but things started to change when we moved to the same house :( She was not organized at all, didn’t like to keep the house clean and her cloth were all over the place. I had to take the decision and move to another apartment so I don’t end up in fighting with her. Then I was getting too much busy with my new job that I have accepted at that time and slowly we started to meet less until she left Dubai in 2009. We still friends and we talk from time to time on the phone and chatting but she was the only one that I considered a good friend. I cannot really remember a good friend other than her, lot of girls were just out of their mind, either they used to go clubbing a lot which is something I don’t like or they borrow my cloth and jewelry and never return it back or take from me money in the intention of returning it but also never returned it. In the meantime I have good friends but not best friends, I am an animal lover and most of my friends are not really into animals and I always had to fight with them because of that… so yes I go out from time to time with them, I love them all but I cannot consider any of them Best Friend. A Best Friend is someone who would always be there for you when you need, who would never feel jealous from you, would never criticize you in a way that hurts and to me it must be someone whom I feel comfortable about telling her everything about me without worrying “what she would think about me?” I have met my boyfriend 6 years ago in Dubai and he was always there for me, he is someone whom I would never be able to live without and he is my very best friend, my family and everything to me. But despite all that sometimes I really miss having a girl friend that I can chat with and discuss my worries with her.. a girl.. not my boyfriend (who would soon be my husband :))

I have friends who make it quite clear that they are better than me, and I am hopeless at all sorts of things. [b'>Theyre probably right but its awful to feel so belittled[/b'>. But I just don't compete, what is point? In fact, i have decided to feel liberated [b'>by being so hopeless[/b'>...the bar is set at a low standard for whatever it is so theres not a lot to live up to, no? The real trick is to know yourself to be better than that and let the rest slide off your back. You must be joking? You actually allow people like this in your life?

Its not a competition and if your so called friend is doing this, then she isnt a friend anyway. Some people pass like ships. Finding good friends is so hard to come by. edited by salsB on 14/03/2011 agree completely. Don't waste your energy on those that aren't true friends :(

I for one feel that they are not friends at all ... is it a dubai thing? Ok here's the situtation got a friend who is all sweet and nice all the time but recently i have noticed that no matter what i do she tries to do the same thing only better than me .... i dont feel good about her anymore ... and all my friends are friends with her too so cant discuss it with anyone Dubai is such a hard place to make friends anyway :( if they are always trying to do better then they are not really good friends at all. yes its an expat thing, happens down here in abu too!

I have friends who make it quite clear that they are better than me, and I am hopeless at all sorts of things. Theyre probably right but its awful to feel so belittled. But I just don't compete, what is point? In fact, i have decided to feel liberated by being so hopeless...the bar is set at a low standard for whatever it is so theres not a lot to live up to, no? The real trick is to know yourself to be better than that and let the rest slide off your back. Tell me you don't really believe that about yourself? Liberated at feeling hopeless? dear oh dear.

I have friends who make it quite clear that they are better than me, and I am hopeless at all sorts of things. Theyre probably right but its awful to feel so belittled. But I just don't compete, what is point? In fact, i have decided to feel liberated by being so hopeless...the bar is set at a low standard for whatever it is so theres not a lot to live up to, no? The real trick is to know yourself to be better than that and let the rest slide off your back.

Its not a competition and if your so called friend is doing this, then she isnt a friend anyway. Some people pass like ships. Finding good friends is so hard to come by. <em>edited by salsB on 14/03/2011</em>

Have to agree that they are not really friends more acquaintances and there is a real difference even if you know the latter fairly well unless there is mutual support then its not a friendship.

Haven t read the whole thread but basically " shes not your friend " !

Tell her you are booking in for a naked bungee jump followed by a swim with sharks. See if she replicates that one! LOL Why don't you just tell her it annoys you?

Dubai is such a hard place to make friends anyway :( I agree with you derbend. It is easy to make fair-weather friends but very hard to make real friends. I have had a couple of experiences here where I seem to have come to the end of my usefulness and the friendships have ended. This never happened to me at home or when I have worked abroad before so I found it difficult to understand. I am not sure that I will or want to get used to disposable friendships.