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EWmums

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ewmoda

I'm resigning from being a SHM

149

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 10:24

I wanted to be home with my children so badly!!!!!!!!!! I was desperate for this and posted on this a few times before I finally resigned from my job just over a year ago now.
In the meantime I've had quite a year and sadly my DH as amazing as he can be at times, I don't think he will ever appreciate/understand/value or possibly even respect what I do - aka stay at home mother, maid / wife whatever you want to call it.

So I feel like just giving up this ''dream'' and heading back to work, where at least I get a salary for the hardwork I do. Honestly this last year I have NEVER worked harder in my life and I'm absolutely exhausted and just feel finished!

I know and understand that being home with our children is a huge blessing. I'm just thinking I might be a better mother if I go back to work.

Any other ladies ever been in a similar position? Advice/comments or your opinion welcome.

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5400

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 12:06

Sorry but the porblem is your husband, you can't ask a maid to look after your kids and raise them for you just because your DH doesn't appreciate the work and the effort you put in. At the end of the day, you are the mother of the children and you have the right to raise them no matter what he thinks... Kids need their mother and not a foreign maid even more if you do not need the money of a job. Live your dream. god burnsie, what ever you do don't listen to the above advice...no mum needs extra added guilt with sprinkles on top. Giving up work (way back when) was one of the most difficult things I did. So hard to get used to. We see our value through our work so often and when all of a sudden we're not in it, we fail to see the value ourselves of what we do and who we are. Add in the sudden one income, I havent earned it palaver, and the husband reverting to caveman mentality and you have a struggle on your hands. My husband still, 6 years on has to be pulled up short....this thankless (and it is thankless...our reward is sensible grown up children at some point apparently) job of ours is not a walk in the park...it is hard yakka and never finished. If you really feel that you would be a better mum if you worked outside of the home then you need to give yourself permission to so. Not all mums are cut out to be mumsy at home, I'm not and I know it. If something gives you fulfillment outside of the home of course it is going to enrich your life and add value to your childrens purely because they will have a fulfilled and happy mum. Good luck and best wishes for whatever you decide to do. You're so right. I reverted to being a SAHM mostly because none of the jobs I was able to get stimulated me and by the last one, I was suffering from awful stress trying to juggle dorter and (just) part-time work, as well as a notoriously unpleasant colleague. I actually think I'm unemployable now. Too old, been out of my chosen field for far too long, poor skills in general, not presentable, brain turned to mush from a lack of stimulation and little adult contact. (What was that you said about self-worth through work?!) To the OP, great stuff - I'm sure a happy mother makes happy children.

Sticky Wicket36659

1511

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 11:58

Do you think your DH's don't get it or do you think it is your own insecurities/needs not being fulfilled leading to these thoughts?

115

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 11:58

Ladies, I am not a mother yet but have many of my friends around me who are. I personally admire all those hard working women who manage to work and be fabulous mothers at the same time. I think that your children should learn that their mothers are important and are active members of society (and not only through being mothers but through also being themselves). This is not to say that all working mums are better mums than SAHM (or vica versa). But for those who can managet to balance between the two, and who end up actually getting less rest since they put in so much effort to make sure that their work and children do not miss out on anything..I would like to say that i really admire you and hope I have the strength (and the support of a great DH) to be able to do the same.

197

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 11:53

I understand where you are coming from Burnsie. SAHM is hard work and it takes a while for the DHs to 'get ' it. I felt like DH didn't get it either, but he's been home a lot these days and sees how hard it is. There are days I've had meetings and have been gone the whole day and have come back to him looking tired, harassed and wondering how I do it. That being said, I run my own business and have flexible hours but the "break" I get once in a while makes me a much better mom. Please don't guilt yourself. Do what makes you happy.

Sticky Wicket36659

1511

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 11:45

Talk to your DH about your feelings and listen to his. It doen't matter if you work or not the communication issues are the same and that's all this is a little blip.

594

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 11:41

Maybe I missed the point. I thought you were saying you wanted to be a SAHM and still do, (if it weren't for your DH?) not that you wanted to go back to work. If you want to go back to work go :-)

5452

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 11:38

I don't have an issue with your wanting to go back to work. Most days, I don't feel like being a SAHM either. However, your DH's attitude irks me. I know a lot of men are like this, though, so it's not just yours.

gleekfamily24043

481

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 11:25

Like others have said, not all women are cut out to be SAHMs and we shouldn't feel guilty about it. It takes a lot of courage to admit it and to change things for the better. Being a SAHM was a big adjustment for me and I'm (at best) OK at it. I hope you find a balance that allows you and your family to be happy.

231

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 11:18

Sorry but the porblem is your husband, you can't ask a maid to look after your kids and raise them for you just because your DH doesn't appreciate the work and the effort you put in. At the end of the day, you are the mother of the children and you have the right to raise them no matter what he thinks... Kids need their mother and not a foreign maid even more if you do not need the money of a job. Live your dream. god burnsie, what ever you do don't listen to the above advice...no mum needs extra added guilt with sprinkles on top. Giving up work (way back when) was one of the most difficult things I did. So hard to get used to. We see our value through our work so often and when all of a sudden we're not in it, we fail to see the value ourselves of what we do and who we are. Add in the sudden one income, I havent earned it palaver, and the husband reverting to caveman mentality and you have a struggle on your hands. My husband still, 6 years on has to be pulled up short....this thankless (and it is thankless...our reward is sensible grown up children at some point apparently) job of ours is not a walk in the park...it is hard yakka and never finished. If you really feel that you would be a better mum if you worked outside of the home then you need to give yourself permission to so. Not all mums are cut out to be mumsy at home, I'm not and I know it. If something gives you fulfillment outside of the home of course it is going to enrich your life and add value to your childrens purely because they will have a fulfilled and happy mum. Good luck and best wishes for whatever you decide to do. LIKE a million times. Aroha's post is spot on.

594

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 11:02

I wanted to be home with my children so badly!!!!!!!!!! I was desperate for this and posted on this a few times before I finally resigned from my job just over a year ago now. In the meantime I've had quite a year and sadly my DH as amazing as he can be at times, I don't think he will ever appreciate/understand/value or possibly even respect what I do - aka stay at home mother, maid / wife whatever you want to call it. So I feel like just giving up this ''dream'' and heading back to work, where at least I get a salary for the hardwork I do. Honestly this last year I have NEVER worked harder in my life and I'm absolutely exhausted and just feel finished! I know and understand that being home with our children is a huge blessing. I'm just thinking I might be a better mother if I go back to work. Any other ladies ever been in a similar position? Advice/comments or your opinion welcome. Thats so sad for you. I adore being with my kids. Since being in Dubai I have been appointed a few positions, the shortest lasts 3 months the longest 6. I couldn't stand being away from them, missing the sports day/mothers day/school trips and being here for them after school when they need a chat. I don't have a maid, and it is hard work, DH is fabulous though and really mucks in ( generally he gets washing up and bed time duties). Occasionally, just occasionally when he forgets how much hard work it is I leave him for the day. Spa, event, something where he is on his own from dawn till dusk, and i leave a list, empty dishwasher, clean up after the animals, washing, drying, water garden. He adores me when I get home. Hope you make the right decision. Don't let your kids miss out though because of your husband.

2322

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 10:57

Sorry but the porblem is your husband, you can't ask a maid to look after your kids and raise them for you just because your DH doesn't appreciate the work and the effort you put in. At the end of the day, you are the mother of the children and you have the right to raise them no matter what he thinks... Kids need their mother and not a foreign maid even more if you do not need the money of a job. Live your dream. god burnsie, what ever you do don't listen to the above advice...no mum needs extra added guilt with sprinkles on top. Giving up work (way back when) was one of the most difficult things I did. So hard to get used to. We see our value through our work so often and when all of a sudden we're not in it, we fail to see the value ourselves of what we do and who we are. Add in the sudden one income, I havent earned it palaver, and the husband reverting to caveman mentality and you have a struggle on your hands. My husband still, 6 years on has to be pulled up short....this thankless (and it is thankless...our reward is sensible grown up children at some point apparently) job of ours is not a walk in the park...it is hard yakka and never finished. If you really feel that you would be a better mum if you worked outside of the home then you need to give yourself permission to so. Not all mums are cut out to be mumsy at home, I'm not and I know it. If something gives you fulfillment outside of the home of course it is going to enrich your life and add value to your childrens purely because they will have a fulfilled and happy mum. Good luck and best wishes for whatever you decide to do.

668

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 10:39

Burnsie I know and feel exactly where you are coming from. I've been a SAHM for 3 years :O with 2 kids and just found out I'm pregnant again. Was looking forward to getting back to work after my 2nd child turned 1, but it won't be happening soon. Get back out there hun and be happy :)

231

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 10:34

Hi Burnsie. I have been a SAHM for 3 weeks now and already I feel DH devalues me. I had a great job with a pretty decent salary I gave up. I kind of know how you feel. Am jumping at a couple of consulting ops coming my way. If you are happier going back to work... do it! Happier you = happy mommy. Most important.

392

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 10:33

burnsie000, you've been to **** and back. do whatever makes you happy & keeps you sane. i wish you all the happiness in the world. from a fellow faces of hope subscriber x

37

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 10:31

I definitely understand where you are coming from,i know what you mean about not being appreciated sometimes. But on the other hand the last few months spent with my DS has been fantastic and i still get a bit nervous knowing that i'll be going giving this up to go back to work. I think sometimes you need to go back to work for your own sanity and self esteem.

247

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 24 March 2011 - 10:28

I was a SAHM for 3 years... it was nearly the end of me. I went back to work. I am a much happier, nicer person and a much better mother when I get to go out to work during the day. I love my kids dearly, but I can't be at home... it really drives me insane! Honestly I can't do it. Think long and hard before you make a decision, but happy mom = happy kids whether it be at home or at work.

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