Why am I surrounded by thin, gorgeous women, and how do they all look like that??

For a sheer feeling of private satisfaction, I recommend buying yourself some beautiful underwear. I had a particularly grim day in December in London, and marched straight into Rigby and Peller. And however you feel about your body, splendid, well-fitting underwear makes you look and feel better, plus there's something weirdly satisfying about it. Have any of you watched Tim Gunn's Guide to Style? He says that all well dressed ladies need good undergarments! If you are wearing a good bra it can give you a great lift so your waist looks much slimmer. I was going to suggest going to the salon etc as Sue B already advised. But start with the undies. They've got Spanx in Debenhams now and they really do work.They have a bra fitting service and all the nice bras are 50% off at the moment. Get all the right undies and a new dress and have your hair & make up done and give your dh a shock! You know, when you stop being clingy and jealous he's going to miss it! And all the time you are at the function, remember you've got a whole bunch of ewomen behind you wishing you well.

I know I have gained a lot of weight after having 2 babies nearly back to back. I am definitely not physically the same woman he married. So are all of you saying it is wrong for a husband/partner to say something like this? I am not being sarcastic but I am curious as seeing a new angle here. Damn right I think it's inappropiate for your husband to say you need to 'fix yourself', as if you were a leaky tap! The reason your body has changed is that it's done an enormously complicated job that nature designed it to do, and it's done it twice, back to back - something men's bodies never go through - it's not that your body's now 'wrong'. If you want to change your body for your own sake, tell your husband exactly the kind of thing he should say and do to help you along. In my experience, 'You look beautiful' and 'I'm proud of what you're doing' work a lot better than nagging about 'fixing yourself'. Good luck!

There is a huge difference beteween one partner being concerned about the other's wellbeing as opposed to being embarassed by their appearance. On the otherhand there is the well known phenomenon of men opening mouth and putting foot in it....but I personally would take the latter as a declaration of evil intent. Caring concern can sometimes appear to be critical, but putting another person down is on another plane.....only the recipient can tell the difference. (I nag my DH about his weight ALL the time, it is a health issue, but........he knows that I think he is gorgeous) <em>edited by Livelytrish on 12/01/2011</em>

Ok, now I am looking at things a bit differently. My husband has never said he was embarrassed by my weight gain but he does make remarks that I need to fix myself. Im not offended because I know I have gained a lot of weight after having 2 babies nearly back to back. I am definitely not physically the same woman he married. So are all of you saying it is wrong for a husband/partner to say something like this? I am not being sarcastic but I am curious as seeing a new angle here. As for myself I want to lose the weight out of vanity and health. I want my energy back and less back pain. I want to look in the mirror and smile. I have the motivation without his remarks. It is for me. I usually just say , "your right, I'm trying" but now maybe I should try another angle....

For a sheer feeling of private satisfaction, I recommend buying yourself some beautiful underwear. I had a particularly grim day in December in London, and marched straight into Rigby and Peller. And however you feel about your body, splendid, well-fitting underwear makes you look and feel better, plus there's something weirdly satisfying about it.

"I am woman, hear me roar" is a good start.........cr@p song, but a great sentiment!

Well, best of luck regardless, and stop putting yourself down!!!

Girl, you don't need a diet, you need a divorce. Your husband obviously is a shallow waste of space. get rid, and get a life again, you are worth more than this. <em>edited by Livelytrish on 12/01/2011</em>

Hi all! Thanks for cheering me up, you're all so funny :) Feeling a bit better today - made an effort to skip the lift at work and use the stairs...I just don't move around usually like I did living in the UK, so will make a conscious effort. I hate the gym, find it so dull - maybe need to find a hockey team to play with as always enjoyed that and I was fit without even thinking about it. I have to go to a work function with DH next week, so will HAVE to go shopping before that (how many pairs of Spanx can I layer on top of each other?). He is embarrassed of me though...can't really do much about that (he said he didn't want me to attend) so sod it, I'll just spend hours beautifying and then have a great time on my own! Don't say sod it, I will have a great time on my own.....and then TRY to. You Just go, be gorgeous, be fabulous, be YOURSELF and love every minute. Feel it on the inside honey and let yourself shine. Oh, and tell that selfish, thoughtles pr1ck youre married to that I will snot him over the head with something heavy if he doesnt pull his head in and start being a decent bloke towards you. Jaysus, of allll the things to come out with.....

GA, if you hate the gym so much perhaps that is not the best form of exercise for you, personally I think you are just more likely to fail then feel even worse about it. Do something that you can enjoy, even if it is just walking. Like the others said, do this for yourself not for your DH or anyone else, he is being harsh on you just because he has suddenly decided to improve himself, I am sure he means well for you but typical man no good at explaining himself. You have to love yourself first and foremost.

Dear GA, Like the others I am horrified your husband could behave this way! But I'm guessing you r not too happy with how you look and feel either. Some of the other women have given u loads of good advice, which I'm sure u will take heed of and, hopefully, take action on. I would say u shouldn't worry too much about being clingy, jealous etc when u r out with DH because I am sure that will all disappear when your self-confidence grows. As it surely will if you get yourself into some kind of regular exercise routine, and stick to a sensible easy to manage diet. And u should know [b'>u r not alone[/b'> in being unhappy with your current condition. I would say it probably applies to every other woman in Dubai! Ignore DH, and DO IT FOR YOURSELF! You are completely UNIQUE, ORIGINAL and SPECIAL!!!

In this case I assume DH stands for d!ck head. GA whatever you do make sure it is for yourself as he does not deserve any credit for your healthier approach.

'sharp intake of breath' I cannot believe your husband said that. He must be the shallowest person around at this moment. He needs one heck of a slap up side the head!!! You go get yourself a gorgeous dress, get your hair done, get your makeup done (most cosmetic counters will do it for free :))....pamper yourself and dump the bum once inside the door. Fake it until you make it.....you do not need his approval, you go to that party and be the Belle of the Ball.....if you dont feel it, fake it, pretend you are doing a play.....lol.....(walks off grumbling to herself, I Cannot believe he said that!!)

I have to go to a work function with DH next week, so will HAVE to go shopping before that (how many pairs of Spanx can I layer on top of each other?). He is embarrassed of me though...can't really do much about that (he said he didn't want me to attend) Wait, the man to whom you are married doesn't want you to attend a work function with him because you are a size sixteen? His attitude seems to me to be the problem here, not the size of your thighs! Frankly, I'd give him a whack of my hockey stick.

GirlAnachronism OMG I am so sorry... I want to cry for you! your husband is embarrassed of you and doesn't want you to go with him? Do it for yourself (not your husband) and start taking charge of your health so that you don't have to feel so down anymore... I am still well above my weight goal (my next goal is another 50lbs) but I can tell you after losing 53lbs I feel sooooooooo much better about myself. I have more energy and people around me can feel my positivity. Make your best effort and do it the right way... I have yo-yo'd in weight all my life and each time I would gain weight back I gained even more... just make a whole lifestyle change... make your favorite foods healthier, exercise... everyone can advise you what they think the best workout is, but I say the best workout is the one you do and do regularly!! So go start looking for something you will enjoy and start doing it. If you are interested to know how I did it, I first started with a workout program named Chalean Extreme... its a 3 month workout multiple DVD program, and then after that I did P90X--another 3 month INTENSE workout program. They are both intense but heavily weight based workouts (with cardio too..) and that is why it took 6 months to lose this much.. at my weight if I had just done intense cardio I am sure I would have lost more than that... but muscle mass increases metabolism and so I chose the weight program to gain lots of lean muscle mass. But now due to injury I can only do cardio and because of shoulder injuries I am only on the treadmill. otherwise I would be doing stuff like kickboxing... or using even an elliptical machine but sadly I can't :( and then when it comes to treadmill I get friggin' shin splints so I can't jog like I would like to!! Aaaahhhh I want to workout harder but I have to wait till my injuries heal :( but when it comes to exercise over the years I have tried a thousand different things and lots of them were really good, I just didn't do it regularly... eating wise, I healthied up all of my food... I focused on low fat, whole wheat/wholemeal carbs (brown rice and no white), ate lean meats and at a lot less red meat... that was during Chalean Extreme... then for P90X I went with their diet schedule and went lower carb (still allowed to eat a portion a day though) and higher protein. It was more strict but with some pre-planning I was able to easily follow the eating guideline. Now I am just eating lower fat, mixing up days where I eat any carb I want as long as its whole wheat/wholemeal, brown rice instead of white, and other days I eat low carb...only allowing 1 cup of a carb a day. Though when I first got injured I did go into a depression mode and started eating and I gained some weight back.. but I won't let myself go back to that horrendous weight I was again and jumped back in to doing what I need to do. also, when I started lightening up my meals, I never told my dh about it and he didn't even notice... except for the brown rice... LOL but he eventually started eating the brown rice the days there was a yummy sauce to eat it with. So if you need workout/recipe recommendations I am here for you! edited by Abaddon on 12/01/2011 edited by Abaddon on 12/01/2011 <em>edited by Abaddon on 12/01/2011</em>

I have been at both ends of the scale. I have a big appetite and the difference between slim and overweight for me is what I am eating rather than how much of it (and of course the necessary evil called exercise). I am a fussy eater in so much as I will go hungry rather than eat cr@p food. I understand that cr@p to me may be ok to you and vice versa. It is no big concession for me to pass on the chocolate or hot chips because I actually don't want them. I don't judge a person for the food they choose to eat just as I do not want to be judged for what I select to feast on. I am healthier and, to be honest, happier in my healthy BMI range than outside it. Not all slim people are slender simply for the sake of vanity. Many have chosen to work at it for reasons of health and wellbeing. To assume otherwise in all cases is equal to assuming all overweight people are lazy, slovenly and stupid.

yeah but who knows if they are keeping it down ? LOL

thin goegous women r great but so r more voluptuous, curvy women....we can b great and look groomed too!

yeah but who knows if they are keeping it down ?

no its true, i was very very thin at one point in my life ( oh the memories) and i was literally obsessed with what I ate, and trust me just to maintain that weight i had to watch everything I put in my mouth and exercise 5 times a week! No it is not true at all. Not all skinny people have to starve themselves to maintain their weight. I know many, many people who are slim and eat like they have ten stomachs!

no its true, i was very very thin at one point in my life ( oh the memories) and i was literally obsessed with what I ate, and trust me just to maintain that weight i had to watch everything I put in my mouth and exercise 5 times a week!

I was very thin at one stage and basically was eating very little so all these skinny people eat next to nothing. edited by A Rancher on 11/01/2011 Or perhaps this is what overweight people make themselves believe to excuse/justify their own gluttony.:\: <em>edited by Mrs Mean on 12/01/2011</em>

If you look in the mirror and feel happy with what you see and when your DH get home everyday you see and feel the love from his eyes and touch, I think that is all that matter......whatever your sizes and shape. No need to be judgemental or critical about the choices that other women make in their life whether you think it's superficial or waste of time/money. Happiness and the source of it is very subjective at the end of the day. Well said Goofball. I particularly agree the comment regarding being judgmental and critical of the choices others make.

hmmmm, it seems we have not heard back from Ga on how she is feeling. I think the lovely lady has decided to live her life and is out there :)!!!!!

oh ladies s0d it! Eat and drink what you want...you are a long time dead

Well, I recently discovered that my husband truly believes that celebrities are naturally that hot, and they just accent their looks with makeup. WTF? What world is he living in? I feel so annoyed! So I made him watch 10 Years Younger so he can see how money can make such a huge difference haha. He now wishes he never said anything.