101 questions

I used to do nudey-time outside after a bath (it might be a bit cold for that right now?), or just lay down a waterproof mat over a cushion and then put a small towel on top. (since DS was a refluxer thats how all his playtimes were, naked or not. ;) I'd also like to point out that there are many ways of mothering. If you wanted to carry your baby in a sling all day, let him sleep next to you, feed him and cuddle him to sleep in your arms every single day, and sleep with him in your bed all night every night, well frankly you'd be doing what the majority of mothers worldwide do, and have always done and there would be nothing WRONG with it. I have always cuddled my baby whenever he has asked for me to, demand fed, comfort nursed, let him sleep on me, bed-shared, room shared, pretty much broken all the "rules" the books give you and you'd never see a healthier or happier 17 month old. He is not remotely clingy or shy, right on cue at nap time he walks to the stairgate, asks for his teddies, goes upstairs, walks to his own cot. I put him in and he lies down, and closes his eyes, smiling as I turn off the light and walk out the door. He also sleeps the whole night through. All this without ever using a crying-based "training" technique, The first year was rough at times, there were good and bad patches, I was tired often, but I was and am happy with my parenting choices. My point is not that my way is right or wrong, just that its ok to let yourself be the mother YOU want to be, not the mother someone else tells you to be. If someone says "you HAVE to do this" then ask yourself "WHY?" there is always more than one way. All babies will find their way to independence eventually regardless of how you get there, have enough faith in yourself to trust your instincts. and of course ask others for help, EW is a wonderful source of a diverse range of opinions and methods, some will appeal to you more than others and that's fine. <em>edited by kiwispiers on 21/01/2012</em>

Get one of those little pee protector hat things to put on the offending item! :D Seriously, you are NOT an idiot! I repeat, you are NOT an idiot! Did DS pop out with a manual attached to his bum? Does he parp instructions at you at every stage of his day? No, of course he doesn't. I'm guessing you didn't do Baby 101 at school any more than I did, so of course it's totally natural to be utterly, utterly lost. And I honestly believe one of the biggest problems new mums have is books. Those bl00dy books made me feel like the most incompetent mother EVER when DS was four weeks old. I literally thought everything I was doing was wrong. I wasn't putting him down awake, he wasn't feeding 30 minutes at each breast, he wasn't burped for ten minutes, he didn't have three-hourly feeds. I was a failure. But I wasn't a failure, I was just finding my way, with my son. Not following a generic routine/schedule for a generic baby. When DD was born I was neurotic - absolutely neurotic - about putting her back in her crib as soon as I'd fed her, for fear she'd develop a feed-sleep association and I'd end up with another one who woke every 45 minutes at night. I almost threw her away from me one night because I was so determined she wouldn't be allowed to suck for comfort if she wasn't feeding, in case she always wanted to use me as a human dummy. Granted, a lot of this was in the haze of PND , but I was utterly obsessive about not letting her fall asleep on me or learn any other 'bad habits'. I missed out on a good few weeks of brand-new baby snuggles because of this :(. Don't let this happen to you - trust your instincts and go with it. Just try and follow your baby's cues for now. I think, as H.A.K. says, it''s never too early to start doing things in the same order so baby learns what happens when (I find DD is more settled in the evening, maybe because we do the same thing in the same order every night before bed?) but don't get hung up on having a strict schedule. And one last thing before I shut up. You are doing a FANTASTIC job. Have a bit of confidence. I know it's so, so hard to disagree with people who want to try and help, especially when it's your mum, but just remember although you don't have the years of experience, you do have that unique connection with YOUR baby. I don't think I've ever used so many capitals in a post.... ETA: And one more last thing. Perfect baby? Pah. There's no such thing. Who knows what goes on at night when you're not there? Don't ever compare yourself to another mum or your baby to another baby. All mums are different as much as all babies are different. And besides, hers might turn out to be a complete ratbag toddler while yours will be an angel :D. <em>edited by DubaiCat on 21/01/2012</em>

1 - This will depend on your baby and you milk supply. Many BF babies will not need to be burped, or will burp on their own. If the baby is a fast feeder, if your milk let down is fast, or if there is latching issues or the baby goes on and off the breast - these are some of the reasons they may take in more air. If your baby seems fussy during feeding, try burping them. If they are fussy after feeding, they may also need to be burped. Bringing up a lot of milk is another common indicator. Its a good idea to try for at least 5 mins between breasts, and 10 minutes after and play by ear as to whether you baby needs longer or does not need burping at all. My son needed 20 mins+ to burp, as I had a lot of milk. Sometimes I'd be just about to give up and he'd let one rip. He would get very uncomfortable later if I did not persevere, so my rule was not to stop until I got a good burp (if he did only a little one, I would almost be certain there was still a big one coming and kept going). Its all very much an individual thing - but at the beginning there is no harm to at least try. If you feel its not needed, you can stop. 2. If you are feeding before sleeps - try to feed, burp, bed. Burping between the feed and bed is a great way to ensure your baby is awake when placed into bed (to prevent the breast/sleep association), and ensures they sleep through comfortably. 3. Try and make sure he is awake when you put him to bed (see above). Try wrapping him if you like, or just being *there*, or just laying a hand on his tummy if he is still upset. You can't spoil him, but if you can make sleep times require as little intervention from you as possible it makes life easier later on. 4. Yes, this is not unusual for it to be uncomfortable until your letdown reflex kicks in and the milk flows easily. As long as its not painful after the letdown, you should not be concerned. 5. Try to change the nappy as soon as it is soiled. Use water and cotton wool or a soft cloth to wash his bottom at least for the first few months (baby wipes are sooo harsh on a newborns skin, no better than a poo). Leave your baby to airdry after each nappy change and after the bath. Have some nappy free time each day (its often convenient to make tummy time nappy free time to get them both over with). Generally you would be able to reduce any redness and prevent nappy rash if you stay on top of all those things. 6. Waking 3 hourly is perfectly fine (and desireable) at this stage. Important to keep them receiving their feeds. For now just image a 3 hourly cycle for the first two months or so, and if he changes by himself naturally before then it would just be a bonus :)

Its pretty normal to feel a bit lost at this point, I think it took me about 4-6 weeks to feel I really knew what I was doing. It sounds like things are falling into place for you, just give yourself some time. It was the same for my son - in fact, it was only after 6 weeks of a screaming baby that I realised I hadn't understood what he wanted at all in terms of getting to sleep... as for actually knowing what I was doing, well... my daughter's 4 and I'm still not sure! As sleep routines go, a variation on a theme of calming down (bath, massage, reading, cuddles), then a feed and then down to bed is a good place to start. I did book, boob (with a few minutes sitting up to allow for a rolling burp) and then bed. You might find that your baby wants a surprisingly early bedtime, but just roll with it, because if you have the routine set up, then actually, it doesn't matter if the actual by-the-clock time is tweaked at various points as your baby grows.

All three of my kids took forever to burp, none of them slept for more than 20 minute stretches if they weren't burped properly. You can actually hear if there are any burps in the tummy or if tummy is unsettled. Lie baby down on his back and kind of lightly jigglge his tummy, you'll hear the air and liquid that's not settled propperly. What worked best for us was to rub the babies' tummys clockwise quite firmly, (while lying on their back) then bring their knees up to their tummy and rub tummy with knees then sit baby up, put a bit of pressure on tummy, while rubbing back and burp finally comes up. Sometimes it took 30 minutes but so worth it as babies would then sleep for a good 2-3hr stretches. Huggies worked best for my daughter but pampers have worked best for both boys. People swear by the C4 brand nappies though but I've never tried them. For the first 6 weeks use warm water and cotton wool instead of wipes. I only use wipes if I'm out. You can't spoil a two week old baby. Babies this young cry for survival. After 12 weeks is when babies start to understand that if they make a noise they can get a reaction. For the first 12 weeks it really is you getting to know your baby and your baby getting to know you. Glad your BF is going well. Well done, I think most of us mum's think that being a mother should come naturally and it's a huge shock when this little person comes out and no matter how much stuff you've read before hand, or how many people you've talked to you still don't know what to do. Just remember your doing a good job and every parent has felt the exact same way. I sure do and am three babies down.

oh and I didn't worry about burping at night feeds, I also stopped changing night nappies once he stopped pooing in the night (at the start he would poo after every feed), once it was just wees I lathered him with sudocream at bedtime and kept night feeds as unstimulating and quiet as possible. Sort the nappy rash out before you do this though. I would say at around the 12 week mark you can consider implementing a schedule and at the moment just work on forming sleep associations, trying to avoid props if possible (ie don't rock to sleep if baby seems to be lying calmly already, if baby is crying then soothe (shush, swaddle, pat, jiggle etc) her and try again) and keep watching for tired signs so that your baby can settle to sleep more easily. Its pretty normal to feel a bit lost at this point, I think it took me about 4-6 weeks to feel I really knew what I was doing. It sounds like things are falling into place for you, just give yourself some time. If you ask 101 questions you'll get 101 different answers to each one from 101 different mums who had 101 different babies. So do try and do what feels right in your heart above all else .

1. If we got no burp in 5 minutes we gave up, BF babies often don't need burping and it seems to be just western culture that is obsessed with burping. 2. I actually fed on waking (to try and avoid a feed to sleep association) and then burped then playtime (cuddles etc). Gives them more time to work the burp out through being help or on their tummies etc. Sometimes I burped halfway through a feed and then offered more boob as if they have trapped wind then it can make them stop feeding, once the gas is out they have room for more milk if that makes sense. 3. pat/shush is a great method, white noise is great too, it needs to be quite loud. CIO was never intended for young babies. The guidelines given by sleep researchers say its only developmentally appropriate after 6 months or 4 months at the earliest. Its good for him to fall asleep in her own, but he should feel safe and secure while he is doing that. 4. Some women do feel discomfort on latching or on letdown 5. try and avoid baby wipes, and consider changing brands of nappies. pampers were no good for DS, huggies were fine. 6. He needs to eat every 3 hours, you should not ignore hunger signs to try and fit a routine. When DS was a bit older maybe 6-8 weeks? I used to pat him a little when he first stirred and if he went back to sleep great, if not I knew he was hungry and fed him. You might want to read this one, during your next BF session http://www.parentingscience.com/newborn-sleep.html [i'>Newborn sleep patterns are shaped by the length of time it takes them to feed, digest, and become hungry again. For most newborns, this means feeding every 2-3 hours (or less). Sleep episodes are brief and spaced in fairly regular intervals around the clock. Nevertheless, newborn sleep isn’t completely divorced from the natural rhythms of the 24-hour day. Studies show that circadian rhythms begin developing in the first days after birth. For example, a German study reported that 2-day-old babies were more wakeful and slept for shorter periods during the daytime (Freudigman and Thoman 1998). Another German study showed that during the second week postpartum, babies slept more at night than they did during the day (Korte 2004). And, in Japan, Matsuoka and colleagues (1991) reported that 1-week old infants slept more often after feedings that occurred between midnight and 4am than after feedings at any other time of day. By the second week, infants slept more frequently between midnight and 8 am than they slept at other times (Matsuoka et al 1991). This was true even though infants continued to receive night time feedings. This doesn’t mean that your newborn’s sleep schedule will resemble yours any time soon. It takes about 12 weeks for infants to show day-night rhythms in the production of melatonin, the “sleep hormone” (Rivkees 2003). And circadian changes in cortisol—a hormone that regulates waking—may take even longer to emerge (Rivkees 2003).[/i'> if you read the whole link it does describe how you can help your baby to learn day from night. <em>edited by kiwispiers on 20/01/2012</em>

1. My rule of thumb was roughly 10min as BF'ed babies don't tend to swallow much wind! DD was a very colicky baby and she always suffered from trapped winds. I used a combination of methods - 6 strokes up followed by 6 circular motions, on the knee slightly tilted over supported by your hand and over the knee. When she was slightly older I used a concoction on Infacol+Gipe Water which helped tremendously and had her burping like a 60yr old within 5min. 2. Feed-burp-bed. If he falls asleep on the breast I would try and rouse him again. Stroking the jaw bone initiates the sucking reflex or a gentle tickle under the foot! 3. Yup - no matter what myths there are out there, you CAN'T spoil such a young baby! You are all he ever knew for 9 months and they have no sense of emotion - only their basic needs which are - I'm dry, I'm warm, I'm fed & I'm safe (and you are the SAFE) in his life! 4. All normal! I hurt (more like cringed) with every latch for the first few weeks! Lansinoh before and after every feed was my best friend and also Lilypadz (silicone breast pads which you can refrigerate to give a lovely cooling effect). 5. No idea about nappy rash! Y never ever had one in her whole 13 months of life ;) 6. I used the EASY routine! Worked well for breastfeeding & DD, and was also very flexible. Since DD was a snacker you can adapt the routine to EatActivityEAt(again)Sleep. I only introduced the routine at 6 weeks and by 9 weeks it was well oiled! HTH x (and you know I am only a phone call away, don't be afraid to dial my number!) <em>edited by plumie on 20/01/2012</em>

1. My breastfed babies didn't necessarily need a burp. Only if it was visibly bothering them. And once they had their burp, if they were still crying, it was usually because they were still hungry - so back on! 2. If my babies fell asleep while feeding, I skipped the burp altogether. 3. Agree, can't spoil - if your baby is crying, he needs something. Babies know more than you think they do - right from the start, get used to thinking of your baby as a rational little adult who just can't communicate as well as you or me. More often than not, that is true. 4. Yep, initial latch hurts a bit. Normal for me. 5. Agree, use nothing, leave baby on a towel naked for some naked baby cream - the air is the best remedy at this age. 6. Your baby is already in a routine - you just need to learn what it is. Start now by writing down when your baby feeds, when he sleeps and when you change his nappy. Really quickly, you will see the pattern.

1. Depends on the baby! My MiL (retired neo-natal nurse) would burp bubs vigourously right after a feed, which certainly worked! 2. Feed, burp and bed. It's probably quite horrible to be woken up by gas once you've just nodded off! 3. Your LC is right - you can't spoil them and the idea of "manipulating" you in the grown-up, malicious sense of the word hasn't even entered their head. Actually, at 2 weeks old, babies still don't quite realise they are their own, independant selves - for them, you are so fundamentally necessary for their very survival that, well, they can't be without you. It's pure, hard survivial - no mummy = no food = I die. Yikes! The pat/shush method worked really well for me and my two - all the comfort but without the carrying! 4.That's great news about the bf. DS's initial latch always had me sucking in a sharp breath. I think it's how they create the vacuum (he had/ has got a very strong suck) that does it, because even when he had teeth, it was the same (certainly not more painful) 5. Try and just change the nappy as soon as you notice the poo, clean and dry the area and unless it's really red, just leave it. Some people smother their children in creams from and early age, but I prefer to hold off - they are mostly all petro-chemical-based, after all... but that's just me. You could use a bit of olive oil if you wanted an alternative. 6. Routine is different to schedule. Routines are a sequence of events (so the EASY (Eat - Activity - Sleep - You) routine from the baby whisperer, for example) that may or may not happen at certain times. Schedules are routines with fixed timings - which GF uses. Arguably each approach works, so it's just a case of finding one (or a mix of both) that works for your family. I'm not a schedule kind of person, but my two have a routine with certain crunch-points allocated to a specific time (meals and bed!). It's never too early to start, nor too late and you can go as easy or as firmly as you want. Helpful?! ;-p