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ewmoda

Advice please - can you spoil a newborn?

493

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 03 April 2012 - 07:38

So my mother is here!! Of course her opinions and mine are very different, so I wanted to get everyone else's advice and opinions! My DD, now 5 was always a really bad sleeper,we had sleep training done with her a few times and my DH and I always said things with the next baby will be different from the start! Well the next baby is here and my DS will be 2 weeks old on Thursday. He clearly already likes to fall asleep on my chest rather than in his Moses basket and yesterday I had to carry him all day as he wouldn't settle otherwise.
I have no problem letting him sleep on my chest and with me but when does it it get to the point when they do understand and are manipulating us?
They are so small for such a short period, I want him to know I'm there for him but at the same time don't want to have to have rock him till he his 2 years old kinda thing! Any help please......
ETA just been on the net reading and it seems you cannot spoil a newborn!!!! Yay! Lol
<em>edited by Pingu on 03/04/2012</em>

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kiwispiers15400

2782

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 06 April 2012 - 21:23

Yes you can spoil a newborn, you can spoil a baby and you can spoil a child, studies have definitely shown this to be true but not in the sense that you are talking about. If you define "spoilt" as something that has been ruined or damaged then the simplest way to spoil a newborn is to neglect them, to ignore their biological need for touch, to fail to reinforce their first attempts at communication. You most definitely will not damage a child by holding them too often, soothing them when they are upset or feeding them when they are hungry. Babies do not manipulate, they communicate. There is no real manipulation even in a one year old either to be honest, that comes much later when they develop a concept that what they want might be different to what you want, which requires quite a complex brain development. That doesn't mean you should try and develop sleep associations and routines that might make your life easier later on but there is no need to leave your newborn crying or alone to do so. Just watch very carefully for the early tired signs, avoid letting your baby get overtired/ and work slowly and gently towards developing a pattern of naps and sleep, perhaps with the goal of this switching from entirely cue-lead in the early weeks to predictably clock-lead by around the 4/5 month mark. Some newborns need much more soothing than others so I think its hard to have a preconceived plan or follow what has worked for a friend, advice is great but you always need to factor your own baby into the equation.

2937

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 04 April 2012 - 15:37

DD needed me to carry her in a sling for the first few months of her life. She's five months now, goes to bed awake (for naps and at night) and sleeps through the night with a dream feed so no, I don't think it's possible to spoil a newborn! Of course, they're all different, but when they're so tiny they just need you :).

493

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 04 April 2012 - 14:55

Thanks everyone for all your awesome replies! Just makes me feel even better when my little man is always on my chest! And ilovewine you are so right - we too waited so very long to have him so I will give him as much as love and attention I want!!! Thank you x

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Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 04 April 2012 - 14:49

Just adding my vote, absolutely NO. I have spent a lot of time googling since I am glued to the couch with a newborn on my chest ;-) and I would also recommend you check out the Dr Sears website and literature.

271

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 04 April 2012 - 12:01

I feel you cannot spoil them...they need all the love they can get...before two you can guide them into a nice set pattern without force...so no need to rock them to bed at that age...lie with them and scratch back till they are down...or sing lullabies! Good luck and enjoy!

1236

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 04 April 2012 - 11:40

I've had 2 babies in Australia and both were delivered entirely by midwives. Including my first DS who was born at 36 weeks and only 2kg (4 pd 5oz). A paed was told to wait outside until he was born! but no obstetrician. Best way to deliver! Of course the doctor gets called in the US - that's how they make money! You should watch 'The Business of Being Born' which shows how it works in the US and dare I say the UAE too. I had my DD in 1979 and she was forceps delivery. The (very young) doc was called in but made such a mess of things that my midwife chased him and delivered my DD herself using the forceps. I was in agony with the doc and far more comfortable with my trusted midwife who also stitched me up. My DS was delivered by a huge Australian male midwife in 1982!! This was in Scotland and for some reason, our local maternity unit had loads of Ozzy nurses and midwives!! :) I never saw any doctors apart from my GP during both pregnancies.

391

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EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 04 April 2012 - 11:30

I've had 2 babies in Australia and both were delivered entirely by midwives. Including my first DS who was born at 36 weeks and only 2kg (4 pd 5oz). A paed was told to wait outside until he was born! but no obstetrician. Best way to deliver! Of course the doctor gets called in the US - that's how they make money! You should watch 'The Business of Being Born' which shows how it works in the US and dare I say the UAE too.

446

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 04 April 2012 - 11:27

You can’t spoil a baby with love and cuddles. The routine or regular sleep pattern is the most important part whether they fall asleep on you or in the crib is irrelevant. Enjoy every minute, they grow up sooo fast.

1236

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 04 April 2012 - 11:21

Just been watching a programme on TV called "One born every minute" which is a fly on the wall programme following ladies in labour then giving birth. This was the US version and I was surprised to see that although midwives (referred to as nurses in the programme) were with the women throughout labour, once the second stage was imminent a doc was called in to take over. Is this normal practice in the US? In the UK, babies are delivered by midwives and docs are only called if there are complications. Just curious, not critical :) This is the most common way to have a baby in the US. The nurses in the program were in fact nurses, not midwives, this is why a doctor was called in to take over. There are also midwives (obstetric nurse practitioners), but not very common; they may also be assisted by nurses during the labor stage and then the midwife delivers the baby. In that scenario a doctor is only called in for complications. To answer OP's question, no, you cannot spoil a newborn. My daughter would fall asleep on my DH's chest (mine was way too sore at the time from breastfeeding) for the first three weeks, then she went to her crib with no problems, but different babies adapt in different ways, so it may take more or less time. Just follow your instinct and enjoy it while it lasts. Babies are calmed down by the sound of a heartbeat. Thank you for the explanation :)

Catherine Abigail

185

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 04 April 2012 - 06:56

Just been watching a programme on TV called "One born every minute" which is a fly on the wall programme following ladies in labour then giving birth. This was the US version and I was surprised to see that although midwives (referred to as nurses in the programme) were with the women throughout labour, once the second stage was imminent a doc was called in to take over. Is this normal practice in the US? In the UK, babies are delivered by midwives and docs are only called if there are complications. Just curious, not critical :) This is the most common way to have a baby in the US. The nurses in the program were in fact nurses, not midwives, this is why a doctor was called in to take over. There are also midwives (obstetric nurse practitioners), but not very common; they may also be assisted by nurses during the labor stage and then the midwife delivers the baby. In that scenario a doctor is only called in for complications. To answer OP's question, no, you cannot spoil a newborn. My daughter would fall asleep on my DH's chest (mine was way too sore at the time from breastfeeding) for the first three weeks, then she went to her crib with no problems, but different babies adapt in different ways, so it may take more or less time. Just follow your instinct and enjoy it while it lasts. Babies are calmed down by the sound of a heartbeat.

1236

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 04 April 2012 - 02:06

Just been watching a programme on TV called "One born every minute" which is a fly on the wall programme following ladies in labour then giving birth. This was the US version and I was surprised to see that although midwives (referred to as nurses in the programme) were with the women throughout labour, once the second stage was imminent a doc was called in to take over. Is this normal practice in the US? In the UK, babies are delivered by midwives and docs are only called if there are complications. Just curious, not critical :)

477

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 03 April 2012 - 19:05

2 months ago i asked a similar question on this board. My mum, bless her, kept telling me that i was spoiling my baby by rocking him etc. sure he got too heavy eventually so we did sleep training (luckily only 3days and ds slept on his own) but im so glad i didnt listen to mum. DS battles with afternoon naps and when it gets too much, i let him sleep on my chest. Am i spoiling him, i dont think so and i actually dont care. We've waiting VERY long for our child and i want to enjoy every minute with him.

574

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 03 April 2012 - 16:56

You have already found the answer :) seems like most mums here are on the same school of thought. If you need more reassurance, Dr Sears has a website where he supports attachment parenting (there are many others) - this seems to be the parenting style most seem to adopt today. We had DS falling on our chest for a few weeks because he was born a premie and we wanted to give him extra warmth + TLC. Well, he is now 11.5 months and has been until a few days ago going to sleep by himself - there will be phases and periods of adjustment, especially with travel, teething, illness, etc but on the overall you will work it out to the point where he will learn to be independent. So go ahead and enjoy your tiny bub falling asleep on your chest - the time where he will not want to will come soon enough!

1236

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 03 April 2012 - 15:39

I don't have anything useful to add but laughed reading this with a sleeping 5 week old on my lap -- so I hope not! I have heard from a couple midwives that you can try start bedtime routines and a bit more of a schedule etc successfully around 12 weeks...I guess will see. Now, how to transfer the sleeping baby somewhere so I can get up and go to the bathroom!? :) Haven't you heard of Tena lady? You young mothers, I just don't know LOL!! :D

357

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 03 April 2012 - 15:32

Just adding my vote for the NO camp!

70

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 03 April 2012 - 14:21

I don't have anything useful to add but laughed reading this with a sleeping 5 week old on my lap -- so I hope not! I have heard from a couple midwives that you can try start bedtime routines and a bit more of a schedule etc successfully around 12 weeks...I guess will see. Now, how to transfer the sleeping baby somewhere so I can get up and go to the bathroom!? :)

1236

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 03 April 2012 - 12:38

The short answer is no. I had my babies in 1979 then 1982 and my gran drove me nuts because she reckoned I spoiled my babies by lifting them when they cried. Then there was the "leaving to cry as it exercised their lungs"!?? Every generation will have differing ideas about raising babies but you need to do what feels best for you. As someone has just said, your baby is only 2 weeks old and needs you for everything. He is calmed by your scent, heartbeat etc so enjoy him while he is so tiny. That's not to say that you completely ignore your mum or other experienced mums. They have been through baby raising and you can cherry pick. The best advice I had from my own mum was when DD was 9 months and suddenly refused to lie down when she was put to bed. I ignored her cries then for about 3 nights then she got the message. My MIL showed me how to put on a nappy on my son to avoid soaking (this was in the days of terry nappies and pins!!) and involved a double fold at the front. Enjoy your new bub and congratulations x

247

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 03 April 2012 - 11:45

Hey Pingu, I am a FTM and still in the learning process, so don't know if I have the right to comment, but I do so feel strongly about this. You CANNOT spoil a newborn. I believe the transition from womb to the real world is a big change for the baby, so we should do whatever we can to make him feel as loved and comforted as possible. Plus they are so tiny for such a small time, enjoy the special time with him. I think you are doing wonderful (personal opinion). Other mamas can advise better, but I think 3 months is the time when they start realising a bit and we should be wary of the sleep associations like rocking, nursing, etc. This is coming from a mother of a 6 mo who was rocking her baby to sleep. It was okay in the beginning till at 4 months he started waking up ever so often in the night wanting to be rocked. I had to work a little to break that habit. I still rock him but only till he is drowsy and avoid rocking him to sleep. It is all work in progress with good and bad days, but I am sure we will get there. For you, all I can say is enjoy your baby for now...... he's too little to know what is happening.

1029

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 03 April 2012 - 11:44

No, I don't think you can spoil a newborn. Try and get your hands on a book or dvd called "Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp, he covers the issues that you outline. <em>edited by Tru Blu on 03/04/2012</em>

297

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 03 April 2012 - 10:47

I think the answer to this question will depend on what philosophy on babycare you believe more in. There is the school of thought, that you need to toughen your babies up from day one and that means letting them cry it out. If that works for parents then that is fine for them. I never believed in that and believe that a baby, especially a newborn cannot be spoilt. From an evolutionary perspective: looking way back in time, a small baby left alone to cry with no adult to respond to their need had in fact been left to die They need you for warmth (not only in the literal sense) and comfort. Your son has been only 2 weeks out of your womb of course he will take some time to adjust to the world outside. Newborns thrive on body contact with their parents or caregivers. Plus, newborns cannot anticipate the future yet, that comes later, so there is no way they can manipulate you. If I were you I wouldn"t worry too much, and give him the comfort he needs, he will be grown and independent soon enough

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