10 Ways To Tackle Tough Conversations With Young Children

It’s natural to want to protect young children from hearing about, or seeing the ‘bad stuff’ that goes on in the world – and can sometimes even occur within our own families.

But it’s not always possible to avoid children’s questions about unpleasant issues – be that death and destruction in the news, or arguments, illness or death within the family. And while it can be tempting to try to gloss over the issue – especially if the child is very young – Dr Shauna Tominey, author of new book Creating Compassionate Kids: Essential Conversations To Have With Young Children, says tackling the tough stuff is often good for the parent-child relationship.

“As parents of young children, we can often find ourselves caught off guard by children’s question. Children sometimes bring up tough topics before we feel ready to address them – but tackling these tough conversations gives us a chance to let children know that it’s OK for them to come to us about anything,” she says.

Tominey, an assistant professor of practice and parenting education specialist at Oregon State University in the US, notes that as they get older, children will seek information from friends, other adults or the internet – and while it’s normal for them to grow increasingly independent, it’s also important they know they can turn to their parents at any time.

“When children are young, we can make sure they learn to trust us to be there to talk about anything,” she says. “We often talk with our children about conversation topics that come up in our daily lives, but we can do more than that. We can be proactive and bring up topics that help children build skills to face challenges in the future, and help them understand the challenges others have, to build their understanding and empathy.”

She suggests these 10 strategies for tackling tough topics with young children…

Reassure children they’re safe, or that you’ll always do your best to keep them safe. Help children regain a sense of control by talking about things they can think, say and do to manage feelings now and to help others who might be worried or afraid too.

Comfort your child during emotional moments, but come back to the topic at a time when you’re both calm. “When you or your child feel triggered – stressed, angry, or frustrated – it can be challenging to think clearly, speak calmly, and make good choices,” says Tominey.

Think about the information and skills your child needs to cope with a situation or make good choices if a challenging issue arises in the future. Encourage them to think about what they can do, who they can talk to, and things that happen that might make it hard to make good decisions.

Conversations with children happen in many different ways, including while running errands, during bath time, over family meals, in the car, and more. Sometimes it’s easier to talk about a challenging topic while doing another activity together.