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Advice,pls...am I being naive?

140

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 30 October 2011 - 21:33

I emailed a friend back home and mentioned I am about to employ a house boy. She emailed me back basically saying have I thought it through, and am I crazy! Now I'm having doubts about my naivity...

I need help at home so I am not taking the all the kids to all the activities all the time, plus the usual cleaning/ laundry etc, etc any of us employ help for. I went for a House Boy as I am not keen on the idea of having a woman around all the time and DH isn't around always, so help in the garden, with the cars, odd jobs, etc, plus I have boys (not too young that they need personal help) and I thought it would be nice for them to have another male around.

I am taking on a newbie - he has cleaning experience but not in Dubai, but his wife is a maid here and has been training him up; downside is he doesn't have contactable references.

Now, am I being totally naive taking a man (late 20's) into my home like this, as my friend is implying, or is this a risk any of us take with home help?

Thoughts dear Ladies, please?

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1414

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 31 October 2011 - 14:05

Would you leave your children alone with a man you knew little about in your home country though? The fact that they are both boys doesn't matter. At home anyone formally working with children would have to be be police checked. You have to make your decision and be comfortable with it, but please think it through very carefully beforehand. Hope everything works out well for you. Absolutely agree with this, its your choice but I would not leave my children regardless of gender or age with my HB infact if I had a maid I would be relectant too also, thus far I have only left them with family members and a babysitter who was previously a British nanny and first Aid qualified. Its hard but I would rather lug my lo with me and know all is well.

1046

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 31 October 2011 - 13:54

Would you leave your children alone with a man you knew little about in your home country though? The fact that they are both boys doesn't matter. At home anyone formally working with children would have to be be police checked. You have to make your decision and be comfortable with it, but please think it through very carefully beforehand. Hope everything works out well for you.

140

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 31 October 2011 - 09:33

I dont think a houseboy is an idea not to consider solely because he is male What age are your sons? Personally i would have tried to ensure that the lady is indeed the wife by checking their documents. My boys are between 6 and 10. They are not quiet, either. Good point re wife. She is bringing some docs to me this week, I will ask her to bring hers too, so I can check. Anything else I could do to reassure?

140

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 31 October 2011 - 09:31

Thank you so much Ladies. You have made me feel so much better about this and given me good advice on ensuring things go smoothly. It's so culturally different, it's a bit of a minefield! I do want the HB to look after the children -and occassionally babysit - so I don't have to drag them all to each other's activities, but only once I am comfortable with him being around and I can see he's ok with them. I do have all boys, which is slightly different, but I am still aware that is no guarantee. J Shepherd - would you leave your girl with a Maid? And would you allow anyone to babysit - HB or Maid?

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EW GURU

Latest post on 31 October 2011 - 09:29

I dont think a houseboy is an idea not to consider solely because he is male What age are your sons? Personally i would have tried to ensure that the lady is indeed the wife by checking their documents.

624

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 31 October 2011 - 09:17

I think if your gut instinct with him is that he will be OK then go for it. He would have to be NUTS to take advantage of his situation, especially if its a job he really wants and his wife is supporting him with it. He will know perfectly well that if he misbehaves in any way, his treatement by the police here will not be favourable! I don't think you should consider locking the adjoining door between your accomodation and his at night. Imagine if there was an emergency with you while your husband was away - you'd want him to be able to get in. However it is very important that he understands those boundaries and that if they are broken, the job would be over. The only precaution I would take is to talk to your boys about personal safety if you haven't done so already so that they understand that nothing should make them feel uncomfortable in their own home, and if something does, they need to talk to you. I think it sounds like a great idea myself so go for it!

1414

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 31 October 2011 - 09:14

Hi Perces, Don't worry my husband and I have had a houseboy since I was 22, we had the same guy for around 11 years and he was absolutely fine. my DH travels ALL the time I didn't have any worries of anything dodgy happening. We moved a few times our maids room firstly was outside of the villa,, so no probs, second villa was inside, just shut the main door to the house at night - no problem and our final villa had an inside maids room, again no problems there just shut the house door at night. Never locked it! Only thing to be aware of is obviously I wouldn't walk around in my pj's or swimming gear in front of him, also not keen for my DD to be in any state of undress. But then that's just me! I also would not have my hb look after my children in anyway, of course sometimes my DD would play in the garden on the swings with him, but I was always watching! I have found that guys (should?) be more respectful if they are brought up well as you are a women, whereas maids can throw all kinds of hissy fits ect .... My new HB seems Ok again I follow all the rules I applied before, he lives outside which I'm happy with has a key and comes in, he is married his wife would like to come and work here soon then they will stay together, fine by me. He had no previous experience either ie no references so its hard work but if you spend the time showing him what you want and how to do it then all should be ok. I have to say my guy is good but doesn't have an eye for design, but after showing him how to make a bed 3 times he can do it. He also washes the cars, does outside work and can do lifting, bringing in shopping ect. As long as you feel comfortably with him and make it clear he is not allowed in the main house after duty all should be fine :)

140

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 31 October 2011 - 08:53

Yes, DH is sometimes away and more often than not works long hours. I hadn't thought about 'having another man around when DH isn't' except as just that... someone to help out, so it doesn't bother me. I should say that although the Maids quarters are within the house, they can be separate and have a separate, external, entrance, so it's not like he has to be always within our living space and I shall be very specific about that. Once he's off duty, so to speak, I shall not expect to see him except in an emergency. Is that risky, or should I be so specific and lock the door? That to me would imply that I don't trust him and be even worse!

1046

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 31 October 2011 - 08:39

You said your DH is not always around........do you mean he is away from home at times? Have you thought through how it would feel when your DH is not there overnight - does this raise any concerns for you or your children? For me, that would be the crucial thing. The language and job spec can be worked on easily enough.

115

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 31 October 2011 - 00:17

I have no experience with "house boys" per se, but our driver helps out in many ways and is, in my opinion, a blessing. He helps with heavy lifting, replacing the heavy water bottle refills, carrying groceries into the house, etc. in addition to generally amusing the girls during our long car rides to school. I think a secondary male figure around the house is just as beneficial as all the extra women, and i say go for it! <em>edited by Krulka on 31/10/2011</em>

140

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 30 October 2011 - 23:01

A very nice, genteel, respectful sort of chap. His English wasn't great, but I met him with his wife, and he was very respectful of her too (I watched them a couple of minutes before making myself known to them). His wife was friendly, but very respectful also (far too chatty for me to have around!). I watched him with my children the second time we met - who chatted away to him twenty to the dozen - and I felt very comfortable of him with them. I really felt he wanted the job and would do exactly what I wanted him to, which was why I went away from a few of my so called 'pre-requisites' of very good English, previous experience and contactable refs!!!

GattaMatta46817

348

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 30 October 2011 - 22:44

What feelings did he give you during the interview? Did he struck you as trustworthy, hardworker, reliable, serious, respectful, etc.? If so, only issue I see here is his lack of references, but people have to start somewhere after all.

1097

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 30 October 2011 - 22:27

I would not hire a houseboy. I am basing my perspective solely on a very limited (next to nothing) experience. There are two houseboys who live on our street, I swear they freeze mid-activity the minute I walk out my front door and they follow me with their eyes until I get into my car. I absolutely hate it and want to scream at them 'what the eff are you looking at". They do the same with any female walking past them, just stop what they are doing and watch .... ugh !! It is so disconcerting to be watched in that manner, turns my stomach. I would hate to have someone like that living in my home. From what I see of a lot of these immigrant male workers, that is their modus operandi, the never ending staring, I just wonder what is going on in their heads. ....... Sorry for the rant, and I have absolutely no experience of a houseboy working in my home or for any of my friends, so not much help at all really ! <em>edited by mum2girls on 30/10/2011</em>

140

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 30 October 2011 - 21:59

No, no more naive than your friend is paranoid.........not to mention totally ignorant of the way the world works in places outside "home". In many many parts of the world it is perfectly normal to have home help of either ***...... for these chaps it is economic necessity, not a sign of possible perversion. Was just discussing with DH today the tragedy of Western society which has condemned a generation of children, especially boys, to a lack of the role models in their everyday life which previous generations enjoyed. Today any non parental male interaction with children is viewed as risky, so sad. We have had some wonderful houseboys over the years. Thank you! You know, I feel the same. It is very sad. I used to help out at school and we weren't even allowed to help them physically if they needed it. It makes me quite angry. But like I say, I am naive about these things - it simply doesn't occur to me to worry unless it's pointed out - or maybe just very trusting!

140

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 30 October 2011 - 21:54

I think it should work out ok. Is your friend used to the concept of having help around the house? No, A Rancher, she's always resisted live-in help, even though she needs it (I don't know how she manages!) I know she's extremely cautious - to the point of being a tad rude sometimes, in my opinion - but it was the seed she sewed about it that got me thinking!!

1340

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 30 October 2011 - 21:44

No, no more naive than your friend is paranoid.........not to mention totally ignorant of the way the world works in places outside "home". In many many parts of the world it is perfectly normal to have home help of either ***...... for these chaps it is economic necessity, not a sign of possible perversion. Was just discussing with DH today the tragedy of Western society which has condemned a generation of children, especially boys, to a lack of the role models in their everyday life which previous generations enjoyed. Today any non parental male interaction with children is viewed as risky, so sad. We have had some wonderful houseboys over the years.

140

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 30 October 2011 - 21:43

Yes, sorry, we are sponsoring and she is with another family. No, they will not be living together, though I am happy for her to come over on his day off (is this allowed???)

1811

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 30 October 2011 - 21:41

I think it should work out ok. Is your friend used to the concept of having help around the house? Quite a lot of people prefer houseboys (one family we knew would only have them as a couple of maids got pregnant). There are a few houseboys and cooks around where we live and they seem fine and very respectful of that "line"; saw one this morning run out to the lady of the house with a bag she'd forgotten. Good luck

4747

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 30 October 2011 - 21:39

are you sponsoring? are they living together?

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