Urgent wedding advice needed thanks to a thoughtless DH! | ExpatWoman.com
 

Urgent wedding advice needed thanks to a thoughtless DH!

238
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 01 April 2011 - 16:46

Yesterday DH was verbally invited to a BIG wedding tonight. It's a visiting Bahraini family, who all generally dress in western clothing and he assumes the wedding is being held here due to the disruptions in Bahrain. He didn't think to clarify as to whether it was a local style (ie separate sexes) wedding or mixed, or if it were separate, whether I would be expected to attend the ladies version.

It's quite a way away from home, the only info he has is that it's black tie. He says just come along, I'd feel like an idiot if it were all men, or frankly, if I were wandering around the ladies function on my own.

A friend says it would be rude of me not to go, I can't see how when I wasn't mentioned in the invite.

I'd love to go to take a peek - they've really made a huge preparation in private grounds, but really don't know what I should do?

3804
Posts
EW MASTER
Latest post on 02 April 2011 - 09:37
Could you possibly stop blaming your DH!!! You went, you had a good time. Thank him for inviting you and get over it!
238
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 02 April 2011 - 02:13
Thanks for all your advice ladies - I'm just back from what was a wonderful (mixed) function. So glad I went. The dresses and diamonds were amazing, the food incredible and the band awesome ( actually the first band was, the second one was only just starting as we left at 1am!) Only a man could have left things so uncertain beforehand, but I'm really, really glad I went. Again, thanks for your thoughts and advice.
1811
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 01 April 2011 - 20:18
I've only been to one local wedding and it was ladies only. Clothes and diamonds were amazing!
371
Posts
EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 01 April 2011 - 19:54
I dunno, I've been to 'invite only' local weddings where security have taken in the invites in at the door. I've also been to local weddings where the men's parties have been in different premises altogether or on a different day! I think you should clarify before you just show up and get surprised/embarrassed.
238
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 01 April 2011 - 18:06
Really appreciate your assurances. I'm not usually shy, but by the same token, respecting culture is important to me. DH will get a roasting over this one for a while - regardless of how tonight turns out! Thanks again, I'm off to glam up!
682
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 01 April 2011 - 18:05
clothes sound fine with the wrap. must clarify attended only one bahraini wedding ... was segregated but in the same premise. ALL of ours...even if segregated (rare) are at the same premise. After nikaah, bride and groom are legally married after all and can sit together rubbing shoulders and all :) good luck...hope you have a fab evening.
238
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 01 April 2011 - 17:58
Righto then. 5 Years makes you a cultural expert IMHO. I'm not shy, so will lift my chin and leap into the shower. It seems like such an opportunity, just hope I won't embarrass DH by my presence, but then I figure it's his fault if I do - he should have clarified a little more than just the dress code! PS Pregnant as I am, I only have one formal dress that fits. It's floor length, shows shoulders but has a gauzy wrap. Is that modest enough or do I have to rush out and buy/borrow a jacket?
682
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 01 April 2011 - 17:55
Im not Arab but still asian. in our culture(s) the more the merrier:) So even if you arent formally invited you would still be most welcome. So now your only concern is to find out if for some strange reason the male and female gatherings are in separate locations. if together (even if segregated)....you are good to go. PS. have lived in bahrain for 5 years.
238
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 01 April 2011 - 17:49
Unfortunately the function is on private premises - but actually thinking about it, an arm of DH's company will most likely be doing the catering. Perhaps he can ring someone in logistics. Good idea. If it were closer I'd be there in a flash, and just run away if there were no ladies there, but I'm so peeved with DH - in my culture "gate crashing" ie turning up uninvited, is the WORST of bad manners. I understand it's different here, but just to add to the confusion - this family is from Bahrain! I don't know if the wedding was today but DH says that's the impression he got. <em>edited by holly on 01/04/2011</em>
682
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 01 April 2011 - 17:42
oh..ok..now i understand. So do you know if today is THE wedding day or day before or after party. If former I will be surprised if the male and female gatherings are at different locations (at best they may be segregated). best to call up the location and ask if possible.
238
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 01 April 2011 - 17:31
Well I wasn't sure if that was the case Koolest mum. Are the womens and mens functions always at the same place and on the same date? (Sorry to be daft, but we're new at this) <em>edited by holly on 01/04/2011</em>
682
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 01 April 2011 - 17:24
sorry...i dont understand the issue here. there is no such thing as ONLY mens affair. surely there will be a bride and female guests and you can hang out with them IF it is not a mixed affair. however if you dont WANT to go thats fine too as nobody will miss you.
238
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 01 April 2011 - 17:12
It's a work contact of my husbands, He could call an associate of the fellow who invited him, but we know that guy has only been working there three days, so is unlikely to have any real idea of what's expected. DH does not have the number of the more senior guy who actually invited him. Sounds obscure, but they are going to be working a bit together in the near future so it's a "developing relationship" rather than a real one just yet. Frankly I'm peeved at DH. We have two small children, I'm pregnant, so going requires organising a babysitter etc, and he only thought about clarifying this today when all our friends were gushing oh how exciting, and I had to say " I really don't know if I'm invited". DH looked at me blankly and said, well just come along! Men! I know I"m probably tired and hormonal but I don't want to cut off my nose to spite my face and really don't know whether to go or not. Making a hotel night of it isn't really an option with this last notice and swimming lessons for the kids first thing in the am etc. OTherwise that would have been a good option. Gosh I'll really silly if I decide to go, get all black tied up and then it's men only......... <em>edited by holly on 01/04/2011</em>
1039
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 01 April 2011 - 17:07
Definitely dress sparkly though!
682
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 01 April 2011 - 17:05
oh, dont miss on a chance to attend an arab wedding. that too a big one. just dress modestly and go right ahead. even if there are separate arrangements, im sure you will be made to feel welcome in the ladies-only group. hey you may even find some other non arab guests there.
2262
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 01 April 2011 - 17:04
can the person who invited your husband not include you? can your husband not call the person? Why not rent a hotel room, get dressed and go. You could always call the hotel where the function is and ask them?
1039
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 01 April 2011 - 17:03
With Arab weddings I don't think people ever tend to mind more folks showing up - I've been invited before by friends who are only acquainted with the bride! Can your DH not call and ask?
 
 

ON EXPATWOMAN TODAY