How do you deal with little ofender when your toddler is being abused in the paygrounds?

i so understand, luckily i have only experienced one episode with my son, we were at this music class and this girl probaly just 2, was being very agressive towards this other girl and kept hitting her in her face. Her mum was very slow to get up and tell her daughter off and this just kept going on.. Then the aggressive girl was next to my son and she was just about to hit him in the face and my instinct was just to stop her,which i did by gently holding her arm back. Her mum got soooo upset and was telling me off. As this was the first time ever i was quite shocked myself and didnt know how to react so didnt say anything back to the mum,but now wish i had. If that was my boy behaving like that i would ahve been watching him like a hawk making sure it didnt happen over and over again and i would have been soo apologetical to the mum. Dont feel bad i stopped the girl as its my natural instinct to protect my precious little boy!

I have it really hard when other kids abuse my 16 month old son. The first time it happened in nursery when i was picking him up and we were walking towards the door. On the way to the door we crosed a 4 year old boy, my son walked up to him because he wanted to play and the other kid punched him so hard on the face he almost flew 1 meter backwards. It was horrible and I had to hold myself from not punching the other kid. I grabbed my son and walked out really fast feeling awful. Second time was this weekend at Hamleys. I let him play in the little houses in the back and he entered a house where there was a 6 or 7 year old boy sitting. The boy didnt see I was watching from the "open roof", when my son came in he pushed him back out and yelled LEAVE. This time I lost my temper and shouted at the kid that he should behave and should say sorry straight away. There were no parents to be seen anywhere, only maids and they didnt care at all. He apologized and that was the end. It is so hard when your little one gets abused by other children because in the end, they are just children and they dont know any better but your motherly instinct is wired to protect so it causes an internal conflict at all times.

cibacibute just to add I do totally understand how you feel and I hope my post didn't seem judgmental because I didn't mean it that way at all. My 19 month old boy is also the "gentle" type and it breaks my heart sometimes to see him pushed around by the more assertive types, like you I just want to dive in and fight for him. He is always the kid who will stand there, with a confused and sad look on is face while another child snatches a toy right out of his hand :(, or takes his food etc. It took me a while but I had good advice from my MIL (yes that's right my MIL ;) ), apparently my DH was the same, very social and independent, not remotely timid or clingy but just not assertive or competitive in any way and she said they simply protected him until he was old enough for them to explain things to him. The first thing I had to teach my son was to escape/move away, as, like your child he would just stand there and cry while another child repetitively hit him. I then taught him to hold on tight to his toy or say no if he didn't want another child to take it. I still focus on teaching him to share with others and not to snatch and I would never tolerate him hitting, when he gets older I will explain that there are very very rare times when its ok to fight back. I think having a gentle child is a wonderful thing and I don't want his to lose his precious nature, as much as sometimes I am inwardly wishing he would just assert himself a little more. It's nice to be the mum that never has to yell at their child across the playground, or watch them closely to make sure they don't hurt another child but yes, it is hard at times not to over-protect, or to get angry at a child who seem like a bully, but is really just being a naughty toddler. (the pinching threat I mentioned earlier was really tricky as I knew the mum was beside herself worrying about this boys aggression already, and in the end I didn't tell her what had happened, despite inwardly seething). Good luck and treasure your little princess and her beautiful tender nature.

Cibacibute, it is awful to see our children hurt. But having her hit back helps nothing. You are teaching her the right thing by telling her not to hit. She is not going to understand self defense and in all honesty, a toddler hitting back at someone that hit them with a swing in the play ground isn't really self defence' as they are not in real danger to have to protect themselves. Yes, they are on the receiving end of something that may hurt but the best thing is for them to learn to walk away from it and tell an adult. They aren't equipped to handle it at this age. You need to be her champion and example when she is young. When she is much older and able to understand you can discuss the need for self defense in extreme situations. <em>edited by Catawba KSE on 07/03/2012</em>

What i get to realise that our homeschool theory of "no hitting" is dificult to practise in the imperfect world, and i will have to change it, and i feel sad about it. Actually, it isn't difficult to practice! Why would you want to teach your young child (or a child of any age for that matter) to hit another child? I don't EVER want my children to hit anyone or think it is acceptable behaviour. You don't like that other children hit yours, but feel the need to teach her it is ok for her to hit back? Tell her it is not ok to be the first one to hit but it is ok to hit if you've been hit? Why, for revenge? Your child is only a toddler...she's not going to distinguish between the 'right' time to hit someone and the 'wrong' time. If you tell her it is ok to hit in self defence she only learns it is ok to hit. The best thing you can do is teach your child to treat others as she wants to be treated. Don't stoop to the level of the children (or parents/child minders) you are so frustrated by now. As Kiwispiers says......toddlers unfortunately hit, bite etc. They haven't learned to control their behaviour yet; be glad if your child can! And if they are older children, its probably because no one told them not to do it when they are young! By all means tell the offending children off. I tell other kids off all the time for pushing, throwing sand, cutting in line/not taking turns etc. You have been teaching your child the right thing by taking a no hitting stance. Please don't change it. Think about what would happen if we all did that?!

[ If an unknown woman come & hit you suddenly without any reason what'll you do? I think I'll hit her back yes, sure. would you really? I wouldn't, unless I actually had to defend myself to escape. cibacibute, I think it would be really a great shame for you to start teaching your child to hit back, especially at this young age, it really teaches him nothing about conflict resolution. I meant be relaxed about true accidents, as in when a kid runs past and accidentally knocks yours over, or when they collide n the slide or if your child walks in front of a child who is swinging on a swing and connects with their legs etc. These things things happen all the time and your child will get hurt and hurt others in normal play. True aggression though should always be dealt with, hopefully by the child's parents, but if they are not close by, then by you. And be careful about calling other children evil, so many young toddlers hit, push, shove, bite (thankfully mine never has, but he is still young, never say never) it doesn't make them evil, they are still learning and you can help teach them, while teaching your child not to tolerate violence. When he is a little older you can teach him how to hold on to his toys, move away from danger and ask for help. How would you feel though, if he did react in anger to the action of another child, and hit that child and the other child punched him back, with the parent's cheering him on? In the situation Niggly described, I would hope that both parents explained to their kids why they shouldn't have behaved that way, and what they could have done instead.

I gave him a very stern "DON"T YOU DARE, I"M WATCHING YOU...." which scared the **** out of him. WAY TO GO !!

I was wondering the same. My DS (16 months) was in Early Learning Centre with DH when a 4 yr old kid came up to him and pushed him over for no reason at all. My DS got up and hit him back! This was a first. Not sure who was more shocked - the 4 yr old or my DH! The mum of the other kid was mortified. I like your advice kiwispiers! <em>edited by Niggly on 07/03/2012</em>

I do a few things, firstly if older kids are playing roughly, running fast past my (or someone else's toddler) I nicely point out that they need to be careful, there is a baby around. If a child takes my toddler's toy, I say "no, thats for the baby" and take it back. I've never had an older kid (unsupervised age) actually hurt my son on purpose but I did once overhear a 4 year old telling his brother to "pinch that baby" (my baby, who was quietly playing with his own toys in a corner) and I gave him a very stern "DON"T YOU DARE, I"M WATCHING YOU...." which scared the **** out of him. I think it is absolutely fine to verbally discipline other peoples kids, I often tell kids to pick up their rubbish, to be more gentle etc. What I would never do is threaten to hurt them physically, or to actually hit them and I'd expect the same from other parents towards my son. Playground accidents do happen and as a mum you need to relax if it truly was an accident but its fine to point out dangerous behaviour and to tell another kid, "hitting is bad, don't hit, say sorry" etc. Don't tell your kid to hit back, that is sending such a confusing message to him and to other kids.