Woman to Woman Blog #2

On a recent trip home and couple of meets with my school friends over coffee, all of course batch mates and therefore of the same peri-menopasual age group, I was amazed by the questions that cropped up regarding sexuality in this age group. Traditionally, men a few years older and women in their early fifties. I was taken aback by the lack of knowledge and initiative to keep up with this important part of happiness and wellbeing in otherwise well-married couples. I remember writing about it sometime ago 'What’s in a name?' wherein I had spoken about the medical science actually recognizing the problems and giving it a proper name ‘genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM in short). However, giving names is one thing but actually putting it in practice is another. A friend shared her lack of sex-life for 6 years owing to the omnipresent malady of modern living: Stress, with us truly being the sandwich generation torn between the demands of ageing parents and young children with never ending demands on our time, where is the time for any physical intimacy? Another was enquiring about the lack of vitality and spark in her being. And yet others naughtily wanted a hot-young stud to spice up their lives.
 

 

There is no doubt that the physiological loss of estrogen and testosterone following menopause can lead to changes in a woman’s body and sexual drive and hence that spark & vitality that defines youth. Menopausal and postmenopausal women always complain that they’re not as easily aroused, and they may be less sensitive to touching and stroking. That can lead to less interest in sex. Also, lower levels of estrogen can cause a drop in blood supply to the vagina. That can affect vaginal lubrication, causing the vagina to be too dry for comfortable sex — but there’s help for that. Vaginal dryness can be treated with water-soluble lubricants. Do not use non-water-soluble lubricants such as Vaseline, because they can weaken latex, the material used to make condoms. The use of condoms is recommended till your doctor confirms you’re no longer ovulating — and to prevent getting an unwanted pregnancy or worse still and STD , if there are multiple partners. Non-water-soluble lubricants can also provide a medium for bacterial growth, particularly in a person whose immune system has been weakened by any other reason. And on my recommendation of either using mild estrogen cream (Premarin) to naturally support the vaginal lining or using a water-based lubricant, the aforementioned friend reported amazing result in one weeks’ time. In fact her happy spouse even offered a generous reward for her consulting physician friend, much to my amusement. But it really is that simple but somehow overlooked by the medical fraternity.
 

I guess the traditional Asian ways of treating post-menopausal women only as a genteel granny and not as a woman with her needs and desires alive and kicking is quite the rule with few or no exceptions. And God forbid if she dares to broach the topic of her sexuality, it will clearly raise eye-brows! Other factors that may also influence a woman’s level of interest in sex during menopause and after include: Bladder control problems, insomnia, depression or anxiety, stress, other medications for commonly seen diabetes or hypertension in this age-group and arthritis etc. which all can be taken care of and should be attended to.
 

In fact some women frankly report a better sex-drive since the fear of pregnancy , the mess of menstruation and young kids acting as ‘EUCD (Extra-uterine contraceptive devices, a term coined by a senior gynecologist friend) are behind them and they can go ahead and enjoy life in their ‘empty nests’. For those who report a lack of libido, there are ways to improve the sex drive during and after menopause Estrogen replacement may work, but the safety is still debatable with studies linking risks of cancers and clots. Estrogen can make sex less painful by treating vaginal dryness given in small doses as vaginal creams. A combo of estrogen and male hormones called androgens may help boost sex drive in women but the major problem with this type of treatment in women is the side effects, which include acne and excess body and facial hair. But really it is simple measures like taking time to improve your physical intimacy, by simple changes to sexual routines, using distraction techniques to boost relaxation and ease anxiety by sharing fantasies, music or videos, a good massage or any activities that make you feel more comfortable and improve communication between you and your partner. Be honest with your partner in what’s comfortable and what’s not.
 

I was amazed by how easy it was to discuss these with my school mates and how many were the queries on this front but my experience is that these are hard to discuss with your ‘old-school’ doctors. With information as easily available as on a click of a mouse , don’t hesitate to seek help. There are plenty of health professionals who specializes in sexual dysfunction.
 

Know that old song, “Where Did Our Love Go?” Many women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s are asking, “Where did our sex go?” Can’t keep blaming the hormones and if grey hair, aching joints, lusterless skin make you see yourself as “old,” you just have to attend to personal grooming and things that make you happy inside-out to see yourself as “hot.” Loss of desire is common among women in the years before and after menopause and I am not amenable to providing ‘hot young studs’ as a friend demanded!!!

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