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ewmoda

So MIL has told me what she has requested in her will!!!!!!!!!!!

2725

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 00:15

Briefly MIL has requested my youngest DD gets all her jewellery, My eldest DD get nothing, your thoughts.

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2725

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 23:14

Sals she may have done this to get a shoot out! Maybe you are all getting on too well (you did say that you and dd are getting on better than ever) and she feels left out and ignored and she wants to stir. In that case the best thing would be to compleetely ignore her. If she brings up the subject just say you are all happy to respect her wishes. Ive known my MIL for over 30 years, there isnt nothing she can do to surprise me, I just think Ive become to tired of her bad behavious, she can stick her personal belonging where the sun dont shine. Life is far to short, and after spending 18 days with her in December, I really thought I was having a break down. As life is flowing quite nicely along for us now, I think she is jealous, and she has done this to get a reaction. Ive decided Im not taking the bait.

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 23:00

Sals she may have done this to get a shoot out! Maybe you are all getting on too well (you did say that you and dd are getting on better than ever) and she feels left out and ignored and she wants to stir. In that case the best thing would be to compleetely ignore her. If she brings up the subject just say you are all happy to respect her wishes.

2725

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 22:56

Oh dear, SalsB, what a very sad situation.......and it's not new is it, nor is it about a will and a few bits of jewellery.....obviously your MIL has never accepted your DD as "her" grand daughter, and is yet again reminding you of that fact. She is obviously a nasty, narrow minded and bitter woman, but you must know that is never going to change,your poor DD probably knows this already, and you should just remind her of the fact that she is YOUR beloved child. Your DH should have manned up years ago, and told his old bat of a mother that you and your DD were a package, and she had better accept that, or butt out of his life........but honestly, just face facts, nothing any of you do now is going to change the situation. Personally, I would not have told your DD, she's probably had enough hurt from that dpeartment already, but what's done is done. At the end of the day, this woman is no relative of your girl's, and she should be grateful for that. As and when the bequest arrives, your youngest DD will know what to do with it.........in the meantime, none of you should waste any time, effort or breath on a miserable old cow, who has no real concept of true love or affection, and that is both her tragedy and her punishment. LT great post, DH only know half of it, never really shared everything in respect to his mum, I always wanted to rise above her. DH knows what his mum is all about, didnt want to rub it in, and as he is so different to his mum, I have always weathered her thru life, but the time has come, I feel there is going to be a shoot out!!!!!!!!

911

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EW GURU

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 21:57

Oh dear, SalsB, what a very sad situation.......and it's not new is it, nor is it about a will and a few bits of jewellery.....obviously your MIL has never accepted your DD as "her" grand daughter, and is yet again reminding you of that fact. She is obviously a nasty, narrow minded and bitter woman, but you must know that is never going to change,your poor DD probably knows this already, and you should just remind her of the fact that she is YOUR beloved child. Your DH should have manned up years ago, and told his old bat of a mother that you and your DD were a package, and she had better accept that, or butt out of his life........but honestly, just face facts, nothing any of you do now is going to change the situation. Personally, I would not have told your DD, she's probably had enough hurt from that dpeartment already, but what's done is done. At the end of the day, this woman is no relative of your girl's, and she should be grateful for that. As and when the bequest arrives, your youngest DD will know what to do with it.........in the meantime, none of you should waste any time, effort or breath on a miserable old cow, who has no real concept of true love or affection, and that is both her tragedy and her punishment. I agree

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 20:33

I really appreciate all your feed back, Ive had a long old chat with DD and she is fine, I am planning on getting her over for a holiday, she has agreed, she knows me and her dad love her, and thats all that matters. edited by salsB on 15/01/2011 EXcellent news!!

1340

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 20:32

Oh dear, SalsB, what a very sad situation.......and it's not new is it, nor is it about a will and a few bits of jewellery.....obviously your MIL has never accepted your DD as "her" grand daughter, and is yet again reminding you of that fact. She is obviously a nasty, narrow minded and bitter woman, but you must know that is never going to change,your poor DD probably knows this already, and you should just remind her of the fact that she is YOUR beloved child. Your DH should have manned up years ago, and told his old bat of a mother that you and your DD were a package, and she had better accept that, or butt out of his life........but honestly, just face facts, nothing any of you do now is going to change the situation. Personally, I would not have told your DD, she's probably had enough hurt from that dpeartment already, but what's done is done. At the end of the day, this woman is no relative of your girl's, and she should be grateful for that. As and when the bequest arrives, your youngest DD will know what to do with it.........in the meantime, none of you should waste any time, effort or breath on a miserable old cow, who has no real concept of true love or affection, and that is both her tragedy and her punishment.

2725

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 20:22

I really appreciate all your feed back, Ive had a long old chat with DD and she is fine, I am planning on getting her over for a holiday, she has agreed, she knows me and her dad love her, and thats all that matters. <em>edited by salsB on 15/01/2011</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 20:13

Your DD is so much better off without that wicked 'ol witch in her and her children's life! And if I was your other DD, when the old bat passes on I would take that jewellry down to the nearest pawn shop and sell it for coins then go and throw the coins on the old bat's grave! Ok, so that is all a bit over the top, but what a wicked old woman to do this!

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 20:08

SalsB, I'm sorry you are going through this. It really sounds like your eldest DD is better off without your MIL, or her jewellery, in her life. I know how your DD is feeling, my step grandfather (who had been my step grandfather since I was 2 years old) couldn't even be bothered getting my name right whilst doting on my brothers - his 'real' grandchildren. You just keep supporting your DD and reassurring her that it's your MIL's problem and no reflection on your DD at all.

2725

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 19:52

I do think MIL has now added the last nail to the coffin when it comes to the eldest, It would take me forever and a day to explain everything that has happened. My DH loves and adores the eldest, she never had any contact with her biological family, she was very close to my mum and not with MIL due to her wicked ways. I really cant understand why anyone would want to reject a little girl now grown up into a 27yr old mum here self. By all means a will is a will and I and eldest DD wouldnt ever try to overturn one, its more to do with the emotional side of things and this is where my eldest DD is hurt, we spoke on the phone today and she said really feels there is no going back, she has tried to be friends with MIL and she now knows all her efforts have been a complete waste of time, and she will move on without MIL in her life. MIL has no interest in the 3 children, so now its shifted to the next generation. Personally I know blood is thicker than water, but me personally I could never treat a child like the way my MIL has treated my girl.

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 16:11

My grandmother once told me she is leaving me all of her assets and land. I told her it's not nice to my sisters and they should get a share as well. Last year she decided to give us her jewellery. She put aside the biggest piece for me then gave me first choice of choosing what else I wanted. However, my grandmother practically raised me when I was a child, I spent all my time with her and everyone knows that I am her little treasure so no one was surprised. I think it all depends on the family dynamics and stronger attachments. Not giving anything at all is quite rude though, esp at Christmas.

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 15:57

For any of you ladies able to watch BBC2, a new series started last night called 'You can't take it with you.' It's about resolving the last wishes, and last night featured 2 couples, both disagreeing about their step children. Very interesting stuff.

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 15:13

I have to add, a will is the last wishes of someone. To go against this is not right either. Now I am in a tizz and almost backtracking, as on one hand, It's horrible that your elder daughter is upset but on the other hand your MIL has a right to decide to whom her most sentimental things go to. I know exactly what you mean.

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 15:12

I have to add, a will is the last wishes of someone. To go against this is not right either. Now I am in a tizz and almost backtracking, as on one hand, It's horrible that your elder daughter is upset but on the other hand your MIL has a right to decide to whom her most sentimental things go to. you are right - she has every right to decide to whom her things go to - but......it is then really up to the recipient to do with those items as she wishes and if she chooses to share with her half sister - then that would be a nice thing to do.....

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 14:44

I have to add, a will is the last wishes of someone. To go against this is not right either. Now I am in a tizz and almost backtracking, as on one hand, It's horrible that your elder daughter is upset but on the other hand your MIL has a right to decide to whom her most sentimental things go to.

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 14:20

To the OP - are either of your daughters close to your MIL?

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 14:19

Hope your daughters are intelligent enough to share and understand that both are equal. But anyway I would ask her why she is not treating them the same way. it's obvious that it's because she doesn't feel -blood- related to her... not obligated... but then again, I never expected anything from my step father's mother when she passed away, it's logical in my culture!!

2958

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 13:42

To add, doesn't sound as if we are speaking about valuable estate jewellery here though.... she has the guts to tell you beforehand though? yeah I was wondering that - perhaps it's her way to provoke a response/reaction. I think I would tell her it's her stuff to do as she pleases - if it was me and I inherited lots of jewellery and my sisters were left out I'd share it with them.....hopefully your other dd will see that it's not fair and all will be sorted out after your MIL has departed these shores.

spongemonkey980

4329

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 13:31

To add, doesn't sound as if we are speaking about valuable estate jewellery here though.... she has the guts to tell you beforehand though?

spongemonkey980

4329

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 13:29

One is only a custodian of family jewelry (as well as estate) and not the ultimate owner. Traditionally family jewelry are passed from mother to biological daughter. It appears there is no daughter here therefore the jewelry will be passed on to the next female in line - your younger daughter. Even if your elder daughter was adopted by your husband she wouldn't be entitled to this inheritance. Blood family only. Your MIL is not doing anything mean (etc, see other posts) but simply follows a tradition. You, on the other hand, have just started a family feud - by asking your daughter to unfriend her grandmother. Would you also demand the above from your oldest daughter's biological grandmother? p.s. Tradition or not, I'd hate the idea of my daughter in law, or anybody else for that matter, blackmailing me and forcing on me her/his views on what I must do with my possessions. I know where you are coming from with this. We had a family situation where my mother's brother took their mother's possessions to Canada to his wife ( he was married late in life and no children) - wedding ring and other sentimental things - he died, she has died and now where are these things? Who knows...not valuable in financial terms but should be with the female line of the family....

2725

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 12:58

Hope your daughters are intelligent enough to share and understand that both are equal. But anyway I would ask her why she is not treating them the same way. Im going home in 2 weeks and I will speak to MIL, cant really do this on the phone, my Eldest daughter really isnt interested in anything MIL has, I just think she is hurt and has always felt excluded when it came to he youngest.

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 12:52

Hope your daughters are intelligent enough to share and understand that both are equal. But anyway I would ask her why she is not treating them the same way.

2725

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 12:45

I didnt go out my way to tell eldest all this, DD has had some difficult times and its only been the last year where she has come thru and we have become very close. I dont believe in hiding things from my kids, and I really didnt want DD to be bitter once her step grand mother passes. I understand being a step daughter etc can be a difficult hide and always believe honesty is the way forward.

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 11:39

In reading the thread, are the two girls equally close to the grandmother? It seems that if your eldest daughter has unfriended her so quickly then they didn't have a great relationship anyway..... I also agree that [b'>it is up to the person who he / she bequeaths their possessions to[/b'>...... a last gift to people that should be happy they have been remembered - [b'>what is important is the relationship while alive not the gift from the grave.[/b'> I am incredibly close to my grandfather and love him unconditionally - and the relationship i have with him is so important to me - i wouldn't care less if he left me nothing, as i know that he thinks a great deal of me and respects and love me. *LIKE*

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EW GURU

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 10:59

Dear SalsB OHHHHHHHH Family feuds, and so many suffer from it, probably everyone in one way or another. Is you eldest going to be given anything in the will or are you just referring to jewelery ? Don't think it was a wise move to tell your eldest daughter, sometime things are best left unsaid .Who knows maybe she could still change it but unfortunately now more bitterness and anger has been passed on to your daughter. Not sure if this is a wise move : but if you have a good relationship with your mother in law , why don't you speak with her gently and say how hurt you are if your oldest is to receive nothing at all in the will . If you don't have a good relationship that may be part of the issue. Your husband gave your valuable information now maybe you did not realise it before. Try and mend the situation somehow before it gets even worse but don't expect your M I L to change her will to suit you.

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 10:48

OP, is your MIL leaving your eldest DD anything at all, or is it just the jewellery she's been excluded from?

1692

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 10:44

I have 2 half sisters, and as already said I wouldn't expect to receive anything from their father's side when he passed on. But if a child has been brought up by a man as his own since a very young age and had no contact with the bio father then it is very harsh to be treated in this way. It is so final and had you not told her then she would probably have felt very confused and frustrated at not being able to ask her step grandmother why she would do this (unless there is a history already there.). Not to be acknowledged at all not even in a very small way is very sad. :(

2222

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 10:22

In reading the thread, are the two girls equally close to the grandmother? It seems that if your eldest daughter has unfriended her so quickly then they didn't have a great relationship anyway..... I also agree that it is up to the person who he / she bequeaths their possessions to...... a last gift to people that should be happy they have been remembered - what is important is the relationship while alive not the gift from the grave. I am incredibly close to my grandfather and love him unconditionally - and the relationship i have with him is so important to me - i wouldn't care less if he left me nothing, as i know that he thinks a great deal of me and respects and love me.

Freckles 128127

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EW GURU

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 10:21

One is only a custodian of family jewelry (as well as estate) and not the ultimate owner. Traditionally family jewelry are passed from mother to biological daughter. It appears there is no daughter here therefore the jewelry will be passed on to the next female in line - your younger daughter. Even if your elder daughter was adopted by your husband she wouldn't be entitled to this inheritance. Blood family only. Your MIL is not doing anything mean (etc, see other posts) but simply follows a tradition. You, on the other hand, have just started a family feud - by asking your daughter to unfriend her grandmother. Would you also demand the above from your oldest daughter's biological grandmother? p.s. Tradition or not, I'd hate the idea of my daughter in law, or anybody else for that matter, blackmailing me and forcing on me her/his views on what I must do with my possessions. Pretty sure SalsB didn't ask her daughter to take her grandmother off FB..think you misread the post

gleekfamily24043

481

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EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 10:21

Without knowing all the facts and family dynamics, I would think that your MIL was an itch (add what ever consonant you want to the beginning). However, I agree with the latter posters: - It is your MIL's possessions, and however you feel about what she wants to do with them upon her death, it is not your choice to make. - How would you feel if others treated your belongings after death in a manner completely different than you laid out? - You can tell her what you wish she would have done (ie split 50/50) and how it may have hurt your other daughter, but to say "tell her 50/50 or nothing at all" -- really? You can't tell someone what to do with their own things. My own mother has told me that she has willed her money/worth to several charities, nothing to my brother/me or my children. Though she loves her grandchildren, this is what she wants, and I respect her...and even though I'm not always on the best terms with her, doesn't she deserve her last dying wish to be carried out? It's hard to accept the decisions and feelings of others...but it's certainly not your right to tell her what to do! I'm sorry that your daughter was hurt in this...my own children will surely be put in a similar situation as DS is not DH's biological child either. So I do feel for you. :( <em>edited by gleekfamily on 15/01/2011</em>

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