So MIL has told me what she has requested in her will!!!!!!!!!!! | Page 2 | ExpatWoman.com
 

So MIL has told me what she has requested in her will!!!!!!!!!!!

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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 10:19
My DH's maternal grandmother went to her grave a bitter, lonely old woman. Why? She was against my FIL marrying an English girl "when there were plenty lovely Scots girls" and largely ignored her new young DIL. She paid little attention to her first grandchildren (my DH and his sister) but lavished attention on her subsequent grandchildren who were her own DD's children. Years passed and the same treatment was meted out, birthdays ignored, cheap tacky Christmas gifts when she bothered and then the worm turned. My DH and his sister tried to mend fences so that they could have a relationship with their grandmother while the other grandchildren largely ignored her. She didn't come to our wedding in spite of being invited and sat at home alone. I met her only once and was shocked at how bitter she was. She lost her entire family through her own stupidity and only her son and daughter attended her funeral along with a few neighbours. My DH refused to go as did his sister. None of her "favourite grandchildren went either. OOPPsss meant PATERNAL grandmother!! <em>edited by JoyceB on 15/01/2011</em>
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 10:15
[u'>[b'>IF[/b'>[/u'> that's her reasoning behind it. Not everyone follows that tradition. My DH's 87 year old grandmother is already sharing her jewellery out amongst all the females in the family; daughters, grand-daughters, grand-daughters in-law, great grand-daughters - all of them, regardless of whether they're related to her by blood or not. The 'step-females' in the family are getting treated the same as everybody else. It might be wise for the OP to find out if this is the tradition her MIL has followed to ascertain whether she's following tradition or being a cow.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 10:01
One is only a custodian of family jewelry (as well as estate) and not the ultimate owner. Traditionally family jewelry are passed from mother to biological daughter. It appears there is no daughter here therefore the jewelry will be passed on to the next female in line - your younger daughter. Even if your elder daughter was adopted by your husband she wouldn't be entitled to this inheritance. Blood family only. Your MIL is not doing anything mean (etc, see other posts) but simply follows a tradition. You, on the other hand, have just started a family feud - by asking your daughter to unfriend her grandmother. Would you also demand the above from your oldest daughter's biological grandmother? p.s. Tradition or not, I'd hate the idea of my daughter in law, or anybody else for that matter, blackmailing me and forcing on me her/his views on what I must do with my possessions. It may not be a popular point of view, but I agree with you, Vertical. I also think it is important to understand that people are entitled to put what they want in their wills and that none of us are entitled to anything from our relatives when they go. It's their choice. And yes, it does hurt sometimes when we learn one was favoured over another, but then that's life (and death). BTW does anyone want the half set of Christmas tableware my maternal grandmother left me? It's going to probate court since someone felt slighted they didn't get more in the will. You know what? I could care less!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 09:49
One is only a custodian of family jewelry (as well as estate) and not the ultimate owner. Traditionally family jewelry are passed from mother to biological daughter. It appears there is no daughter here therefore the jewelry will be passed on to the next female in line - your younger daughter. Even if your elder daughter was adopted by your husband she wouldn't be entitled to this inheritance. Blood family only. Your MIL is not doing anything mean (etc, see other posts) but simply follows a tradition. You, on the other hand, have just started a family feud - by asking your daughter to unfriend her grandmother. Would you also demand the above from your oldest daughter's biological grandmother? p.s. Tradition or not, I'd hate the idea of my daughter in law, or anybody else for that matter, blackmailing me and forcing on me her/his views on what I must do with my possessions.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 08:49
[b'>That is very sad that the MIL did not think to leave a token for the eldest[/b'>. I would certainly let her know how you feel. I cannot understand SalsB why you would tell your daughter something that would only hurt her more? I would think when the time came that you receive the jewellery and split it between the girls without either knowing the actual truth. I agree. Surely SOMETHING to show that MIL acknowledges the older DD as part of her/her son's family wouldn't be too difficult? If she only gave socks at Xmas she's hardly going to leave anything worth having anyway. Sounds to me like she's bitter about something with her son and this is her way of getting at him. Childish and hurtful for all but at least they know and should move on and rise above it be the bigger person.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 08:38
[b'>That is very sad that the MIL did not think to leave a token for the eldest[/b'>. I would certainly let her know how you feel. I cannot understand SalsB why you would tell your daughter something that would only hurt her more? I would think when the time came that you receive the jewellery and split it between the girls without either knowing the actual truth. I agree. Surely SOMETHING to show that MIL acknowledges the older DD as part of her/her son's family wouldn't be too difficult?
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 08:38
If a child has frequent contact with their bio father and his family then yes, I would assume they would be in the will of their paternal family, but many children have no contact at all with their biological fathers/family at all. Many of these are living with another man assuming the role of their father, who treat him as a father and who gets treated as the father's child - no distinctions. In this case I think it would be very upsetting to go through life calling a man 'Dad', to have him act as your Dad only to find that [i'>his[/i'> parents think it's a title in name only. edited by Sanddy_Dogg on 15/01/2011 Sd I completely understand that but just putting another slant to how this lady might be viewing this. Oooh I just replied to your thread which was different to this one you must have edited it as I was responding - how odd! I did edit, Claire - sorry! :) I added in the first line because my post seemed very unbalanced. Just thought I was going completely mad!!!!
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 08:37
That is very sad that the MIL did not think to leave a token for the eldest. I would certainly let her know how you feel. I cannot understand SalsB why you would tell your daughter something that would only hurt her more? I would think when the time came that you receive the jewellery and split it between the girls without either knowing the actual truth. Yeah that's what I would have done could not bring myself to share that hurtful information. Sometimes in life White lies are the way to go.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 08:37
If a child has frequent contact with their bio father and his family then yes, I would assume they would be in the will of their paternal family, but many children have no contact at all with their biological fathers/family at all. Many of these are living with another man assuming the role of their father, who treat him as a father and who gets treated as the father's child - no distinctions. In this case I think it would be very upsetting to go through life calling a man 'Dad', to have him act as your Dad only to find that [i'>his[/i'> parents think it's a title in name only. edited by Sanddy_Dogg on 15/01/2011 Sd I completely understand that but just putting another slant to how this lady might be viewing this. Oooh I just replied to your thread which was different to this one you must have edited it as I was responding - how odd! I did edit, Claire - sorry! :) I added in the first line because my post seemed very unbalanced.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 08:35
If a child has frequent contact with their bio father and his family then yes, I would assume they would be in the will of their paternal family, but many children have no contact at all with their biological fathers/family at all. Many of these are living with another man assuming the role of their father, who treat him as a father and who gets treated as the father's child - no distinctions. In this case I think it would be very upsetting to go through life calling a man 'Dad', to have him act as your Dad only to find that [i'>his[/i'> parents think it's a title in name only. edited by Sanddy_Dogg on 15/01/2011 I agree with this but.......the older generation are set in their ways and still find it hard to accept that family dynamics are now very different. Salsa I hope that if yr girls are so close that they will share what is being left after yr mil has gone after all there's nothing she can do about it then!
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 08:34
That is very sad that the MIL did not think to leave a token for the eldest. I would certainly let her know how you feel. I cannot understand SalsB why you would tell your daughter something that would only hurt her more? I would think when the time came that you receive the jewellery and split it between the girls without either knowing the actual truth.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 08:29
If a child has frequent contact with their bio father and his family then yes, I would assume they would be in the will of their paternal family, but many children have no contact at all with their biological fathers/family at all. Many of these are living with another man assuming the role of their father, who treat him as a father and who gets treated as the father's child - no distinctions. In this case I think it would be very upsetting to go through life calling a man 'Dad', to have him act as your Dad only to find that [i'>his[/i'> parents think it's a title in name only. edited by Sanddy_Dogg on 15/01/2011 Sd I completely understand that but just putting another slant to how this lady might be viewing this. Oooh I just replied to your thread which was different to this one you must have edited it as I was responding - how odd!
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 08:27
If a child has frequent contact with their bio father and his family then yes, I would assume they would be in the will of their paternal family, but many children have no contact at all with their biological fathers/family at all. Many of these are living with another man assuming the role of their father, who treat him as a father and who gets treated as the father's child - no distinctions. In this case I think it would be very upsetting to go through life calling a man 'Dad', to have him act as your Dad only to find that [i'>his[/i'> parents think it's a title in name only. edited by Sanddy_Dogg on 15/01/2011 Sd I completely understand that but just putting another slant to how this lady might be viewing this.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 08:26
Let me start by saying how very sorry I am to hear this...human stupidity indeed has no limits.People do such things and hurt others for the rest of thier lives..what a legacy to leave behind..they will die alone , bitter and angry . Rejection in these terms will hurt...and I'm not sure if it goes away, I guess one would say u learn how to deal with it...ultimately they are trying to hurt thier own children for the life choices they made, but really they end up hurting everyone... my own grandmother did something similar...and I am her own blood and flesh...unfortunately history goes back to the things I don't even know or care to acknowledge at this point....why and who and what... Last book she wrote she dedicated(on the first page of the book) to my younger sister with words saying "to my only granddaughter". Just when u think u can't get more surprised in life, life turns another page...
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 08:21
If a child has frequent contact with their bio father and his family then yes, I would assume they would be in the will of their paternal family, but many children have no contact at all with their biological fathers/family at all. Many of these are living with another man assuming the role of their father, who treat him as a father and who gets treated as the father's child - no distinctions. In this case I think it would be very upsetting to go through life calling a man 'Dad', to have him act as your Dad only to find that [i'>his[/i'> parents think it's a title in name only. <em>edited by Sanddy_Dogg on 15/01/2011</em>
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 08:01
Although it sounds mean and unfair and your eldest daughter is feeling very hurt........you say she is not the biological grand daughter so maybe yr mil is just keeping her stuff within her blood family. I dont know the circumstances but if yr daughter was from a previous relationship she has a grandmother from that fathers side. My dh has a half sister and there is no way on earth that he would expect to receive anything or be mentioned in his half sisters fathers mothers will.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 02:16
Hopefully the girls are close enough to distribute the items between themselves after her death and get the last laugh on her. I feel your pain though-my brother has just made his will and as I am his executor I read it. I was horrified to see he had left shares to four of his children but nothing to his adopted-and oldest- daughter. I was delighted to be able to tell him I would be in Dubai and thus could not and would not act on his behalf.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 01:25
Oh Sals I'm so saddened to read this. What is MIL's thinking in all this? And why say something like this that will hurt her grandchildren? Can't believe she is doing this after you and DH having her over here for Xmas and for times prior to this too! Rise above it and wash your hands of her. She's not worth it xxxx I know, its just Vile. x
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 01:23
Oh Sals I'm so saddened to read this. What is MIL's thinking in all this? And why say something like this that will hurt her grandchildren? Can't believe she is doing this after you and DH having her over here for Xmas and for times prior to this too! Rise above it and wash your hands of her. She's not worth it xxxx
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 01:08
I cant believe that MIL created two wonderful son's, When DH took me out last night I happened to mentioned what his mum had said, he just looked at me with his little cow eyes, I did say its no one's fault, and after our conversation all he said was " why do you think I left home at 16" that said it all.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 00:39
Ah, so your daughters are grown and must really be hurt. Aside from getting your husband to deal with it not much else you can do. This is a terrible situation that she has placed all of you in. You can only distance yourselfnso much. Sorry this is happening to all of you but chan es are slim at this point she will change
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EW GURU
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 00:37
my parents made it very clear to my grandfather that he had to treat the four of us equally overall (in his later years he got a bit obsessed with the older of my brothers, for various reasons (including the production of two great-grandsons with the 'right' surname!) and would tell anyone passing that X, Y, Z thing was going to [that brother'>, whether or not brother actually wanted the thing in question! If he had gone off and done something one sided with it, though, we would have evened it up between ourselves..... Nasty of your MIL, and very unnecessary. You can't make either MIL change her will or DD2 share with her sister, obviously, they are both adults with their own free will, but you can certainly make your feelings known.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 00:32
Ive told eldest daughter, she has now delete MIL off facebook, my eldest DD isnt her biological GD, My DH treats both the girls and spoils them equally. Eldest DD is hurt. Very hurt. I think its the icing on the cake all she got to xmas was 2 pairs of socks, did have MIL here in Dec for 18days and she said she has money for her, and was planning on giving it to eldest DD when she came to pick up the freebee cigarettes I got her, MIL gave her nothing. Its a very long story that stems over 23 years. edited by salsB on 15/01/2011 How MMMMMEEEAN... :(
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 00:32
Ive told eldest daughter, she has now delete MIL off facebook, my eldest DD isnt her biological GD, My DH treats both the girls and spoils them equally. Eldest DD is hurt. Very hurt. I think its the icing on the cake all she got to xmas was 2 pairs of socks, did have MIL here in Dec for 18days and she said she has money for her, and was planning on giving it to eldest DD when she came to pick up the freebee cigarettes I got her, MIL gave her nothing. Its a very long story that stems over 23 years. edited by salsB on 15/01/2011 That's vile. Poor you and your poor daughter - what a deeply unpleasant distinction to make. Then again, some people's ideas about blood and bloodlines never fail to make my jaw drop.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 00:30
Presumably she is still alive then that she has told you this! You need to have a word and tell her that you will not have her use her death to be cruel to one of your children. Or rather, your husband needs to have a word and tell her not to bother leaving anything to anyone as you don't want it if it comes with the price of upsetting one of your children! The Cow! She is a Cow!!!!!! Old bat,
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 00:29
Ive told eldest daughter, she has now delete MIL off facebook, my eldest DD isnt her biological GD, My DH treats both the girls and spoils them equally. Eldest DD is hurt. Very hurt. I think its the icing on the cake all she got to xmas was 2 pairs of socks, did have MIL here in Dec for 18days and she said she has money for her, and was planning on giving it to eldest DD when she came to pick up the freebee cigarettes I got her, MIL gave her nothing. Its a very long story that stems over 23 years. <em>edited by salsB on 15/01/2011</em>
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EW GURU
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 00:28
Have to say I agree with JoyceB. 50/50 or nothing. Alternatively, you could assuming when the MIL goes and your little one is still small, sell it all and split the proceeds between the two girls and say hey Nanny left you all this money!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 00:26
My suggestion, get her son (your DH) to have a a serious chat with her about equality it 50/50 or nothing... OR may be you can plead her insanity when the time comes .. and make DD share with her sister...
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 00:24
Presumably she is still alive then that she has told you this! You need to have a word and tell her that you will not have her use her death to be cruel to one of your children. Or rather, your husband needs to have a word and tell her not to bother leaving anything to anyone as you don't want it if it comes with the price of upsetting one of your children! The Cow!
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EW GURU
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 00:22
Has she given a reason behind this weird thinking? I would tell her 50/50 or nothing to either...
 
 

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