message for SlobberKnocker

Totally agree with SK, much better explained than my ramble too :)

Hi Summertime I've taken a quick look at your other thread. Below are some thoughts that came to my mind that may (or may not) be helpful. The first thing to always keep in mind - is that weaning a baby is a process, not an event. It is often a lot easier emotionally for mother and baby (and for reducing milk supply) to extend the process over a few weeks. The first question that came to my mind was whether there was a particular reason for weaning the night-time feed before the morning feed? At this age your baby is seeking the breast at nighttime more for comfort than for hunger. Generally the last 2 feeds to be eliminated are the morning feed and night time feed. Often the morning feed is easier to eliminate, as it often is still linked at least partially to hunger in the morning and it is often easier to fill their tummy at breakfast and distract a baby during the day from a feed than to comfort a baby in the night without a feed. You might find it will be easier to work on this first. There is no way to explain to a baby why you are not offering a feed at night-time, so if he is still being fed in the mornings, it will likely be a little confusing/unsettling as he will not understand why if he was breastfed that morning why he is not able to get it again that night. So often it is easier to have all the day-time feeds gone before starting on the night-time one so that it doesnt seem as inconsistent. A great way to start this is to choose 2 mornings per week in which you decide you will eliminate the morning feeds. Offer solid for breakfast and have yourself prepared time/emotional/schedule wise that you may need to send more time playing with/distracting your child to miss the feed with as little fuss as possible. This will allow baby time to gradually adjust emotionally to skipping feeds, and naturally reduce your supply. Every week eliminate around 2 more days without the morning feed so that you can both ease into it, and the process is aided by your milk naturally adjusting to produce less in the morning. In the meantime, you would be looking at ways to replace the emotional comfort and closeness needs throughout the day without breastfeeding. You can also start to alter the sleep time routines slightly so that they dont eliminate breastfeeding, but start to introduce other associations to make it easier once you are ready to try eliminating the night time feed again. Offer plenty of cuddles throughout the day, read stories together or perhaps take a bath together so that he still receives the skin to skin contact. When eliminating feeding some women find cuddling their baby in the upright/over-shoulder position rather than the cradle position helps, as a cradle hold is more associated with feeding. While eliminating morning feeds - alter the sleeptime routine so that there is something else in between the feed and sleeptime (i wouldnt suggest feeding before bathtime as a bath often will wake a baby up more again). A good idea might be to have DH do the bath routine, cuddle him until he is quite relaxed, hand DS to you for a feed, then have DH take him again and give him a cuddle for a couple of minutes again and be the one to place him into bed each night. This loosens the association with breastfeeding at sleeptime, introduces cuddles with DH as a stronger association, and should not be too disruptive to him still being comforted enough to sleep easily. It also means your feeds will be just one step in a multi-step routine, rather than the main step. It will often be easier to elimiate a feed when it is just one part of a process, than to elimiate it and replace it simultaneously with something else that had not previously been a part of the process. When it is time to start the nighttime weaning again - again start with just 1-2 nights per week so it is not as emotional or disruptive for you or for baby. Choose a night in which you tell yourself that you're not going to feed and stick to it - its much easier to get through it when you know it is just that night and the next night will be more easily managed again. It also gradually gets baby adjusting to it, rather than a sudden complete change in routine. A process - not an event. If DH has been cuddling and putting baby to bed for a while before taking the feeds out, this will ease the transition also. Perhaps read your son a story before his bath, have lots of cuddles and special attention. After that - follow the same routine with DH completing the bath routine, and then cuddling for a few minutes and being the one to put him to bed. As you seem to have experienced, your baby will find it harder to settle without the breastfeed when it is you settling him because it is very difficult to forget about breastfeeding when mummy is right there. Its like us putting a great big plate of chocolate in front of us and trying to not think about eating it. Once it is removed its much easier. As long as you are consciously giving him the emotional closeness in other ways, during the day and before the bath/sleep routine, its ok to remove this from the routine in the weaning process (once successfully weaned you'll find you and DH will likely be interchangeable again with the sleep routine - it wont be permanent). Continue the process, adding an extra night or 2 per week, so that you, DS and DH all naturally and gradually adjust to the new routine together, and there is not so much pressure to have your baby crying at sleep time every night. You've done well to breastfeed for 14 months, so a good pat on the back is in order. I just also wanted to re-assure you, that although it is distressing and seems like a long time in the midst of it, a 10-15 minute cry would be towards the shorter end of the scale for a length of time to be unsettled when switching to a self-settle routine - so its a positive sign that DS will be ready and able to adjust to the new routine without feeding. Hopefully at least some of the above will be helpful in easing your way into it. Another thing - whether you decide to wean the morning feed first or try again later with weaning the night time feed first, i would suggest either way that now that the nightime feeds were resumed again to continue them at least for a couple of weeks so that the stopping/starting/stopping is a little less disruptive, as this could make him a little more unsettled if trying again right away. Good luck xx