I never thought I'd hear myself say this but.. | ExpatWoman.com
 

I never thought I'd hear myself say this but..

500
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 11:05

I want to leave Dubai. I've had enough, I want to get out and go back to normal, but I am so scared for myself and my kids. I have the power to do it, would take a tremendous effort but I could do it, I could go home. But what if I hate UK and can't come back here? HELP!!!

18
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 19:51
Hi Cushion Being a parent to a teenager is a tricky business and I think that most of us just make it up as we go along. I don't think that it's abnormal for your DS to spend lots of time in his room playing his x box, unhealthy possibly but not abnormal as lots of them do it but it's up to you and DH to get him out of there now and again, even if it's just to go out for dinner. I also don't think that it would make a whole lot of difference where you were living as you are only moving the problem not solving it. 15 is a really awkward age and I'm assuming that as you've been here a long time your son has spent most of his life here and probably considers Dubai home so would he therefore benefit being uprooted at the end of year10(I'm guessing) and moved from his home and friends if it isn't entirely necessary. You say that your DH doesn't do much with him and that he lacks imagination...could this be the problem? Possibly your son just takes his "can't be bothered" behaviour from his Dad. If this is the case then you need to have a chat with DH. He maybe just doesn't know how to help and needs some guidance, especially if it's normally left to you. Hopefully this phase will pass and you'll be feeling happier. ;);)
Anonymous (not verified)
0
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 16:21
Looking back, you have had problems with DS for the last 12 months, have things with him come to a head, or is there other family issues which are making you reconsider your life here? You are clearly not in a good place at the moment, your DH needs to step up and support you emotionally. Some serious heart searching and discussion with all your immediate family needs to be addressed and hopefully you can find a way forward.
1100
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 16:04
Hi Cushion, Has your son always been like this in Dubai, or is it a recent occurrence? if its a recent occurrence then you may need to find out what has changed with him to make him be this way. I don't know if moving back to the UK would solve your/his problems. It's a really common feeling though, when things get tough to just want home, but that doesn't mean it is going to solve the problem, especially if you don't know what the problem is.
542
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 14:13
Cushion, you need to dig deeper into what is bothering him. There maybe issues with friends, maybe issues with teachers, school.. However, with that said, my dd was depressed for the 3 years she lived in Dubai. She hated everything about it. She went out with friends, did things constantly, but to her, it just wasn't the same as being back home. When we returned her, her grades improved, she stopped drinking, and got back into things that she loved. Dubai isn't for everyone. And some kids are just biding their time until they turn 18 and can leave on their own.
1617
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 14:09
I can't comment about your son as I have a daughter, but what you're describing sounds like a fairly typical teenager if my experience is anything to go by. My daughter is 19, went to one of the best private girls schools in London and still barely scraped through her GCSEs and A levels. She's now on her 'gap year' which seems to consist of going out in Camden. The reason I share this with you is to show that life in the UK might not be any better and your son may still end up doing the same thing, there. I would be inclined to take the X box away, but that being said, I did everything (carrot and stick) to try to get my daughter to study and socialise in anything other than going to gigs / bars and nothing worked. Sorry to sound so grim!!!
3901
Posts
EW MASTER
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 13:37
It's much less likely that he will do anything other than x boing in UK as the weather doesn't permit and he is at the bottle of cider, park wall age. Keep him here and just try to get him out of the house, can you take his x box away or limit his toime on it. i have a little boy and I am dreading all these issues.. Really? At 15? When I was 15 in the UK over summer I would be out doing sports and all sorts, not drinking in the park! Times have changed....sadly the 15 year olds in the UK now are very much the cider in the park types... (just before we left last summer we were burgled by two 14 year olds). What does he say when you talk about it ? Mine has been having bouts of homesickness - could it be that ? Maybe the promise of summer in the UK could buck him up ?? Personally i'm relieved to have my teen away from the UK youth - Dubai offers them so much more, imo. He has work experience next month - his UK friends are going to Tesco, Waitrose, an italian restaurant... he's going to a computer place at Ibn Battuta and friends are going to computer companies, mobile phone, construction, engineering...even abroad (if parents can pay !! lol). Sue, what part of the UK was this in? His friends are in Wiltshire but the teens in the park is a UK wide thing... seeing it myself this hols - young girls pushing buggies with kids holding burgers coming out of macdonalds..bare midriffs, piercings, tattoos, puffing cigs all over the kids... sorry, sound really snooty but i'd forgotten what the UK high street was like lol Were you burgled by the 14 year olds in wiltshire? What a sad state of affairs it is. yes - boys from my son's school - one of whom has since been expelled for punching the headmaster... agreed SM, i didn't mean to imply the whole UK is like the sorry specimens i've been seeing this week lol
4329
Posts
EW MASTER
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 13:31
It's much less likely that he will do anything other than x boing in UK as the weather doesn't permit and he is at the bottle of cider, park wall age. Keep him here and just try to get him out of the house, can you take his x box away or limit his toime on it. i have a little boy and I am dreading all these issues.. Really? At 15? When I was 15 in the UK over summer I would be out doing sports and all sorts, not drinking in the park! Times have changed....sadly the 15 year olds in the UK now are very much the cider in the park types... (just before we left last summer we were burgled by two 14 year olds). What does he say when you talk about it ? Mine has been having bouts of homesickness - could it be that ? Maybe the promise of summer in the UK could buck him up ?? Personally i'm relieved to have my teen away from the UK youth - Dubai offers them so much more, imo. He has work experience next month - his UK friends are going to Tesco, Waitrose, an italian restaurant... he's going to a computer place at Ibn Battuta and friends are going to computer companies, mobile phone, construction, engineering...even abroad (if parents can pay !! lol). Sue, what part of the UK was this in? His friends are in Wiltshire but the teens in the park is a UK wide thing... seeing it myself this hols - young girls pushing buggies with kids holding burgers coming out of macdonalds..bare midriffs, piercings, tattoos, puffing cigs all over the kids... sorry, sound really snooty but i'd forgotten what the UK high street was like lol Well those are the ones that you see that ARE wasters! Where are the rest? Oh yes, working, playing sport etc etc...Imagine if we were to think that every adult in the UK is like the ones you see in town on a Wednesday afternoon! <em>edited by spongemonkey on 17/04/2011</em>
Anonymous (not verified)
0
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 13:30
It's much less likely that he will do anything other than x boing in UK as the weather doesn't permit and he is at the bottle of cider, park wall age. Keep him here and just try to get him out of the house, can you take his x box away or limit his toime on it. i have a little boy and I am dreading all these issues.. Really? At 15? When I was 15 in the UK over summer I would be out doing sports and all sorts, not drinking in the park! Times have changed....sadly the 15 year olds in the UK now are very much the cider in the park types... (just before we left last summer we were burgled by two 14 year olds). What does he say when you talk about it ? Mine has been having bouts of homesickness - could it be that ? Maybe the promise of summer in the UK could buck him up ?? Personally i'm relieved to have my teen away from the UK youth - Dubai offers them so much more, imo. He has work experience next month - his UK friends are going to Tesco, Waitrose, an italian restaurant... he's going to a computer place at Ibn Battuta and friends are going to computer companies, mobile phone, construction, engineering...even abroad (if parents can pay !! lol). Sue, what part of the UK was this in? His friends are in Wiltshire but the teens in the park is a UK wide thing... seeing it myself this hols - young girls pushing buggies with kids holding burgers coming out of macdonalds..bare midriffs, piercings, tattoos, puffing cigs all over the kids... sorry, sound really snooty but i'd forgotten what the UK high street was like lol Were you burgled by the 14 year olds in wiltshire? What a sad state of affairs it is.
4329
Posts
EW MASTER
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 13:29
Times have changed....sadly the 15 year olds in the UK now are very much the cider in the park types... (just before we left last summer we were burgled by two 14 year olds). All of them - really? :\:
3901
Posts
EW MASTER
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 13:25
It's much less likely that he will do anything other than x boing in UK as the weather doesn't permit and he is at the bottle of cider, park wall age. Keep him here and just try to get him out of the house, can you take his x box away or limit his toime on it. i have a little boy and I am dreading all these issues.. Really? At 15? When I was 15 in the UK over summer I would be out doing sports and all sorts, not drinking in the park! Times have changed....sadly the 15 year olds in the UK now are very much the cider in the park types... (just before we left last summer we were burgled by two 14 year olds). What does he say when you talk about it ? Mine has been having bouts of homesickness - could it be that ? Maybe the promise of summer in the UK could buck him up ?? Personally i'm relieved to have my teen away from the UK youth - Dubai offers them so much more, imo. He has work experience next month - his UK friends are going to Tesco, Waitrose, an italian restaurant... he's going to a computer place at Ibn Battuta and friends are going to computer companies, mobile phone, construction, engineering...even abroad (if parents can pay !! lol). Sue, what part of the UK was this in? His friends are in Wiltshire but the teens in the park is a UK wide thing... seeing it myself this hols - young girls pushing buggies with kids holding burgers coming out of macdonalds..bare midriffs, piercings, tattoos, puffing cigs all over the kids... sorry, sound really snooty but i'd forgotten what the UK high street was like lol
Anonymous (not verified)
0
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 13:21
It's much less likely that he will do anything other than x boing in UK as the weather doesn't permit and he is at the bottle of cider, park wall age. Keep him here and just try to get him out of the house, can you take his x box away or limit his toime on it. i have a little boy and I am dreading all these issues.. Really? At 15? When I was 15 in the UK over summer I would be out doing sports and all sorts, not drinking in the park! Times have changed....sadly the 15 year olds in the UK now are very much the cider in the park types... (just before we left last summer we were burgled by two 14 year olds). What does he say when you talk about it ? Mine has been having bouts of homesickness - could it be that ? Maybe the promise of summer in the UK could buck him up ?? Personally i'm relieved to have my teen away from the UK youth - Dubai offers them so much more, imo. He has work experience next month - his UK friends are going to Tesco, Waitrose, an italian restaurant... he's going to a computer place at Ibn Battuta and friends are going to computer companies, mobile phone, construction, engineering...even abroad (if parents can pay !! lol). Sue, what part of the UK was this in?
3901
Posts
EW MASTER
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 13:20
It's much less likely that he will do anything other than x boing in UK as the weather doesn't permit and he is at the bottle of cider, park wall age. Keep him here and just try to get him out of the house, can you take his x box away or limit his toime on it. i have a little boy and I am dreading all these issues.. Really? At 15? When I was 15 in the UK over summer I would be out doing sports and all sorts, not drinking in the park! Times have changed....sadly the 15 year olds in the UK now are very much the cider in the park types... (just before we left last summer we were burgled by two 14 year olds). What does he say when you talk about it ? Mine has been having bouts of homesickness - could it be that ? Maybe the promise of summer in the UK could buck him up ?? Personally i'm relieved to have my teen away from the UK youth - Dubai offers them so much more, imo. He has work experience next month - his UK friends are going to Tesco, Waitrose, an italian restaurant... he's going to a computer place at Ibn Battuta and friends are going to computer companies, mobile phone, construction, engineering...even abroad (if parents can pay !! lol).
Anonymous (not verified)
0
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 13:09
It's much less likely that he will do anything other than x boing in UK as the weather doesn't permit and he is at the bottle of cider, park wall age. Keep him here and just try to get him out of the house, can you take his x box away or limit his toime on it. i have a little boy and I am dreading all these issues.. Really? At 15? When I was 15 in the UK over summer I would be out doing sports and all sorts, not drinking in the park!
Anonymous (not verified)
0
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 13:05
It's much less likely that he will do anything other than x boing in UK as the weather doesn't permit and he is at the bottle of cider, park wall age. Keep him here and just try to get him out of the house, can you take his x box away or limit his toime on it. i have a little boy and I am dreading all these issues..
Anonymous (not verified)
0
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 13:01
It must be so hard to be a teenager here. Maybe going back to the UK is exactly what he needs, even just for a change of scenery and for fresh air, I find Dubai really oppresive during summer and it really gets me down not being able to get outside for a run etc....you don't have to stay in the UK forever you could just go back for a year and play it by ear.
500
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 12:59
Thank you so much wuffles and all of you. I feel a bit better. I know the grass isn't always greener, just a tough phase in my life I think xx
1996
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 12:37
It isn't that unusual at that age-some of his friends may have left-others begin to have direction and focus on their studies-or girls!-and some just don't know where they fit in. Mine was similar at that age-he saw others he had been in a group with suddenly become totally focused on getting into uni while others were obsessed with their girl friends and he felt very left out so a dark room with an XBox seemed like the way he escaped-he will sort through things-but not as quickly as you would like perhaps. Just keep the lines of communication open so when he shows signs of interest in this or that you can be there for him
500
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 12:30
I think you have to put things in perspective - does you DS or DH want to leave or is it just you ? I don t understand why you couldn t come back ? My DH has no imagination will just do what I say. As for DS, who knows what he wants he doesn't communicate.
500
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 12:25
Thanks so much for comforting comments. He used to love soccer but now he's dropped out of that almost completely while his peers are all getting fitter and playing lots. If I suggest something he just can't be bothered to do it. He is 15.
455
Posts
EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 12:25
I think you have to put things in perspective - does you DS or DH want to leave or is it just you ? I don t understand why you couldn t come back ?
1238
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 12:00
How long have you been here? Is there more than one trigger? Where do you live? I was getting a bit fed up, but I moved to the Ranches and now I'm ok again. I certainly wouldn't give up here for the UK, it's like drudgery... Been here a long time and already live on z Ranches! Trigger is my son, he's not doing anything with his life, just in his room or on x box while his friends and their families are all out doing things. I'm working full time but his dad doesn't do much with him. So depressed but you are right Miss P, would UK be any better??? I think you need to help him develop a hobby. What sorts of things might he be interested in? One of the good things about living overseas is that it is often easier to pick up a hobby because there are so many opportunities.
712
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 11:49
How old is your son Cushion? Both my brothers have been through 'do nothing' phases in their lives. I dont think where they are would make a huge difference.
500
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 11:47
How long have you been here? Is there more than one trigger? Where do you live? I was getting a bit fed up, but I moved to the Ranches and now I'm ok again. I certainly wouldn't give up here for the UK, it's like drudgery... Been here a long time and already live on z Ranches! Trigger is my son, he's not doing anything with his life, just in his room or on x box while his friends and their families are all out doing things. I'm working full time but his dad doesn't do much with him. So depressed but you are right Miss P, would UK be any better???
1238
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 11:16
I want to leave Dubai. I've had enough, I want to get out and go back to normal, but I am so scared for myself and my kids. I have the power to do it, would take a tremendous effort but I could do it, I could go home. But what if I hate UK and can't come back here? HELP!!! If you can't come back here, you could go to any number of nice places to live and work. The US, Canada, Australia, South Africa, India, friends just moved to Brazil ... Dubai isn't the end-all be-all we seem to think it is. The world is quite small and there are tons of opportunities out there if we just look.
Anonymous (not verified)
0
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 11:11
How long have you been here? Is there more than one trigger? Where do you live? I was getting a bit fed up, but I moved to the Ranches and now I'm ok again. I certainly wouldn't give up here for the UK, it's like drudgery...
455
Posts
EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 11:10
Why are you scared ??
247
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 11:09
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Has something happened? Why are you so scared? It certainly isn't an easy decision to make.
455
Posts
EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 17 April 2011 - 11:09
cushion whatever has brought this on ?? Why would you not be able to come back ?
 
 

ON EXPATWOMAN TODAY