14 mo stubborn toddler

See, supernanny! :) yeah, I've watched FAR too many! lol

See, supernanny! :)

hehe - here I am! DD - same same. Gosh, it brings it all back... woah! Anyhow, step back a moment to assess the situation from his perspective - he knows what the fun grown-up thing is meant to do, but by golly it's not working properly. Yeah, sure, there're all these multi-coloured things, but it's not what mummy and daddy play with, is it?! I'd be frustrated! Heck, I get frustrated at objects now when they don't work properly... I also may get a bit frustrated if they don't do what they should do right away... and sadly that also goes for people, if I'm in a short-tempered mood. DH occasionally likes to be smug (from a safe distance) and make some kind of comment like "the apple never falls far from the tree"... [cough'> yeah, whatever. So anyway... it's difficult because you've got a toddler who wants to be independent (it's instinctive and A Good Thing), but hasn't yet got the tools to allow him to do so. That in itself must be so frustrating! It's up to you, therefore to a/ decide what stance you're going to take on it and b/ how you're going to cope with his melt-downs. For the stance, I just go on "is it dangerous?". Is walking around with the phone a real problem? You could unplug it at the switch for a few hours or whenever he wants it... If it is a problem for you, then move it out of his sight - he'll probably go back to the original location a few times, realise it's gone and move on to the next best thing - the TV remotes are always good "phones" too... For the melt-downs (and gawd have we had several hundred!) the best ever bit of advice I ever read, which made such a difference after 2 years of "just ignore the tantrum" was... "ignore the behaviour, but not the child". Tantrums are a misplaced, or inappropriate expression of a message that is very important... for your child at least. We may think that being given the blue car instead of the red one isn't a big deal, but hey, if you were in a shop and asked for a croissant but the assistant insisted on giving you a muffin instead (when the croissant was right in front of you), you'd have something to say about it too, no? It's like really good customer relations. To sway someone, you need to start by understanding them and confirming to them that you understand them... so you'd say something like "OK, X, I understand you really wanted the blue car, but Y was playing with it." You can then try different tacks "how about playing with the red one now and swapping later?", "How about asking nicely if you can have the blue one and giving Y the red one" or "Fine, let's play with the trains instead"... sure, you could discipline in whatever way you see fit, but what exactly would you be telling him off for? To come back to the croissant, it'd be like the assistant telling you to leave the shop - at which point you'd kick up a bit of a fuss, probably shouting "I only wanted a friggin' croissant!" over your shoulder. BUT there's discipline and "an opportunity to calm down". I will always take my kids away from the problem scene if they're launching into a tantrum, just so that we can focus on expressing ourselves appropriately and calm down before going back. I'm currently finding it difficult with DS, because he's not talking clear English at 2 years old, so how exactly can I expect him to express himself other than with the tools he has?! I am, however, trying to instil in him some basic signs, although he laughs whenever I try to get him to sign "sorry"! Anyhow, long post, and the short answer is that you just need to work through it as patiently (but firmly) as humanly possible! ---- oops! Forgot your second point! Hitting, hair-pulling, biting even if well intentioned, isn't acceptable, so it simply has to stop. In a way, it's more "dangerous" when it's an expression of affection because the victim will be unsuspecting - if a child is aggressive, others will steer clear, but if they're being loving buddies and having a cuddle and one turns to hit the other it'll be melt-down time. It's also mortifying when your child does that to another. So... 0 tolerance... and again, lead by example and shown him what is appropriate. Time and reinforcement will make it gradually sink in. <em>edited by Hello.Again.Kitty on 12/09/2011</em>