Are You a Guilty Parent? | ExpatWoman.com
 

Are You a Guilty Parent?

500
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EW GURU
Latest post on 03 January 2012 - 17:58

Guilt and parenting (mothering) its come up a few times in various threads, I thought I would share this link with you.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/healthy-connections/201109/are-you-g...

500
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EW GURU
Latest post on 04 January 2012 - 00:40
I feel like my mum is such a "natural" mother that I will never be as good a mum as she is, funny thing is she feels the same way about her mum (who died young) and I wonder if she passed the guilt to me somehow?? I think we are hardwired to feel guilty, every time someone else teaches my son a new skill/trick I feel guilty I hadn't thought to teach him myself. Which is just silly I know. Frances you might have un-intentially passed on specific phobias to your child but the tendency for him to pick up on them would have been innate, in a lot of ways the fact that you recognise and acknowledge the behaviours in yourself will be a fantastic help to him in dealing with his anxieties. Don't try and hide yourself from him. I do what my mother failed to do, in her days boys were naughty girls spoiled, at least that is her logic, I " look" for signs in my children, my son's OCD was obvious from the time he was three, he is now almost 10 and in the last year we have seen some amazing shifts in his behaviour, it's like he was trussed up this entire time and now he is finally exploring life., That is my reward so in a way it should sooth the sting of the guilt.
1861
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 03 January 2012 - 21:24
I feel that I'm "not doing enough" with my children and feel guilty whenever I see or hear of another mum who's just sat down and created a wonderful junk model or painting with their child, or those who have regular music time at home or anything like that. My poor DS (in my mind) is even worse off that DD because I never seemed to find the time or energy to read a bedtime story to him... I will be mortified if any of his teachers go on to say that he's "behind" in literacy... I'm already beating myself up at the fact his speech isn't up to that of his peers (or DD at his age)! Of course, my logical brain kicks in occasionally and reminds me that every child is different and will get their stimulation through whatever means at their disposal... and that even my two have wonderful experiences with me. Besides, it's not like they can take me back and get a refund!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 03 January 2012 - 19:11
Ah, thanks for clarifying. In that case, I too am a guilty parent. With divorced parents, grew up convinced I would never do that to my kids. Well, whaddaya know....
2782
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 03 January 2012 - 19:10
I feel like my mum is such a "natural" mother that I will never be as good a mum as she is, funny thing is she feels the same way about her mum (who died young) and I wonder if she passed the guilt to me somehow?? I think we are hardwired to feel guilty, every time someone else teaches my son a new skill/trick I feel guilty I hadn't thought to teach him myself. Which is just silly I know. Frances you might have un-intentially passed on specific phobias to your child but the tendency for him to pick up on them would have been innate, in a lot of ways the fact that you recognise and acknowledge the behaviours in yourself will be a fantastic help to him in dealing with his anxieties. Don't try and hide yourself from him.
500
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 03 January 2012 - 18:53
Not meant to be a reflection of the other threads just reading up and sharing about guilt and parenting, just read as a separate topic, add ur views if u like. My parenting guilt is that my ( what I thought was a well camouflaged) sever OCD has manifested itself in one of my children, when I look at him I see exactly where I've gone wrong with him.
178
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 03 January 2012 - 18:16
I felt that the times the issue was raised in the threads was in relation to other people making us feel judged/guilty about things that we don't necessarily agree we have a reason to feel guilt for. This article I felt was more about parents whose feelings of guilt originate from within themselves, from an actual belief that they made poor choice, or somehow are the cause of negative behaviour in their children? I'm not sure that they are the same thing?
 
 

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