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Self-settling: have I left it too late?

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 29 January 2011 - 01:49

DS is nearly 11 months. Ive always fed to sleep but am trying to change this. Please pass on any tips on how I can start implementing a way for him to learn to self settle..or as the title says have i lft it too late?? Am desperate because these hours-long sessions of winding him down at the end of the day follwed by night-wakings x3 are going to drive me loopy soon!

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happymommy22180

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 22:02

I know that it's normal at this age. :) Right now it's difficult because 1 nap is not enough and 2 naps are too much it seems. Also Missy seems to be unhappy with the timing. But I'm sure in a couple of days we'll be back on track with a new 1 nap a day schedule. Hopefully a long nap... Unlike what your HV said though, DD never had a problem falling asleep at night. But naps during the day just didn't happen until we got the routine going. And also right now, the daytime naps are a mess, but nightime sleep is fine from 7-7 like clockwork. FINGERS CROSSED!

Hello.Again.Kitty

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 21:38

I have to add however that we are struggeling with the daytime naps at the moment. She's 13 months old now and seems to go from 2 naps to 1 nap right now. And the schedule is a bit out of whack... Hopefully we'll be able to resolve it in a few days though... You only really realize how great it is to have a couple of hours to yourself during the day, when it's gone... :( It's completely normal for her to be dropping down to 1 nap a day around now though - it just puts everyone out of kilter, 'cos just when we think we've got is sussed, they go and change it... but they don't really know what they're doing either, so there's a few weeks of transition. My wonderful HV gave me some sound advice: get the night time sorted and don't worry about the day. If they can fall asleep by themselves in the evening, then they can do it during the day when they need to, but by 2.5-3yrs old, they won't be having daytime naps any more, so there's no point in trying to hang onto them.

happymommy22180

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 21:00

i certainly do not wish to be in the scenario that Hello Kitty mentioned but at the same time wish there was an easier solution. I have that book too... but i have never been able to do what the book says..my DD starts crying hysterically and we just pick her up. happymommy, how did u do without making ur LO cry? First of all: You're not MAKING her cry! Take that guilt off your shoulders immediately. That helped me a lot, to realize that I actually do something good for DD in helping her to sleep well. Secondly, I'm with DC that establishing an overall good nap and bedtime routine did the trick for us. Along with reading her cues of tiredness and putting her to bed at the first signs of getting tired (much earlier than I had thought before). We went from DD only ever sleeping in her ergo carrier for 30 minutes during the day to her taking 1-2 hour naps in her cot twice a day. Her nighttime sleep has always been ok, but the better daytime napping helped to get rid of the remaining 2 nighttime wakenings and feed. We did all of this when she was 9 months old. I have to add however that we are struggeling with the daytime naps at the moment. She's 13 months old now and seems to go from 2 naps to 1 nap right now. And the schedule is a bit out of whack... Hopefully we'll be able to resolve it in a few days though... You only really realize how great it is to have a couple of hours to yourself during the day, when it's gone... :(

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EW GURU

Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 19:47

My DD is not as old as yours, only 9 weeks and we started sleep training at 7 weeks with Cecile! It's hard, very hard - but we know if we bite the bullet now, we will have a much more settled and content baby soon (at least that is our hope :) )! DD also went from not sleeping during the day (and wanting to be on my arm for most of it), to having at least 2 naps, sometimes 3 naps if she is in a good mood (all settling by herself)! We went from rocking/patting/shushing for 2/3hrs in the evening to [i'>max[/i'> 1hr of patting and shushing whilst she lies [i'>in[/i'> her cot! It was not easy when we started, however seeing the results makes it all worth it! We are following the EASY routine (Tracey Hogg - The Baby Whisperer) which is very flexible. We are also following a "self settle" routine with Cecile which I found to be the hardest bit, but the most rewarding! Many tears over her cot whilst I watched her cry, but also many smiles in the morning as she is well rested :D I am determined to stick by my guns "A little bit of tough love, goes a long way, a very long way!" I don't believe it is too late Poppy82, it's taking the first step which will be the hardest, but will pay huge dividends!

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 19:42

We tried a similar approach but without picking DS up. We sat in his room next to his cot and patted him, and the first night he cried on and off for an hour and a half. He'd calm himself down, then realise he wasn't asleep and start up again. Then he went to sleep and slept for ages. When he woke next, he had his feed (in his cot) and went straight back to sleep. The next night he grumped for 20 minutes then went to sleep. And that was that - now he goes in his cot and goes to sleep, whether it's in the daytime or at night. Sometimes he has a little chat to himself - or whoever's sharing his cot - for a little while, but he never cries.

Hello.Again.Kitty

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Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 19:37

i certainly do not wish to be in the scenario that Hello Kitty mentioned but at the same time wish there was an easier solution. I have that book too... but i have never been able to do what the book says..my DD starts crying hysterically and we just pick her up. happymommy, how did u do without making ur LO cry? I found that getting a good bedtime routine going is key and with that kind of [loose'> structure, coupled with listening to the child's cues, there needn't be too much upset. Of course, some evenings they just don't want to sleep, but hey... I used the pat/shush method with DD, who was and still is a bit fickle going to bed, although she self-settles just fine. It's basically finding a happy balance between reassurance and boundaries. If they cry, you pick them up, pat them gently whilst making reassuring noises and then lie them back down when they're calm again, but not yet asleep. You then leave them to it and if they carry on crying, you rinse and repeat until they either get the message that you are still there or simply conk out! It's a softer approach than the CIO method, which never sat comfortably with my own views on the matter. DS got the benefit of my experience with DD and so was introduced to a bedtime routine from about 6 weeks old... and I'd come to realise that he needed to go to bed at a certain time, or if I missed it, there would be h3ll to pay. He's still a creature of habit and I can set my watch to his sleep patterns.

124

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 18:38

i certainly do not wish to be in the scenario that Hello Kitty mentioned but at the same time wish there was an easier solution. I have that book too... but i have never been able to do what the book says..my DD starts crying hysterically and we just pick her up. happymommy, how did u do without making ur LO cry?

2937

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 13:21

I agree with happymommy, that book is great. I think Cecile works along similar ideas, from what I've seen. Of course you don't [i'>have[/i'> to sleep train if you don't want to or it's something that's not for you. But if you want or need to change your child's sleep habits, then I think it works. We went from DS waking anything up to 10-15 times a night to him sleeping through with a dream feed. I went from being a walking zombie, having trouble functioning from such awful sleep deprivation and literally banging my head on the wall in sheer frustration (once till I saw flashing lights), to being back to my happy, chilled-out self. I'm able to enjoy being a Mum now far more than I did when I was crying most nights after being woken for the umpteenth time. DS's paediatrician says new research shows lack of sleep affects many aspects of a child's development, from health to learning, and it's vital they get adequate rest. I can see for myself how being well-rested has changed DS; from a baby who constantly looked exhausted and struggled daily to get to sleep, into a baby who smiles all day, loves his activities and goes to sleep happily by himself whether for a nap or for the night.

142

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 12:35

im having the same problem...i think i will never be able to do this... i just cant let her cry for soo long...me n DH r both too soft, but im wondering what if i don't do this?? im a SAHM, though its exhausting but im coping up...do i really have to do sleep training.. do children start sleeping on their own once they are older. You dont "have" to sleep train. We co-slept with DS1, he was b/f and it was easy- i fed and DH did the walking back to sleep if needed. Around 9 months, he fell asleep with no rocking, I night weaned him at 17 months ( i was preg with DS2 then) and he easily slept through the night from then on. He's a really good sleeper on the nights when we dont let him have a day nap but sleeps through on other nights too, just a little more restless rolling. DS2 turned 9 months today and he is exhibing a similar pattern. Just a little pat and shush when he wakes up in the night after a feed and back to sleep. I will attempt to night wean him too around a few months if he doesnt stop himself. So I do think children sleep through if you do sleep train them or don't......

happymommy22180

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 10:53

im having the same problem...i think i will never be able to do this... i just cant let her cry for soo long...me n DH r both too soft, but im wondering what if i don't do this?? im a SAHM, though its exhausting but im coping up...do i really have to do sleep training.. do children start sleeping on their own once they are older. I'm with HelloKitty, as in you don't HAVE to do anything. BUT I want to add that establishing good, healthy sleep patterns is important for the development of your child. Sleep is just as important as nutrition for the health of your child, so in teaching her to sleep well, you're doing what's best for your child. All adults who have severe sleeping issues, have already had problems sleeping as children. Although some kids outgrow these problems by themselves, some don't. And they end up having sleep issues later as teenagers and adults. Unconsolidated sleep leads to developmental problems due to overtiredness. 11 months is certainly not too late to start sleep training, but also not too early. Sleep training does not necessarily have to mean CIO method. There are different ways of teaching your child how to fall asleep by herself. In case of my DD the crying involved was very, very little: 10 minutes at the most for a couple of days. Now she sleeps like an angel and is all the more rested and happy during her waking time. I read a very good book which was recommended here on EW. "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr.Marc Weissbluth. I cannot recommend it highly enough. It really helped me to understand that the crying does not happen because you "make her cry". It happens because she is fighting against something she has to learn but doesn't understand. Just like she would cry if she wants to run onto the road to chase a ball and you won't let her. You would still hold her back despite her tears, wouldn't you? edited for spelling <em>edited by happymommy on 06/02/2011</em>

Hello.Again.Kitty

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 10:27

im having the same problem...i think i will never be able to do this... i just cant let her cry for soo long...me n DH r both too soft, but im wondering what if i don't do this?? im a SAHM, though its exhausting but im coping up...do i really have to do sleep training.. do children start sleeping on their own once they are older. You don't[i'> have[/i'> to do anything if you don't want to. Saying that, I once met a family where the 10 year old daughter still had to sleep in their bed every night because she would apparently be physically sick if they tried moving her into her own. Each to their own, I guess.

124

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 05 February 2011 - 23:45

im having the same problem...i think i will never be able to do this... i just cant let her cry for soo long...me n DH r both too soft, but im wondering what if i don't do this?? im a SAHM, though its exhausting but im coping up...do i really have to do sleep training.. do children start sleeping on their own once they are older.

2937

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 05 February 2011 - 18:10

You have mail if you want to remove your address :).

Anonymous (not verified)

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 05 February 2011 - 12:42

I can't remember the last time I slept all night. probably the night before you gave birth... was for me!

121

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 05 February 2011 - 11:15

Thanks for replies. Been busy with guests so just reading this. Dubaicat thanks for your kind offer to share your experience...can you please email me <em>edited by Poppy82 on 06/02/2011</em>

668

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EW GURU

Latest post on 29 January 2011 - 10:54

My DS is 11.5 months and we're also in the same boat. It's never too late, better to tackle it now than later. There are days where he will settle on his own and then days where he'll cry his head off. I used to breastfeed him before I put him down but now I give him a bottle of cow's milk. In the very beginning I used to put him down and he would go hysterical. There were times where I would let him cry it out but that didn't work so well, so I pat and shush (louder than his cry lol). This method worked better for me. He would stand up in his crib and wanted to be carried but I would say firmly NO it's time to sleep and put him down gently. He would do this many times but now he hardly does it cause he knows I will not pick him. It's gotten much better and the pat and shush is down to a minute or less. When I leave the room, he'll sometimes wake up. In the beginning, he wouldn't stop crying so I go in and do the pat and shush and never pick him up. Now I don't go back in and he'll settle himself. He usually wakes up 2 or 3 times to breastfeed but I'm trying to cut this down. My MIL is staying but once she's gone I'll continue with the pat and shush. This is what is working for me. It's really hard but it won't last forever. This will pass. HTH

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 29 January 2011 - 10:52

If you want to meet for coffee I'm happy to explain what we did to see if it would work for you.

184

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 29 January 2011 - 10:08

I feel for you. I am also in the same boat. DD suddenly starting waking up 3 times a night. She wakes up, cries her head off for 5 mins, doesn't want water, doesn't want milk, then goes off to sleep again. I just let her cry it out after offering water/milk. She self-settles but it wakes me up as she is in my room. I can't remember the last time I slept all night.

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