Toddler discIpline??

Hi AussiePup, Who is 'super granny' and how can I reach her? DD is now 22 months old and a real handful. I'd love to hear from her about time out (and perhaps other) methods as life at home is becoming quite challenging to say the least! Thank you!

hiya, we use a time out method where i put DS (now 2) against the wall sitting with no toys etc around him ... or if we are at the mall he has time out right in the middle of the mall. I have been using time out since he was 16 months old and it works for us. It is 1 minute for every year that they are. So now his time outs are 2 minutes in length. our methods are similar to kiwispers however i do give DS the opportunity to learn from the behaviour he was given time out for - by this I mean, if he is touching something I do not want him to touch, say the oven - then I ask him to stop and say the oven is hot. If he does not stop I ask "are you listening to Mummy?" to get his attention. If he continues then I say "you are not listening to Mummy, time out". I place him in time out (sometimes he even sits down himself!!!) at the start I stood back turned from him about 1 meter away and I kept turning a little just to see he was still seated and not moving. If he moved, I put him back where he should be and time starts again. After a successful time out I would then put him back standing next to the oven and tell him "no touch, oven is hot - ouchies" and if he walked away or didn't touch I praise him for listening "good listening". If he continues to touch = time out again. We have set boundaries for him. He is not allowed to touch plugs, power points, any buttons on anything electrical other than the PS3 which we have taught him how to remove and put in a disc if he would like to watch a DVD. The main reason I started this is because I didn't want him running out the front door if we were going to the car or in a car park at the shops and he keeps running and not listening and then getting hit by a car - this freaks me out. so it is important to us that he listens. it works rather well, he's had time outs in the middle of spinneys (yes if you see a little toddler sitting in the middle of the aisle it could very well be us ha ha) and MOE for running away too far, touching stuff on the shelves i asked him not to touch or just being very silly. The time out gives him a chance to calm down and generally after that he does listen very well. It is now at the point where he does sometimes run ahead of us about 10 or so meters, i just have to say "stop" and he stops and waits for us or runs back to us. He also doesn't run out near the road at home or the car park. if I don't have hands free (with DS2 and pushing pram) then DS1 holds onto the strap on the pram and does not let go until we are at my car and I say he can let go. I started time outs on my own accord but then had super granny come to helps us (with sleep issues more so) and then just asked her about time outs and the method she used was very similar so I just continued and it has worked. To start this though, i did set DS1 up on a few occassions for example left the remotes right where he could touch them, i would watch him and say "no touching remotes" and if he did then he got time out... we did this a few times over in the same hour until he now knows when I say don't touch, it means dont touch. he is going through the terrible 2 phase (i believe) so he is pushing boundaries but all in all he has actually been really good and unless he is over tired and in silly mode, he listens most times. The other thing i certainly agree with what the other ladies say is to stay calm assertive. No yelling. Yelling i am sure they see it as a weakness in you and know that they have pushed your buttons and this to them = fun attention! :) Calm assertive ;) good luck!!

I agree that there is no such thing as a set of rules for child rearing. My DD was a handful but we hardly knew that our DS was in the house! We only had to raise our voice slightly to him and the petted lip could have doubled as a shelf! DD on the other hand learned everything the hard way and (shock horror) had the odd wee sore bottom! My BF's children threw the most wonderful tantrums, only thing missing was the full exorcist style head spin! What we had in common was that our children were raised knowing that the adults were in charge and not the kids. These "children" now range in age from 25 to 33 and have turned into the most charming, well adjusted young adults. My BF's children are having to come to terms with the loss of their mum just 2 weeks ago but as we raised our children together, all 4 have grown up with values and a good attitude to life.

yeah reynee agree temperament does have a lot to do with it. My son has never hit/pushed/bitten another child and basically he is just very non-agressive in nature, its not down to awesome parenting on my behalf ,he has always been an easy kid. I have a nephew who has been angry since the day he was born. And also lack of consistency can cause problems in the attachment process, an insecurely attached child, who hasn't formed the right bond with their primary caregiver will often have problems trusting and respecting authority figures. Not to say that being in daycare automatically results in an insecurely attached kid at all but a lot of upheaval in the early years can be damaging in some cases. Also not saying I have never yelled, never called out "no" across the room, never lost my cool etc. But you should at least "try" not to. It helps to have both parents on the same page, and to be able to step back and take a breather when you need to. Bottom line, try and [b'>guide[/b'> your kids, its a learning process for them and they need your help.

First of all consider the word "discipline" to mean "guidance/teaching" rather than "punishment". Your aim is to get your child to a state of self discipline where they can figure out for themselves the right thing to do. I think at toddler level they need a lot of help with this, you can't just say "no" you need to give them an alternative behavior. So for example they want something and push or pinch, you need to show them that pinching is a non-no (for me this meant when my son pulled my hair to get my attention after a warning I would leave the room and close the door for at least 30 seconds) but you also need to show them the right thing to do (harder if they are no verbal). If they are playing with something they shouldn't touch then you say "not for touching" and physically move them to another spot rather than yelling "no" across the room. If they try to get into the dishwasher, tell them "no touching, its hot!" etc and then say "here you can put these balls in this box", and so on, basically try and teach not just punish. You need to be a good role model too, so if you don't want aggressive behavior then don't behave aggressively to them. I don't agree with pinching back, biting back etc especially since at that age they have not yet developed a sense of empathy. I am in two minds about the saying sorry and time-out stuff, I'm not sure that kids really understand what they mean when they are asked to say sorry. I prefer to explain that mummy is sad because now mummy's head is sore, and that mummy will go away if DS is too rough, that he needs to be gentle etc. Also rather than time-out I prefer natural consequences, i.e if a toy is thrown then the toy is taken away, if DS doesn't play nicely then he will not be allowed to play with his friends etc, if DS hurts mummy then mummy will go away etc, I think these are more logical and understandable to the very literal minds of small children and they learn from this if you play nicely then people will want to be around you, if not then they will not. Not to say that time-out is bad, I just think again, if you can teach something then try and do so. 100% agree, if you make a threat "do that again and we are going home, I will take the toy etc" then you HAVE to follow through (so don't make a threat you don't intend to carry out). Last thing, try not to yell, come down to their level and use a clear voice and short very basic sentences with words they can easily understand.Above all stay CALM, do not yell or get emotional. you are trying to teach self control, so thats what you have to model to them. Especially for pre-verbal kids physically demonstrate what you are saying "no touching" while moving their hand away etc. With tantrums, I think you need to give comfort, without giving in, so if they are upset because they didn't get something, rather than just walking away and ignoring them, I'd prefer to some down and cuddle, and quietly say [i'>"I know you are really sad, i know you want the biscuit, here have a cuddle, no you can't have it, I know you want it, I know you are sad, mummy is here"[/i'> etc until they calm down, basically you are translating their feelings into words for them, and showing that you do care about how they feel while also showing that tears and tantrums will not change the rules. Keep an eye out for bad behaviour triggers, i.e getting over-tired, not having your full attention, not being listened to etc and try an avoid putting them in these positions in the first place. I found the Dr Sears website very helpful in regards to discipline http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/8-tools-toddler-discipline edited by kiwispiers on 05/08/2012 But still very good advice here!!!

First of all consider the word "discipline" to mean "guidance/teaching" rather than "punishment". Your aim is to get your child to a state of self discipline where they can figure out for themselves the right thing to do. I think at toddler level they need a lot of help with this, you can't just say "no" you need to give them an alternative behavior. So for example they want something and push or pinch, you need to show them that pinching is a non-no (for me this meant when my son pulled my hair to get my attention after a warning I would leave the room and close the door for at least 30 seconds) but you also need to show them the right thing to do (harder if they are no verbal). If they are playing with something they shouldn't touch then you say "not for touching" and physically move them to another spot rather than yelling "no" across the room. If they try to get into the dishwasher, tell them "no touching, its hot!" etc and then say "here you can put these balls in this box", and so on, basically try and teach not just punish. You need to be a good role model too, so if you don't want aggressive behavior then don't behave aggressively to them. I don't agree with pinching back, biting back etc especially since at that age they have not yet developed a sense of empathy. I am in two minds about the saying sorry and time-out stuff, I'm not sure that kids really understand what they mean when they are asked to say sorry. I prefer to explain that mummy is sad because now mummy's head is sore, and that mummy will go away if DS is too rough, that he needs to be gentle etc. Also rather than time-out I prefer natural consequences, i.e if a toy is thrown then the toy is taken away, if DS doesn't play nicely then he will not be allowed to play with his friends etc, if DS hurts mummy then mummy will go away etc, I think these are more logical and understandable to the very literal minds of small children and they learn from this if you play nicely then people will want to be around you, if not then they will not. Not to say that time-out is bad, I just think again, if you can teach something then try and do so. 100% agree, if you make a threat "do that again and we are going home, I will take the toy etc" then you HAVE to follow through (so don't make a threat you don't intend to carry out). Last thing, try not to yell, come down to their level and use a clear voice and short very basic sentences with words they can easily understand.Above all stay CALM, do not yell or get emotional. you are trying to teach self control, so thats what you have to model to them. Especially for pre-verbal kids physically demonstrate what you are saying "no touching" while moving their hand away etc. With tantrums, I think you need to give comfort, without giving in, so if they are upset because they didn't get something, rather than just walking away and ignoring them, I'd prefer to some down and cuddle, and quietly say [i'>"I know you are really sad, i know you want the biscuit, here have a cuddle, no you can't have it, I know you want it, I know you are sad, mummy is here"[/i'> etc until they calm down, basically you are translating their feelings into words for them, and showing that you do care about how they feel while also showing that tears and tantrums will not change the rules. Keep an eye out for bad behaviour triggers, i.e getting over-tired, not having your full attention, not being listened to etc and try an avoid putting them in these positions in the first place. I found the Dr Sears website very helpful in regards to discipline http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/8-tools-toddler-discipline edited by kiwispiers on 05/08/2012 My sister in law does all of the above with her son and NOTHING at all works. He is just naughty boy. He will bite, kick, punch, swear (and my SIL does not swear ever) and he is a little bully in the parks. So much so that I find myself following him to make sure he doesnt do anything and often i am apologising to parents for his behaviour. Even his daycare find him hard to handle and have told my SIL that he is a problem. Now I have 4 children and I am a relaxed mother and don't do any of the above... actually i do find myself saying NO from across the room LOL and my kids have all listened and have never been a problem. My twins are 1 now and if we say NO they listen and move on. And I admit I swear alot and my children never ever swear! So sometimes maybe some children are a little harder then others. Also my SIL and her husband are fulltime workers and their son spends alot of time in daycare or with my mother in law whereas I am a fulltime stayhome mum which I think has alot to do with why my kids are content. Not being settled and and having a proper daily routine with mum or dad can have alot to do with the attitudes... well thats what i reckon

First of all consider the word "discipline" to mean "guidance/teaching" rather than "punishment". Your aim is to get your child to a state of self discipline where they can figure out for themselves the right thing to do. I think at toddler level they need a lot of help with this, you can't just say "no" you need to give them an alternative behavior. So for example they want something and push or pinch, you need to show them that pinching is a non-no (for me this meant when my son pulled my hair to get my attention after a warning I would leave the room and close the door for at least 30 seconds) but you also need to show them the right thing to do (harder if they are no verbal). If they are playing with something they shouldn't touch then you say "not for touching" and physically move them to another spot rather than yelling "no" across the room. If they try to get into the dishwasher, tell them "no touching, its hot!" etc and then say "here you can put these balls in this box", and so on, basically try and teach not just punish. You need to be a good role model too, so if you don't want aggressive behavior then don't behave aggressively to them. I don't agree with pinching back, biting back etc especially since at that age they have not yet developed a sense of empathy. I am in two minds about the saying sorry and time-out stuff, I'm not sure that kids really understand what they mean when they are asked to say sorry. I prefer to explain that mummy is sad because now mummy's head is sore, and that mummy will go away if DS is too rough, that he needs to be gentle etc. Also rather than time-out I prefer natural consequences, i.e if a toy is thrown then the toy is taken away, if DS doesn't play nicely then he will not be allowed to play with his friends etc, if DS hurts mummy then mummy will go away etc, I think these are more logical and understandable to the very literal minds of small children and they learn from this if you play nicely then people will want to be around you, if not then they will not. Not to say that time-out is bad, I just think again, if you can teach something then try and do so. 100% agree, if you make a threat "do that again and we are going home, I will take the toy etc" then you HAVE to follow through (so don't make a threat you don't intend to carry out). Last thing, try not to yell, come down to their level and use a clear voice and short very basic sentences with words they can easily understand.Above all stay CALM, do not yell or get emotional. you are trying to teach self control, so thats what you have to model to them. Especially for pre-verbal kids physically demonstrate what you are saying "no touching" while moving their hand away etc. With tantrums, I think you need to give comfort, without giving in, so if they are upset because they didn't get something, rather than just walking away and ignoring them, I'd prefer to some down and cuddle, and quietly say [i'>"I know you are really sad, i know you want the biscuit, here have a cuddle, no you can't have it, I know you want it, I know you are sad, mummy is here"[/i'> etc until they calm down, basically you are translating their feelings into words for them, and showing that you do care about how they feel while also showing that tears and tantrums will not change the rules. Keep an eye out for bad behaviour triggers, i.e getting over-tired, not having your full attention, not being listened to etc and try an avoid putting them in these positions in the first place. I found the Dr Sears website very helpful in regards to discipline http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/8-tools-toddler-discipline <em>edited by kiwispiers on 05/08/2012</em>

Oh God, I'm so glad I found this thread. We've been having difficulties with our toddler who is 16 months old. I understand that at times she's just plain frustated because she cannot express herself, but sometimes it just gets to us. She just suddenly bursts into a tantrum and cries till what seems like forever. Generally she is quite good, but we're starting to have one too many of these days and DH and I are beginning to question our parenting skills (or the lack of?). She's too young for a time out, because I've tried to do it with her and she just doesn't get it. She also goes to a nursery playgroup every day for three hours in the afternoon and is very happy and content there, so I don't understand this behavious with us at home? DH and I were talking the other day about how much easier are weekdays are and how much stress the weekends bring :( Edited for my delightfully frightening spellings <em>edited by stovetop on 05/08/2012</em>

We started with Time Outs when she was about 22 months old. We didn't go down the route of a naughty step and leaving her on her own. We would sit her on the sofa/stairs what ever was handy, explain what she had done wrong and tell her we were going to sit quietly for a minute to think about it. Then we would ask for a 'sorry' and then we would hug and it was forgotten. She was always warned before hand if she did it again it would be a time out and we would count to 3. We very rarely get past 1 now and never past 2. Both parents have to be strict on the same things and you have to decide what is important. You have to carry out threats, I have cancelled one play date due to bad behaviour and I have stopped shopping as she wouldn't behave. She knows Mummy & Daddy mean what they say.

Hi Flydiver11 ive just posted a thread "Is my child naughty or just terrible 2’s." was starting to think i was alone? is your child anything like mine?