Welcome to hell. The burpee edition.
All credits: PA
You’ve emerged from your New Year hangover...
And you've sworn never to drink alcohol again, and you decide that this is the year you're going to get a body like Gigi Hadid.
There’s just one thing standing in your way: the fact you’d rather eat cold sprouts than pulse your way through 40 squats while a personal trainer barks in your face.
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If you’re miraculously hauling yourself to one of the great gyms in Dubai this morning in a bid to slay those festive season inches, here are just a few of the deep-rooted emotions you’ll probably deal with.
1. Denial
It’s 6am and it's still dark outside. You genuinely cannot be expected to function as a human being at this ungodly hour.
2. Self-bargaining
You’re not that unhealthy are you? It’s only been a few weeks since you were last in the gym. OK fine, it’s been months, but you always make a point of walking up escalators. Oh, and you ran for the bus yesterday. That’s basically a Joe Wicks-worthy workout in itself.
3. Anger
How could you be so stupid to get yourself into this mess? You booked the class last night and now you’ve realised there’s a late cancellation fee that’s definitely going to eat into your summer holiday fund. There’s nothing for it but to throw on the Lycra and accept your fate.
4. Fear
Is it just you, or does everyone else at the gym look like a low-key Olympic athlete? The steely abs, the bulging guns, the washboard stomachs. Yup, the gym is intimidating.
5. Pain
Good lord, there is are muscles in your body you haven’t used for years, there are pools of sweat forming everywhere and you’ve lost the ability to control the strangled Chewbacca noises you’re making.
This is surely going to be the death of you. There is absolutely no way you can endure another 45 minutes of this.
6. Surprise
Against all odds though, you persevere and miraculously manage to beast a treadmill section without stopping to hyperventilate. Those box jumps? They’re not going to defeat you today.
Who is this new and improved you that’s red-faced in the mirror? You now know the true meaning of the Whitney Houston classic, I Didn’t Know My Own Strength.
7. Euphoria
The pain is over, the recovery stretch is done and now there’s just one thing to do: ride that glorious post-workout high. Ahh, bliss.
8. Complete and utter smugness
Deep down, you knew there was a reason you loved going to the gym: So you could shove it in everyone’s face how bloomin’ marvellous you are.
Loved ones, co-workers, randoms on the street – everyone will hear about how you woke up extra early this morning to smash out a cardio session. And if you don’t Instagram it? It didn’t really happen.
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