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Am I sick to want revenge..

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3804

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 19:27

Glad everything worked out for you and your boy in the end :)

12

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 19:21

Pulled this thread out, thought I could apply it to my situation. But all these posts talk about being the bigger person. What if you've done that and it hasn't worked. What if your child has been excluded now for the third year running. Yet again, all the other boys in class have been invited except him. Even though we've been inviting the other child every year, and he has been coming to our parties every year. I've asked the teacher, there seems to be no problem between the children. Anyway, I was hurt this morning. My 7 year old son has never cared in previous years, but this year I could tell he was upset. Short of confronting the other mother (which has always seemed the childish and petty way to resolve this to me), really don't know what more I can do. edited by amena on 03/04/2011 Can you not pull the mother aside and ask what the problem is? Explain that your son is really hurt and upset at being the only one not invited to the birthday. If she has any kind of feelings, she should feel bad about exclusing one child. That's not on at all. Thanks Chocs01 and Guinness, it all turned out all right. Apparently my son's invite had gotten left behind at home, he got it at the end of day. Hoping this is finally the end of it all. Much love to EW for all the support you provide.

29

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 14:20

The OP's post is a year old, and not implying her DD is a bully, but would you make your child invite another child who bullies them? Say your DD came home from school most days and said child xyz has called me fat, or ugly, or pushed me and they were the ONLY child in the class your DD had a problem with, would you expect her to invite this child to her birthday party? Sorry - only just got with the program...no I would not invite a child that was actively bullying mine, however my son is going through a faze of holding grudges...another little boy is not nice to him in school, we hear about it, it lasts a week maybe 2, while we are working on letting these things go, I would not listen to this nonsense from him. It is all or nothing (Well just a couple), not half, not 3/4, a handful. So I suppose what I am saying is it depends on the bullying, how long it has gone on, what the schoola nd parents are doing about it. Yes, I believe every situation has its own specific requirements and should be dealt with on a case by case basis. I do agree it's mean that all girls were invited and the quiet girl in the class left out, but in the same respect, I don't think it's fair to make ones child invite someone to their party if they felt this person wasn't kind to them. And just read KaceyC post, which just goes to show, nothing has changed! Kids can be cruel and life still goes on! The ugly duckling becomes a swan so to speak.

436

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 14:15

The OP's post is a year old, and not implying her DD is a bully, but would you make your child invite another child who bullies them? Say your DD came home from school most days and said child xyz has called me fat, or ugly, or pushed me and they were the ONLY child in the class your DD had a problem with, would you expect her to invite this child to her birthday party? Sorry - only just got with the program...no I would not invite a child that was actively bullying mine, however my son is going through a faze of holding grudges...another little boy is not nice to him in school, we hear about it, it lasts a week maybe 2, while we are working on letting these things go, I would not listen to this nonsense from him. It is all or nothing (Well just a couple), not half, not 3/4, a handful. So I suppose what I am saying is it depends on the bullying, how long it has gone on, what the schoola nd parents are doing about it.

76

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 14:13

My heart goes out to your little girl as 20 years ago that was me. I was a funny looking kid, big thick glasses (before these modern cool frames came in), massive uncontrollable hair, a chipped tooth and scrawny like a sparrow! Clearly I didn't fit in...at all. And to make things 10 times worse my big sis was the prettiest most popular girl in her year. No matter where we were school/holiday/local kids, they would all ask my sister to parties and to play but would specifically say that I wasn't invited. I tried not to tell my mum so when the other kids I was trying to play with all made pacts to run away and hide from me I'd go home and explain no one was playing out - just so I didn't have to see the hurt look on my mums face which made me feel embarrassed more than anything. Sounds like a sob story but really this does have a happy ending! :) Basically because of this I learnt to accept myself and gave up on trying to be the coolest/prettiest/most popular kid and settled for just being the nice kid and the funny one. And years later thats paid off dividends, I now make friends so easily and have met people in my life who I would count to be as close as sisters. Thankfully they invented contact lenses, I had my tooth fixed and GHD's arrived in my life. And now when me and my family get out pictures of the good old days we all fall about laughing at how different I looked back then and I couldn't care less as that made me who I am today. I'm not bitter or naive, I didn't become a doormat to make people like me I just accepted myself. Seriously kids are tougher than you think, I cared more about my mum making a scene than of the actual kids leaving me out. Hope your daughter can rise above this and just be happy being the lovely girl she is. XX

436

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 14:10

No Dan Lou, the girl made a point of letting my daughter know that there would not be an invitation for her. what a little b!tch ....well guess we know what she is going to be like as an adult...a nasty peice of work

29

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 14:08

The OP's post is a year old, and not implying her DD is a bully, but would you make your child invite another child who bullies them? Say your DD came home from school most days and said child xyz has called me fat, or ugly, or pushed me and they were the ONLY child in the class your DD had a problem with, would you expect her to invite this child to her birthday party?

436

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 14:03

I haven't read the entire thread, but here is my 2 cents , you are not sick to want revenge...to invite every single other girl in the class is mean and nasty...and its at it's worst b/c obviously it is condoned by the Mum, her doesn't have the sensitivity and good manners to teach her daughter that this is not the way you behave. However if you act on it - that would be sick.... You need to teach your daughter that sometimes people will be mean, but she needs to be the stronger person, that you can't control other people actions, only your reactions, and not to sink to their level. However have to say - this kind of behaviour is thoughtless and dispicable. I know one school here will not distribute invites, unless they are too the whole class.....I think that is a very good policy

29

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 13:37

I personally wouldn't give too hoots, I know my child is a kind person, and wouldn't exclude someone unless it's for a very good reason. Life lessons all round, you don't always get invited, and you don't have to accommodate others if it inconveniences you.

5400

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 13:32

would you really make your child invite someone to his party if he doesn't want to ?? my boys have only ever invited their friends to their parties/birthdays and i'm afraid i don't subscribe to the "whole class" thing.... I remember once insisting that her whole class be invited to dorter's birthday party, when she was about 8 years old, as I thought she shouldn't leave anyone out, it was too unkind if she was inviting everyone else. She didn't want to invite one particular boy as she really didn't like him and she said none of her class-mates did, either. Her instinct was right, he was extremely badly behaved and unpleasant and spoilt the party for everyone else.

3901

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 13:11

OK, under most circumstances, I'm with the "include all or NO PARTY" brigade. It is wrong to exclude one child deliberately BUT sometimes there are legit reasons. DS didn't want a boy to attend his party last year. He reminded me months in advance. I put my foot down, said no, but he was absolutely adamant about it. He begged me! I finally "listened" and changed my mind. If one person in the entire school makes his life miserable, I don't see why DS should have "pay" for it. Another parent might not have done the same but I chose to put DS's feelings first and for those reasons, I honestly didn't feel bad about it. The boy is from an influential family and has never attended any of their classmates' party. So chances are, he wouldn't turn up for DS's anyway. Protocols are there as a guide but individual circumstances should dictate your actions. To OP: please don't jump the gun as there could be legit reasons why DD was excluded. A quiet word with the other mum might help, perhaps? would you really make your child invite someone to his party if he doesn't want to ?? my boys have only ever invited their friends to their parties/birthdays and i'm afraid i don't subscribe to the "whole class" thing....

vero possumus37927

876

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 13:00

this thread is a year old, so I am wondering how the mom dealt with the situation and what has happened now, one year later? has there been another party?

61

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 12:45

OK, under most circumstances, I'm with the "include all or NO PARTY" brigade. It is wrong to exclude one child deliberately BUT sometimes there are legit reasons. DS didn't want a boy to attend his party last year. He reminded me months in advance. I put my foot down, said no, but he was absolutely adamant about it. He begged me! I finally "listened" and changed my mind. If one person in the entire school makes his life miserable, I don't see why DS should have "pay" for it. Another parent might not have done the same but I chose to put DS's feelings first and for those reasons, I honestly didn't feel bad about it. The boy is from an influential family and has never attended any of their classmates' party. So chances are, he wouldn't turn up for DS's anyway. Protocols are there as a guide but individual circumstances should dictate your actions. To OP: please don't jump the gun as there could be legit reasons why DD was excluded. A quiet word with the other mum might help, perhaps?

vero possumus37927

876

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 10:49

DS had his birthday in December, but no party. He refuses to invite one boy from his class (he is a nasty ******, the boy that is), and I have said invite all or half, but do not leave one out. So it looks like he won't get a party. I understand my sons feelings, but this boy has feelings too, even though I dislike him.....he is only a child, and I would hate to cause more discomfort in the class.

1238

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 10:17

Pulled this thread out, thought I could apply it to my situation. But all these posts talk about being the bigger person. What if you've done that and it hasn't worked. What if your child has been excluded now for the third year running. Yet again, all the other boys in class have been invited except him. Even though we've been inviting the other child every year, and he has been coming to our parties every year. I've asked the teacher, there seems to be no problem between the children. Anyway, I was hurt this morning. My 7 year old son has never cared in previous years, but this year I could tell he was upset. Short of confronting the other mother (which has always seemed the childish and petty way to resolve this to me), really don't know what more I can do. edited by amena on 03/04/2011 At this point, you have no choice but to go to the mother and ask what is going on. Politely, without emotion. Just like Dan Lou's advice all the way down at the bottom. But I would also say - when my son has a problem with a kid in school, I try to make a point of getting to know the mom, and even inviting the kid for playdates so they can bond outside of school. One of my son's arch-enemies at school later became his best friend because I befriended his mom and we organized playdates out of school ...

1617

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 10:15

Chewit Posts 217 Thanks ladies, I'm having a giggle now and beginning to calm down. Actually my daughter is taking it very well. Who is the adult in this relationship? In that case, I think your daughter is a pretty amazing little girl and she deserves huge credit. Send her round for a play date with my 8 year old...I'll take them out and stuff them full of sweets and ice cream :)

1403

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 09:40

I really feel for your little boy, it must be so hard for him :( But whatever happened to the days where only those nearest and dearest were invited to kids parties, instead of the whole school class? Isn't it more about the quality than the quantity?

bornconfused34509

542

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 09:14

Plan a party just because and don't invite the boy

3804

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 09:12

Pulled this thread out, thought I could apply it to my situation. But all these posts talk about being the bigger person. What if you've done that and it hasn't worked. What if your child has been excluded now for the third year running. Yet again, all the other boys in class have been invited except him. Even though we've been inviting the other child every year, and he has been coming to our parties every year. I've asked the teacher, there seems to be no problem between the children. Anyway, I was hurt this morning. My 7 year old son has never cared in previous years, but this year I could tell he was upset. Short of confronting the other mother (which has always seemed the childish and petty way to resolve this to me), really don't know what more I can do. edited by amena on 03/04/2011 Can you not pull the mother aside and ask what the problem is? Explain that your son is really hurt and upset at being the only one not invited to the birthday. If she has any kind of feelings, she should feel bad about exclusing one child. That's not on at all.

12

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 03 April 2011 - 08:45

Pulled this thread out, thought I could apply it to my situation. But all these posts talk about being the bigger person. What if you've done that and it hasn't worked. What if your child has been excluded now for the third year running. Yet again, all the other boys in class have been invited except him. Even though we've been inviting the other child every year, and he has been coming to our parties every year. I've asked the teacher, there seems to be no problem between the children. Anyway, I was hurt this morning. My 7 year old son has never cared in previous years, but this year I could tell he was upset. Short of confronting the other mother (which has always seemed the childish and petty way to resolve this to me), really don't know what more I can do. <em>edited by amena on 03/04/2011</em>

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