Endless tantrums AGAIN & potty training

Moonbean she is 2 and 4 months. Just got home now from a simple trip to homes r us to get a candle - wanna throw it in the garbage now. We left, tried to get in the car and bam! the screaming started. She lashed out at the helper, at me, refused to sit and was simply hysterical. Why? Car seat has never been negotiable her entire life, no exceptions! After 15 minutes i suggested she sit on the regular seat with a seat belt and she didnt want that either. So what did she want?! to be free in the car? Since when has that been an option for anyone in my car?! finally got home and she was hysterical for probably an hour until she passed out on the stairs and now she's in bed. We've had a helper before and she's used to helpers at my inlaws and mothers house. When she's in a mood to kick off she doesn't want anyone. In fact at times i feel helpers exacerbate the situation as they get scared by her negative behaviour and so she sees a reaction - if i scream when she tries to put my shoes on she stops so i'll scream every time she tries and i wont have to wear them... if that makes sense

she initiated the potty training - she would refuse to wear her nappy and even ask to sit on the toilet. Then she stopped doing pee in her nappy at nursery and would only pee when taken to the loo with the other kids who were out of nappies. Even when she got in infection last week the doctor said let her wear nappies to have a break and she wouldn't pee in them. Only when i took off the nappy and put her on the toilet would she pee. As for the tantrums, the toilet battles are the least of it (maybe i needed 2 threads :s) I think i just need to find a good child psychologist or behaviorist because i don't think this behaviour is normal and i honestly can't handle these "phases" as they are so unbelievably destructive. (This morning when i thought back to my first post i felt so ashamed. Posting on a public forum to strangers that i can't handle my own 2 year old. What kind of mother does that make me?!)

So DD has been potty trained now for a couple of weeks i think (lost track!) and doing well mashallah. She's still resisting me putting her on the toilet most of the time and doesnt ask to go but when i do get her on she pees. The only accidents we've had have been when she's throwing a tantrum/on the naughty step which is incredibly frustrating of course. I've always been told consistency with babies and kids is the key so from the beginning of potty training, when she'd wake up i'd take her to the bathroom, remove her night nappy, she'd pee and then start the morning. i felt that if i knew when she'd done pee then i'd be able to know when she should go next... But every morning its drama. BIG drama. The last 2 days have been h3ll with her - endless tantrums and screaming about anything and everything. DH is around her half the time that i am and he's at his wits end. Anyway, this morning she wakes up, she gets out of bed and i tell her lets go do pee and then we'll have breakfast and play... and it starts. i get her in the bathroom, take her nappy off showing her its full and heavy and see how much better she feels without it etc. She goes mental me just trying to get her on the loo. The pushing and screaming starts. I walked away saying i'll come back when she's ready to talk properly, leave for a minute go back, shes still screaming,i leave then go back and she's just standing there in pee. But that doesn't calm her down. I then try to wash her legs and the whole time she's pushing me, grabbing at my hands. Its not even 8am and i'm exhausted literally to tears. it started at 7am and its the 3rd day running! My belly is killing from lifting her kicking and screaming into the sink to wash her - something i'm really not supposed to do as have a very high risk pregnancy but i really didnt see the other option. Had she been calm i could've told her wait and brought a cloth or bowl but had i left her she would've slipped on the tiles. The last time her behaviour reached this stage i ended up in hospital for 5 days with a threatened miscarriage. i didnt see her for those days as my MIL thought it would upset her to see me. I was then on semi bed rest so couldn't do much with her at all... i really dont want it to get to that again. I dont know what else to do! My DH doesn't agree / see the point of cousellors in genernl, whatever the reason. Sorry its a very long post but is she reacting to something? we have a new helper who started nearly 3 weeks ago and DD loves playing with her - she asks to play with her! Yes i'm pregnant but i'm still doing all activities with DD and there havent been any changes to the house yet. TIA