baby heartbroken at nursery - desperate for nanny recommendation/advice

I found mine through another family in my compound after I advertised within the compound. She had been in their family for 6 years and nannying for almost 20 years, it was obvious to me by the way she talked constantly about the kids in the family she lived with, that she genuinely loved them. She worked for me while their kids were at school (but recently stopped as they moved, I'm now using my part time cleaner who DS had taken a shine too and its going well but she wouldn't be my first choice). I think you'll find that at home, in an environment your DS already feels secure it, it will be easier for her to adjust to a nanny. I was lucky in that I was at home still, but DS had no problem if I needed to go out, or work upstairs etc. You could actually look at getting a full timer who could nanny in the mronings and cook etc in the afternoon so that you can invest time in making sure she is in tune with your parenting philosphy

The main thing you want to ensure is she is able to have consistent care and form a secure bond with her caregiver whoever that is. A "good" nursery (very low baby to adult ratios, educated and caring staff etc would be better than a "bad" nanny but imho a good sensible caring and communicative nanny would be better still, so she can get the one-on-one interaction and attention which is important at her age. I've had a few part time nannys and I've found that the older ones (mid 40s to 50s) tend to be more experienced and sensible, and take on a caring grandmothery type role vs the young ones who just want to socialize with their friends (huge generalization I know but just my experience).

Daisydog - if everything is ok with the level of care at the nursery, all babies will settle in. It can take a few weeks for some. It is important that you are consistent in taking her - having so many break in between will have made the process more difficult for her. Ensure if you stay and play at the nursery, that you do so at pick up time and not drop off time (it makes separation harder for them if the parent hovers and it is not clear at what point they will leave and that crying might convince them to stay longer.. It is a much easier routine for them to grasp if they know you take them in, meet and greet the carer, have a hug/kiss and you leave right away). Joining in upon your return is a great idea to encourage your baby to feel confident at the nursery because you demonstrate a positive response and desire to be there too. Its very normal to have a tear or two - often its just as hard or harder for parents to separate. Try to ensure your baby does not see that you are upset - as seeing your anxiety will heighten hers. Try to be confident and upbeat - when leaving smile and encourage her to have a fun day - try not to show that you are hesitant. You can then burst into tears in the hall if you need to. If your baby has any comfort items, take those along to the nursery. Sometimes when children dont usually have comfort items at home, they still find comfort in taking a family toy or blanket etc to have something "familiar" to them. Try to make sure the person you hand your baby over to in the morning is the same person every day. At this age it is easier for her if she forms an attachment to a particular caregiver there. Its great that she is going 5 mornings per week - this helps the "routine" develop more quickly. Sometimes children who only go once or twice a week find it harder to settle because several days between visits is a long time in their world. Hope this helps a little. Hang in there and she will settle before you know it. The sooner you are confident in leaving her at nursery, the sooner she will be

I would give it a few weeks or two and see then. There have been lots of breaks. Is she a good eater? This should help reduce the amount of milk she needs. What does her teacher feel? A good nursery would be honest and say if they feel she isn't ready. It must be heart wrenching for you. I know how hard it is to leave them and my DD loves her nursery. I hope it works out for your DD very soon.

Our son started the nursery at the same age as yours and we had same problems, he just didn't settle in. After 3 months we decided to keep him at home as we thought he is too young to go to nursery, he is now 2,5 years old and I think this is a good age and he would enjoy it.