Can I write "No siblings please" on party invitations?

Scones (OP) I bet you never thought in a million years your simple question would come to this :) Very true!!! OMG, but thank you everyone for your opinions, its been very interesting and I've learned a lot. Seems like one cant please everyone! So please yourself. Confidently and without guilt write 'No siblings or maids please'. [i'>Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.[/i'>

Same issue-we have been invited to countless Arabic weddings where neither I or my husband know the couple-or even their parents-his mother may know theri aunt or somesuch. BH always wants to go and is puzzled when I can't see the point...don't get me started! I don't see the fun being in a room full of women who you don't know. Do I really want to dance with them?? As for the man's party, maybe you OH sees it as an opportunity to network. You know how Arab men can be when they get together, they walk in strangers, and leave having 25 new friends. LOL <em>edited by Crystil on 09/03/2011</em>

My husband is Arab and I'm American, and I've seen some cultural differences between us. His mentality is very American, but we have many Arab friends/acquaintances. I have been invited to Arabic weddings - womens weddings. The invite generally comes through him, that someone asked him to pass on to me. An invite to a wedding and I don't know the bride, groom, and may have met the person once, or not at all, who passed the invite to me through my husband. I have gone to birthday parties for children and the gifts are put aside and never opened. No follow up thank you either verbally or with a card. The "thank you" you got when you handed over the gift apparently covered it. We have gone out with friends and before getting together asked if the children can come along. We always said yes. Also included were the 2 or 3 maids who weren't shy about what they ordered - lobster, shrimp. Now there is only me and hubby, and we generally ended up picking up the bill. 4 adults, 4 children, 2 or 3 housemaids. Many times we received same day invites for special occasions. (What? they planned it that day?) People who were going to a function asked us to go along (and we didn't know the people who were hosting). Have invited people over for dinner asking they arrive a certain time, say between 8 and 8:30 PM. Think nothing of showing up 9.30 - 10 PM. Dinner totally ruined and when they apologize I tell them not to worry about it, no problem, because it's the last time they will be invited for a dinner. I told my husband that when an Arab shows up on time, he's early, when he's late, he's on time. Same issue-we have been invited to countless Arabic weddings where neither I or my husband know the couple-or even their parents-his mother may know theri aunt or somesuch. BH always wants to go and is puzzled when I can't see the point...don't get me started!

When we lived in Cyprus the neighbours were always inviting us as a family, bless but she was such a poor cook, we always dreaded going to eat, my eldest daughter hated the soup, tasted just like lemons, didnt know till years later she put it in the plant pot. My mum made great good homesome soups, and they hinted that it smelt good, so we invited them to a traditional British Dinner ( Roast Beef and all the trimming) all 5 of them came, eat, burped and left. Please and thankyou's were not as forth coming.

My husband is Arab and I'm American, and I've seen some cultural differences between us. His mentality is very American, but we have many Arab friends/acquaintances. I have been invited to Arabic weddings - womens weddings. The invite generally comes through him, that someone asked him to pass on to me. An invite to a wedding and I don't know the bride, groom, and may have met the person once, or not at all, who passed the invite to me through my husband. I have gone to birthday parties for children and the gifts are put aside and never opened. No follow up thank you either verbally or with a card. The "thank you" you got when you handed over the gift apparently covered it. We have gone out with friends and before getting together asked if the children can come along. We always said yes. Also included were the 2 or 3 maids who weren't shy about what they ordered - lobster, shrimp. Now there is only me and hubby, and we generally ended up picking up the bill. 4 adults, 4 children, 2 or 3 housemaids. Many times we received same day invites for special occasions. (What? they planned it that day?) People who were going to a function asked us to go along (and we didn't know the people who were hosting). Have invited people over for dinner asking they arrive a certain time, say between 8 and 8:30 PM. Think nothing of showing up 9.30 - 10 PM. Dinner totally ruined and when they apologize I tell them not to worry about it, no problem, because it's the last time they will be invited for a dinner. I told my husband that when an Arab shows up on time, he's early, when he's late, he's on time.

I can't believe that I have signed in to EW especially to respond to this thread, which I have read from start to finish. I try very strongly to stay away from controversial issues however- To the OP; My children are now grown up and are too busy with their own social lives to care what parents think, but when they were younger, if one was invited to a party, I either asked if it was acceptable for a sibling to attend (close friends only and paying for the extra cost of an extra child) or I'd lift share-If I was the person asking the favour, I always bought flowers/chocolates/vouchers etc. as appreciation. I never took it for granted that one invite admitted all. I always felt it important that either child had their 'own time' with their friends. It was not a case of sibling rivalry, or jealousy or guilt, but encouraging independence, individuality and freedom. This thread has made me think about- *since when has a personal celebration become an open invite? Should it just be posted on facebook and have anyone/everyoneturn up? *what is the cut off age for siblings/parents/maids/visitors etc. to attend? I for one won't be booking an intimate dinner for 'close' friends at, for example, the Burj just incase every man and his dog turns up-expecting me to pay and provide a party bag afterwards.

As someone mention it's a clash of cultures... For most Arabs ,invites addressed and limited to a member of the family don't exist as they will never cross their mind the host may count/care how many mouthfuls they sallow! For them a invite is a invite for the whole family and most of them don't know what RSVP stands for ! Reminds me of our wedding in Australia-my side (all Aussies) RSVP'd and turned up as per the iinvites-DH is Arabic-we didn't have a clue who was coming as they didn't RSVP-even after countless reminder phone calls)-many turned up with their children despite the invite not including them-some brought along other members of their family who were visiting them at the time-for a catered per head Aussie wedding it was a nightmare for the caterers.......Luckily the next generation seem to have a better grasp of what is expected <em>edited by wuffles on 08/03/2011</em>

Nah, I just showed up when I felt like it!!!! And ate all their food and drank all their drink and was really peed off when they ran out of drinks but thank God, I still had what I came with when I left in the taxi!!!! :)

And I never got a party bag when I left!!!! :( Did you RSPV to get one ;-)

And I never got a party bag when I left!!!! :(

DON’T • Get drunk. If you don’t want your social life to resemble a small desert in winter, stay the polite side of sober throughout the evening. DO Leave at a reasonable time. A successful evening can drag on and a polite host will never ask you to leave. Well that's the last time I get invited to Sals B's!!! Remember Sal "Am I still here?!!!!!" :) Far to funny, and the trip over the foot stool a classic, get ready for the weekend!!!!!!!! lol, x

DON’T • Get drunk. If you don’t want your social life to resemble a small desert in winter, stay the polite side of sober throughout the evening. DO Leave at a reasonable time. A successful evening can drag on and a polite host will never ask you to leave. Well that's the last time I get invited to Sals B's!!! Remember Sal "Am I still here?!!!!!" :)

Ah, but crises de cuisine are never 'factored', not really! :D:D True, although at our parties they always start in the kitchen, everyone usually gets stuck in to help out. The conversation issue is an interesting one. My OH finds it very hard sometimes, because his first language is not English and unless people talk directly at him and there's no loud background music, he very often gets lost. Certainly, at parties which are informal and between good friends who all 'muck in' together, timings are less rigid [I still like people to show up around-about the right time!'> but my ten minutes' grace rule was for more formal affairs. Not that I do that very often these days! :D

[b'>My DH is [i'>Arab [/i'>and he knows what RSVP stands for[/b'> Tally ho did you write this?????:\::\::\: The writing in your post is blue, I can't make out if its a quote from someone else or something that you wrote. Anyway if you did, Iranians are not Arabs!

Ah, but crises de cuisine are never 'factored', not really! :D:D True, although at our parties they always start in the kitchen, everyone usually gets stuck in to help out. The conversation issue is an interesting one. My OH finds it very hard sometimes, because his first language is not English and unless people talk directly at him and there's no loud background music, he very often gets lost.

Ah, but crises de cuisine are never 'factored', not really! :D I guess I'm just going on the way I was raised, Chocs01; it's what my mother and her friends did, and my grandmother before her. If it comes to that, the whole 'making conversation with other people at table' issue is an interesting one as well. At my parents' dinner parties, one spoke to the person on one side during the 'starter' and then 'changed partners' for the next course, just so that everyone always had someone to talk to! Very old-fashioned concept, I agree though. :D

Mariana - Can you just confirm that all people of your "culture" are a) Wealthy enough to buy gifts for 3-5 year old kids costing 450-1000Dhs a shot b) Have enough food at any occasion to feed numerous guests and their wives and cousins and maids and friends grandmothers etc etc c) Don't worry about waste from the banquet above d) Don't ever feel guilt or shame from not being able to "match" their friend and family

• Be on time. A host or hostess with two tons of shellfish to cook has enough to worry about without your derailing their efforts by being late! Never, never be late, and if it is absolutely unavoidable, do not fail to telephone and explain, with some idea of when you will eventually arrive. And remember to tell your host not to wait dinner for you. Quite a good list, tally-ho, with one issue for my own part. Arriving on time is all very well, but for a formal dinner party, one should always give one's host/hostess 'ten minutes' grace'. Arriving RIGHT on time is actually slightly poor form, given that there may be a crisis in the kitchen; it is kinder, really, to not be right on the dot. After all, the first part of the evening is generally given over to the pouring of drinks and small talk, and that extra 10 minutes can be a boon from a time perspective. Just my thoughts on this, of course. :) Mmm but then shouldn't that time be factored into your cooking time? So that you're ready BEFORE your guests arrive?

• Be on time. A host or hostess with two tons of shellfish to cook has enough to worry about without your derailing their efforts by being late! Never, never be late, and if it is absolutely unavoidable, do not fail to telephone and explain, with some idea of when you will eventually arrive. And remember to tell your host not to wait dinner for you. Quite a good list, tally-ho, with one issue for my own part. Arriving on time is all very well, but for a formal dinner party, one should always give one's host/hostess 'ten minutes' grace'. Arriving RIGHT on time is actually slightly poor form, given that there may be a crisis in the kitchen; it is kinder, really, to not be right on the dot. After all, the first part of the evening is generally given over to the pouring of drinks and small talk, and that extra 10 minutes can be a boon from a time perspective. Just my thoughts on this, of course. :)

[b'>My DH is [i'>Arab [/i'>and he knows what RSVP stands for[/b'> Tally ho did you write this?????:\::\::\:

all the free loading Bring a bottle people have scarpered [i'>Excuse[/i'> me?! When I have a dinner party, one where I have gone to a great deal of trouble to create beautiful food, I actually choose wines that will best enhance the meal. And in fact, I will ALWAYS have enough drink on hand in the event that none of the guests 'bring a bottle'. That said, I have never had anyone arrive at my house for dinner without bringing either a bottle of wine or a gift for the hostess/house. It's a way of thanking the hosts for their hospitality [and I believe THIS this tradition crosses many cultures, including the Muslim one'>. And I would never EVER go to someone's house without taking wine or a gift myself. Scathing comments about the 'bring a bottle' people are unnecessary and, not to put too fine a point on it, rude. Whether it's alcohol, chocolates or dates or whatever: 'bringing a bottle' is about being civil and kind to one's hosts. It is a selfish friend who arrives for a dinner party, drinks party or even a casual get-together, who arrives empty-handed. In my humble opinion. A fine hostess and brilliant cook too Waxmuch.

all the free loading Bring a bottle people have scarpered [i'>Excuse[/i'> me?! When I have a dinner party, one where I have gone to a great deal of trouble to create beautiful food, I actually choose wines that will best enhance the meal. And in fact, I will ALWAYS have enough drink on hand in the event that none of the guests 'bring a bottle'. That said, I have never had anyone arrive at my house for dinner without bringing either a bottle of wine or a gift for the hostess/house. It's a way of thanking the hosts for their hospitality [and I believe THIS this tradition crosses many cultures, including the Muslim one'>. And I would never EVER go to someone's house without taking wine or a gift myself. Scathing comments about the 'bring a bottle' people are unnecessary and, not to put too fine a point on it, rude. Whether it's alcohol, chocolates or dates or whatever: 'bringing a bottle' is about being civil and kind to one's hosts. It is a selfish friend who arrives for a dinner party, drinks party or even a casual get-together, who arrives empty-handed. In my humble opinion. Couldn't agree more. Extremely rude of anyone to turn up empty handed to an invited party.

all the free loading Bring a bottle people have scarpered [i'>Excuse[/i'> me?! When I have a dinner party, one where I have gone to a great deal of trouble to create beautiful food, I actually choose wines that will best enhance the meal. And in fact, I will ALWAYS have enough drink on hand in the event that none of the guests 'bring a bottle'. That said, I have never had anyone arrive at my house for dinner without bringing either a bottle of wine or a gift for the hostess/house. It's a way of thanking the hosts for their hospitality [and I believe THIS this tradition crosses many cultures, including the Muslim one'>. And I would never EVER go to someone's house without taking wine or a gift myself. Scathing comments about the 'bring a bottle' people are unnecessary and, not to put too fine a point on it, rude. Whether it's alcohol, chocolates or dates or whatever: 'bringing a bottle' is about being civil and kind to one's hosts. It is a selfish friend who arrives for a dinner party, drinks party or even a casual get-together, who arrives empty-handed. In my humble opinion.actually, I meant parties where you are invited, and then told to bring your own cooler. Of course everyone takes gifts.

Nice list tally-ho. Unfortunately points 1 and 2 of the 'don't list are pretty standard at all our dinner parties. Everyone's usually pie-eyed by the end of the night, playing games, singing karaoke etc, but that's just the way our group rolls. Obviously if it's someone we don't know, then the whole list applies. <em>edited by Chocs01 on 08/03/2011</em>

all the free loading Bring a bottle people have scarpered [i'>Excuse[/i'> me?! When I have a dinner party, one where I have gone to a great deal of trouble to create beautiful food, I actually choose wines that will best enhance the meal. And in fact, I will ALWAYS have enough drink on hand in the event that none of the guests 'bring a bottle'. That said, I have never had anyone arrive at my house for dinner without bringing either a bottle of wine or a gift for the hostess/house. It's a way of thanking the hosts for their hospitality [and I believe THIS this tradition crosses many cultures, including the Muslim one'>. And I would never EVER go to someone's house without taking wine or a gift myself. Scathing comments about the 'bring a bottle' people are unnecessary and, not to put too fine a point on it, rude. Whether it's alcohol, chocolates or dates or whatever: 'bringing a bottle' is about being civil and kind to one's hosts. It is a selfish friend who arrives for a dinner party, drinks party or even a casual get-together, who arrives empty-handed. In my humble opinion.

As someone mention it's a clash of cultures... For most Arabs ,invites addressed and limited to a member of the family don't exist as they will never cross their mind the host may count/care how many mouthfuls they sallow! For them a invite is a invite for the whole family and most of them don't know what RSVP stands for ! Well don’t you think that they should take the time to find out !!! after all you do live in a multicultural country. My DH is Arab and he knows what RSVP stands for. We have a “our house is your house” mentality but we wouldn’t dream of turning up ANYWHERE uninvited. Thats just bad manners it has nothing to do with culture. <em>edited by tally-ho on 08/03/2011</em>

Dinner party Etiquette Let’s start with the ‘do’s’ and go on to the ‘don’ts’: DO • Take a gift for your host. This might be a bottle of wine (do make sure it is a good bottle of wine rather than a gas station purchase). If you would rather take something different or as well as wine, a small packet of specialist tea is a good idea, or a box of chocolates, provided they are fine chocolates of course. Flowers are always welcome. • Take the trouble to ask about dress code. There is nothing worse than turning up at someone’s home formally dressed to find everyone else wearing jeans or vice versa. • Be on time. A host or hostess with two tons of shellfish to cook has enough to worry about without your derailing their efforts by being late! Never, never be late, and if it is absolutely unavoidable, do not fail to telephone and explain, with some idea of when you will eventually arrive. And remember to tell your host not to wait dinner for you. • Tell your host if you have an allergy to certain foods rather than leave a course uneaten. • Try to include other guests in your conversation. It can be very embarrassing to be stuck without someone to talk to during dinner because the guests sitting on either side of you are busy with their own conversations. • Leave at a reasonable time. A successful evening can drag on and a polite host will never ask you to leave. Be considerate. • Remember to thank your host for the hospitality you have enjoyed. Putting on a dinner party requires a great deal of time, effort and money and it’s nice to be thanked. DON’T • Get drunk. If you don’t want your social life to resemble a small desert in winter, stay the polite side of sober throughout the evening. Nobody likes a drunk, especially a loud one. • Smoke inside the house and certainly not at the table. This is an absolute 'no-no.' Apart from the health issues for yourself and everyone else, your host, whether he smokes or not, will not appreciate his house smelling like an ash pit the next morning. Do not assume if you see someone else smoking that you should follow his or her example. If you must have a cigarette - go outside. It is also unacceptable to ask your host or hostess if it is okay to smoke in their home. This puts someone in a dilemma straight away as they are torn between their obligation to look after you as their guest and their desire to keep their home nicotine free and sweet smelling. DON’T ASK: assume the answer is “No, you jerk, you cannot blow evil smelling clouds of yuk all over my house.” • Bring an uninvited companion. How would you like to carefully cater for eight guests, with canapés and starters for exactly eight, perhaps with carefully planned place settings or even personal gifts (this is a new dinner party trend and one that causes untold agonies!) for eight, only to have some idiot show up with guest number nine? Do not ASK if you can bring an uninvited guest either – if your host or hostess had wanted to include a companion he or she would have said so when they invited you. [b'>Their choice is to invite whom they please –[/b'> your choice is to refuse or accept – there is no polite way to expand someone else’s guest list. • Bring your children unless they are specifically invited. Be careful about this one – children can ruin an adult dinner party and guarantee you will never be invited again! If your children are included, remember you are in someone else’s home so ensure your kids behave impeccably. Do not re-arrange the furniture or anything else such as china ornaments - your children should already know not to touch someone else’s treasures without permission – if they do not, leave them at home until they do. It seems harsh but really it’s only fair.

For my son's second birthday, I invited about twelve of the neighborhood kids (around 5-7 yrs of age) as he was not in school yet. All of them showed up with siblings. Plus one of the mothers was watching eight other older kids (around 12 yrs I think) and she brought them all and dropped them off. I was 9 months pregnant (DD was born 20 days later) and was literally going cuckoo trying to keep the older kids from ruining the cake. No maid, no husband, no family. Needless to say, it was a mad house. Swore to myself, never again. Been doing cake and goodies at school since then. I think discreetly mentioning "siblings only" is a great idea and though I can understand the cultural differences, it stands to reason that you are "from" a different culture (not local) and hence have different expectations from people.