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Can I write "No siblings please" on party invitations?

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LovinDubai36431

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 16:21

Now I know why I see so many Of Spongemonekey....I repeat myself ... my kids are not that big to attend a party on their own,one is 5 and the othe 3 somenthing....I can't be in 2 places at once! The 3 year old I would not leave but do not understand why a 5 year old could not be dropped off with a classmate's parents for a couple of hours - surely the 5 year old is at school and used to you not being there? For safety issues... Why don’t you get your maid to watch the little one, while you spend some quality time with older DD.

277

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 15:57

Now I know why I see so many Of Spongemonekey....I repeat myself ... my kids are not that big to attend a party on their own,one is 5 and the othe 3 somenthing....I can't be in 2 places at once! The 3 year old I would not leave but do not understand why a 5 year old could not be dropped off with a classmate's parents for a couple of hours - surely the 5 year old is at school and used to you not being there? For safety issues...

Puffinlunde34121

384

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EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 15:51

Now I know why I see so many Of Spongemonekey....I repeat myself ... my kids are not that big to attend a party on their own,one is 5 and the othe 3 somenthing....I can't be in 2 places at once! The 3 year old I would not leave but do not understand why a 5 year old could not be dropped off with a classmate's parents for a couple of hours - surely the 5 year old is at school and used to you not being there?

277

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 15:05

Now I know why I see so many brats out there in the mall etc - they have parents who can't or won't say no to them ! Delicate relationships - :\: edited by spongemonkey on 08/03/2011 Hats of to you ,Mrs Spongemonkey , as your kids never misbehaved in a public place ! You know what, Mariana, you are right! :D And they were not traumatised because I was able to say "No this party is for your brother's friend"! Of Spongemonekey....I repeat myself ... my kids are not that big to attend a party on their own,one is 5 and the othe 3 somenthing....I can't be in 2 places at once!

spongemonkey980

4329

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 15:02

never knew that having children in Dubai could be such a minefield. Don't know what bubble I've been in for the last 20 years. I think these situations only arise when people start things like "whole class parties" because usually you have quite similar values to your real friends....I am sure people would have no problem at all with keeping their friend's siblings for a party at all - in fact would probably say "you go off for a break and leave them here with me" . It's the people you don't know very well who are more liable to do this - for some reason.

spongemonkey980

4329

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 14:58

For the people who say I always ask beforehand if I can take the siblings and offer to pay, people probably feel they have to say Yes! ( Different with friends who really know you ) It's like a darn smoker asking you if it is OK to smoke at the table? You want to say No but you stupidly say yes! Otherwise you end up getting talked about on EW! ;)

104

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 14:57

Now I know why I see so many brats out there in the mall etc - they have parents who can't or won't say no to them ! Delicate relationships - :\: edited by spongemonkey on 08/03/2011 You are so right!

spongemonkey980

4329

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 14:51

Now I know why I see so many brats out there in the mall etc - they have parents who can't or won't say no to them ! Delicate relationships - :\: edited by spongemonkey on 08/03/2011 Hats of to you ,Mrs Spongemonkey , as your kids never misbehaved in a public place ! You know what, Mariana, you are right! :D And they were not traumatised because I was able to say "No this party is for your brother's friend"!

199

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 13:42

Then does this really count as true hospitality? My idea of true hospitality is that expects nothing in return -especially if it is done as a sacred duty. A story is told of an old man who came stumbling one night into a Bedouin camp, thread bare and exhausted. The people of the camp obviously knew him and greeted him warmly. A visitor to the camp wonders aloud why such a tattered old creature would be treated with such respect and affection. A Bedouin leader explains, “‘He is of the Bait Imani and famous.’ I asked, ‘What for?’ He responded, ‘His generosity.’ I said, ‘I should not have thought he owned anything to be generous with,’ and bin Kabina said, ‘He hasn’t now. He hasn’t got a single camel. He hasn’t even got a wife. His son, a fine boy, was killed two years ago by the Dahm. Once he was one of the richest men in the tribe, now he has nothing except a few goats.’ I asked, ‘What happened to his camels? Did the raiders take them, or did they die of disease?’ Bin Kabina answered, ‘No, generosity ruined him. No one ever came to his tent, but he killed a camel to feed them. By God, he is generous!’ I could hear the envy in his voice.”. [b'>There are also numerous stories of families selling the last of their possessions in order tofeed their guests[/b'>[/b'> [color=#000000'>As there are in many religious texts - in fact in all of the religions I know. However I do not see what this has got to do with generosity expected to be returned. I will leave it at that as I do not want this thread to turn into this religion is more generous than that etc - which is where you seem to be heading.[/color'> Edited because the quote thing gone mad edited by Genie on 08/03/2011 THANK YOU GENIE! I think that logic was lost on her!! I thought the same thing...while a lovely story, has nothing to do with her value set regarding being hospitable!!

482

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EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 13:39

Probably the most outstanding feature of Arab customs is that of generous hospitality. To the Arabs, extending good hospitality is more than just an admirable thing to do--it is a matter of honor and also a sacred duty. Hospitality is shown regardless of personal cost [b'>and is expected to be returned[/b'>. Then does this really count as true hospitality? My idea of true hospitality is that expects nothing in return -especially if it is done as a sacred duty. You learn something new everyday about people of different culture. In my culture, we are told that when our right hand is doing a good deed, the left hand shouldn't even know about it ;) I have only one kid, so no sibbling issue. I do however send my kid with my maid to birthday party when the party is on weekdays. I always ask the host in advance whether it's okay or not to do so.

927

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EW GURU

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 13:39

Then does this really count as true hospitality? My idea of true hospitality is that expects nothing in return -especially if it is done as a sacred duty. A story is told of an old man who came stumbling one night into a Bedouin camp, thread bare and exhausted. The people of the camp obviously knew him and greeted him warmly. A visitor to the camp wonders aloud why such a tattered old creature would be treated with such respect and affection. A Bedouin leader explains, “‘He is of the Bait Imani and famous.’ I asked, ‘What for?’ He responded, ‘His generosity.’ I said, ‘I should not have thought he owned anything to be generous with,’ and bin Kabina said, ‘He hasn’t now. He hasn’t got a single camel. He hasn’t even got a wife. His son, a fine boy, was killed two years ago by the Dahm. Once he was one of the richest men in the tribe, now he has nothing except a few goats.’ I asked, ‘What happened to his camels? Did the raiders take them, or did they die of disease?’ Bin Kabina answered, ‘No, generosity ruined him. No one ever came to his tent, but he killed a camel to feed them. By God, he is generous!’ I could hear the envy in his voice.”. [b'>There are also numerous stories of families selling the last of their possessions in order tofeed their guests[/b'>[/b'> [color=#000000'>As there are in many religious texts - in fact in all of the religions I know. However I do not see what this has got to do with generosity expected to be returned. I will leave it at that as I do not want this thread to turn into this religion is more generous than that etc - which is where you seem to be heading.[/color'> Edited because the quote thing gone mad <em>edited by Genie on 08/03/2011</em>

199

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 13:38

I agree with Genie...its not sacred and or true when its as you said EXPECTED TO BE RETURNED. Wow...I have never given a friend a gift or been hospitable with expecting anything in return. When I do something nice for someone, it because I want to...not because I expect them to lavish me with gifts and dinners. I personally prefer to have real friendships, based on a real connection, rather than what they can do for me. In fact, I have friends that can't afford lavish things-does that I mean I should drop them? No, I value people, not their net worth. I value friendship and bonds, not what kind of car they drive or where they live. Or how they reflect on me. I know who I am. In all honesty, people that don't care about such trivial things, it means that they are secure in who they are and what they are about. And Mariana, are right, arabs are very hospitable. But the newly minted ones with no class, are only hospitable to show off, make themselves look good, or as you pointed out-to get something in return.

277

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 13:35

I fee like some people try to show off, something like, in my culture or social circles this is how we do it and clearly we are more generous and accomodating than you people. In reality, I am sure these same people, who are so out of touch with reality, probably treat their help like slaves with the lowest pay (as they are always the first to chastise westerners for spoiling them by paying them a decent salary) and expect everyone to cater to them and their kids, pick up after them and just thank our lucky stars to be around such greatness, class, culture and sophistication. Right. Dig a little deeper and you will find that many of these are novous riche that have no clue and if you knew who they really were or what they came from before making it big, ie: living in serious debt, you would understand why they feel such a need to prove how wealthy or sophisticated they are...really lame. There is a saying arabic which I love...rough translation so bear with me..."Dressed to nines and ready for a big night out, and your fridge is empty..." Probably the most outstanding feature of Arab customs is that of generous hospitality. To the Arabs, extending good hospitality is more than just an admirable thing to do--it is a matter of honor and also a sacred duty. Hospitality is shown regardless of personal cost [b'>and is expected to be returned[/b'>. Then does this really count as true hospitality? My idea of true hospitality is that expects nothing in return -especially if it is done as a sacred duty.

277

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 13:13

I fee like some people try to show off, something like, in my culture or social circles this is how we do it and clearly we are more generous and accomodating than you people. In reality, I am sure these same people, who are so out of touch with reality, probably treat their help like slaves with the lowest pay (as they are always the first to chastise westerners for spoiling them by paying them a decent salary) and expect everyone to cater to them and their kids, pick up after them and just thank our lucky stars to be around such greatness, class, culture and sophistication. Right. Dig a little deeper and you will find that many of these are novous riche that have no clue and if you knew who they really were or what they came from before making it big, ie: living in serious debt, you would understand why they feel such a need to prove how wealthy or sophisticated they are...really lame. There is a saying arabic which I love...rough translation so bear with me..."Dressed to nines and ready for a big night out, and your fridge is empty..." Probably the most outstanding feature of Arab customs is that of generous hospitality. To the Arabs, extending good hospitality is more than just an admirable thing to do--it is a matter of honor and also a sacred duty. Hospitality is shown regardless of personal cost and is expected to be returned.

vero possumus37927

876

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EW GURU

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 13:12

This thread has explained so much to me too about different ways of bringing kids up. How on earth will your kids grow up respecting money if they get birthday gifts that are so expensive and then gifts for a religious festival that is not even their own. Must need a few helpers to unwrap and carry them! Our kids get a few good new toys a year spread over birthdays and Christmas so actually play with them and appreciate them. And they learn from when they can sit up that they are individuals, are treated as such and should never expect anything just because one of the others has it.expensive gifts do not make kids unable to respect money....how can you think that? I know my kids are spoiled and there is little I can do about it, as it is a cultural thing. But they sure as heck understand the value of money and cherish everything they have been given.

225

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 13:08

This thread has explained so much to me too about different ways of bringing kids up. How on earth will your kids grow up respecting money if they get birthday gifts that are so expensive and then gifts for a religious festival that is not even their own. Must need a few helpers to unwrap and carry them! Our kids get a few good new toys a year spread over birthdays and Christmas so actually play with them and appreciate them. And they learn from when they can sit up that they are individuals, are treated as such and should never expect anything just because one of the others has it.

104

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 13:08

Here's another one "Champagne dreams on a beer budget" This is a slippery slope as I have brought my kids along to attend parties but I always check with the Mom first and I always offer to pay for the extra month to feed. As my guys are getting older though, I haven't. I think it's good for kids to understand that they aren't always included in something their brother or sister do and I find something fun to do with the kiddie left at home. <em>edited by radical3 on 08/03/2011</em>

89

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 13:06

Haven't read all the replies... however whenever we are in this situation (I have 2 kids) I always check first if I can bring the sibling. Most almost always have said yes. Because I dont have no where to leave the other one or with anyone. On the one occassion I was told I cannot, I simply explained to the one that was invited I cant take him, as I cant bring the little one and he was fine about it...

199

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 12:18

Fur coat and no knickers! Bwahahahaha I love it!! Sounds like a funny nan to me!

1579

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 12:07

There is a saying arabic which I love...rough translation so bear with me..."Dressed to nines and ready for a big night out, and your fridge is empty..." My nan used to say [i'>Fur Coat and No Knickers [/i'>:D

vero possumus37927

876

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 11:40

I fee like some people try to show off, something like, in my culture or social circles this is how we do it and clearly we are more generous and accomodating than you people. In reality, I am sure these same people, who are so out of touch with reality, probably treat their help like slaves with the lowest pay (as they are always the first to chastise westerners for spoiling them by paying them a decent salary) and expect everyone to cater to them and their kids, pick up after them and just thank our lucky stars to be around such greatness, class, culture and sophistication. Right. Dig a little deeper and you will find that many of these are novous riche that have no clue and if you knew who they really were or what they came from before making it big, ie: living in serious debt, you would understand why they feel such a need to prove how wealthy or sophisticated they are...really lame. There is a saying arabic which I love...rough translation so bear with me..."Dressed to nines and ready for a big night out, and your fridge is empty..." Oh dear.

5400

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 11:35

There is a saying arabic which I love...rough translation so bear with me..."Dressed to nines and ready for a big night out, and your fridge is empty..." :D

199

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 11:25

I fee like some people try to show off, something like, in my culture or social circles this is how we do it and clearly we are more generous and accomodating than you people. In reality, I am sure these same people, who are so out of touch with reality, probably treat their help like slaves with the lowest pay (as they are always the first to chastise westerners for spoiling them by paying them a decent salary) and expect everyone to cater to them and their kids, pick up after them and just thank our lucky stars to be around such greatness, class, culture and sophistication. Right. Dig a little deeper and you will find that many of these are novous riche that have no clue and if you knew who they really were or what they came from before making it big, ie: living in serious debt, you would understand why they feel such a need to prove how wealthy or sophisticated they are...really lame. There is a saying arabic which I love...rough translation so bear with me..."Dressed to nines and ready for a big night out, and your fridge is empty..."

115

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 11:11

After reading this thread, I don't think I'll have any children :D

13

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 10:41

by all means bring along the sibling but for me, i just need the parent to call and discuss with me first. Manners is not expensive.not much to ask.

407

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 10:36

This post tells you how complicated it can get here with a variety of cultures. Sorry, if I was a bit harsh earlier, but it is so much the cultural norm. I must also agree with another poster who's said she's always had parents take permission before sending siblings along. I usually have to go along or send my maid with my younger DD due to severe food allergies and again I ask permission if that's okay. Even though in general parents will not RSVP as much in Dubai, all those sending siblings have done so for me. On a few ocassions where its paid entry say the play area in Lamcy or Fav things I have had parents pay for the siblings even though I insisted they didn't. Older DD once had a manicure party, in that case the invite had to be clear that if a sibling would like to join, only a girl sibling could and if she was of a certain age. Home parties, I always keep one extra househelp, borrowed from a neighbour relative and the maids/nannies who accompany the kids very often are happy to help. So even the 45+ kids in my apartment last year and 35+ this year were easily manageable. I do ofcourse take away most extra showpieces, delicate decor away from the living room for the party time. It works well and all are happy. Goody bags - don't believe in giving out junk candy, so buy stuff like stickers, cheap colouring books etc in bulk and any extra left get stored for the next party.

vero possumus37927

876

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EW GURU

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 10:36

We are in an inbetween situation. We do the school/class party, and accept siblings and parents who want to stay and pay for all of their food/drinks etc, although I think it is rude because the gifts never equal the cost of the party let alone the cost of the extras. I think it is ok to write no siblings, but I won't/can't as I would rather pay for them than say that. Then we have a 2nd party for close friends/family, who we really enjoy catering for and who bring 'real' gifts.

140

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 10:19

never knew that having children in Dubai could be such a minefield. Don't know what bubble I've been in for the last 20 years.

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