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Can I write "No siblings please" on party invitations?

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 09:31

I really hope some of the things said here are not the "norm in Dubai". As someone who might become a parent any minute now (so what if my baby doesn't think so :\: ), I really don't see myself catering for maids and uninvited siblings... and giving kids vouchers of magnormous amounts. My older DS is 10 years old and younger one is 4, we had party for them every year and I never came across any parents who took siblings to our party without asking me first or not offering to pay for it, in fact when party bags (if I had extra) were offered to siblings, the parents usually refused. I don't know if we just got lucky but there are a lot of great parents out there.

5499

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 08:46

Freckles, I think it depends on the type of party who's invited. When we, as parents, know each other then we'll all be there anyway. I took exception when DD had kids from her class invited who I didn't know, and who's parents and siblings I certainly didn't know and their siblings were just slotted into line for food. I've also had to take DS when he was small and like you, I've squared it with the hostess first. I simply wouldn't dream of shoving him into a party he's not invited to, where I don't know the parents, and buggering off expecting someone else to foot the bill [b'>and [/b'>take care of him.

13

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 08:45

oh well, if anything that is what daddy is for,(if daddy happen to be at home of cos) . i take 1 DD to party and Dh spend the day bonding with the other. on days when I think I can't take the other DD as invited, I called and send my apologies.pass the pressie at school later.

Freckles 128127

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EW GURU

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 08:41

Personally I wouldn't dream of having a birthday party and not inviting siblings...unless of course it is a teenage party and the siblings are a lot younger. Freckles Jr is having her 5th party in a few weeks and we have limited the invitations to a select few plus siblings so there will be about 15 children in all. When she gets invited to a party I always call and ask if I can bring my 2 yr old as well as I don't have any other option but I always offer to pay for him (if the party is in a play area for example) and take snacks just for him so I don't feel like I am imposing. When they both get older then yes they will be going to parties seperately but at this age I don't see any other way around it and as such I have no problem with siblings coming to our parties

AdviceSeeker13702

1100

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 08:41

TBH the ones who do buy the extravagant gifts are usually either very very wealthy and find 450AED is like 45 to me (and they don't have kids and have no idea what to buy), or they're buying it to kind of show off... Or they bought it way ahead at the 70% sale ;) Good point!!

708

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EW GURU

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 08:34

TBH the ones who do buy the extravagant gifts are usually either very very wealthy and find 450AED is like 45 to me (and they don't have kids and have no idea what to buy), or they're buying it to kind of show off... Or they bought it way ahead at the 70% sale ;)

AdviceSeeker13702

1100

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 08:32

I must be out of the loop! I am in the same loop as you wuffles and it is a long way from Mariana. At home I would spend the equivalent of 100 - 150aed per gift and wouldn't dream of offering cash or vouchers instead especially for a under 13 year old. At Christmas we had a party in the garden, and all invites and some uninvited guests they all turn with gifts for the LO in their hands ...To mention 80% Muslim including us and 99% childless Various gifts which includes the Barbie in a fashion fairytale priced over 450 DHS....I mention it to give you a insight of different cultures Just wondering, are you sure you mean other cultures or other social groups? Just because I know many people from the same culture you're talking about, but they interact differently in different social circles. I know some who do buy extravagant gifts at times, but then there's the other side of the spectrum who don't.... TBH the ones who do buy the extravagant gifts are usually either very very wealthy and find 450AED is like 45 to me (and they don't have kids and have no idea what to buy), or they're buying it to kind of show off...

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 08:26

only read the last few posts but OMG @ 450 dhs for a kid's birthday present.... insane !! Not in this house!

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 08:24

Isn't it one of life's lessons that children need to learn they can't always go to a party if they're not invited?! As in, they don't always get exactly what they want and have to learn to take it on the chin sometimes? Otherwise they'll end up spoilt adults who have a paddy every time they don't get their own way, no? Who live in Dubai and never say no to their children.

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 08:23

The kids are not the problem. Its the parents. Trying to outdo each other with elaborate parties and being unable to deny their children anything. This results in bratty spoiled unappreciative kids and confused angry broke parents. Its a no win situation.

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EW GURU

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 08:18

I really hope some of the things said here are not the "norm in Dubai". As someone who might become a parent any minute now (so what if my baby doesn't think so :\: ), I really don't see myself catering for maids and uninvited siblings... and giving kids vouchers of magnormous amounts. As for feelings of jealousy between siblings at a young age, my nieces are a year and 10 months apart and have been attending different parties from a very young age. My sister takes the other kid to the ice cream parlor or her favourite bakery after she drops the one at the party, and there was this one time when the younger one actually said she would rather have the ice cream treat than go to the party of a particular classmate who broke her sharpener....lol. Anyway, point being that they never really seem to mind/bother as they're used to it from a young age. But of course, if they are secretly harboring feelings of jealousy and sibling rivalry, then we'll know in a few years....lol. <em>edited by stovetop on 08/03/2011</em>

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 08:17

only read the last few posts but OMG @ 450 dhs for a kid's birthday present.... insane !!

1579

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 08:10

Oh, CycloneT - Can I please be one of your close family/friends group just for Eid?! We do the lamb slaughter back in our home country so the meat can be distributed amongst the poor but I SO miss an Eid Roast In the 'old country' my husbands family distributed to the poor but in Australia we donate time and money to charity instead. [i'>*And I am a vegetarian so you'll have to go to Australia for the roast *[/i'>

277

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 08:08

Now I know why I see so many brats out there in the mall etc - they have parents who can't or won't say no to them ! Delicate relationships - :\: edited by spongemonkey on 08/03/2011 Hats of to you ,Mrs Spongemonkey , as your kids never misbehaved in a public place !

2322

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 08:05

I think it is one of the lessons kids should learn, but it seems we're a minority. We did the cake for the class thing and only invited our friends and 6 of her friends for the last one, where as the rest of the class are still doing an all or nothing type of approach. Lil miss learnt early that she couldnt go to all parties as well, even if invited. Icouldnt think of a more horrific weekend than one that is spent on the party treadmill.

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 08:01

Isn't it one of life's lessons that children need to learn they can't always go to a party if they're not invited?! As in, they don't always get exactly what they want and have to learn to take it on the chin sometimes? Otherwise they'll end up spoilt adults who have a paddy every time they don't get their own way, no? My sister has three kids, the oldest four and the youngest five months. Sometimes LO1 gets an invite to a party and LO2 isn't invited (LO3's too small to care!). LO2 knows it's LO1's day and his turn will come and if he makes a fuss, that's what he's reminded of.

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 07:58

Would it be so bad if the children only had the kids they normally play with at their birthday party? I think it would be great if a parent approached the school in order to let the birthday child bring a cake or cupcakes on the day to share with the class to celebrate. then, the child has his private birthday with his close playmates at home and any close family friends and sibs. It amazes me that the birthday parties here cause such anguish when it could be just so simple. I think there comes a time when children must learn that they do not have to part of everything and that sometimes they will not be invited to things. It is honestly, part of life and another lesson that needs to be learned. Yes, i can be painful to know you are not one of the party goers but if we dont learn as children how to cope, how will we as adults cope with not being invited to things? Anyway, I personally think the birthday parties here are a tad over the top for the most part...just my opinion of course.

2322

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 07:57

I think it's perfectly ok at lil miss's age (6) to have a drop off party for the children, and last year it was the hieght of excitement to be able to go to a party without mum or dad. I object to people who drop off their unknown to me child, leave a phone number and then turn up 2 hours after the party has finished to collect their child. Who rather bizarrely never looked as if she thought it was at all weird to be abandoned at a strangers house. But invites I send out are specific...siblings yes, siblings no, parents catered for or not. It has been my experience that these univited children who you have no idea are coming til they are foisted on you, don't bring a gift and are rather noisy and demanding when it comes to the treat bag. I was once in hospital unexpectedly and a friend was looking after my daughter. It just so happened that it was lil miss's 'best friend ever' party and we just couldnt let her miss it. A phone call to the mum in question and of course my friends children were welcome along with mine and I sent a long a present for each child to give to the bff...it never entered my mind not to. Every year we do our best to give the girl a down home in the garden party that is fun for the children and the grown ups...I think we succeed on the surface of it but each year it's completely fraught, costs me an absolute fortune and every year I swear I'm just going to give her diamonds at the next birthday and be done with it. I cannot WAIT until the child is old enough to just have a couple of girlfriends over for a pj party!

Buy me a Pony36483

687

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 07:05

I haven't read all the responses, but where I come from it is considered rude to just turn up unannounced with extras when there is an invitation issued for only one. Having said that, I am often in the position (because DH travels alot) where I have no option but to bring an extra child - it's either that, or we don't attend as I have no one to look after them other than myself. In these circumstances, I always ask first and make sure the host knows I will pay for my extra child myself if it is a play centre or somewhere else that charges per head. If it is not a place that charges per head (eg a park or someone's house), I still ask first if I can bring the extra and explain not to cater for them. If the host insists on paying or catering for my second, uninvited child, I make sure they too bring a present for the birthday child, or I purchase a present valued twice as much as I would have normally.

spongemonkey980

4329

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 06:43

Now I know why I see so many brats out there in the mall etc - they have parents who can't or won't say no to them ! Delicate relationships - :\: <em>edited by spongemonkey on 08/03/2011</em>

5499

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 06:37

When we've done a party at home it's taken as read that siblings of family friends will come as the family friends will be there too. The only time siblings has been an issue was when I had an organised party for DD at MoE - movie and meal. Before the movie the kids had to line up to tell a staff member their choice of meal for after the movie before going into the movie theatre.. A few maids showed up with the invitees plus siblings and shoved the siblings into the line. I removed them from the line and told the maids that if they wanted the siblings to eat and watch the movie they would have to pay themselves, it wasn't going on my bill. I got filthy looks but as they were just trying to palm their charges off onto me for the afternoon I couldn't give a s***.

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 05:34

Surely the kids would get dropped off and collected afterwards, why should the sibling have to be invited, so If the party was for 30 invited guested and then the siblings all turned up, It would be doubling up on food and party bags, unnecessary expense If you ask me and not ideal for the party planner either.

384

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EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 02:41

As an Indian, going to a party that you have not been invited for is considered extremely rude and dishonourable. I would never go for something I was not invited to and don't know anybody who would. Having said that, when we were growing up, b'day party invites were not just for kids but also adults and siblings. Up till the age of 5-6, the kids who attend actual b'day parties at home/elsewhere are invited along with their families. No RSVP's, you just planned for all of them.Also you would only invite families that you knew personally. So that meant most of the time, maybe 2- 3 of your closest classmates ( whose parents would be friends with mine) would be invited. The rest where all kids of family friends and kids in the building/neighbourhood. Your classmates would only get a chocolate/piece of cake at school and so would all the teachers who taught you. This would continue up till the age of 10 , with the number of people being invited going down each year. The number of classmates might go up dependent on the childs friend circle at school, but almost always siblings were invited too ( in such cases, parents dropped the kids off and picked up later). The gifts part - it was mostly toys, books, etc. Money,gold, other kind of gifts ,etc were reserved for baptisms,communions, naming/ ear piercing ceremonies,etc. You gave gifts dependant on your relationship to the receiver and your financial position. So if the invitations are vague then perhaps there may be misunderstanding on the part of other parents. It is perfectly fine to be specific about your rules for the party.

488

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EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 01:18

Oh, CycloneT - Can I please be one of your close family/friends group just for Eid?! We do the lamb slaughter back in our home country so the meat can be distributed amongst the poor but I SO miss an Eid Roast

1579

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 01:07

em2san what you have listed is about the same for us except at Eid my husband and son also take fresh lamb to close family and friends :)

488

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EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 00:51

I'm a south-east asian Muslim and the people in my close social circle would be horrified if I suggested spending AED 450 for a Barbie. We (my family and friends) have a price range that is acceptable and affordable to the people we interact with upto AED 150 for birthdays of everyone under 13 years upto AED 200 for birthdays of everyone else upto AED 500 for a wedding gift For birthdays and weddings; we give either cash/gift/donation to charity - this is generally either mentioned in card or discussed before the event upto AED 200 for a housewarming gift upto AED 80 for subsequent home visits (for e.g. at Eid, Diwali, etc) Eid visits generally constitute giving of flowers, chocolates or cake as opposed to a housewarming gift which is more likely to be a decoration piece for the house

1579

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 00:48

I'm interested here though that you say 80% Muslim rather than eg 80% Lebanese, or 80% Arab, or whatever. Do you think the cultural aspects of things like parties are common to Muslims worldwide (eg would Indonesian Muslims have the same approach?) wouldn't be the case for Christianity, and it hadn't occurred to me it would for Muslims. I am married to a Muslim (Turkish origin) and it is not typical for us. I have many Muslim friends in the UAE and I have not seen the same extravagance that Mariana refers to. Nevertheless I am sure in some circles there is an element of expectation and pride involved in the proffering of gifts.

277

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 00:42

I must be out of the loop! I am in the same loop as you wuffles and it is a long way from Mariana. At home I would spend the equivalent of 100 - 150aed per gift and wouldn't dream of offering cash or vouchers instead especially for a under 13 year old. At Christmas we had a party in the garden, and all invites and some uninvited guests they all turn with gifts for the LO in their hands ...To mention 80% Muslim including us and 99% childless Various gifts which includes the Barbie in a fashion fairytale priced over 450 DHS....I mention it to give you a insight of different cultures Mariana, I'm really glad you're on this thread, you're giving a great insight into a different approach to all sorts of things (parties and sibling development for a start). I'm interested here though that you say 80% Muslim rather than eg 80% Lebanese, or 80% Arab, or whatever. Do you think the cultural aspects of things like parties are common to Muslims worldwide (eg would Indonesian Muslims have the same approach?) wouldn't be the case for Christianity, and it hadn't occurred to me it would for Muslims. I mention Muslims as i mention the party been held in a Christmas night and my kids are not celebrating Christmas so the gifts are unnecessary!

504

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EW GURU

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 00:39

I must be out of the loop! I am in the same loop as you wuffles and it is a long way from Mariana. At home I would spend the equivalent of 100 - 150aed per gift and wouldn't dream of offering cash or vouchers instead especially for a under 13 year old. At Christmas we had a party in the garden, and all invites and some uninvited guests they all turn with gifts for the LO in their hands ...To mention 80% Muslim including us and 99% childless Various gifts which includes the Barbie in a fashion fairytale priced over 450 DHS....I mention it to give you a insight of different cultures Mariana, I'm really glad you're on this thread, you're giving a great insight into a different approach to all sorts of things (parties and sibling development for a start). I'm interested here though that you say 80% Muslim rather than eg 80% Lebanese, or 80% Arab, or whatever. Do you think the cultural aspects of things like parties are common to Muslims worldwide (eg would Indonesian Muslims have the same approach?) wouldn't be the case for Christianity, and it hadn't occurred to me it would for Muslims.

1996

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 08 March 2011 - 00:33

hahahaha Wuffles. I'm not your most creative nor imaginative writer and so I think my last post will have to stay!!!! ;) You could always stay up and write 997 inane posts to make the 5000.............

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