Learning to start over | ExpatWoman.com
 

Learning to start over

33
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 20 November 2011 - 09:42

I recently learned of my husbands infidelities, and while my initial reaction was to try make it work, his complete lack of trying to make an effort with me has lead me to believe that in order for us to work he needs to be trying his *ss off rather than coasting along wondering why I am still angry a week later.

Combined with this and the fact that we have no kids, and have only been married 19 months, I really dont see the point and wasting my time on more heartache!

Has anyone been in a situation like this, where they find out, decide to leave and are happier for it? How long does it take before your life feels like a giant black hole!!

I know it sounds silly but he has been my WHOLE life for 5 years now, and I obviously still love him so much. How do you not be scared of starting all this over again (even though I know its for the best part of me still wishes he would be that guy I married)

1811
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 20 November 2011 - 22:11
JSW, I want to wish you all the best too. It's normal to change your mind and not be sure of what to do but imagine your best friend is in this position - what would you advise her to do? The good thing is you are still so young! you have your whole life before you. Maybe it's best to get out now while you can and find someone who will appreciate you. It will only be harder to leave as the years go by. x x
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EW GURU
Latest post on 20 November 2011 - 19:18
Hi JSW, wishing you the courage to move forward to a life you deserve; also wishing you much love and kindness for yourself! Many hugs!
33
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 20 November 2011 - 18:34
Thanks Ladies for the amazing words!!! I must be honest I change my mond about 30 times a day about what to do - its seems thats normal:) I know moving out is the best thing for me now, as horrible as it is. Good to know things get better! xx
33
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 20 November 2011 - 13:49
I was with a git from very young, just 21 years old, until i was nearly 26. He took 5 years of my life. He only got away with it because i was so young. But it was the best thing I ever did when i left him. But only you can do it. No matter what anyone tells you, you have to wait until the light switch goes off in your head and you are ready to go. I know it is hard, at first you will regret it, because he has been your world. But slowly over time, you will enjoy time on your own again, maybe get a small dog, some company for you, when you walk in the door. It feels like the world has ended, but i figured i would rather be alone than with a liar and cheat. Do it. But do it for you. That is all i can say. x x x x
221
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 20 November 2011 - 13:49
Dear JSW I am so sorry that you are going through this right after 19 months of marriage. The truth is that we cannot control what others do. You have to accept the fact that what is done cannot be undone! I’m sure it feels like **** and your thoughts just go to the places that are just dark and hurtful and….. all that. But again, can you change it? NO So this is my suggestion to you. Get up and leave, sooner the better. There are 10000000000000 of men out there. Start dating for fun ASAP which is always good for the ego. Life goes on and It will get better, sooner than you would think right now. THE trick is, don’t waste one more day. Start living NOW. Good luck XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
223
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 20 November 2011 - 12:59
OP I am so sorry to hear that and understand how difficult this is. It seems that you have and are still trying to work this out but not him. I strongly believe that you should forget this idea as this will only add more pain. You are definitly not alone and probably have no clue about how strong you are and can be. Do something different like getting a good spa, a walk in a park, a glass of wine, a drive along the emirates, a paint... anything that can keep yourself busy. Hope you will get better. Good luck
645
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EW GURU
Latest post on 20 November 2011 - 11:46
JSW You are not alone, but the pain will make you feel like you are. It will get better, and you might be able to make it work with him, but you will definitely get over him if you decide to leave. Everything takes time, but the 5 years will be less and less, and in such a short time. Ask him where you stand and ask him to be honest with you, as this is no longer the time to hide.
92
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 20 November 2011 - 11:40
Dear JSW , All I can send you right now are hugs. I hope I can be there for you:) I agree to all these beautiful ladies who advised you. Hope you feel better soon dear.
704
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EW GURU
Latest post on 20 November 2011 - 10:30
I am so sorry you are going through this.
40
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 20 November 2011 - 10:18
Dear JSW, I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard time. I went through something similar, although I wasn't married to the guy I thought he would be the one (babies, white picked fence, the whole lot!). The only advice I could give you is look after yourself, it sounds like you have already given a lot of energy to try and fix this but without the return. It is now time to stop, take a deep breath and take the time to be very very kind to yourself. You have been through a terrible ordeal and you need to be nice to yourself. It took me about 2 years to get back to my old self, and later I met a wonderful man. Sometimes things happen and we have no control over them but a few years down the line you see that it was for the better at the end (I know this is the last thing you want to hear right now). In the meantime, use this as an opportunity to be selfish and focus only on yourself. Do things that make you happy, explore new opportunities, like travel or new career, spend more time with your girlfriends (they are always a great support and good shoulder to cry on). It is going to be a roller coaster (feeling down one day, feeling better the next) but time does heal and you will be happy again you will see! It is always scary doing something out of your comfort zone but it is so empowering once you have done it, you then wonder why you didn't do it sooner! I hope you feel better soon! Sending you hugs!:)
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EW GURU
Latest post on 20 November 2011 - 10:15
Not really sure if I have advise for you, but want to extend my sympathies! I can only imagine what you are going through... I am really sorry that this has happend to you. If I read your post it seems to me that you have sort of decided that you want to leave him but this is obviously a huge step. I think the only thing to do is listen to your heart and go with that however difficult it may be. I wish you lots of strength and hope you will find happiness again soon.
822
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EW GURU
Latest post on 20 November 2011 - 10:07
I've been there - so I can understand how you feel. I had been married 23 years and I truly felt my world had ended as we had been together for such a long time. I was signed off work with a "mental breakdown" and sat on the sofa and stared out of the window for 3 weeks, before I realised that I wasn't going to let the bast**d spoil the rest of my life. It was a gradual process and I guess it took about 6 months beofre I could say I was truly happy again. Every where I looked initally there seemed to be happy couples, and I couldn't believe how much I missed being a "couple", as I had been with my ex since I was 17 years old. I met a lovely guy, even though I wasn't planning on having another relationship as I couldn't face being hurt again, and we have benn married for almost 8 years now - so there is light at the end of the tunnel. Keep believing in yourself.
 
 

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