Napping nanny - advice please!

It did come across as her not sleeping being seen as some kind of victory when the reality is that the woman couldnt have a nap because there's no place for her to have one. The camping chair might just be a way around this but you husband would have to agree to not going into the kitchen when she's napping. My husband and boys would agree to it and when the baby goes down your maid could ask if Sir needs anything from the kitchen before she goes for a break. I'm not one of those ladies who doesnt have a maid and lambast others who do. I have a household staff of 6 including 2 british expats who now help me look after my son. I also have 3 domestic staff, people stay with me for many many years. Its not because I'm a soft touch, I just try to live by the standard that you do as you would be done by and if me, my children, or husband wouldnt want to be treated a certain way - we dont do it to others. I also have a rule of thumb at home thats along the lines of if its not something I've ever done as a housewife pre maid days, and if its not something my daughters would do as housewives - then my maids dont do it either. It works for us. hth :)

Thanks everyone, it's been interesting reading your replies. Funnily enough, since posting this a week ago when hubby walked in on her napping in the play area, the nanny hasn't napped once .... And? Is the above some kind of victory. Its as if the aim was to stop her sleeping, not provide her with a place to have a nap. Just how was she to have a nap if there's no place for her to have one? If a person is desperate for work they'll agree to harsh conditions such as a very long commute - it doesnt mean they dont find the going hard once they start the job and have to live the very long day. Is it really in your daughters best interests to be with someone who's putting in a really long day without the chance to have 40 winks a few times a week even if its a power nap. You can get camping chairs that fold up to something next to nothing, a person cant lie down on it, but they can get comfy by lying back a bit. They're available on C4. I'd get one and put it in the kitchen and just say to my husband that whilst the wee one is sleeping the maid will be having a snooze so pls dont go in their for half an hour. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 03/07/2012</em>

Funnily enough, since posting this a week ago when hubby walked in on her napping in the play area, the nanny hasn't napped once .... Perhaps nanny is on EW? :D lol perhaps nanny gets on EW now while the child naps ;)

Of course a parent sleeps at night when their child sleeps - imo that is a totally different thing. . why? is the child safer than when its the maid sleeping, or is it a day night/thing (not sure why that would make a difference but if it did, should a parent not sleep during the day when their baby sleeps? I can understand when a maid isn't watching the child all day, but if they do nanny all day, and therefore are entitled to a break of some description, doesn't it make sense that they rest while the child sleeps. Assuming that a maid doesn't normally sit in the child's room while they sleep, how is the child any less likely to climb out a window than if they maid was awake and downstairs ironing.

Funnily enough, since posting this a week ago when hubby walked in on her napping in the play area, the nanny hasn't napped once .... Perhaps nanny is on EW? :D

i think it's a shame that she lives so far away..normally i'd say she shouldn't be needing to sleep while she's at work - most people don't sleep at work...but her long commute must make her days really difficult..if it was me i'd tell her to either move nearer or employ someone else...

Is a parent sleeping while a child sleeps really something completely different than a nanny sleeping when a child sleeps? Children can and do fall out of windows and escape houses under their parents care - and when they are awake also. It comes down to competence and responsibility. If your maid is not responsible enough to wake up when the child does or to have anything around for your child to harm herself on - then her irresponsibility would continue into waking hours also, and she's at just as much risk either way. Its not about awake or asleep, its about the care the individual takes - whether maid or parent. With regards to OPs situation - the 15 month old is most likely in a crib she cannot get out of anyway without the maids asistance? What about the instances of parents who need to leave their children with nannies whilst they are on business trips? Should the nanny not sleep at night for a matter of days? What about the parents who suggest things like leaving a toddler some toys beside the bed for children to play with so they can sleep longer in the mornings - is this less risk than a nanny sleeping only when the child is asleep? Realistically - safety issues such as balconies and windows should already be locked/snibbed etc regardless of the nanny being awake or asleep, or regardless of there being a nanny at all. The child should not be able to hurt themselves or escape either way. Personally I wouldnt want my nanny sleeping while my child sleeps - but thats because she 's almost never alone with him, only works a few hours a day, and I thinks its reasonable to expect she sleep in her own time. If I thought someone was so incompetent or nonchalant about my childs safety that she would sleep through my child waking up, or have doors or windows or anything whatsoever available for my child to harm himself on whether awake or asleep - I wouldnt hire her to begin with.

Spongemonkey, I often used to put the children down for a nap and have a sleep at the same time. I cant say that I ever let a maid do it because I didnt have a maid in those days. When I did it the windows were locked and I used to sleep on a mattress against the bedroom door. No-one was going anywhere and I would wake up with them or before them because I was just kind of sleeping with one eye and ear closed. I really cant see anything wrong with that even if its a maid or a granny or some other kind of carer doing it. When I have my 18 month old grandchild I put her down in my room in her cot room then get on top of my bed for 40 winks. I do agree with you on not having a maid who doesnt speak english. I would never have the patience for it for a start but it also goes beyond that for me. edited by DesertRose1958 on 01/07/2012 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 01/07/2012</em>

I am amazed at the number of people who think it is acceptable to have someone to look after their child and sleep at the same time. Your choice. They just don't react in the same way as a parent. I have watched a little 2-3 year old boy out on the road one day because the maid was sleeping. I watched to see how long it went on for and also for his safety. That evening I told the parents exactly what had happened and they were horrified and grateful. Of course a parent sleeps at night when their child sleeps - imo that is a totally different thing. Of course it is up to the individual and I wouldn't have some maid who doesn't even speak English anyway ( other thread) bring up my child or any maid come to that. My choice.

correct - My maid takes her naps , breaks and lunch, talking to her family in her country , whilst my son is not under her care. when she is with him, she watches him like a hawk. she sleeps / eats chats etc during the day from 11 - 3 ( my son gets home at 4.00 ) so she is refreshed for when he is under her care. This is my preference and she is happy this way too. Its freaked her out a little bit reading about all the kids falling out of open windows and balconies so she stays with him. she starts work at 6.00 am ( her choice as she wakes up for prayers and then starts mopping ! ) so I would expect by 11.00 am she is like a zombie ! if you are uncomfortable with your maid taking a snooze whilst she is working ask her not to . your house, your rules.

I took her comment "must not take a break" to mean that her nanny could not take a break even if that was when the child was sleeping (since that is the scenario that this post refers to). Clearly she couldn't leave the house and would effectively be "on call" but some people do expect that even during nap time the nanny would be doing other household chores and I do think that is unreasonable. I don't think (child involved or not) that someone should work a full day without some downtime.

I'm just wondering how many mums have a nap when their LO is sleeping? I know I sometimes need one. exactly! not to mention, we all sleep at night while our babies sleep, its not like parents take it in shifts staying awake in a 24 hour vigil. She will be a better caregiver for having had a rest. A baby's room should obviously be babyproofed but anyway, were she not to nap, its not like she would be sitting awake in the corner of his room watching him as he slept anyway. And forgetting about napping, to expect someone to work a full day with no break is beyond harsh, its utterly unreasonable, this is an employee not a slave. It would also be unreasonable to have her get up and leave the child alone, would it not? Judging from previous posts - mushypeas kids are school age and her maid is never with them for more than a few hours at a time. Not the whole day without a break. For kids below school age with nannies who work all day - the children usually sleep for a spell and the nanny does get a break without any physical duties other than just being there. I took mushypeas comment as saying she would not accept to have a person in charge of her child to nick off to another room for half and hour and stop supervising the child in order to have a break. Obviously the nanny can still eat, have periods of sitting down/rest, etc throughout the day whilst still being present with the child/ren and ensuring their safety. As parents we all do this, in the same way you are reasoning that as parents we also sleep whilst children are in our care.

Its not her fault that she lives so far away Not "fault" - but she did take the job knowing the hours, knowing where she lives, and knowing the travelling time it would take and decided to take it anyway. Realistically - people in nursery/childcare jobs can and do care for *several* children for that many hours each day (taking into account a lunch break in that timeframe). I have a friend at home who works at a childcare centre 8-6 and she cares for 15 four year olds in a room on her own for that duration. She does get a break for lunch obviously. She does not sleep. She travels 1 hour each way. Obviously if your child is asleep, there is no reason the nanny should not/could not have a break. Realistically - she should not *need* a sleep. If you don't mind if she sleeps - then why not let her. If you do mind and she feels she cannot make it through the work day without a sleep - I would be suggesting to her to move somewhere that doesnt involve 4 hours travelling each day. If you don't mind her sleeping and you don't like her sleeping on the couch or in your daughters room - Could you have a fold out foam mattress that you keep in a cupboard that she can roll out in a corner of the living area and then put away when she is done? If your daughters sleep routine is disturbed by someone in the room, its perfectly reasonable to not want the maid sleeping in that room at that time.

O comon, I dont think anyone said anything about her not having a break, if they did then I must have missed it. Most work places do not supply a sleeping area for employees, that doesnt mean they dont get breaks? my comment was in ref to this I wouldnt accept it at all. When I took my maid on I told her that whilst my son is under her care, she must not take a break ........ some may say im harsh but im not taking any risks. presumably the OP has been ok with the maid napping up to this point hence her post about figuring out a good place for the nanny to nap. Sure its certainly not usual for people to nap at the office, (although maybe it should be http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/OnCall/story?id=2831235#.T-3edHAUKH0) but mums often nap at home and a nanny is effectively filling the role of "mum" while mum is working. If the nanny is tired, she will be better for having had a lie down, its just not that big a deal.

I'm just wondering how many mums have a nap when their LO is sleeping? I know I sometimes need one. exactly! not to mention, we all sleep at night while our babies sleep, its not like parents take it in shifts staying awake in a 24 hour vigil. She will be a better caregiver for having had a rest. A baby's room should obviously be babyproofed but anyway, were she not to nap, its not like she would be sitting awake in the corner of his room watching him as he slept anyway. And forgetting about napping, to expect someone to work a full day with no break is beyond harsh, its utterly unreasonable, this is an employee not a slave. O comon, I dont think anyone said anything about her not having a break, if they did then I must have missed it. Most work places do not supply a sleeping area for employees, that doesnt mean they dont get breaks? Well actually, my hubby rarely gets/takes a break, he eats on the fly or at his desk and thats that really. Same for most working people I know here. Perhaps they are all slaves too...? Even if he did take a break there is certainly no place in his office where its acceptable for him to sleep. By all means, if OP wants her maid to sleep, then set up a sleeping area for her, but if it was me I would not be ok with a live out maid coming to her work place and sleeping on my sofa (or anywhere else for that matter whilst in charge of my LO). <em>edited by Purple on 29/06/2012</em>

I'm just wondering how many mums have a nap when their LO is sleeping? I know I sometimes need one. exactly! not to mention, we all sleep at night while our babies sleep, its not like parents take it in shifts staying awake in a 24 hour vigil. She will be a better caregiver for having had a rest. A baby's room should obviously be babyproofed but anyway, were she not to nap, its not like she would be sitting awake in the corner of his room watching him as he slept anyway. And forgetting about napping, to expect someone to work a full day with no break is beyond harsh, its utterly unreasonable, this is an employee not a slave.

I'm just wondering how many mums have a nap when their LO is sleeping? I know I sometimes need one. Also I work long hours, and I know there are times when I would be a lot more effective at my job, if I had a 30minute nap. I asked a friend that is a nanny in the uk what she is allowed, and she said that if she worked until 6.30 she would definitely take an hour to nap in the afternoon, and could never see her employer having a problem with it. It's up to each employer. Personally I don't have a problem with my live out helper having a nap in the afternoon. Maybe make up your own mind what works for your household, and just set very clear guidelines. Eg: what you want finished before she has a break, how long a break is for, where she can take a break. Make it very clear if you dont want her sleeping. I understand it's difficult if your husband works from home. And surely when you have small children your windows should be childproofed, no matter whos incharge?

I think the woman is putting in a long day even without her two hour commute each way on public transport. The thought of that quite honestly makes me shudder especially the way the weather is just now. Those buses must be like ovens even with ac. You've said you compensate her for the hours but in my mind if a person is tired they're tired and money doesnt really make them feel less tired so I think the compensation is beside the point. Its not her fault that she lives so far away and I think I'd be looking to either move her closer to us, provide alternative transport, or arrange a place in your childs room for her to have a snooze when she does. I think the latter could be arranged even tho you're little one is a light sleeper. Safe proofing the room would also be possible. I doubt very much the woman has another job. I think its more than likely that having to share a room with 3 others, and commute the way she does, is really harsh living and probably why she is tired. I imagine the place she lives must go like a fair at all hours as there's probably more than her and her 3 room mates living in the apartment or whatever it is. You should either let her go, or find a way to let her have a snooze in the day.

Could I add my advice? I have a live out hb and he starts at 7am so gets up early but does finish at 4pm but I would not tolerate sleeping on the job, as other have said many work longer hours in the office and cerainly would not to it there. I think she should look at an alternative to her transport to you. My hb and previous maid both get shared lifts ie someone drives them, yes it will cost a bit more but It would cut down her 2 hour travel period.

I wouldnt accept it at all. When I took my maid on I told her that whilst my son is under her care, she must not take a break or have a nap. if she is tierd, she can do this once she has completed her work and it needs to be in her break so her time and not mine. some may say im harsh but im not taking any risks.

Do you remember the case of the child falling out of an apartment window while the babysitter was sleeping?? You say your child is clumsy - really, you want to let her sleep? I don't think so..

certain things need to be communicated well in advance, i mean, what are her limitations, As you said she is compensated well, you need to be a little straight forward with her of what she is not allowed to do during her working hours, it might sound hard but since its duty she should follow. initially she'll be alert then finally will adopt it as part of her duty to obey you. as long as you are not misbehaving with her, she should not take leverage extra...

Add 2 hours commute each way and she is probably up at 5am and not home until after 8pm, she works a long, physical day, napping on her break is hardly a crime. I often nap during my sons nap time and don't feel I'm neglectful in doing so. Do you have a guest room, can't she rest/nap there. I'm assuming she has the monitor in there.

Those are not particularly long hours, I don't understand why she needs a nap? Sure she can put her feet up & have a cup of tea while DD is sleeping but she shouldn't need a full blown snooze...

Im sorry but I actually find this a bit (!!) ridiculous, lol. My hubby works far longer hours then that and you don't see him napping on the office floor! She knew the hours when she started did she not? If she is in charge of your daughter she should be awake! Sorry, but this is my opinion, and you did ask. I would think being awake is a pretty major part of any job. I take it she is live out? Does she eat a good lunch? Have coffee etc? If yes then she is clearly not sleeping enough at night. Perhaps she has another job?