Finding it difficult to accept I will not be able to breastfeed :( | ExpatWoman.com
 

Finding it difficult to accept I will not be able to breastfeed :(

522
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EW GURU
Latest post on 05 January 2011 - 20:36
LD you're amazing - it's incredible and a wonderful example of how determined you are. Youve done so well and still providing breastmilk for as long as you hope to is a great aim. The most important thing... the fact that you're enjoying Jumana and starting to bond and build a very strong relationship with her is wonderful :D. Enjoy your gorgeous daughter and relax!
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 05 January 2011 - 20:00
Ladies, thank you so very much. I think I have now finally accepted things and it was partly due to your beautiful reassuring responses. Thank you so much for sharing! On a bright note, Cecile brought round the supplementary nursing system; and we've tried it a few times for the past couple of days. DD has taken approximately 10mL from the tube in about ten minutes, and then a fair amount after by bottle. I don't think she took anything from the breast itself; but the fact that she latched on and then commenced to suck albeit weakly is a significant improvement. In general she's also been much better feeding at the bottle and we're not having to syringe feed her as much anymore. At this stage I still doubt very much she will breastfeed or at most breastfeed exclusively. I've decided that I will continue to pump and feed her EBM until she is at least 4 months adjusted or hopefully even 6 months adjusted. But more importantly I am finally learning to just relax and start enjoying this new exciting relationship with this growing little being, and stop worrying about the logistics of it all. Thank you so much ladies. I am finally at peace with this. xxx
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 05 January 2011 - 11:20
aww I've got all teary reading those too. I hope you are feeling a bit better lemondrops. DS was in NICU for a week (I know it isn't a whole month and he was born at 38 weeks so big difference) but still our first and in NICU from 3 mins after being born and It was 3 hrs later that I finally got to go see him, we tried b'feeding and he also had top ups via cup or syringe which the nurses did until about day 3 when I said "I want to do it!" but I felt wierd at the start because of not really getting to hold him and get to know him in the first week then we were able to finally go home 5 days later and I had hardly had time with him just me and him because of him being in NICU then taking home a little man that I had no idea on how to care for really... I actually feel sorry (more so for him later) that we don't have a photo of him the day he was born... no photos until day 2 and 3. But then the bonding we've had since coming home and these 6 months later have been wonderful. And the journey you have with both your LO's will be amazing! xox
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 05 January 2011 - 00:59
Hi lemondrops, I truly understand your feelings but do not loose hope. Me and DS also had a difficult start (although much shorter and he was not premature) but everything seemed to be solved by itself with the help of plastic nipples (don't know if this si the name in English :) ) - he would not bf directly from my breast in the beginning and once I managed to relax. Plus, there is a breastfeeding mums club in DXB (search the threads here) that might be able to help you out or at least give you some support. Listen to as much advice as you can. All the best and don't forget: "Bonding is the emotional connection a baby makes with his caregiver when his needs are consistently met. The baby learns to trust that when he cries, he will get those needs provided for. Whether that is physical food or emotional love given by holding, slowly the infant learns that Mommy (and Daddy) give him a secure environment where he can trust that his basic needs will be cared for. (Erik Erickson's stages of social development provide great insights here.)" It does not matter whether you are BF or FF, you are mother and daughter - the bond is there already. it's just a matter of 'helping it out'.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 23:26
Thank you so much ladies. I almost cried reading everyone of your beautiful posts. In some ways I feel so silly for feeling the way I do. I should be grateful to have a healthy baby girl who is finally home with us after almost a month in the NICU. After a few bumps and bruises she is on the steady path to weight gain and she is still drinking and receiving all the benefits of my breast milk albeit not directly from me. I am finding the bonding difficult probably because of the difficult times we'd been through and are still going through on account of her lazy feeding habits, but as she grows and flourishes I am sure I will learn to bond with her in ways I can not imagine. Thank you for reminding me what is really important. xxx Remember too that your hormones will be all over the place plus having your other LO to think about. Don't try and compare your babies, they were born under different circumstances. Don't be so hard on yourself lovey xx <em>edited by JoyceB on 04/01/2011</em>
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EW GURU
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 22:52
Plumie...that was a tear-jerker
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 21:38
Hi Lemondrops. I desperately wanted to breastfeed my DD 1, so much so that I pumped for 12 weeks in the hopes that eventually she'd latch on. I cried and cried, but eventually got over it. I am still breastfeeding DD 2 who is almost two years old and I can say that I have an equal bond with both my children and I believe bonding has nothing to do with breastfeeding. It is ok. You will feel sorry for a while, but you will get over it and know that you have done your best. Thank you AnonDubai. I think one of the reasons why I am finding this difficult is because I keep comparing how things were with DD1 versus DD2. It's a relief to know that my insecurities are pretty much unfounded.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 21:37
{{{HUGS}}} to you LD! I know everything seems gloomy and grey today, but i thought i would just share this little poem with you that might get you through those really **tough** moments! [i'>You have so much more to look forward to...[/i'> * Giggles under the covers every night. * More love than your heart can hold. * Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs. * A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate. * A partner for blowing bubbles, baking cakes * Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how you performed that day * finger-paint * play hide-and-seek * catch lightning bugs * never stop believing in Santa Claus. You have an excuse to: * keep reading the Adventures of Winnie the Pooh * watching Saturday morning cartoons * going to Disney movies, and wishing on stars * You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect hand prints set in clay on Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day. * taking the training wheels off a bike * removing a splinter * coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs You get a front row seat to history to witness the: * first step, * first word, * first bra, * first date, and * first time behind the wheel. You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree! In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, So one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost :) Beautiful poem... thanks Plumie!
378
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 21:36
Thank you so much ladies. I almost cried reading everyone of your beautiful posts. In some ways I feel so silly for feeling the way I do. I should be grateful to have a healthy baby girl who is finally home with us after almost a month in the NICU. After a few bumps and bruises she is on the steady path to weight gain and she is still drinking and receiving all the benefits of my breast milk albeit not directly from me. I am finding the bonding difficult probably because of the difficult times we'd been through and are still going through on account of her lazy feeding habits, but as she grows and flourishes I am sure I will learn to bond with her in ways I can not imagine. Thank you for reminding me what is really important. xxx
5452
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 18:45
Hi Lemondrops. I desperately wanted to breastfeed my DD 1, so much so that I pumped for 12 weeks in the hopes that eventually she'd latch on. I cried and cried, but eventually got over it. I am still breastfeeding DD 2 who is almost two years old and I can say that I have an equal bond with both my children and I believe bonding has nothing to do with breastfeeding. It is ok. You will feel sorry for a while, but you will get over it and know that you have done your best.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 16:08
Just beautiful, Plumie!
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EW GURU
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 16:04
{{{HUGS}}} to you LD! I know everything seems gloomy and grey today, but i thought i would just share this little poem with you that might get you through those really **tough** moments! [i'>You have so much more to look forward to...[/i'> * Giggles under the covers every night. * More love than your heart can hold. * Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs. * A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate. * A partner for blowing bubbles, baking cakes * Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how you performed that day * finger-paint * play hide-and-seek * catch lightning bugs * never stop believing in Santa Claus. You have an excuse to: * keep reading the Adventures of Winnie the Pooh * watching Saturday morning cartoons * going to Disney movies, and wishing on stars * You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect hand prints set in clay on Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day. * taking the training wheels off a bike * removing a splinter * coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs You get a front row seat to history to witness the: * first step, * first word, * first bra, * first date, and * first time behind the wheel. You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree! In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, So one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost :)
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EW GURU
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 15:56
All in all, this is sad day for me, but I need to mourn and move on as the situation right now isn't working. :( It's OK and normal to mourn what you thought would be but isn't. Allow yourself to accept your feelings, and be gentle on yourself. You've been through so much in the past few weeks. Mothering is so much more than breastfeeding, and you are just as wonderful a mummy to Jumana. Meals has mentioned some special ways you can nurture her, and you will discover new, unforeseen ways to forge a unique bond. xx
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 15:40
Beautifully written AP and SO true! ;) Big hugs to you, LD!
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 15:33
:( awww lemondrops, the bond that you will have with her will still be beautiful and caring b**b or bottle. I did half and half in the end and about 1 month ago stopped b'feeding DS and I have to say that I really love our time together with the bottle - even though he is holding it himself (from 4 months now at 6 mths)... You still get to cuddle up close with her and look into her eyes. Just this morning DS was looking up at me the whole time having his bottle and he kept grabbing my hand and holding my pointer finger, if I took it away to see what he would do, he could look around for it and hold it then gaze back up at me. It was so lovely and I'm sure you will get special moments just like that with your DD2. You can always give her plenty of skin on skin time and that will be just as beautiful for you both. xox
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 14:33
Neither of mine were bf apart from a few fumbling attempts while I was in hospital. Although bf was encouraged when I had mine in the late 70s, there wasn't the kind of help that is around now apart from the community midwife or HV. My DD had about 2 weeks and DS a few days after I came home then it was bottles. I can assure you that I had and still have an amazing bond with my children. Funnily enough, neither of them remember how they were fed as babies. It is of course far more difficult when babies are prem and they don't have the ability or maturity to be able to suck. No matter how your baby is fed, she will be fine and grow up in the knowledge that she is greatly loved and cherished. No mum should ever feel like she has failed her baby because bf isn't possible, but those of us who haven't managed to bf for whatever reason understand your feelings. Wishing you all the very best. Enjoy your baby. :) x
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 14:28
Oh LD you are so far from being a failure in any respect. You have given J the best possible start in life and tried absolutely everything to bf - I am in awe of your efforts! What you have overcome and achieved to date is incredible and you should b so proud of yourself. If it is of any consolation - I felt exactly like you do when I had to stop last time. And believe me when I say - there are some wonderful ways to bond with Jumana unrelated to bf-ing... Lots of skin to skin time, taking her in the bath, ensuring one on one time with each other away from everyone and everything else... It will all be ok - that's a promise. (((hugs))) and it will get easier. A xxx edited by meals on 04/01/2011 Thank you meals. I think I will feel better just accepting things are they are and moving on. At the moment it seems like such a difficult decision; I feel no bonding whatsoever when feeding DD but I think that is partly because it has been so difficult getting her to take her feeds; hopefully once this gets easier with time, I'll be able to enjoy it more. Today is important in that I need to realise it is not working and move on. I also have a husband and daughter whom I haven't paid any attention to in the last 6 weeks; I also need to schedule some time for myself (to sleep). I need to factor that in as well. All in all, this is sad day for me, but I need to mourn and move on as the situation right now isn't working. :(
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 14:12
*Hugs* Lemondrops. You are absolutely not a failure - you are a fabulous mummy, and how you feed Jumana does not change this fact one bit. You will still be loving her, caring for her, providing her and nurturing her - just differently than you expected. Have you seen an IBCLC to discuss feeding? Most premature babies have difficulties feeding until their actual due date, so if you are still considering breastfeeding then I would strongly encourage you to get a consult. Many preemies just "click" round about then. An IBCLC may be able to suggest techniques which you may not have tried yet, and can also talk through your feelings and emotions and explore various feeding options (including bottle feeding) with you if direct breastfeeding is not going to be an option. Thank you BFC; I've actually been seeing a lactation consultant for this ever since DD was discharged from hospital. DD has ever since been a difficult feeder and we've had to resort to syringe feeding at times just to make sure she gets the calories in her. She also takes the bottle but that too is difficult and it is not uncommon for her feeds to last an hour; top that up with the three hourly feeding and pumping schedule and I'm pooped! I was so hoping to get her to breastfeed to eliminate all the extra work just to get some breastmilk inside of her, but that's not to be. Today the lactation consultant has come by to try and see if she would be willing to go on the breast with a supplementary nursing system. Although we've put fair effort into it; DD took less than 5 mL from the SNS then refused to take her top up bottle or to be fed by syringe; so we had to put her to bed a hungry baby and try again in three hours.... the cycle continues. :( I am basically going to try to get DD to accept the breast over the next few days with the SNS and if that doesn't work, I will have to officially throw in the towel. I'll have to make due with feeding her my EBM for as long as I can i.e. just before I drop unconscious with exhaustion!
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EW GURU
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 12:06
Oh LD you are so far from being a failure in any respect. You have given J the best possible start in life and tried absolutely everything to bf - I am in awe of your efforts! What you have overcome and achieved to date is incredible and you should b so proud of yourself. If it is of any consolation - I felt exactly like you do when I had to stop last time. And believe me when I say - there are some wonderful ways to bond with Jumana unrelated to bf-ing... Lots of skin to skin time, taking her in the bath, ensuring one on one time with each other away from everyone and everything else... It will all be ok - that's a promise. (((hugs))) and it will get easier. A xxx <em>edited by meals on 04/01/2011</em>
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EW GURU
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 11:30
*Hugs* Lemondrops. You are absolutely not a failure - you are a fabulous mummy, and how you feed Jumana does not change this fact one bit. You will still be loving her, caring for her, providing her and nurturing her - just differently than you expected. Have you seen an IBCLC to discuss feeding? Most premature babies have difficulties feeding until their actual due date, so if you are still considering breastfeeding then I would strongly encourage you to get a consult. Many preemies just "click" round about then. An IBCLC may be able to suggest techniques which you may not have tried yet, and can also talk through your feelings and emotions and explore various feeding options (including bottle feeding) with you if direct breastfeeding is not going to be an option.
378
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 04 January 2011 - 11:00
I need to come to terms with the fact that I will not be able to breastfeed DD2 who was born premature at only 31 weeks. I've been holding out hope that once she grows bigger or approaches her due date things will change but still no miracles. DD hardly latches on the breast and doesn't even suck. I don't know why but I am devastated that I will not be able to bond with her the way I did with DD1 (who I breastfed until she was 2 years old). I feel like such a failure and I'm am just so resentful of the circumstances that have led to this. Today, we're giving it one last shot with a supplementary nursing system but I'm not going to hold my breath. :(
 
 

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