Having your own life with DH when you have kids? | ExpatWoman.com
 

Having your own life with DH when you have kids?

2937
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 10 March 2012 - 22:23

DH and I went out together for the first time in almost a year last week and had a wonderful time. I know we ought to make more time for each other and make the effort to do things in the evening without the kids, but I just can't seem to get past feeling guilty for being out without them, even though they're home in bed! And worse, we have been invited for brunch with an old friend who's visiting Dubai in a couple of weeks - while the thought of going with DH is so tempting, I feel really bad that we'd be leaving the children during the daytime when they'll be awake for at least a couple of hours.

I'm aware this probably sounds faintly ridiculous, but we have seriously only been out alone in the evening about five times since DS was born and now just the once since DD was born. We've never been out in the daytime alone.

I guess I worry what will happen if DS wants me, and I'm not there (DD is too small to notice!). I'm sitting here thinking how ridiculous it sounds even as I'm typing! Of course this is going to happen at some stage over the next 40-odd years :D. But honestly, do you ever stop feeling bad about going out alone and enjoying yourselves together? Am I just being neurotic?

2937
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 11 March 2012 - 22:13
I know, I know :(. My own Mum never used to do anything without us and I'm pretty sure she thinks I should be with my children 24/7, so a lot of the guilt comes from her! We had such a lovely time last week, and it really felt like we were back to how we used to be in each other's company. We definitely need to do more of it and hopefully we'll be able to when we finally find a good maid.
494
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 11 March 2012 - 21:41
Think of it this way... And hopefully it might help?.... Unless you and DH make time for each other and spend time out together doing the things you use to do pre children, then you're only going to end up down a split road you traveling one way and him another. Life stressors (I.e work n kids) are around and before kids you could just go and do somethingtogeher to unwind... Now of course not so easy but still just as important as it was before! It gets easier as you leave them for a bit longer each time and even though yes you end up talking about them together and missing them terribly, trust me when I say you will have a greater appreciation of kids and husband if you do actually make the time to be together kiddy-less! DS will be perfectly fine and if I'm not in labour we can always go play so he has familiarity for a bit (depending who you leave him with)... Go and enjoy yourselves together for a few hours the one of you head home. :) You guys should have a regular date night each week or at least each fortnight. You both need it for the Heath of your relationship and family! All parents do me thinks ;) Xox
1336
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 March 2012 - 02:42
It will do them some good to be away from you. They wull learn that you come back. Perhaps just do some practice beforehand, not sur eif you have home help, but go out for 20mins (even just to drive down the road and back in that time), then an hour and so on.... Sur ethey might cry and fuss a bit the first few times but honestly, they'll get over it. I remember screaming the place down when I first went to kindy, two days in I didn't want mum to come back! lol....
 
 

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