My Daughter's feeding problem... a cry for help and support :(

Thank you ladies for your wonderful responses as usual. Kiwispiers, your advice is in line with the feeding therapist I've seen for DD. Like you said, DD is dreamfeeding because sucking is still a reflexsive act for her. In time this will slowly fade away but hopefully by then we can substitute this solid feeds, even if it means that she takes no EBM/formula by bottle. Right now, DD is still fed EBM but as her intake has dropped, I have started adding 1/2 scoop formula to every bottle so I can get the calories up. I'm just hoping that the transition to solids will be much easier. Oh Meals! I don't just want to vent! I want to scream and hurl bottles across the room! Somedays it's easy and other days it's just a complete mess with J not taking more than 50 ml at a go, even asleep! Mrs, Laughan, thanks for the advice. Maybe these are avenues I should pursue as it is evident that conventional medicine isn't working or in fact is dismissing me and my concerns. Moonkitty, I've actually been seeing Cecile. I think she's great. But this one is way over her head. She's never experienced an orally averse baby before, so she couldn't be much help, I'm afraid. :( We did manage to see an excellent feeding therapist, but as she's based in Al Ain is difficult to see her regularly.

So I’m posting this in the bumps and babes section as well as the main forum to get as much advice as possible. As many of you already know, DD2 was born two months premature. A lot of you wonderful ladies, were there for me during the tumultuous period that was the delivery and DD’s month long stay in the NICU. And we thought that when we brought her home, it was going to get better. Well some things are, but some things aren’t, and everyday continues to be a struggle with her with regards to her feeding. Everyday I wake up, thinking to myself will this be the day my DD will refuse the bottle completely and starve herself to the point of dehydration, or will this be the day that she will happily take her bottle. Neither happens, and I end up having to exclusively dreamfeed her. For every feed. I know, it sounds crazy, but I have to exclusively dreamfeed my DD. I suppose though before I go into details, I should provide some context. Shortly after DD was discharged from the NICU, we had to readmit her again due to dehydration. In the two days she was home, she refused to either bottle feed or breastfeed. After trying for two days, I knew something was not right so take her straight to the Al Wasl ER, where she was re-admitted for dehydration. They stuck an IV tube in her and four hours later she took her first bottle in 2 days. And that was it. She wouldn’t take anything again, so I resorted to syringe feeding her. After 2 days in hospital, the staff were happy with her progress despite her being almost entirely syringe fed and discharged us. And back again to the feeding nightmare! Every feeding was a struggle, it commenced with trying to bottle feed her and then resorting to syringe feeding. However, once we felt she was strong enough we stopped the syringe feeding, moved her exclusively to preemie bottles and then slowly to regular bottles. But even then in those early days, I could tell something was not quite right with her sucking. And anytime I tried to discuss this with the lactation consultants, doctors, specialists, etc. I was dismissed. But I continued to have a nagging feeling that something was not quite right, despite her gaining weight and “thriving”. Anyway, the success was short-lived. Shortly after I noticed she would fuss and cry whenever I tried to feed her. She would arch her back, spit out the bottle and cry. So I when I consulted with her paediatrician he said reflux and prescribed some reflux meds. Any improvement? No. So he upped them. Did it get better then? Nope. So he changed. Still no change. In fact it went from bad to worse to the point where she now categorically refuses to drink the bottle awake, and now I exclusively dreamfeed. her at every nap and every three hours at night. I cannot describe the sheer anguish and anxiety I went through in the early days. At one point I was a nervous mess teetering on the brink of a psychotic episode. Again, thanks to the ladies at EW, I sought help (thank goodness for Zoloft and Xanax). But the pain, the grief of being unable to enjoy the feeding relationship I so desperately wanted with my daughter is indescribable. I thought it was bad enough that she refused to breastfeed... but this... this was agonising! As mothers we are hardwired to nurturing our babies. It is in our genetic code. In fact our bodies release endorphins when we breastfeed. So important is the feeding relationship that it forms the basis of the bond between mother and child in the early days. But this I could not enjoy. I cannot enjoy that special time cuddling with my little one, gazing into her beautiful little eyes, as she is either fast asleep whilst feeding or crying frantically at the sight of the bottle. I spend every waking minute counting the mls she’s consumed and trying to ensure she’s gotten the minimum. I have consulted feeding therapists, lactation consultants, paediatric gastroenterologist, occupational therapists, and paediatric psychiatrists from Dubai, the US and Austria, and the advice I’ve received ranges from stopping the dreamfeeding and starving her submission to just keep going with the dreamfeeding until she has progressed with solids. One specialist recommended that we give up on the bottle feeds and move her 100% to solids. She was only two months old (adjusted) at the time. Well starving her doesn’t work. I’ve tried that. The longest I’ve lasted was 15 hours (during the day) before I gave in and gave her a dreamfeed. The problem with the dreamfeeding, is that she is now beginning to resist the dreamfeeds as well. Her intake has gone down drastically in the past week. I was prepared to dreamfeed her for as long as possible even though it meant being a prisoner in my own house. But now even this is not working. I am so worried she’ll go back to starving herself and that we would have to end up tube feeding her. But at this point I don’t what more I can do! I also have another DD who is almost 3 years old and who I’ve been neglecting, as I’ve been spending most of my time looking after her younger sister. Plus we’re supposed to move to Singapore in two months time. I have no idea how I’m going to manage that! DH is already spending 75% of his time over there already, so in many ways I’m a single mom! And how am I going to manage dreamfeeding DD whilst having no support in Singapore whilst trying to find a new home for us and getting DD settled in at her new school? Honestly, I’m terrified!! Sorry for the vent, but I feel in some ways I’ve been living a nightmare for the past six months and it doesn’t look like I’ll be able to wake up any time soon!