Teaching your baby to sleep through the night ... with CIO

Thanks Kiwi ... I would like to try the soothing method. Usually she wakes because she's lonely and is having difficulty going back to sleep but she definitely can put herself to sleep but it takes some time. The problem I have is that when she's standing, if I go in and hug her or calmly tell her to sleep or lay her back down and try to pat her she just keeps crying and wriggling about so she doesn't stay still enough to try to calm or soothe her. She starts crawling around the crib and holding onto the bars crying her little eyes oUt. .. Basically saying 'pick me up NOW'. And if I do the pick up/ put down method .... The second she is calm and I start putting her back down she starts crying again ..... Maybe I need to try that one but just stick with it even if it takes me all night. I guess I feel that if she is screaming with me in the room and she almost gets more angry if I keep putting her down then I might as well just leave her to figure it out as there will probably be less crying. When your giving your LO hugs and cuddles while he is in the crib is he crying and then he stops after some time when he is tired or he stops the second you go to him? Thanks for your advice.

Can't really help you with CIO NatashaK as I haven't used it but if you'd rather go the soothing method, and don't want to co-sleep then go for soothing while in the crib, basically you ideally don't pick them up in the first place unless you have to, so if my guy was standing in his crib I would cuddle him over the crib railing, with him still standing, after a while he would get tired and lay back down and then I would pat his bottom, or just leave my hand on his back until he went to sleep. Some people have the philosophy that is a child is not hungry or in pain and does not need changing then they have "no reason: for waking/crying. In my mind there is always a reason. They are cold, they are scared, they are lonely, they don't know how to fall asleep without sucking on something, they are standing up but not sure how to get back down, etc etc. Babies never cry for no reason, not all of their needs are physical though and is is certainly not always easy to decipher them. You have to figure out how much you are personally prepared to give, if they are crying because they don't want to be alone, will you stay with them? etc. No one else can really make that decision for you.

I am not a big fan of CIO but as I said, if its a few minutes of crying a couple of times a night then I am OK with it because it means my LO gets a full night sleep. If I can hear her cry is just a 'I want you in here but there is nothing wrong' cry then I am happy to CIO ( I do not go in at all because she gets more upsets and angry if keep going in and putting her back down). I started it again a couple of weeks ago after I knew she was settled and adjusted to the timings here etc and it worked and everything was fine but then after a few days the crying got longer (8 minutes, then the next night 15 minutes, then the next 20 minutes). So after about the 4th night of it 'not working' and the crying and fussing going on for 30 minutes I decided to go in and make sure she was OK. I offered milk and she didnt want it, I checked her diaper and it was clean, I gave her calpol as she is teething but she wouldnt go back in her crib without crying so I put her in the bed with me. This was at 4am so I did not mind as she had slept the majority of the night on her own.The next night the crying (and not stopping crying) started at 3am so I ended up in her room again and then the next night 1 am and last night 11am. She obviously knows I will come into her room now and sleep with her which she likes and she is cutting a tooth which is causing her a lot of pain so I do not mind being there for her. If she is sick or in pain etc then I will never leave her to cry but if I know she is fine then I start the sleep training again as the wakings are not for any particular reason it seems. But my question is : When she was fine ( ie. not teething which was about a week ago) why did she suddenly start waking more frequently (after the CIO worked for a few days) and crying longer stretches. I thought the longer you do CIO the shorter the cry time and less frequent wakings as they understand you wont come. Could she have been teething? Did she figure out that if she keeps crying then maybe I'll give in and because I did now she is continuing to wake until I go into her room .... I am really confused! I want to do CIO but not if it means hours of endless crying every single night because that is just cruel. As I said, if its a few nights with a bit of crying (which is what normally happens) and it results in her sleeping well then I am fine with it but otherwise I am not. And if I abandon CIO which I have for now and go in and soothe her then how do I put her back down in her crib without upsetting her???????

natasha it seems to me you need to decide how you really feel about CIO before you can figure out what to do. CIO is not for me, but putting that aside, if you one night leave your baby to cry and the next night lie down and comfort her, nothing is really ever going to work and she will end up utterly confused. Maybe the first step for you is figuring out how you feel ethically and then choosing a technique that fits those ethics, and sticking with it. There is quite a continuum bettween extinction (basically shutting the door and stayign away for as long as it take) and no cry solutions, with various techniques (controlled crying/ferberising, baby whisperer-esque pick-up put-down etc etc along the way). I think your baby has reached an age developmentally where they are experiencing separation anxiety and are feeling emotionally needy, they are fearful to be alone. When my baby reached this stage I dealt with this by comforting him consistently and after a few weeks he went back to normal. I don't think you can comfort one night, and leave to cry another and expect your baby to start to feel secure. Maybe sit down with your husband and figure out exactly what you would be comfortable with, and work from there. <em>edited by kiwispiers on 06/06/2012</em>

I could've written the exact same post a the OP .... Can anyone offer me any advice? Am I missing something totally obvious? My 8 month old DD has never been a great sleeper ..... But we did CIO at 5 months and it worked so far as she woke 2 or 3 times a night but put herself back to sleep with maximum 5 mins of fussing. Basically, there was a stretch of about 2 months where we didn't even have to go into her room after putting her to sleep. Great! Then we travelled to USA, she got an ear infection so I obviously started going back into her room if she woke up and didn't leave her crying for any amount of time - jet lag, change of room, different climate, discomfort from ear infection, teething ... Basically too many things going on which didn't feel right to leave her. She wakes up at different times every night,sometimes once and sometimes upto 5 times. The consistent thing is she goes to sleep at 7pm and wakes by around 6 am and takes 2 naps a day. Usually between 2-3 hours of naps every days. Now she is 8 months, she is fine and we tried sleep training again but it isn't working. It worked for the first few days where again she woke up a couple of times but went back to sleep within a few minutes but then it went downhill, The crying got longer and longer, more frequent Wakings and no one got any sleep. I can deal with it if she wakes a couple of times and needs to cry for a couple of minutes to resettle herself but that stopped happening. A few nights ago she was crying and fussing for 30 minutes and she couldn't get back to sleep so I went in and held her and she fell asleep immediately but as soon as I try to put her back down she wakes up crying. So I ended up getting into bed with her and she slept fine til the morning. This was at 4 Am. Then the next night she 'wanted' me at 3 am and it has gotten earlier and earlier and last night I was in her room and in bed with her at 11pm. It seems she just wants me in there with her because she falls back asleep the second I pick her up and she doesn't let me put her back down in her crib. Any thoughts? I don't want to start cosleeping now at 8 months .... I thought the sleep issues were supposed to get better!!

Well to state the very obvious, the problem is not hunger or routine it is is that she is dependent on having a boob in her mouth to fall asleep. For a no-cry technique google 'pantley pull out" In order to get to a routine by day, I think you need to work towards by the clock naptimes rather than just tired signs, tired signs are much more obvious in younger babies. I always knew naps were at the right times when my baby went down very easily. If he fought a nap it was probably at the wrong time. Start with uptime, bedtime and the first nap and once you have that nailed try and fix a time for the second nap, then the third. Make sure you allow for a long wind-down/soothing period before the nap, this will get shorter as your baby gets more used to the routine and sleep cues. I had major sleep issues from 5/6 month until 9 months (dummy issue that was much like your boobie issue) and then he started sleeping better without me doing anything (no training or restricting breastfeeds at all) so I think this is just a tricky time developmentally for many babies.

Hi SA Babe, I had a similar issue with my second son. At 6 months he would wake up every hour for a feed (breast). I got to the point I just couldn't function very well. And I wasn't comfortable with the CIO method either. I went to the baby clinic at Medicentre and was told that I was overfeeding him. Which I knew but wanted a second opinion. I noticed that the best time to start my routine with him was in the day time. So I got stricter with feeds in the day, and started cutting them down gradually. Also as he was already on solids, I wasn't as nervous about him being hungry at night. I started with a feed every 2.5 hours, then 3.5 and so on so forth. So he eventually got used to it and didn't expect anything outside of the times. It took roughly 3 months for it all to come together. But he sleeps beautifully now. Once I found out what the problem was, I just tried to find the least painful way for both of us do deal with it. Don't know if this helps. Good luck.