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To work or SAHM??

184

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 March 2011 - 15:06

Ladies, I hope you wise ladies can give me some sincere advice. I have two kids aged 3 yrs and 15 months. I recently started working (2 months ago). I am currently working 15 hours a week. This week, my boss asked me if I would be interested in a more senior role that would involve 30 hours of work/week. I am not sure whether to say yes or no!!. I am in my mid 20's, so didn't really have a chance to build a career before babies. I had babies early and wanted it that way. I stayed at home for 1 whole year with my 2nd baby. My eldest go to nursery, so she is not a prob. Here are the pros and cons.

Pros:
- work is flexible timing...I have to be there 3:30-6:30 in the evening, but mornings are totally flexible.
- it's 30 hours a week
- I get a chance to build my career finally
- I have family here, so baby can be at mum's with babysitter.
- Eldest go to nursery, so morning hours are okay.

Cons:
- I will miss out baby time with my 2nd (although I stayed home with her full one year)
- I will miss out 3:30 - 6:30 with my oldest, but she will be with grandma and babysitter. I will be back home to put her to bed (hopefully).

My main concerns are:
- will it affect my kids in the future (not spending enough time with mum)? Money is not a concern for us as DH earns enough but I really enjoy my work and it's a great opportunity to step up my career ladder. Some extra cash would be nice too.

Those of you who have been there and done that, did you regret going back to work? If I do go back to work, I would need a full time help/nursery for DD2. Should I get a full time helper or put DD2 at nursery? My mum is here to look over the kids, but she is not great at playing games/entertaining toddlers. I want DD2 to be stimulated.

Ladies, please help me decide. I need to make a decision soon...thanks a lot.

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184

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 20 March 2011 - 22:08

Thank you everyone for your advice. I declined the offer. My babies will only be babies for a while, I want to enjoy them. I am still doing part time, which is great to keep my braincells going and for some adult interaction. :D:D:D

Hello.Again.Kitty

1861

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 19 March 2011 - 22:36

HAK - I like u sometimes, i dont like u sometimes. But always like ur straight forward approach :) hehe! ;)

429

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 19 March 2011 - 22:15

As the others have said - it depends on what you want and what you need - for yourself and for your family. We can't have it all. None of us can... not even our men-folk can. There are only so many hours in the day and we can only be in one place at once, so it boils down to where you set your personal priorities for this particular point in time. Where I grew up, there was a saying - "you work to live, not live to work"... so would your work fit in with what you want in your life? If bedtime is important, could you negotiate coming home earlier on certain days? I'm a SAHM with a very demanding career very much on hold - which isn't to say I'm sat at home twiddling my thumbs or letting my braincells go to mush. Keeping in touch with who we are as pre-children people is so, so important - it's about finding a balance. If you want to advance your career, absolutely go for it - for as long as you feel you're maintaining that balance. A happy mum, even one who is away for part of the day, is far better than an unhappy/ bored mum who's present 24/7. Your children will learn a lot from your behaviour and outlook regardless. HAK - I like u sometimes, i dont like u sometimes. But always like ur straight forward approach :)

Hello.Again.Kitty

1861

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 19 March 2011 - 22:09

As the others have said - it depends on what you want and what you need - for yourself and for your family. We can't have it all. None of us can... not even our men-folk can. There are only so many hours in the day and we can only be in one place at once, so it boils down to where you set your personal priorities for this particular point in time. Where I grew up, there was a saying - "you work to live, not live to work"... so would your work fit in with what you want in your life? If bedtime is important, could you negotiate coming home earlier on certain days? I'm a SAHM with a very demanding career very much on hold - which isn't to say I'm sat at home twiddling my thumbs or letting my braincells go to mush. Keeping in touch with who we are as pre-children people is so, so important - it's about finding a balance. If you want to advance your career, absolutely go for it - for as long as you feel you're maintaining that balance. A happy mum, even one who is away for part of the day, is far better than an unhappy/ bored mum who's present 24/7. Your children will learn a lot from your behaviour and outlook regardless.

95

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 18 March 2011 - 14:52

Hey tahm: So sorry i didnt mean to be harsh at all. i didnt catch on about you not having a maid. I thought you said you had a babysitter. Also now that you mention your husbands working hours i realise how difficult it must be for you to decide. At 3 months it is difficult for baby and you to be away from each other. i can totally understand. Each baby is different too so you really need to see how it works for you. Please dont blame yourself if your DD is insecure...babies have their own personalities, they have their phases and they grow out of them too.

184

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 18 March 2011 - 14:30

Thank you ladies for your advice. I wish I had a long time to think about it. I have up to Monday to decide. I spoke to mum, she thinks it would be very tough for me without a good maid. It would be tough for her too. I obviously won't find a good maid by Monday. My DH travels a lot for work(and away atm), so I can't rely on him for anything. I feel sorry for the kids, they don't have dad around...now they won't have mum around either. I think I will just keep it part time. It's a start up place as well. I am worried that even though they are saying it's 30 hours, it will be much more than that. Because of the nature of the work, I won't be able to do it from home much. My kids will be kids only for a while, as you said Gogi, it's not reversible decision. I went back to work 3 months after my eldest DD was born and regretted it badly(but had no choice then). I only worked up to 9 months til we moved here, but I feel that she is still insecure for that reason.

95

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 18 March 2011 - 12:36

TAHM! I think without a doubt...DO IT.... you are young, you have the family support and the flexiblity- what more can u ask for? If you have the opportunity dont let it go. I look at it this way. Try it out, if you think it doesnt suit you, or you feel its unfair on the kids then you can always give up right? Im sure your employer will understand ( tho its not an option you shuold discuss when u take up the position ;) ) If its the opportunity you have been waiting for then you will always lean towards regret and frustration for letting it go Im a workign mum with a 4 yr old. I got back to full time work (40 hrs a week) when DD was 1 yr old. ( i need to) She has an excellent nanny who made that possible for me. Recently after she turned 3 i was able to reduce my working hours to 35 hrs a week and spend more time with her...and it works. She goes to nursery in the mornings and then 4 out of 7 days im with her almost all of the time that she is home. The other 3 week days she learns music and has friends to play with which she enjoys as well.( the nanny takes her ) It has helped her get a little more independent i think. if you are happy and feel great about what you do and who you are this will rub off on the kids. I too respect SAHMs- it really does depend on what kind of person you are. Do what makes you happier. It definitely is a difficult decision but remember it is not irreversable!

184

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 March 2011 - 21:29

Yes, it is a VERY tough decision. On one hand, I don't want to let this opportunity go. On the other hand, I want to be with my LO. How old would you consider to be "early stage"? I am lucky that I have family. My mum takes care of her really well, but she can't be me. She is getting old now, so she will get tired if I left her with mum all day. I can't imagine putting her in a nursery although she is very friendly and loves company. Working mums, how do you feel about it? Do you regret going back to work? Do you look back and think you wish you were there with your LO? Is nursery or a nanny(who mum will be looking over) better option for a 14 months old? I think I will give it a try, if it doesn't work out, then I will leave it....

166

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 March 2011 - 20:28

Its a tough decision. You sound like you are giving it a lot of thought and have planned things out. As a SAHM I would always be happier for a mum to be around her LO's at a very early stage. But you did say you have family here, and thats VERY reassuring, I couldnt leave my LO with a nanny/maid all day (no offence to the ones who do) but I could see myself doing this if I had a mum here, so you are very very lucky. You are still young and could have it all, as when the kids get older and off your hands more, you'd have lost little time away from the office and would be well-established again in a few years time. I would suggest you give this a try. The emotional tug is the one thats very difficult to predict, as some mums cope well when they see their kids are happy, well looked after and thriving and other mums just cant bear to be away and miss all the milestones, early years etc. You could belong to the second category and decided to chuck it all up, and then be content to be at home with baby # 2 knowing that at least you gave it a shot, or else you may forever wonder about the 'what if's'. Good luck.

231

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 March 2011 - 16:45

Tough tough decision. I struggled with it a lot when I was working. I ended up resigning (because of a tough work situation) and am pretty happy as a SAHM (but am very new at it). It sounds like you love this new opportunity. Try it out. If it does not end up working for you, you could always be a SAHM again.

793

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 17 March 2011 - 15:49

It's a real crappy decision to make i know. What you need to ask yourself (amoungst a lot of the below) is what are you going to regret more if things don't work out? Taking on the extra hours or staying home? I think i'd personally give the job a try, your work obviously value you highly to put you in this position so if things don't work out for you do you think they'll allow you to go back to the old hours? Although i do regret going back to work (no choice) I don't have any regrets about putting DD in nursery! She has fun all day long with her friends & learns a load too! She's 18months & i already have a sack full of her "work" that she very proudly shows off to me when i pick her up. I say take it & make your kids proud as well as yourself!

184

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 March 2011 - 15:48

Thank you ladies for your advice. I really enjoyed being a SAHM. I was with my kids for last 2 years. I also enjoy my work very much. I feel guilty leaving my LO though. It's the guilt trip that is working on me now. I would rather have my LO at nursery as she LOVES kids, interaction, playing, singing etc than at home with a helper. I am looking forward to more replies.

199

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 March 2011 - 15:38

Joanna, you said it perfectly. :) Its different for each woman. You should consider what will make you feel happy, fulfilled and therefore a better mom in the end. I had a friend who felt that she had to stay at home after she had her baby, but she ended becoming depressed and the hours she was at home with baby, weren't used productively as she ended up in a funk of watching tv and nothing else. She ended up going back to work, and felt better about herself, which made her a better mom and she took full advantage of the hours she did have with her son. On the flipside, I have had friends who left very lucrative careers, never looking back and are as happy as can be. I also think that being a full time stay at home mom-its just as tiring, exhausting, challenging, fullfilling etc...as a regular job.

225

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 March 2011 - 15:30

Tahm, This is a very difficult decision - weight pros and cons. I am in mid 30s and had my 1st child last year. I worked full time prior having a baby and came back to work when DD was 3 months. I always worked and truly enjoy my career. I love DD but also love what I do (+plus adult conversation). It is a very personal choice. DD is looked after her nanny when I am at work. It is not ideal, but we have a great time when we are together and DD loves her nanny. It is all about quality (not quantity) of time spent together. I respect SAHMS. I found it very hard work to be with child 24/7. Equally I respect working mums. It is a different dynamic; different rewards and challanges.

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