Nasty SIL-or am I over reacting???

...She is silly and I feel sorry for her at times. Unfortunately she is not very balanced, haven't got that many friends and that is probably why she is trying to be friendly with people she doesn't know that well.... OK, I hope this is going to make sense as I've had a shocking day and am really tired... I understand you might just be venting about your SIL, but the above statement is ringing some alarm bells for me. I also understand that different people have different perceptions of what it means to be a "godparent". For some it seems very casual with not really any obligations - just someone to stand up at a church christening and play the role. For others it is more meaningful - a spiritual and moral guide outside the reaches of the parents or someone to take on the parental role should there be a horrible accident. I don't know which camp you fall into, but I think if it is the latter, I'm going to retract my earlier advice about rescinding the invitation and say that based on the above information I too would rescind it. I know this would probably cause a shitstorm in your family. But if what you say about her is true, and if you are looking for someone to take on a serious godparent role (not just a "name"), I don't think she is the ideal person. I feel for you, I really do. We have the same dilemma. Not having a suitable person in our lives means that my DS1 was baptised without Godparents. DS2, at age 5, is still to be baptised! I would love to have a brother or sister that meets those needs, but the bottom line is that I don't. My MIL pushed and pushed for my BIL to be a GP, but in my view he is in no way suitable so I put my foot down. We chose not to compromise. She wasn't happy about it, but she learned to live with it. I'm not really expecting you to come back in here to discuss all of this. It is very personal and I can well understand that the advice being given here might fill you with cognitive dissonance. So I just want to wish you all the best, be happy with your baby and your little family. At the end of the day, they are all that matter. You cannot take responsisbility for your SIL's choices and behaviour, nor how your PIL react to the choices you make. You can only take responsibility for your own choices and wake up in the morning knowing that you have done the absolute best you can. x

Quite frankly I think she does it just to annoy you. She knows it gets under your skin. Would block SIL on my fb that way I wouldn't see any of the doings.

Maybe your other SIL didn't ask her for the same reasons you are now unsure... If you dislike her this much already i can't see your relationship improving any and you may find her future involvement in your baby's life awkward.. A godparent is for life not just the christening...lol

your thinking is kind of along the lines of when some people who are having problems with their partner before marriage and think, "if I marry her/him, things will get better" then things don't change and then its "if we just have a baby things will get better" etc... it won't get better just because... she just feels she is entitled to become a godparent to someones' child/children without that real humble appreciation when asked to be one. I would also choose someone else instead... your SIL isn't going to take it well, but you are most likely going to end up regretting it later after she does something that really angers you... just get it over with now.

you do not appoint a godparent because it might make her a nicer person. From what you are saying, you do not like her, she is unbalanced, manipulative, and down right nasty. Why do you want her to be a mother to your children if something should happen to you ? Is this the woman who you want to spiritually guide your children through their lives because that is one of the main purpuses of a godparent. Honestly, sounds like you have not put alot of thought into picking this woman for your childrens godparent :(. I would resind the offer and think of someone who will love your children, is kind, a good roll model for your children, someone they will love and trust as the years go by. In other words, someone that you know will guide your children, is not nasty, sets a good example and above all love them and follow the direction on how you raise your children. Enough of the petty squabling..children first, nutty sil who you dont even like very much, at the end of the line. btw, she will always butt in, thats is apparently who she is. You dont want your kids learning that that is alright. <em>edited by SueB on 08/02/2011</em>

Agreeing to be a godparent isn't just a case of turning up at the baptism. Regardless of religious conotations, it indicates a willingness to be a part of the child's life in perpetuity. It is not a decision to be taken lightly in my opinion.

and commit facebook suicide while you're at it - if you worry so much about what others are doing on there it's not doing you any good... edited for cr@p punctuation lol <em>edited by Sue62 on 07/02/2011</em>

I see nothing wrong with rescinding the offer. ditto

errrr, and this is a chick you want for a god mother? I see nothing wrong with rescinding the offer. agree

errrr, and this is a chick you want for a god mother? I see nothing wrong with rescinding the offer.

I agree with Appletiser. Be the bigger person. You got the prize - you married her brother! And now you're having babies together. The ex is irrelevant. By the sounds of it, the SIL is a pain in the butt nyway, so let the ex have her! Having said that, I understand your angst about the Godparent role. We mothers can get very shirty when we feel our kids aren't being treated right. Unfortunately you can't really rescind the offer now though.

Why don't you and your DH just quit facebook, keep out of any drama and just get on with your lives. Distance yourself from all this, rise above it and you will feel much better. :)

She's playing you and everyone else who gives her a reaction. Let her play - as Appletiser said, enjoy your baby. If she makes negative comments - don't let it get to you. It's like at a party when someone asks a question or makes a comment that isn't appropriate or rude - I just look at them, say excuse me politely and walk away, and forget them - my life is too short to waste time on childish egotists.

why should you care who she is friends with ? They ended many years ago so you have no way of knowing how close your SIL is to her now. Sounds like you're all paying too much attention to 3rd parties !! Presumably the ex isn't on your facebook and her ex isn't on hers so why care ?? Try to be the better person and ignore it...

In my opinion she sounds like she resents you for marrying her dear brother and is determined to make u know that. You've been so kind to give her the wonderful honour of being a GM to your LO and she isn't appreciative?! It seems to me that you've been way to nice to her maybe to compensate for her not showing you the same interest as she has for your DH's ex - I'd keep my distance from her and let her do some butt kissing. She sounds super spoilt and ungrateful. I would also only chose her as GM if you think she will really provide a good role model for your LO and is genuine. Don't get involved in silly games with her - she seems like she like the attention. Do what's best for your hubby and LO and screw everyone else. Only have people in your life that add value to it not try and destroy happiness. If she isn't bothered in being GM maybe ask her straight out if she even wanted to be as she seems disinterested? If she hesitates in her answer then forget about her. Don't do things just to please her. Pick a GM that your daughter will adore and appreciate in her life. Good luck x

She seems very immature. Dont let it upset you. Enjoy your baby and let her live her complicated life with all the drama.

oh...so you see this scenario as the same thing... if you don't want to see who she is friends with on facebook why don't you block her ?

sorry, i don't understand - why is she a hypocrite ?