Flabbergasted! On comments people make! | ExpatWoman.com
 

Flabbergasted! On comments people make!

77
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 14 May 2013 - 21:17

Here's the situation. I mentioned I need to get a cabinet for my baby's room. A colleague who overheard me decided to add in his two cents. "O my God! Your poor baby sleeps alone? How could you? What kind of a mother are you? I would never let my wife do that. In our culture this is unheard of. I think you don't love your baby. " I have no idea whether I should be thoroughly ****** off or laugh.....Ps: I belong to the same "culture" as this colleague.

1601
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 19:21
I agree when someone has made a rude comment to me I have simply replied ' are you always so rude or is today an exception'. BUT I know what some posters are saying .Years back when son and DIL were visiting with our first grandchild,the poor mite was in a huge brace and couldn't get around to work off the chubby baby fat.She had the biggest cheeks ever but the most wonderful demeanour and was the happiest little bundle just grinning at everyone. DIL and I went shopping at the usual kids stores to try and get her something pretty to wear over the brace. This madam comes over and says 'hello maam ,your baby is sooooo fat you feed her too much'.My poor DIL who was so sensitive about the whole issue anyway just burst into tears and ran out the store. I was so mad I could have decked her.......knowing where it came from and the cultural issues I simply walked away. My DIL ,a Canadian and the epitome of being polite ,was just shattered as this was soooo foreign to her, it took a while for her to get used to this but by the time they went home she gave as good as she got;)
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 18:56
I'm not great at thinking of snappy comebacks on the spot and find it hard to be rude but it's time to answer these people back! My dh thinks on his feet and always manages a great comeback. He says these rude people say things because they are allowed o get away with them. . Which is why they tend to target western and some Asian expats, they rarely "offer" such comments to those more likely to kick up a fuss exactly - this happens when you are too nice to people! Awww ... again, I call shenanigans! I am ALWAYS super-nice and never get the nasty/personal comments. Never ever. And I'm pretty sure I don't look all that scary. ;) No - you can be nice, polite etc to people but they know that there is a line ( me) but there are some people who invite this kind of thing by being too - nice? wrong word possibly... Yes I agree there is assertively nice (you) and push over nice (me) but I'm working on changing that! It comes through with body language (stance), tone of voice etc
804
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EW GURU
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 18:55
I still think SalsB's experience in the pharmacy concerning laxatives is the best ever..............the phrase "jelly ladies" will stay with me for ever. Oh classic. Yes, I remember that. :D
804
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EW GURU
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 18:55
No - you can be nice, polite etc to people but they know that there is a line ( me) but there are some people who invite this kind of thing by being too - nice? wrong word possibly... Hmm. Possibly. But I swear, I chat to everyone. I even know all the dogs - and their maids! - in our area because there are so few owners who walk their animals around here (sad). When we went to Nepal a few years' back, half the Spinneys staff gave me written lists of good places to visit/dine out at. I AM probably too nice but the end result has been lots of nice people to meet/chat to when I'm out and about. I love it. :) Or maybe ... just maybe ... I've been FAT for so many years that no one has the heart to comment because they assume I'll NEVER change even when they see me red-faced and cardiac-arresting post-gym! :D
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 18:47
I still think SalsB's experience in the pharmacy concerning laxatives is the best ever..............the phrase "jelly ladies" will stay with me for ever.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 18:44
I am always pleasant to this lady, she is my preferred beautician, so could just be a cultural boundaries thing.... Oh & if you haven't experienced any border line comments, hang around a pharmacy for 5 mins and I'm sure you will be offered creams for "those spots or marks" on your face! Lol or whitening creams............
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 18:43
I'm not great at thinking of snappy comebacks on the spot and find it hard to be rude but it's time to answer these people back! My dh thinks on his feet and always manages a great comeback. He says these rude people say things because they are allowed o get away with them. . Which is why they tend to target western and some Asian expats, they rarely "offer" such comments to those more likely to kick up a fuss exactly - this happens when you are too nice to people! Awww ... again, I call shenanigans! I am ALWAYS super-nice and never get the nasty/personal comments. Never ever. And I'm pretty sure I don't look all that scary. ;) No - you can be nice, polite etc to people but they know that there is a line ( me) but there are some people who invite this kind of thing by being too - nice? wrong word possibly...
40
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 18:41
I always say " Are you all right? You don't look well!" - in the kindest voice - if anyone is nosey or offensive to me!
804
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EW GURU
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 18:30
I'm not great at thinking of snappy comebacks on the spot and find it hard to be rude but it's time to answer these people back! My dh thinks on his feet and always manages a great comeback. He says these rude people say things because they are allowed o get away with them. . Which is why they tend to target western and some Asian expats, they rarely "offer" such comments to those more likely to kick up a fuss exactly - this happens when you are too nice to people! Awww ... again, I call shenanigans! I am ALWAYS super-nice and never get the nasty/personal comments. Never ever. And I'm pretty sure I don't look all that scary. ;)
4329
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 18:19
I'm not great at thinking of snappy comebacks on the spot and find it hard to be rude but it's time to answer these people back! My dh thinks on his feet and always manages a great comeback. He says these rude people say things because they are allowed o get away with them. . Which is why they tend to target western and some Asian expats, they rarely "offer" such comments to those more likely to kick up a fuss exactly - this happens when you are too nice to people!
926
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EW GURU
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 17:10
I am always pleasant to this lady, she is my preferred beautician, so could just be a cultural boundaries thing.... Oh & if you haven't experienced any border line comments, hang around a pharmacy for 5 mins and I'm sure you will be offered creams for "those spots or marks" on your face! Lol Have spent lots of time in pharmacies for various reasons and the worst I've had was being asked if I wanted anything else, but I've never been offered anything (and I have terrible skin... lol)
92
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 16:55
I am always pleasant to this lady, she is my preferred beautician, so could just be a cultural boundaries thing.... Oh & if you haven't experienced any border line comments, hang around a pharmacy for 5 mins and I'm sure you will be offered creams for "those spots or marks" on your face! Lol
926
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EW GURU
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 16:34
I obviously don't get out enough - like Lady Bee, I have never had any of these comments .... I believe in treating people as you would like to be treated and get nothing but pleasant smiles and politeness..
166
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 16:26
Just say "I thnk you should mind your own business." with a glare, and then busy yourself with phone/magazine. Be serious but not very mad, they will know they have crossed a limit. Next time, just because you dont want to continue in a very uncomfortable atmosphere, just smile and be relaxed but never overly friendly. Just act like nothing happened.
92
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 14:44
The original post, reminds me of a comment the beautician made to me after I returned to her after having a baby. It was approximately 2 months after I had my baby, and to be honest I had lost most of the weight. The lady who I normally saw, said "ma'am, you are a little fat now" !!!!!!! I couldn't help but laugh, because I'm of a petite build and knew that I wasn't Fat at all! I'm pretty sure, she didn't mean it in a horrible way, it was just her way of saying things!
804
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EW GURU
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 14:35
They key for these creatures who insult you, is to make them feel they are pests. Sorry, but think about it, they do it knowing they are being rude and they want to insult you, just to amuse themselves, however you have to defend yourself from these pests.... being nice with them will just keep them having a go on you, specially if it's a place you are frequently visiting or using their services... so giving them a piece of your mind with a big smile on your face....this is the best comeback on them. Some posters will start telling me off how I describe them as creatures or pests....I repeat it's only the ones who do this rude commenting..... I do believe in the power of solidarity and demanding a change of these rude people comment to stop, if every one did this, I don't think any rude commentator will venture doing it again. I'm not going to 'tell you off' but I do think your post is a little harsh. I have no idea why some people get these comments and others don't. I mean, I have never, I swear on a stack of Architectural Digests, been told I'm fat or hairy or anything. Maybe they're gossiping away behind my back? Who knows? I don't really care. But I've been here almost six years and have had nothing but big smiles, lovely chat and fantastic help/service from everyone I've met. True story. I think - but can't prove obviously - that developing 'relationships' with people wherever they serve you/look after you, is very important though. For example, I know the name of just about every single person working at my local Spinney's (and they know mine and greet me by name too) and at the nail salon (and I'm not a regular by any means). Perhaps because I tried like crazy when I moved here to do that (I always make friends with people who sell me food etc, whichever country I'm in!) I somehow established something of a mini-friendship early on so commenting on my weight or whatever wouldn't have seemed appropriate? Again, I don't know. Point is: if you're offended by comments, do tell them, honestly and openly. Sarcastic and witty comebacks are all very well but they can get lost in translation as well, so if it were me, I'd just be straight about how such comments made me feel. :) ETA: I AM fat, by the way. But not overly hairy. :D <em>edited by LadyBee on 15/05/2013</em>
398
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 14:12
To the "only one baby?" Comment, I would reply... "yes" (whisper) "I broke the others by mistake but Im learning now" evil grin. That should shut them up! this one i love too :)
398
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 14:11
Ha ha ! I get the only child one all the time :) My response..its none of your business ! I dislike the whole " Why do you not have a Husband" line next time wink and say .. I prefer women :P fantastic:)
1575
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 13:58
To the "only one baby?" Comment, I would reply... "yes" (whisper) "I broke the others by mistake but Im learning now" evil grin. That should shut them up! lol
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 13:56
To the "only one baby?" Comment, I would reply... "yes" (whisper) "I broke the others by mistake but Im learning now" evil grin. That should shut them up!
477
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 13:50
Alternatively say nothing but at the end of the treatment - turn round and say "Now i would have given you a 20% tip but you were very rude to me by saying xxx - so i think i will use that money to buy myself a cake to cheer myself up; so thank you" best solution i've seen so far!
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 13:49
Alternatively say nothing but at the end of the treatment - turn round and say "Now i would have given you a 20% tip but you were very rude to me by saying xxx - so i think i will use that money to buy myself a cake to cheer myself up; so thank you" Ha! Love it.
313
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 13:47
Alternatively say nothing but at the end of the treatment - turn round and say "Now i would have given you a 20% tip but you were very rude to me by saying xxx - so i think i will use that money to buy myself a cake to cheer myself up; so thank you"
1170
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 13:43
They key for these creatures who insult you, is to make them feel they are pests. Sorry, but think about it, they do it knowing they are being rude and they want to insult you, just to amuse themselves, however you have to defend yourself from these pests.... being nice with them will just keep them having a go on you, specially if it's a place you are frequently visiting or using their services... so giving them a piece of your mind with a big smile on your face....this is the best comeback on them. Some posters will start telling me off how I describe them as creatures or pests....I repeat it's only the ones who do this rude commenting..... I do believe in the power of solidarity and demanding a change of these rude people comment to stop, if every one did this, I don't think any rude commentator will venture doing it again. <em>edited by Gorobattie on 15/05/2013</em>
4062
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 13:42
Yes I do, do you think that stops them from rude comments? Or are they afraid they will be in trouble if they do? Yep, I do think it stops the rude comments. Or more likely just means they make the rude comments to their friends in their own language :D
Anonymous (not verified)
0
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 13:39
I never get these comments from salon girls or any other rude comments. If I were you ladies, I'd tell these girls to their faces what you think. You don't have to accept this! But you wear an abaya right Marroosh? I may be wrong but I can't imagine anyone in an abaya has to put up with rude comments. Yes I do, do you think that stops them from rude comments? Or are they afraid they will be in trouble if they do? And to add, they won't be able to see how fat I am looooool :P <em>edited by Marroosh on 15/05/2013</em>
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 13:37
I never get these comments from salon girls or any other rude comments. If I were you ladies, I'd tell these girls to their faces what you think. You don't have to accept this! But you wear an abaya right Marroosh? I may be wrong but I can't imagine anyone in an abaya has to put up with rude comments. ETA: LadyBee you must be neither fat, nor hairy, nor single, nor with one child :D <em>edited by Daza on 15/05/2013</em>
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EW GURU
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 13:10
I never get these comments from salon girls or any other rude comments. Me either! I do get asked why I'm always smiling/happy though. No reason! I smile; they smile back. Laughter all round. :) Ninety-nine percent of the times I hit the supermarket I'm in very casual clothes ie gym clothes/sneakers/polo shirt/no make-up, so if I am more dressed up on the rare occasion, I sometimes get asked if I'm going somewhere special! But that's it.
Anonymous (not verified)
0
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 13:00
If they tell you that you ar fat just tell them "I can diet. What can you do do about your personality?" Fabulous, so many great lines to remember. Marroshthey know what they are doing and it's not worth the time to tell them to stop and how you feel. A short, sharp verbal face slap is what's needed. I don't mean telling them how you feel, they won't care about that. But just give them, as you said, a good verbal slap in the face. And refuse to pay maybe?
1811
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 12:59
If they tell you that you ar fat just tell them "I can diet. What can you do do about your personality?" Fabulous, so many great lines to remember. Marroshthey know what they are doing and it's not worth the time to tell them to stop and how you feel. A short, sharp verbal face slap is what's needed.
 
 

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