should i have let them be facebook friends? | ExpatWoman.com
 

should i have let them be facebook friends?

67
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 14:58

My son is 10 and yes he has his own facebook profile. I started the page for him a year ago so that he could play the online scrabble against myself and his grandma. More times than not he actually won the games. Since then he has added all his cousins, aunts & uncles, grandparents and a few friends from school. I monitor everything he does online! A few days ago I checked and saw he had added his dad’s (my ex’s) girlfriend. Long story short his dad has not been an active part of his life and for some reason this girlfriend thinks that she is going to get him interested in his son. Well when I saw it I removed her as a friend. She got all upset at me and didn’t understand why I didn’t want them to be friends. I told her that her communicating with my son doesn’t replace his dads lack of communication and that his dad is his friend on facebook. So what do you think, should I have let her be friends with him or not?

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EW MASTER
Latest post on 30 March 2011 - 08:02
And it's only taken what 8 months to get her trained? Not bad eh? LOL Oh I LIKE this comment! :) I knew spongie would come around, it was only a matter of time. Good spongie, here's a pat on the shoulder. :cool: :-P
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 22:19
I think you were right to delete the gf and no gfs should be accepted as friends until you think that the relationship is serious and that the person will be a permanent presence in your son's life. It could be very confusing and hurtful for you son if a whole series of women befriend him and then drop him depending on their relationship with his dad. It's a shame the relationship between your son and his dad is not better and this lady may have good intentions but you have to look at what's best for your son. If she is genuine, she will continue to work behind the scenes and get your ex to put some time and effort into the relationship and that would be great for everyone.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 18:34
And it's only taken what 8 months to get her trained? Not bad eh? LOL Oh I LIKE this comment! :) I knew spongie would come around, it was only a matter of time. Good spongie, here's a pat on the shoulder. :cool: *******SPONGIE***************************** OH MY WORD***************You brave woman.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 18:23
And it's only taken what 8 months to get her trained? Not bad eh? LOL Oh I LIKE this comment! :) I knew spongie would come around, it was only a matter of time. Good spongie, here's a pat on the shoulder. :cool:
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 17:56
As she is just a girlfriend, I wouldn't worry about it. Trust your instinct as a mother. You were not happy and did something about it. She might be trying to get on your sons FB to spy on conversations anyway. Maybe she should have asked your permission first as hopefully anyone letting their underage kids go on FB, would have an active role in vetting it.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 17:51
And it's only taken what 8 months to get her trained? Not bad eh? LOL Oh I LIKE this comment! :)
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 17:49
And it's only taken what 8 months to get her trained? Not bad eh? LOL
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 17:48
The relationship between the child and his father should be initiated by his father, not his father's girlfriend. If this woman had any respect, she would work with the OP about trying to repair son/father's relationship, not friending the kid on FB! Completely crossed over into the "not your business" space. I would absolutely delete the woman, she is not his friend or his family member. I agree 100% ! Now there is an EW first! LOL I know! I shocked myself!
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 17:45
The relationship between the child and his father should be initiated by his father, not his father's girlfriend. If this woman had any respect, she would work with the OP about trying to repair son/father's relationship, not friending the kid on FB! Completely crossed over into the "not your business" space. I would absolutely delete the woman, she is not his friend or his family member. I agree 100% ! Now there is an EW first! LOL
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 17:38
Yes, relationships should be initiated by the parents..but we are only hearing half of the story here (sorry OP but this is true). Just make sure that you are doing this for the right reasons. I don't think the GF intentions are bad ones (even though she might cause some damage in the process). Just make sure that you are encouraging the relationship with the father yourself - For the sake of your son. The father might be a bad father, but if you can help change that, I think you should.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 17:16
FB is a stalker's paradise - easy access for people to peer into their past, your past, your present . It requires a great deal of care.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 17:14
The relationship between the child and his father should be initiated by his father, not his father's girlfriend. If this woman had any respect, she would work with the OP about trying to repair son/father's relationship, not friending the kid on FB! Completely crossed over into the "not your business" space. I would absolutely delete the woman, she is not his friend or his family member. I agree 100% !
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EW GURU
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 17:05
This reminds me of my father's wife who used to instant message me although I hadn't seen nor spoken to my father in years. Then she asked if she could come to my college graduation. I felt so uncomfortable. I was also confronted by my father's girlfriend at the time at a family funeral. It was very upsetting. These women were up to no good. I don't trust this woman contacting your DS. Very similar. One of my Fathers ex-wives found me on Facebook . I have not heard from my Father in years so I did accept her. She seems harmless but it does give that uneasy feeling as well as a part of your life you want to get past. I guess the point is to go with your gut instinct
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 16:59
This reminds me of my father's wife who used to instant message me although I hadn't seen nor spoken to my father in years. Then she asked if she could come to my college graduation. I felt so uncomfortable. I was also confronted by my father's girlfriend at the time at a family funeral. It was very upsetting. These women were up to no good. I don't trust this woman contacting your DS.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 16:47
Thanks for your input. If I thought she was a potential step mom I would feel different however I know his dad too well and unfortunately it's not likely it will last any longer than any of his other girlfriends. That is my biggest problem with it, once she is gone then all communication stops again. I wish she would encourage his dad to be the one communicating but he still shows very little interest. On the topic of 10 yr olds on FB, the best thing for my son actually came from him being on FB. There was one boy in his class that was a bit of a bully, but a clever one that was the teacher's pet type, one who never would get in trouble. When my son was having issues with him the teachers put it off as boys will be boys. One day I checked his FB and found a nasty message from this other boy, I sent it to his teacher who then took action and he has loved school since and is excelling! I am glad you had a good result with the bully at school, but I am still concerned about him being on FB. I know it is none of my business but you do hear such awful things happening to children on the internet, that it why there are age limits. I do feel that your ex's girlfriend should not be contacting your son through any media as she is only a girlfriend. I am a stepmum to 2 children aged now 23 and 21 (they were 5 and 4 at the time of meeting their dad). I would have never considered doing this to them if I was not married to their dad and I would have made sure that everyone was happy with the arrangement
67
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 16:37
Thanks for your input. If I thought she was a potential step mom I would feel different however I know his dad too well and unfortunately it's not likely it will last any longer than any of his other girlfriends. That is my biggest problem with it, once she is gone then all communication stops again. I wish she would encourage his dad to be the one communicating but he still shows very little interest. On the topic of 10 yr olds on FB, the best thing for my son actually came from him being on FB. There was one boy in his class that was a bit of a bully, but a clever one that was the teacher's pet type, one who never would get in trouble. When my son was having issues with him the teachers put it off as boys will be boys. One day I checked his FB and found a nasty message from this other boy, I sent it to his teacher who then took action and he has loved school since and is excelling!
481
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 16:31
The relationship between the child and his father should be initiated by his father, not his father's girlfriend. If this woman had any respect, she would work with the OP about trying to repair son/father's relationship, not friending the kid on FB! Completely crossed over into the "not your business" space. I would absolutely delete the woman, she is not his friend or his family member.
1511
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 16:13
My son is 10 and yes he has his own facebook profile. I started the page for him a year ago so that he could play the online scrabble against myself and his grandma. More times than not he actually won the games. Since then he has added all his cousins, aunts & uncles, grandparents and a few friends from school. I monitor everything he does online! A few days ago I checked and saw he had added his dad’s (my ex’s) girlfriend. Long story short his dad has not been an active part of his life and for some reason this girlfriend thinks that she is going to get him interested in his son. Well when I saw it I removed her as a friend. She got all upset at me and didn’t understand why I didn’t want them to be friends. I told her that her communicating with my son doesn’t replace his dads lack of communication and that his dad is his friend on facebook. So what do you think, should I have let her be friends with him or not? You were right to delete the GF, don't worry about it over the next 5 years you will delete loads of undesirables off your kids facebook and from his life, when he is 18 he can decide for himself. In the meantime you are his primary carer and mother and know what is right for him at this time.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 16:07
Doesn't matter when they check FB or that the parents sign then in, still underage. If the 10 year old wasn't on FB then the problem would not have happened with the ex's girlfriendtrue true
422
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 16:06
Doesn't matter when they check FB or that the parents sign then in, still underage. If the 10 year old wasn't on FB then the problem would not have happened with the ex's girlfriend
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EW GURU
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 16:05
I think it's nice that the new girlfriend is trying to get Dad to be more involved, it shows she is responsible. My stepdad is a lovely chap, but used to be rubbish at keeping in touch with his kids after his divorce to their mum. My mum thought that was wrong and so started contacting them and inviting them round etc (this was 20-odd years ago, before facebook!). Dad and kids now get along, both sides making the effort to keep in touch. Did my mum do a bad thing by interfering? In my humble opinion I don't think so. Give this lady a chance, she may be the thing that pushes dad into more contact and a good father / son relationship. Surely it's worth giving it a go?
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EW GURU
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 15:57
Facebook age is 13. If I was you I would only allow him access when you are seated next to him. He is far too young to manage fb, and this is an example of that. Luckily for him it was not a pedo. Set your boundaries and stick with them. DS is 12 and can only check his fb on the weekend, and when I have logged in for him. ETA: this is only my opinion....do what you think is best. <em>edited by vero possumus on 29/03/2011</em>
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 15:55
lol... sorry but the words "10 year old" and "facebook" were destined to become a popcorn thread - apologies to the OP..
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 15:45
This is going to generate a response of 'mince proportions' that will be nothing to do with the subject matter, simply the options of those of us who are first wives and have to watch some strumpet bonding with our kids or are step mothers and have been the victim of vindictive first wives!!:) LOL !! fortunately i'm neither (yet ?!) but am lol @ the mince reference....
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 15:44
This is going to generate a response of 'mince proportions' that will be nothing to do with the subject matter, simply the options of those of us who are first wives and have to watch some strumpet bonding with our kids or are step mothers and have been the victim of vindictive first wives!!:)
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 15:41
I thought FB had a minimum age of 18. Dangerous to let a 10 year old on it (even if you police it well) <em>edited by wiggywig on 29/03/2011</em>
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 15:39
I'm going to bed to differ from everyone ;) Perfectly fine for you to not allow the FB friendship, though perhaps I would have spoken to your son first before arbitarily deleting the fathers GF. Father has little to do with son? then this GF is not a potential step mum, but a medling busy body who's actively try to participate in something that is none of her business....any intro between the 2 should be at the instigation of the father and the boys mum...not just because she fancies it. Boys that age add EVERYBODY as friends...as I have discovered with my nephews trying to be friends with my entire friends list ;) He'd just click accept on anybody, and Mum has said, no, we add friends we know, and who we as afamily approve of.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 15:35
I think he's under the minimum age for facebook anyway? Given that you are allowing him to use it anyway, I do think it's a bit rich that you're vetoing his 'friends'. It would be great it his new step mum can facilliate some contact.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 15:21
also she is not the typical facebook user, she is the type that posts on everything, every picture, every comment, joins conversations that don't include her...it is just too much for my 10 year old to deal with in my opinion so why didn't you just open another account in your own name for him to use to play scrabble ? also, as a potential step-mum i think the gf should have been treated as such - just my opinion... <em>edited by Sue62 on 29/03/2011</em>
67
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 29 March 2011 - 15:12
also she is not the typical facebook user, she is the type that posts on everything, every picture, every comment, joins conversations that don't include her...it is just too much for my 10 year old to deal with in my opinion
 
 

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