Advise wanted from parents with more then one child | ExpatWoman.com
 

Advise wanted from parents with more then one child

1861
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 16 April 2011 - 14:44
DD didn't really regress to babyhood, but she was far more attention-seeking when she was tired, for example. I think it's very important, right from the start, to treat both your children equally and as individuals - I know it sounds simplistic, but really, really try not to compare the two of them in terms of behaviour ("Look how good he's being. Are you going to be as good as him?!" etc...) as this sets up an idea of competition (even if there is none). Talk to your DH and all your family members about it too, so that they know. I find grandparents especially shocking at "oh #2 is such a good baby. #1 was never that good!"/ "#2 is such a grumpy baby, but #1 was always good!" and such comments within earshot of little ones who understand very well! As they grew up too, we had to deal with "sharing" toys. Invariably DD would want the toy - even the baby toy - DS had, so I taught her to always bring a different toy for him, if she wanted his one. This worked (and still works) really well and saved an awful lot of tears and tantrums! DD was also very curious about all the mechanisms to do with childbirth and breastfeeding, so I didn't hesitate to tell her about whatever she asked about in a very matter of fact way. She used to pretend to breastfeed her favourite toy and generally copy what was going on with DS... and she asked how he got out of my tummy, so I told her that I pushed him out and it was quite hard work. She's currently going through a phase of er, pointing out differences in male and female anatomy... Anyhow, I really think that they pick up on your vibes, so if you're relaxed about it, matter-of-fact, unbiased and open, then chances are they will be too. <em>edited by Hello.Again.Kitty on 16/04/2011</em>
1236
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 16 April 2011 - 13:31
I did the buying each other a gift thing. DH bought a little pressie for DD to bring into hospital and I had a present from the baby for her. I wasn't holding my DS when she came in to see us and we had a cuddle together before I picked up her new little brother. There were few probs although she howled at the end of visiting as she thought she were all coming home together. She "helped" with the new baby and on occasions reverted to babyish behaviour. On the whole, things were fine as long as we all made time for her. She was 3 when DS was born.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 16 April 2011 - 13:13
Thank you all for your replies, I'm feeling a little more better about it now. I find hind sight is the key I guess. Some of the things you lovely ladies have said I did not really think off and will give it all a go!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 16 April 2011 - 12:45
I think most of what you have said is correct and we gave our 4 1/2 year old a present and he thought that was great he loves playing with her and making her laugh there is no worries of him getting jealous until I read the last thread as she is nearly 1 and will be on the move in a few months, dont worry just enjoy.
1238
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 16 April 2011 - 11:48
DS was about the same age as DD, and or the first year or so, he wasn't bothered by her at all. She doesn't move, doesn't talk, and didn't take his toys. I think he just saw her as an appendage of me. But when she started moving around and playing, the rivalry began. And now DD is 2, and it's just getting worse - they fight from morning till night with brief episodes of playing nicely together in between. Good luck!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 16 April 2011 - 11:47
hugs... the fact that you are considering this shows that you are going to be just fine. Congrats
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 16 April 2011 - 11:22
Yes DD1 did from time to time play baby and I totally embraced it for a nano second,picking her up and theatrically goo gooing then laughed loudly like we shared a joke and tried to do something (often very quick, like high five) to reinforce the idea we were just play acting. I also tried to always tell Daddy, not DD1, what a big girl she was being. Like yours, my DH thinks I think too much but I was hoping that daddy approving of her being a big girl would be a more positive approach than me "obliging/requiring" her to be. There was one thing that kinda freaked me out at first - she asked if she could breastfeed! At 2.5 I was a little uncomfortable with the idea, but said yes. It turns out it was an access thing - she seemed to be checking that all was still available to her. She did it maybe twice each time for one or two sucks and that was the end of it.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 16 April 2011 - 11:03
Thank you both for you input, I did think of not having baby in my arms when DS came to visit us. I will include him as much as I can. To be honest I got him a 'baby' that he as been looking after by feeding and he gets the doll dressed in his old clothing at times. I have a spare bottle that I'm keeping for him to use(just in case story does not work) Dad has raised eyebrows at my approach so far, but hey I'm the one who is going to deal with it when he is at work!! We talk about baby all the time and he has seen me packing my hospital bag, Ive explained to him why I need to go to hospital and so on. So I do hope he takes to it. Did any of you find that you first reverted to being babies again?
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 16 April 2011 - 10:20
There are a couple of things I found really helped. I always referred to DD 2 as "our" baby. We also have strict rules about what the girls are allowed to do with little babies - ie only touch the feet, not hold them, but I made a big song and dance that when "her" baby came, she would be allowed to do all that. I thought it was very important for me not to be holding DD2 when DD1 saw me for the first time in the hospital. DD1 went over to the crib and "discovered" her as an individual not as being "with me". DD 1 then came over for a cuddle BEFORE we picked up DD2. We did the present thing, but I don't think she even noticed. I often asked "what do you think she wants?" or "do you think we should" to try to involve her in a carer type role. She very quickly took to bossing and playing "dolly" with the new baby. I tried to use breast feeding time to read a story to DD1 although that is not always easy and DD1 obviously wanted to sit on my lap. We got round that by giving her a dolly to feed whilst she listened. Not sure how that would go with your son, but perhaps you can adapt the idea! I was really astonished at how little problems we had in this area - not necessarily because of the above, perhaps I was just lucky. Still it really wasn't the big issue I expected. That's come later - now that they're 2 & 5! Good luck, it's great that you're thinking ahead about this.
1861
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 16 April 2011 - 09:59
concentrate on him when your newborn is also awake. I found feeding time to be a "difficult" moment and so would sit DD (eldest) next to me while I was feeding DS and just talk to her and interact with her. I also spent quite a bit of time pointing out the similarities between her and DS (look, [beep'> there's his nose!") and letting her touch and cuddle him whenever she wanted (under supervision!)... basically, her new brother was never out of bounds - he is part of our family and that's that. I also didn't get her a present from him because I felt that her affection towards him shouldn't be bought. She was only 2 though. Good luck!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 16 April 2011 - 09:31
I'm due to deliver our second baby in about 4 weeks time, I already have a son who is 4 and half years old. Even though the age gap is nice as he is very independent and I can get him involved with baby by getting him to get me the nappies, wipes and so on, I'm a little worried about the jealousy factor. I know my son, he is very possessive over me, I'm his mommy and nobody is allowed to come near me unless he is ok with it. I intend to buy him a present so when he comes to see baby at the hospital, I can then say baby got him a present. I'm hoping this will help him except baby better. He has been OK with the pregnancy so far, but that because baby is inside and he may not fully understand what it will mean when baby is out here needing my attention. I also intend to have as much one on one time with him when baby is asleep, so he does not feel left out. My question to you moms with more then one child, how did you deal with the jealousy of your first child and how did you make the transition easier from having one child for so long to having two? Do you have any other tips the will help me deal with my first. And also did you find that your first child 'reverted' and suddenly wanted to be a baby again? how did you deal with that? Thank you very much for reading:):)
 
 

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