Advice please - we're going through a difficult phase

I had exactly the same problem with nappy changes, it turn's into a big struggle between DD and myself until I took her to the changing room in IKEA and she loved all the bright stickers and the mobiles. For sanity we invested in the same bright wall stickers and a colourful mobile hanging from the ceiling above the changing station and it is working. Fingers crossed! Good Luck With the food, I recently read it's ok for a toddler to only eat 1-2 meals a day so although your baby is skinny try not to get too stressed about it, don't bother cooking too many different foods if you find something they eat with no tantrums just give them that. Try roasted sticks of potato's, carrots, the drumstick portion from chicken wings work a treat for me. My DD is going through a carrot stage she will throw everything else and eat a whole carrot, so I just deep breath and let her go. And, finally if all else fails she will always eat a banana. I just spread the floor with old newspaper under her chair and roll it all up at the end of the day.

Hi hun, big hugs. My DS is 14 months. We went through this phase at 8.5 months & it lasted for a month. There is a growth spurt at this age & it's very developmental, this is why your LO would get frustrated all day. - Food: DS still goes through phases of not eating or drinking his milk. When he's teething he goes off solids & milk feeds. I never had a big eater or drinker. He likes plain yoghurt & cheese sticks, so I stick to those when he refuses to eat. I give him food to play with & I use my hands to feed him instead of a spoon. If he sees a spoon & plate he goes crazy. He likes to eat from my hand. If he starts closing his mouth, I stop offering him food. Until now he doesnt eat more than 1-2 meals with 2-3 milk feeds. If you can maintain 15-18 oz of formula it would be great. Try to give him his milk feeds with no distractions in a dark room when he's tired & ready for a nap & see how it goes. DS will not take a milk feed if there is distractions. If you hold him to feed, try to put him on a pillow on your bed, & see how it goes. If you'r still using stage 1 formula, you can try switching to stage 2. - Car seat: I used to sit in the back seat & talk & sing to DS until he got used to sitting there. Once we switched to forward facing at 10 months when he outgrew his infant carseat he started to like his carseat, we also have a CD with some songs he likes & now he sings & clap his hands. - Night feeds: As he's not eating well, it's normal for him to keep waking up during the day & with his feeding habits, I think you weaned him too early off his dummy - Dressing & undressing: It's sooo normal. I use pull ups as it's easier to change while standing up. DS still have melt downs & tantrums when I try to change his clothes. Now he's older, I encourage him to help me & he started to like it more.

Novice reading your post took me back five years to my first born. DH and I often remember those days and regret being so hard on ourselves and on our son in the sense that we would get anxious every time he did not eat, jump out of bed if there was a small cry from his crib etc etc. Meal time can be hard and although not the best solution long term(since u have tried giving him another spoon etc) can you distract him with books? If he enjoys looking at the pictures he may be distracted enough to eat? Taking the focus away from food might help so maybe try that. If he is refusing foods he ate upto a few days ago why dont u try giving him something new/different texture? If he doesn't like milk so much give him yogurt/cheese/banana smoothie. Just try to work your way around regular meals as long as he is getting some form of nutrition. Is it possible that he is teething and hence has loss of appetite? Our son never slept through the night and with no family support it was only DH and I who had to manage so I can relate to you. We kept him in our bed because he would wake to see us and instead of crying to be picked up, would fall back asleep. He's six now and sleeps in his own room so dont worry these habits dont stick forever. my advice to you is to try not to get stressed and dont be hard on yourself/on him. I only realised this after having my other two kids and wish I had known it earlier. Good Luck!

Hi Novice, I'm a first time mum too and I'm still learning with each day that passes. A lot of it is trial and error for me really. Best advice I was given is to try out lots of different things (within reason) in order to find what works best for us. My DS just turned 8 months a few days ago and is at a stage where he is becoming more mobile, is trying to express himself more and more through his body language and is actually communicating verbally with us using grunts, crying, screams, shrieks (if the screams don't work!) and lots of blabbing (dadada/babababab/lalalala). On the one hand, it's brilliant and I am amazed everyday by what he does. On the other hand, it can present some "challenges". Eating is always a messy event. To be honest, I just let him get on with it and don't try to force him to eat or to hurry up. I often have something to eat myself at the same time as him (I try to eat the same food as him whenever possible) and usually when he sees me putting food in my mouth, he also wants to eat. Another, trick which you already seem to be trying is the extra spoon to distract him. I also sometimes line up pieces of food in front of him that he can pick up himself to eat (e.g. soft carrots, bread, orange etc), most of which usually ends up in his catch-all bib. Then I have another dish that I am in control of and feed him from this in between him trying to feed himself. When we are out, then I tend to opt for less messy options and take control of the feeding process (and yes he does protest but I explain to him that we are not at home and mummy needs to hold the spoon. Mind you I don't think he actually understands what I'm saying, probably more my tone of voice (I put on my serious voice!) and the look on my face - although many a times he has had a good giggle when mummy tries to put on her serious face! Nappy changes at home - this too can sometimes be a challenge as he will not stay still! I still change him at the changing station - just because everything is in one place and it's easier. What we find is that distraction works best for our DS. So some of the things we've tried to distract him is to give him something to play with to keep his hands occupied, we have also bought some lovely animal wall stickers and have deliberately stuck some on the wall by his changing station right where his eye-line is. I then point to the animals and make the sounds for each one - which keeps him distracted long enough to change nappy. And when none of these techniques don't work (and some days nothing works), I call my DH in to come in and talk to him whilst holding on to his legs to keep them still or better still I just let DH deal with changing the nappy! Changing nappies in the mall when we are out can be a challenge but again I put on my serious voice and explain that we are not at home and then swiftly give him a spare, clean nappy to hold in his hands to keep him entertained for a few minutes. Car journeys - not his favourite thing if he is hungry. So have had to learn to time journeys right and try to avoid these when he is due a feed. Again distraction/entertainment work best for our DS. Usually end up singing lots of songs during the journey.... some favourites are; "Old McDonald had a farm", "10 Green Bottles", "I know an old lady who swallowed a fly", "One man went to mow"... I decided to mix it up a little at Christmas and introduced festive songs like "On the first day of Christmas", "Jingle Bells", "We wish you a merry Christmas"! :):) On the sleeping front, DS does not sleep through the night. He goes to bed around 7-7.30pm then I give him a dreamfeed around 11pm. I know he does not need it but I don't mind and he doesn't mind either! He tends to wake up at least once during the night around 4/5am (on a good night he sleeps through until 6.30am which is when my DH wakes up anyway). On a not so good night he may wake up around 2am and then again around 4 or 5am. If he's half asleep and only whining then I tend to stay in bed and not respond and he soon falls back asleep on his own. If he is wide awake and crying then I will go into his room to see him. I don't feed him during these am awakenings but I do pick him up and give him a cuddle (as he's usually standing up in his cot when I go into his room) and within 15 minutes or so he is back asleep. If I am really shattered and don't have the energy to stand and cuddle him, I bring him into our bed and when he falls back asleep I gently put him back into his cot in his room. I am probably creating a bigger problem for us further down the road - but hey we'll cross that bridge if/when we get there.... This is what we do and it works for us most of the time. Hope you find something that works for you and your DS and DH. Good luck!!!

or... thinking about it... how about giving him his own spoon and a little pot of fromage frais (nice and gloopy) and just let him discover how to use his spoon? I doesn't matter if he only gets a teensy bit on there and licks it off, but it's developing his coordination and perhaps will satisfy his need to not be helped. DS is doing that now - he's 18 months, so a bit older! He won't let anyone feed him beacuse he *must do it on his own* [sigh'>... but he gets there in the end and is getting faster and more dexterous every day!

Try to give him one spoon in his hand and feed him with another same one. Worked for us.

This all sounds familiar! I take the Supernanny approach, which is very no-nonsense. It'll sometimes take quite some time for the message to sink in, but it will... eventually. - feeding. If the food flies around, meal-time is over and that's that. Allow a 30 minute "reconsideration" time, where dinner can be reintroduced, but if there's any more shenanigans, it's gone. Children won't starve themselves. - nappy changes. I remember having to restrain DD with quite some force to stop her rolling and squirming out of nappy changes - like wrestling style restraint! A friend of mine admitted to having to clamp her son's shoulders down with her knees in order to change his nappy and we all agreed that an elbow and forearm to the chest is pretty effective too! Do what you need to do and remember that they do grow out of it... or get potty trained first! - car seats. If you LO is at the right weight, then there is no reason not to change his car-seat. We swapped DD at 9 months because she hated being crammed into her maxi-cosi - and crammed was the operative word, cos she was a big lass! The screaming fits didn't go away, mind you, but at least weren't constant any more. - nights. You know what you need to do... the problem is that you also know it's not going to be a peaceful transition. Bite that bullet and look forward to full nights' sleep in the very near future!

hi Novice, Not that I can provide much at all but DS (2 mths younger than yours) has hated the car from pretty much day 1. I time my trips in the car to when a) he has a full belly and has been up at least 1 hr before being put in the car for a decent 15-20 min car ride or b) we go when he ready to sleep and c) if he wakes then it is a series of songs he likes to hear try singing sleep songs or put my radio station on he whinges to screams ... put his CD or sing to him the songs he likes then generally we get to where we are going... but it has meant me singing for pretty much half an hour on some drives and no voice afterwards. :D I hope you can get him eating and sorted with everything else. Big hugs to you and your DH for the lack of sleep. xox