Please do not touch, grab or take photos of my child! Anyone else have this problem?

I have a very blonde, very blue eyed 9 month old and have lost count of the number of people who have taken pictures of him (and they're just the ones I know about). Half the maids in my compound have shots of him on their phones, the locals (men and women) stop and pinch his cheeks and often I'll see him on their phone without seeing them take the picture. It doesn't worry me in the least and on the odd occasion someone asks permission first I always say yes. But I do understand how some people, coming from countries where this wouldn't normally happen, are mistrustful of what I am sure are completely innocent and loving intentions. If it makes you uncomfortable, it is fine to say "no thanks" but I think it is probably better to say it nicely, otherwise you are effectively calling someone a pervert when they are simply admiring your child. I guess for me the shoe is now on the other foot as I have travel albums filled with pictures of cute kids in small villages in cambodia, laos, vietnam, india etc. I guess I usually asked first but often the mum wasn't there and I happily snapped away. So even though sometimes I find it weird to be so photographed here, I remind myself that I thought those village kids were worth a photo or two. In retrospect I hope I didn't offend their mum's and dad's and am more sensitive to the idea now that I am a parent. I am abit germ phobic and have to admit to also having covertly wiped down my son's hands with sanitiser after a strager has grabbed his hands. The thing I find the hardest is people trying to give my baby food, a man tried to give my 9 month old a Hershey's chocolate kiss the other day. I try not to offend and just put it in my bag for "later" (yeah like when he starts school maybe ;)) I have started saying he has allergies when people offer him donuts, cake etc. People have good intentions so communicate your wishes, but try be nice about it. They are not being rude, it doesn't occur to them you might mind.

Im not one for man handling other people's kids, but on occasion whilst queueing for exmaple I do tend to chat to the LO's in the trolleys, and maybe let them grab my finger whilst trying to talk to them, Is this so wrong!!!! I wouldnt want to offend anyone by doing this.

I have grown up kids, and from where I come people adore kids. However, I have always been very protective of my kids and never let unknown people handle them. Now I find babies of other people adorable but we NEVER ask for pictures of them or with them, although can't resist smiling at the cuties!

As I was arriving, pushing my luggage cart at the airport in Dubai, my husband ahead of me, our bags in the cart and my 2 kids sitting on top of the cart in front of me, as I passed by the people waiting a few of them just reached out and touched my daughters hair! She turned around looking scared and I moved the cart as fast as I could away from the sides..... edited by MomOfTwins on 22/05/2011 <em>edited by MomOfTwins on 22/05/2011</em>

It's all fair and reasonable- the respect thing. But...check the name of the site: it's EXPAT WOMAN. You're not in the UK now. Let it get under your skin, or try to move on and adapt. Don't be shocked and focus on what you judge as substandard or inferior behaviors. The best thing for everyone out there is to protect your child (or more yourself probably) and remain gracious. Or you give wherever you're from a bad name. Food for thought. when did I ever suggest it was substandard or inferior behaviour?! Gosh, there's no need to give me a lesson in what being an expat entails in terms of tolerance and integration - I may refer to my past in the UK, but believe me, my life experience is far from limited to its shores. You weren't to know, of course, but please don't assume that I'm some kind of bright-eyed, bushy-tailed innocent that's never been abroad before and assumes that everywhere should fall into line with my own cultural background... whatever that might be nowadays. Frances, I'll narrow my statement then, hopefully to your liking. Of all my friends, family members and acquaintances, or indeed random people that I've met with my children in the UK, none of us would take a photo or give a child something to eat without first seeking the parent's permission.

It's all fair and reasonable- the respect thing. But...check the name of the site: it's EXPAT WOMAN. You're not in the UK now. Let it get under your skin, or try to move on and adapt. Don't be shocked and focus on what you judge as substandard or inferior behaviors. The best thing for everyone out there is to protect your child (or more yourself probably) and remain gracious. Or you give wherever you're from a bad name. Food for thought.

You certainly make a very broad statement about the UK, if not a little naive more of a utopian society.

That’s what you think, but if someone like me forwarded ur LO pic unbeknownst to you to a friend of mine then how would you know where they end up, you can lock things down as tight as a vestal virgin........the truth is we have absolutely no control over it. It's require them to make a copy without my knowledge, knowing that I haven't consented to it, email it to the person and all that jazz, and being from the same cultural background, it's just not something any of my friends would dream of doing. We just don't. It's an unspoken rule. It's funny because the strength of this obviously isn't coming across - but in the UK, you wouldn't even dream of giving a child a sweet or taking their photo without first seeking permission from the parents, let alone touching them. You just don't... ever. It's not like it's really stand-offish, but for example, if a child ran up to a person in the park and asked to share whatever s/he was eating, that person would invariably say "we need to ask your mummy/ daddy first". Photos are a completely no-no... <em>edited by Hello.Again.Kitty on 16/02/2011</em>

That’s what you think, but if someone like me forwarded ur LO pic unbeknownst to you to a friend of mine then how would you know where they end up, you can lock things down as tight as a vestal virgin........the truth is we have absolutely no control over it.

As someone stated, we put pictures of our kids on Facebook and we do not know where they ultimately end up. I know where mine end up... nowhere, because I've cracked down on privacy to that level. I also do this for myself, so it's not just the paranoid mum thing (which I'm not)... OK, so lets say it's a cultural thing. I only ask for people to respect my culture and not take photos of my children without my permission. There's no arrogant dismissing going on - it's about respect. If someone is polite about it, then they often get what they ask for (indeed a good lesson for the kids)... but if someone is disrespectful, then they get short shrift.

This never worries me either. As long as my kids are fully dressed in the pictures, it does not bother me. Sometimes strangers kiss them and that also doesn't worry me. They have an obligatory bath every night and they aren't constantly sick so an odd kiss every once in a while doesn't bother me. As someone stated, we put pictures of our kids on Facebook and we do not know where they ultimately end up.

It's a cultural difference, pure and simple. It's not about paedophilia, obsessiveness or creepiness. But if you are bothered by germs which is reasonable, a simple "thanks for stopping, but he's not very well" has solved the problem for me (when someone with a cold wiped their hands all over the baby's head). No point getting on your high horse about it. Last week a local lady pulled over and got out of her bentley to ask to take a photo on her phone of my blue eyed blonde 3yo girl as we were walking along. Based on the woman's glee, it was as if she had seen a basket full of sweet kittens with bows on them. And a lebanese guy with a toddler daughter tried to get my toddler son to pose next to his child near the slide at the park, bc he thought they were cute together. I say this is perfectly harmless, albeit silly and uninteresting to me. I truly believe there's no harm, but I sometimes get sick of stopping, so just keep walking as if in a hurry. Who cares really? I don't perceive any safety or security risk. And how terrible if you taught your child to be rude or nasty to a well-meaning stranger. Btw I'm not talking about men in overcoats lurking in the bushes. Just shoppers and shopkeepers and parents at the park- regular people from gulf or Asian countries who idolize kids in ways they don't where I am from. 3yo daughter sometimes makes up names for herself, being constantly asked by shop assistance trying to be nice/ missing their own kids desperately/ just liking small children in ways similar to how some westerners might go nuts over puppies or kittens being walked down the street. It was a tad unbelieveable when she said her name was "princess" the other day!! I laughed though - good on her for having some fun and knowing what's irrelevant chit chat, but still behaving with courtesy and dignity. Not arrogantly dismissing people like a diva. That would be ugly; no cameras please... We are special/ scared/ paranoid. Ps a man atvthe doctors once gave DD chewing gum when she was 2, which she swallowed. My rule is to stay within arms reach now (sensible) and be ready to jump in with "thanks, that's so kind but she's allergic". Win/win. <em>edited by fruity99 on 14/02/2011</em>

I gave up too, what about all the pictures that are taken that we don’t see, I don’t know where these pics end up but then again I don’t know where my facebook pics end up either, honestly wouldn’t sweat it too much.

And the touching - just think about it. Who knows where the people who touch your kids been before, what they've been touching, when they washed hands last time and worse, what disease they might have. So no, I don't think letting people touch our kids is ok. That had never actually crossed my mind... but yes. We discovered last year that DD had amoebic dysentery (can get nasty if not treated) and, as it's a water-borne parasite, the number one propagation here is via carriers not washing their hands properly before handling food or anything else!

I've been in the same situation too when DS was 10 months old. People kept grabbing him left and right. I didn't let people touch him. Photographing people without their consent is actually illegal in Dubai (probably the whole UAE) so you can say no. And the touching - just think about it. Who knows where the people who touch your kids been before, what they've been touching, when they washed hands last time and worse, what disease they might have. So no, I don't think letting people touch our kids is ok. As for paranoia, I read about a case where someone found their own boy's photo ending up on al illegal website advertised as a cute boy up for adoption. Obviously the boy wasn't available for adoption, it was just a scam but things like that can happen. So as for me, I don't let people photograph my son.

shoot me but really?? A lot of woman with severe paranoia. Not everyone that takes a photo of your child is going to plan to kidnap them. I have travelled the world taking photos of kids and never ever heard of it being an issue until I came here to AD. My kids have been photographed everywhere on our travels and it never crossed my mind not to let them. Ive really got a lot more to worry about in life than who's taking photos of my children. as far as picking up and leaning over prams, its very culturally acceptable here and part of the norm so I take no offence even when they want a cuddle, BUT I dont allow it primarily because of TB and Heb B being prevalant in this country. A pram cover is a good way to protect your child without having to say NO.

I have this problem with my boys - more so my 20mth son as he's at that cute age. Both my boys have very unique hair styles which by the way before you all start they have had since babies. Most of the time i find the local or asians ask first if they can take a picture & I say no. I read on a thread here not to let strangers take pics of your child as they are shown to buyers that want your child kidnapped. Scary stuff!!

I'm sorry, but [i'>what harm is there[/i'>? Well, what are these people going to do with the photos? At best, are they really going to show their family members are go "oh, look, I saw this really random kid!", or yes, they could post them up on Facebook for all and sundry to ogle at... which could then move on to google and be in the public realm for anyone to ogle at and download copies. Sure, the name wouldn't be traceable, but funnily enough, I'm not comfortable with any images of my children being out there in the public domain. edited by Hello.Again.Kitty on 10/02/2011 I appreciate that you didn't directly quote me, but given it was a misquote/inference taken from my response, I thought I should respond :) Again I say, what "direct" harm is going to come to my son. Absolutely none. So some strangers look at a photo of my fully clothed baby, a baby who, lets be honest, only your close friends and family would be able to pick out in a line up of similar looking babies. As I said below, my feelings will no doubt change as he gets older, but at this stage, I am an overcautious/paranoid mother when it comes to the safety of my child, and the last thing I need, is to add another thing to the list to keep me a awake at night, that I realistically have no control over. I've unfortunately had an incident here that was just a bit too chilling for my liking. DD, then 2.5yrs was wandering around while I and a friend were having a coffee. She was about 15 meters away and there was only us and a waiter from the coffee-shop next door. She's a personable little thing, but this chap swept her up and was cuddling, stroking and kissing her a bit too tightly for her comfort and mine. I was there in a flash, took her away and hissed to him never to touch her again, but hey... how do I know that he hadn't already taken a few souvenir photos of the cute little girl he seemed to like so much? You may decide to let it pass when they're still at an age when they're fixed in their buggies, but when they're properly mobile and have wills of their own, you'll see that they'll happily follow anyone who offers them a sweet. Oh no, that is hideous! DS still isn't properly walking, which is why I am probably 'less concerned' at this stage. But I completely agree, once he is properly mobile, it is going to become a completely different ball game, and I suspect I am going to become one angry mother! Seriously, it is so difficult, I really wanted DS to not being a clingy child and for him to happily passed to around, because we have a large group of friends .. this would have been fine in our home country (well to some degree) but here, I am seriously beginning to second guess that decision, as clearly I don't want him happily trotting off with just anyone. Argh!

I'm sorry, but [i'>what harm is there[/i'>? Well, what are these people going to do with the photos? At best, are they really going to show their family members are go "oh, look, I saw this really random kid!", or yes, they could post them up on Facebook for all and sundry to ogle at... which could then move on to google and be in the public realm for anyone to ogle at and download copies. Sure, the name wouldn't be traceable, but funnily enough, I'm not comfortable with any images of my children being out there in the public domain. edited by Hello.Again.Kitty on 10/02/2011 I appreciate that you didn't directly quote me, but given it was a misquote/inference taken from my response, I thought I should respond :) Again I say, what "direct" harm is going to come to my son. Absolutely none. So some strangers look at a photo of my fully clothed baby, a baby who, lets be honest, only your close friends and family would be able to pick out in a line up of similar looking babies. As I said below, my feelings will no doubt change as he gets older, but at this stage, I am an overcautious/paranoid mother when it comes to the safety of my child, and the last thing I need, is to add another thing to the list to keep me a awake at night, that I realistically have no control over. I've unfortunately had an incident here that was just a bit too chilling for my liking. DD, then 2.5yrs was wandering around while I and a friend were having a coffee. She was about 15 meters away and there was only us and a waiter from the coffee-shop next door. She's a personable little thing, but this chap swept her up and was cuddling, stroking and kissing her a bit too tightly for her comfort and mine. I was there in a flash, took her away and hissed to him never to touch her again, but hey... how do I know that he hadn't already taken a few souvenir photos of the cute little girl he seemed to like so much? You may decide to let it pass when they're still at an age when they're fixed in their buggies, but when they're properly mobile and have wills of their own, you'll see that they'll happily follow anyone who offers them a sweet.

I understand where you are coming from TanyaR, in some respects I feel I'm over reacting but then deep down I have the same worries of Hello.Again.Kitty - where could the pictures end up? This is what bothers me, and also the worry that someone will run off with my DD when they are making grabs at her. Unlikely I know, but 1st child - I am a bit of a worrier! Ive just scanned through the previous posts Leshell and found the one you are talking about. Its nice to know i'm not the only one who had these worries, irrational or not :) I guess its just the way it is and you have to come up with a way that works for you x I completely understand where you are coming from. Seriously, I swing wildly back and forth on my opinion on this issue. And I don't think they are at all irrrational fears. I am the mother that still wakes up 3-4 times a night (even though DS does not) to check he hasn't been stolen from his cot in his room, and yes I still have a monitor in there as well... now that is irrational! As I said at the moment, we don't panic, but I am sure I will change my mind when he is a little bigger!

I'm sorry, but [i'>what harm is there[/i'>? Well, what are these people going to do with the photos? At best, are they really going to show their family members are go "oh, look, I saw this really random kid!", or yes, they could post them up on Facebook for all and sundry to ogle at... which could then move on to google and be in the public realm for anyone to ogle at and download copies. Sure, the name wouldn't be traceable, but funnily enough, I'm not comfortable with any images of my children being out there in the public domain. edited by Hello.Again.Kitty on 10/02/2011 I appreciate that you didn't directly quote me, but given it was a misquote/inference taken from my response, I thought I should respond :) Again I say, what "direct" harm is going to come to my son. Absolutely none. So some strangers look at a photo of my fully clothed baby, a baby who, lets be honest, only your close friends and family would be able to pick out in a line up of similar looking babies. As I said below, my feelings will no doubt change as he gets older, but at this stage, I am an overcautious/paranoid mother when it comes to the safety of my child, and the last thing I need, is to add another thing to the list to keep me a awake at night, that I realistically have no control over.

There is another thread on this just the other day. I also got surrounded by some local ladies who were trying to take DD out of the baby bjorn which was strapped to me! I have learnt that by saying they are sick they are less likely to want to touch them. i know it sounds strange and awful but i said this to one lot of people and they didnt come near her, maybe try that??? The photos? Im at a loss too, i had a whole bunch of asian tourists videoing DD on the swing at ELC oneday! I put my pram and myself right in front of them they soon got the point.

I'm sorry, but [i'>what harm is there[/i'>? Well, what are these people going to do with the photos? At best, are they really going to show their family members are go "oh, look, I saw this really random kid!", or yes, they could post them up on Facebook for all and sundry to ogle at... which could then move on to google and be in the public realm for anyone to ogle at and download copies. Sure, the name wouldn't be traceable, but funnily enough, I'm not comfortable with any images of my children being out there in the public domain. <em>edited by Hello.Again.Kitty on 10/02/2011</em>

Ha TanyaR I like your thinking. My DD has a habit of pointing and saying "Oooohhhh" to anything and everyone so it really doesnt help the situation. - Maybe I should train this to be a growl instead LOL. it is totally flattering and a mother loves nothing more than to be told their child is beautiful but being brought up in the UK, we are made to be fearful of the unknown so any stranger, whether their intentions be good or bad, we step away and see the bad side. I guess it's just a different culture, different behaviours. By the sound of things here, is something i'm going to have to get used to. Like you say though, its the touching that bothers me. From now on, anti bacterial wipes and hand wash will be a necessity!! Were moving to Dubai but unsure of whereabouts yet, we are house hunting in two week. Fingers crossed we find something we love! I dont even know where to begin...but thats another thread! hehe - don't crucify me for this, I know we are supposed to say our children are the most beautiful in the world.. but... I have no illusions of grandeur, my son is by no stretch of the imagination 'beautiful', but he is 'cute', and has lovely smiley, chatty disposition - he is always trying to get peoples attention, so I can't be that surprised. But to be completely honest, he takes a terrible picture (I have to take 20 to get one decent shot), not at all photogenic (just like his Mummy) so the joke is on the happy snappers really! I have never had this issue in NZ (where I was raised) or in he UK. In fact, my neice in the UK, is seriously gorgeous - should be a child model and takes stunning pictures, and I never once had an issue when I was out with her (regularly) with her being grabbed or photographed in London, people would comment how cute she was, but that was it. Whilst I completely agree there is a double standard around the photo taking, I have actually only had a few Emirati woman taking his photo (and they always want to be in it) - certainly never any men, they ususally just want a cuddle, or to play peekaboo and make him giggle...

Same thing happened to me yesterday. The guy just stood there and took a pic of DD (who btw is neither blond nor blue eyed). Really irritated me and I picked her up and walked away.

I understand what you mean - DS is now 1 year and blond (though not much of it) but very fair skin and blue eyes. At first it gave me a fright, then I thought it was really odd, now I just realise it is a cultural thing. I cannot tell you how many photo's he has had taken of him, people do it going up and down escalators (so there is nothing you do), trying to do it subtly, or just outright asking, and then asking for me to be in it (I detest having my photo taken), or for them to be in it as well. I have had people ask if I am famous (because people are taking our photo - quite hilarious!). I try not to stress out about the photo thing anymore - reason being, what direct harm is going to come of my son from having his photo taken? He isn't going to be tagged in facebook or named in it, so it really doesn't hurt him, and the appeal of charging up to someone after the fact and causing a scene is not high on my priority list, particularly given how regularly it happens. Clearly, I would have a different outlook if he wasn't completely dressed, if I felt the intentions were sinister, or when he is a bit older, but at the moment, there are far worse things to worry about than a happy snapper intrigued by a light skin and fair baby. I actually find the Emirati ladies being so taken by him quite cute, and he loves them as well, so I try to not be too off-ish anymore. Although, I do typically have him strapped to my front in a front pack when we are at the malls (well have been, but this will soon stop - he is getting to heavy at nearly 12kgs) so it stops him being grabbed to be picked up. I really don't like his face and hands being touched, and typically as soon as someone does (having come from nowhere!!), I wash his face and hands with sanitiser and wipes. Where are you moving too? I can tell you the attention he gets in Asian countries is far, far worse, and quite daunting - I was used to all the attention already when we went away a couple of months ago, and was still quite staggered and how full on it was in certain places. Hmmm ... Perhaps we can teach them to bite and scowl at everyone, that will stop them!

yes [sigh'>... more so with my DD when she was little, but after being flattered, I had had enough. I have a sunshade now for the buggy that I call my "buggy burqa" so that people can't see in and be tempted. It's pathetic really. I've had a woman try to pull my DD out of the buggy to give her a kiss, people walk past and as they do so, take a photo over their shoulder with their phone, other blatant in-your-face-photos, lunatic finger-clicking in their faces and, well, everything. Just last week a chap with a semi-pro camera took a photo of DD as she went past on her scooter without asking, so I told him that he should always ask permission and demanded that he deleted it... and waited until he'd done so, which seemed to surprise him. You know, it gets me all the more that one of the rules of the UAE - that's perfectly acceptable in my mind - is that we aren't allowed to photograph local women without asking their permission... so why on earth should that courtesy not apply to our children?!