Timeline of a Breastfed Baby

It's fab my fav is the ###hole Theory. Clint Eastwood said it best. That was my fave part too. :D

People on these forums seem to like links. So... http://knockedupknockedover.wordpress.com/2011/08/05/world-breastfeeding-week-guilt-judgement-and-lactivism/ This is relevant in two ways: *It describes the feelings of non-breastfeeding mothers who feel judged by the "lactivists", with experiences such as being approached with comments like "“Why are you giving that baby a bottle? Don’t you know that babies should be breastfed?” *It then goes on to say that we should not judge non-breastfeeding mothers. Good point - except that the authors reasoning for this is that she might have breastmilk in the bottle, she might have a medical problem or maybe she doesn't have the vital information. Creating/feeding the notion that if we are not to breastfeed - its excusable, but only if we have "a good enough excuse". http://www.postscript.com.au/lifestages/blog/stepping-over-line-0 This is a commentary on a book - part of which details the journey of a woman who breastfed her child until 4yrs. I found the following points interesting: *The author of the commentary recounted feeling of judgement from others when breastfeeding, especially into toddlerhood. She describes: "I regularly had to contend with barely disguised contempt and open hostility - from mothers and non-mothers alike - when admitting that I breastfed my first child to the age of 18 months." *However she then indirectly passes judgement on women who choose not to breastfeed without what appear to be a "good reason": "I regularly hear mothers saying they 'gave it a go' for three months, therefore they did their bit. Similarly, I have heard several mothers say that 'breastfeeding wasn't their thing'. It's sad that this is a common or normal response to breastfeeding in society now." *She goes on to later offer how increasing information would support more mothers to breastfeed. Then suggests as an almost afterthought that women who are [i'>unable[/i'> to breastfeed should have support for formula (of course, they need to be [i'>unable[/i'> to do it, they cannot just choose not to). Its just a snapshot - but highlights what I think are very real and valid examples of how women on both sides of the fence feel judged. But in both cases it seemed to be the conclusion that we shouldnt judge non-breastfeeding women - because just maybe she has a good reason for it (As apposed to actually having a free choice as a human being and the owner of her body). The author of the second commentary compared our desire to judge non-breastfeeding mother in public with the desire to judge a women smacking her child! What I did find the most beneficial, least non-judgemental comment was in the first commentary, where the author suggested an approach of offering information and support in this way "“I’m not sure if you’re planning to breastfeed or not, but if you are, I’m happy to help you in any way I can.". I felt this is a lot more diplomatic approach to offering support - rather than what often seems to be a case of the "lactivists" assuming its their duty to change everyones minds and offer support only in the case of breastfeeding (possibly alienating women and leading them to avoid approaching help with formula feeding when they know they going to get the bombardment of " breast is best information and support" whether thats what they're looking for or not).

Yes but who is making bf mothers feel like that, we must also consider the source of such comments. If someone had told me to bf in the loo I would ask them only after they have thr lunch in thr. LOL Personally by that I'm strictly speaking on my own dehalf, I don't associate guilt with bf v formula, csection v vaginal birth, I cant judge what kind of a parent I am only my children can. The most judged I felt was by other women when breastfeeding in public (men seemed to gawp a bit, but I always felt it was more of an ogle than passing judgement, lol). I used to cover up with a shawl anyway, so it wasnt like there was much to be seen. I guess peoples reactions are always open to interpretation. But I had some definite negative experiences, such as one time I was feeding in a little cafe and a woman sitting nearby with her young children commented "you're not the only one here, you know". I'm a stubborn head, so said "And neither are YOU". But it still hurt my feelings. Maybe guilt is the wrong word. Judged might be better. For example - I dont feel guilty for having a c-section. But with some people's attitudes I always feel I need to add in that it was an emergency, not by choice. I don't recall anyone ever saying anything to me that was directly judgemental - its just with all the push with vaginal birth is best because of ra ra ra ra and c-section is bad becuase of ra ra ra ra, I for one ended up feeling like when I state that I have to cite a "good enough" reason for it

Its certainly beneficial to have access to as much information as possible, and its always helpful to any mother to be pointed in the direction of things others have found beneficial. It is important too to read from a wide range of sources to be able to put different approaches to every topic into perspective. Its not about being a contest - but certainly nothing in this world on any topic is written without the author having an opinion about it (let alone emotional topics such as feeding and babies). The reason the topics are so controversial, is because there is no widely-held consensus in the scientific arena on many of these issues. Much research results in conflicting conclusions by different scientists/doctors/experts - and its no surprise that their research usually concludes with evidence to support the opinion they began with. Again - far from unique to feeding or baby issues. Hence why the theories available vary so widely to begin with. It doesnt help when in the academic world - in order to be published, sell books, or be regarded as an expert in anything whatsover - you have to come up with something "new". Hence we sometimes get all sorts of weird and wacky theories like letting our babies cry until they vomit. Again, not isolated to research on feeding or babies. It all becomes so much more complicated with feeding and baby topics because it is such an emotional and high-stake issue we're dealing with. When people's personal experience seems in line with a particular theory - its natural to assume that it must therefore be the correct. There is always other people whose personal experience is in line with a different theory, and that theory will often have evidence of it its own. Everything you read will be presented to you as though it is indisputable evidence, that all reputable experts have consensus on. It not often that this is not the case. I certainly believe many women have missed out on breastfeeding and wish they had more support or information. I can definitely identify with that. I think my anger and indignation at the lack of support I was given in breastfeeding and having missed out on the first important 2 weeks, was what gave me the resolve to push on through until DS weaned himself at 2 years. I still end up in tears when I think about unfair it was - so I'm sure it is worse in cases like yours, Frances, where you missed out breastfeeding 2 kids altogether. We should certainly be strengthening our support networks and giving out information to help such mothers - that is without question. However we border on automatically assuming that every mother will want to breastfeed, and the only reason they dont want to is if they didnt receive enough information or support. Whether it is our intended consequence - we then end up with mothers who can't breastfeed feeling guiltly, and women who choose not to feeling like they have to come up with "a good enough" excuse. Its such difficult and controversial terrain - its very hard to share opinions without people becoming offended or assuming you are pushing one thing over the other, or discounting their own views. Its hard to know when someone doesnt wih to breastfeed whether we should take that at face value, or assume there is some information we can give them that would change their mind, or whether they take that as a "guilt trip". We're living in a society where we're told to breastfeed then made to feel like lude exhibitionists if we want to do it anywhere other than a toilet. We're recommended to breastfeed until 2 years, then told we're grotty when we do it. Sometimes it very much feels like a case of damned if you do, and damned if you don't. As Kitty said - we all have to feed our chilred, and we've all been fed as children. After millions of years of feeding without science - somehow within a few decades we've managed to turn the whole thing upside down in the name of science and everyone feels judged no matter what choice they make. Anyway, those are my thoughts on the issue. Like everything, anyone can take or leave them :)

I'm the same - I really am uncomfortable with "pushing" any agenda, especially one that's so emotionally charged. The thing is, it's all well-intentioned, but when people feel passionate and often on the back foot, they resort to putting pressure where it hurts the most. I imagine our mothers and grandmothers felt the same kind of pressure to favour formula over breastmilk - someone actually tutted and told me that I should be giving my baby formula because it was "better" and "made by doctors"... and that's after 30 years of progressive thinking! What also gets me - and this actually spans wider than breastfeeding - is that for everything that actually is quite normal and people wouldn't generally have a problem with, we (collective) seem to feel the need for campaigns, analysis and statistics. We all need to feed our children, so just let's get on with it without complicating matters. Why on earth is there still the hoo-hah about it?! Oh, that'll be the social conditioning, where the female body is considered both taboo and a sexual object and people just can't stop themselves thinking that putting a baby to the breast should be rated 18. Funny how you see more cleavage on a Ladies Night that on a mum feeding her child in public, but one's "a bit of fun" and the other is apparently oh-so wrong. Am I digressing? Sorry! I noticed another post of mine got deleted from a thread. Oops! lol

Good points kiwi, its good to read the other side of the pressures for women who do breastfeed. Quite horrifying peoples comments about breastfeeding sometimes, particularly toddlers. PB, couldn't agree more. <em>edited by chance on 02/01/2012</em>

I agree PBP, that sentence you quoted did seem overly emotionally loaded and a lot of pro-breastfeeding info is, which is such a shame. But what bugs me the very most is the simple slogan "breast is best" which is catchy but completely dismisses the important issues that you mention. Before I was a mum, I truly did think it was a simple choice between feeling all warm and fuzzy as you breastfed or cold-heartedly sticking a piece of plastic in their mouth and giving them something that was meant for a baby cow. I got the wake-up of my life when my son (also tounge-tied) insisted on a shallow latch and combined that with a clamp-down reflex that left a bruise on my aureola in the shape of his gum ridge!. I have never known pain like that and would never wish it on anybody, ever. There was no help at all within the hospital system and while I literally dripped blood on my pillow case the nurses insisted he was latched and feeding well and congratulated me on his weight gain. I had moments of wishing I had supply issues just so I had an "excuse" to give up. At the same time I felt hurt when people said "just give formula, its just as good" as it somehow implied I was going through all that for nothing. There is such complexity of emotion tied up with breastfeeding its hard to navigate. We have some lovely ad campaigns in NZ now that focus on supporting breastfeeding women in a more practical way like suggesting husbands do the dishes and make a cup of tea while mum is feeding etc rather than just quoting a long list of reasons why women "should" breastfeed. I think that is infinitely more helpful. I also think there needs to be more thought put to dealing with the obstacles that many women do have with breastfeeding, many women find themselves without grandmothers, aunts, mothers, sisters who have any experience with breastfeeding to share, society has lost a collective wisdom which once existed but sites like EW can help fill that need much better than books and Drs. Something which is tricker in this part of the world, but important all the same is to get over inhibitions about breastfeeding in public. Have you ever noticed that babies on TV shows are [b'>always[/b'> bottlefed, baby dolls come with bottles etc etc (apparently a baby doll that breastfed when held to a child's chest was pulled from shelves int he states due to complaint). I think if we physically "saw" breastfeeding everywhere not only would mothers feel less confused about where to start they'd feel less socially isolated than when they have to spend a good portion of their day hiding in spare rooms and toilets to feed and if we could just "see" how to do it instead of babies being hidden under covers and shawls then the misinformation/lack of information often given post birth might not matter so much. Breastfeeding just shouldn't be as hard and isolating as it is for so many women. Meanwhile a good friend of mine called me "grotty" last night when she heard I was still breastfeeding my 17 month old and I have to admit the older he gets the more I feel a subtle (or not so subtle) pressure to be more discreet about it, I think thats sad.

Emanuela - I completely agree with you. I believe that the push for breastfeeding is completely well-intentioned, but I do feel that is often laid on so thick that there is no alternative but for mothers who cannot or do not want to breastfeed to feel guilty. I took the comment about "breastfed babies are different to bottle fed babies" in the same way as kiwispers - in the sense that we should be measuring weight gain and feeding patterns on different scales and timelines to bottlefed babies. The sentence immediately after it was what struck me as particularly offensive - "one is fed by milk from its own species and one is fed with milk from a completely different species". Certainly that used to be the case looooong ago when babies were bottle fed cows milk. But its not the case anymore. Bottle fed babies are given a manufactured formula that is scientifically designed to resemble human milk as closely as possible. But of course - saying "one is fed milk from its own species and ones is fed a formula scientifically designed to closely resemble the nutritional content from milk ofits own species" just doesnt have the the shocking, pro-breastfeeding (and guilt-inducing) impact as the author had hoped - so the "truth" was stretched a little bit in order to get the desired impact. That is certainly not very fair, in my eyes. How can we know which information to trust, when it is so often biased? Certainly breastfeeding gives a great immune and nutritional boost to babies, I don't think that can be denied. However, formula and breasfeeding are both perfectly capable of raising healthy, strong, high IQ humans. There is nothing to feel guilty about if you cannot breastfeed due to medical or lifestyle reasons, or simply feel it does not work for you. There are also benefits to bottle feeding that breastfeeding does not have - it strengthens relationships with other caregivers who can participate in feeding, it encourages "routines" that are often more manageable for lifestyles of many modern women, it reduces anxiety and exhaustion in the women who find breastfeeding very very difficult in some cases. Certainly there is nutritional benefits in breastfeeding - however, it should also not be forgotten that stress and anxiety in mothers induces stress and anxiety in their babies. A depressed, anxious breastfeeding mother is not necessarily more beneficial to a baby than a relaxed, coping, enjoying-parenthood formula-feeding mother. Breastfeeding is often extolled merely from the persepctive of immunity and nutrition. These are extremely important - but are FAR from the only factors contributing to happy, healthy babies. Its a shame that however well-intentioned, the breasfeeding push seems to alienate so many women. However it also seems that even breastfeeding mothers are not incapable of inducing the same "judged" feelings in each other with regards to method etc. Its also a reality that mothers who choose to breastfeed come up against difficulties and judgement from others who are insensitive to her choice or seem to want to persist even when others feel it would be easier for her just to give up and switch to formula . I was separated from my son at birth - immediately after birth my son began the rooting reflex but they took him away with out even attempting that all-important first feed due to "time constraints". They gave him a dummy without my permission, nobody helped me to learn how to express during the separation, and one nurse made snide sarcastic remarks in front of me to her colleague about having to handle and wash the containers I expressed into (some genius in the hospital put me in the hysterectomy ward to avoid me getting depressed by seeing other mothers with their babies - but it meant I was left with no post-birth support whatsover). Guilt and insensitivity is far from an issue just about feeding. As SL pointed out, there is always something we feel judged about - be it Birth method, sleeping practices, returning to work, putting baby in nursery etc. Chance - I completely agree with your attitude of "take what you want" from the timeline and leave the rest for others. Such guidelines of "normal" or "usual" development always leave wide margins for people to feel "abnormal". Its hard not to feel that you must not be doing something right when you are not finding yourself inside the specific black-and-white guidelines of many books and experts. Having said that - we cannot do away with such guidelines - as these are the main means by which we identify problems when they arise. What I always recommend is to keep in mind that the guidlelines do not indicate "normal" but "Average". I think that very rarely does any baby or parent fit strictly into any chart or timeline or developmental guideline. Any such information or guidline should always be taken in light of it being derived from the "average" of a study of a great many babies who varied widely. It never suggests that any baby did, or that your baby "should" - fall within all those guidelines all of the time. The only way to reach an "Average" guidleline is to combine and divide a number of experiences which actually where somewhere at either side of the "Average". With regards to the guilt we seem to be invariably burdened with as mothers - I guess all we can do is remain objective and acknowledge that whether any advice is going to work for us, or whether we may be offended by it - the person giving the advice is always meaning well in the sense that they believe what they are offering is "the best" option. When advice seems to be conflicting - we often assume that means that one advice is right and one advice is wrong, and feel anxious to make the "right" choice between them. Conflicting advice generally only means that different options proved to be the "right" option for different people. Mothers and babies are individuals, and situations are always unique. It is impossible to have a right or wrong way of doing things for everyone. We should look at all advice as nothing more than "options" - and we can never have too many of those. Babies do not come with instructions - but we have something even better - instincts. <em>edited by punchbiffpow on 02/01/2012</em>

Does anyone have any idea how awfull a mother feels when the baby is crying and she can not breastfeed but whishes to? yes, I do. It is the most horrible feeling, for me it had lot of it to do with feeling like a failure. Yes, I suspect if your experience was like mine, you maybe feel quite judged too. Particularly as people kinda of insinuate that you could have done it if you'd tried harder or had better support- which may or may not have been the case- actually my current midwife has suggested that having PCOS could well have affected my supply and I have far better support in NZ than I did in Dubai , but regardless giving my daughter formula really helped me and my daughter. If it makes you feel better I had a horrible time bf DD- screaming baby, crying mother, wasn't back to birth weight, mastitis, cracked nipples. Possibly the most surprising thing is that I actually did go to a lactation consultant ( a well known one from this site) and she recommended I give DD formula with the view to switch feed and pump to increase supply and decrease formula for the health of DD. When that didn't work she offered motillium, which I declined, because supplementing my daughter changed our feeding into such a positive experience. Fast forward to today, I have a 10 wk old son who is predominantly breastfed, I am enjoying a lovely time bf with him but have no issues giving him formula sometimes. I'm not saying that it works for everyone, but it works for me. It seems BF and C sections are very controversial subjects, particularly on this site, I can only say that as a mother you do the best that you can and don't take things too much to heart, your wee girl will be fine with a caring mother who is making the best choices for her and herself. Good luck with it all, big hugs. ETA BTW I don't have a huge issue with the article, I found it useful, but like all things I take what I can from it and leave the rest of it for others ;) <em>edited by chance on 02/01/2012</em>

I honestly don't agree with the line that says that "Breastfed babies are not the same as formula fed babies". I believe it puts a lot of pressure on moms who can not breastfeed. I see your point Emanuela, but tbh I think the line is simply referring to the fact that there are differences to be aware of such as the fact that the growth patterns vary slightly, and things like the fact that it is not cause for concern if an EBF baby only poops once a week or less, whereas a FF baby might need help to get things moving. Also simple things like in the case of a stomach bug breastmilk actually counts as a clear fluid, due to it being easily digested and so in a clear fluids only treatment plan, breastmilk would be fine whereas formula would not (a lot of Drs don't know this) etc etc When breastfeeding mamas are faced with charts and recommendations that are based on data from FF babies, it can lead to them unnecessarily doubting their supply, thinking/being told their baby is underfed when in fact they are just naturally leaner due to difference in milk composition etc, giving suppositories or laxatives unnecessarily etc etc. It is important that mothers, aunts, grandmothers and health professionals are aware of those differences. Breastfeeding mothers are faced with a lot of doubt and do need support and encouragement to find their way. Its impossible to explain the advantages of breastfeeding without implying that formula is inferior, I'm not sure there is a way around that. The truth is in a perfect world everyone could and would breastfeed but the reality is there are sometimes reasons why its not the best option, or even an option at all as you have discovered. Your method of feeding doesn't in any way define you as a mother, please don't feel that it does.

I honestly don't agree with the line that says that "Breastfed babies are not the same as formula fed babies". I believe it puts a lot of pressure on moms who can not breastfeed. I mean "can not" meaning it does not work from let's say natural reasons. I am a new mom and could not breastfeed my baby; there was so little milk and I have tried everything (lots of fluids, fenugreek, etc..) and I felt very bad because my baby was hungry and did not have enough milk and especially because I had to give her formula. I had no other option; and my baby is very healthy (I have been asked what am I feeding my baby with), very happy now, we have a strong bond. I agree that every baby has the right to be breastfed, but saying that "Breastfed babies are not the same as formula fed babies" is totally disrespectful towards the mothers who can not breastfeed. Does anyone have any idea how awfull a mother feels when the baby is crying and she can not breastfeed but whishes to?

great great article Frances, there is always so much info out there on the beginning of breastfeeding but its great to see something that covers the entire road. Sorry the infamous thread confused you ilovewine, wishing you all the best with your breastfeeding adventure and more importantly motherhood in general!

Thank you for this amazing article. As a (about to become) first time mum (ds due any day now) i've been following breastfeeding threads regularly and was so confused with the latest thread, the infamous one!, so went back to my books for guidance. I have bookmarked this page for future reference. Hopefully all works out well for me, im really looking forward to breastfeeding.