DS said he doesn't love me .... I am shattered

I completely agree with the others - children seem to see emotions in black or white and don't really understand that few things are really like that, let alone the implications of what they say - they may be on the path to empathy, but they certainly haven't got there yet! Also, it could be that he's feeling a bit stressed about his dad not being around, especially if he's picking up on the fact that you feel under pressure and/or scrutinised... add to that the completely normal sibling issues and well, you get an emotionally confused child! Again, anger manifests itself in many ways, and although it's hurtful, I would far prefer a child who conveys his or her emotions rather than internalising them and withdrawing. One thing is for sure though, he does love you and will always love you. You are his world and his rock... and, just as adults, we often take the most important things in our lives for granted.

The girls are right hiccup...lots of kids say things like this. Yes it hurts, yes it's upsetting but you must try not to take it personally. Try to remember he actually has no understanding of the significance of what he's saying. From sk's reply, I think it's a little bit of all three reasons. My son is six and has always been a very sensitive, emotional boy. Try as I might to help him, he just doesn't deal well with disappointment and he almost always goes on 'attack' if he can't have or do what he wants. I can't tell you how many times he has stamped his foot at me and stormed off to his bedroom while muttering some awful comment - "I don't love you." "You're mean to me." "Why don't you ever do XYZ for me." "I hate you." He wants attention because he's p1ssed off. He's manipulating me because he thinks I'll back down and give in. He's really mad about my decision...he dislikes the decision but he loves me. ;) Every time, I cringe on the inside but I know he doesn't mean it. I give him time to cool off then when he eventually comes back to me we talk very briefly about what he said and how he really feels then we cuddle and get on with the day. I never, ever give in to what he wanted that 'caused' the tantrum. It's tough parenting on your own, no matter how long your husband is away. Mine works away three weeks every month and I officially take my hat off to single parents! We've got just about the hardest, but most important job in the world in raising these children. Doing it on your own is exhausting!!! Take care of yourself hiccup. Shout for help if you need it. I've no doubt there would be someone who can look after the children for a while for you...it's amazing what an hour on your own can do for your energy levels. <em>edited by Green-ish on 14/01/2012</em>

They sure do know how to tug on our heart strings, dont they. I can tell from the tone of your message how much you care for your kids, and how much of an effort you make to do the right thing. It sounds like you are doing everything RIGHT! Its hard when you're facing emotional stand-offs like that and you dont have another supportive adult around to keep you feeling confident with how you are dealing with it. Its quite possible your DS is missing his father also and this is making him react more emotionally than usual. Don't be too hard on yourself - I don't think any of us as survived motherhood without having some (many?!) moments where we doubt ourselves. Try to get a good sleep so you are refreshed tomorrow for a new day :)

Lots of mummy hugs going your way (((((x))))) It's a tough job esp when a baby is on the scene. He is just able to aticulate his feelings rather than act out and they don't fully understand what choice of words they use and the impact it has if you get my drift. They are only words, when my DDs say that to me, it is always when I don't allow them to do what they want to do btw, I always say ' that's ok, I hear what you're saying but you know what? I always love you no matter how you feel because you are so special to me and I'm your mummy' and let them run off to their room for them to have some space. I give them perhaps 5 - 10 mins and then give them a big cuddle explain why I wouldn't let them do what they wanted to do. My eldest (7.5 yr) said to me when our baby was 4 wks ' mum you don't love us anymore you love the baby' I asked her explain why she thought that because I was holding her all the time and feeding her, you know what demand b'feeding can be like at times. I explained about feeding etc and then I made more of a conscious effort to do more activities with the older ones despite being wrecked. The joys of motherhood - but it is so worth it. You are going to have some very special days too. Kids r so clever xxxx

Don't stress hiccup - its sooooooooo typical for this age. They all do it. Literally. There are a few reasons. At this age they are starting to get more of an understanding of how emotions work. There are a few reasons they might do it: *Just for the attention. Kids love attention, whether it is positive or negative. If your child seems to do it for this reason - just make sure you do not react. Simple say "that's a shame, because I love you very much". And do react or respond to it. If they don't get a reaction, they will stop doing it (and try something else, lol) *Manipulation. At this age they have more if an understanding of the extent they can impact how you feel and what you do. They may say it as a means to get you to do what they want - it does not mean they mean it. They are too young to understand that it is hurtful. Use the same technique as above - and point out to them that hurting's people's feelings will make them LESS likely to do what they want. *The third reason - at this age, sometimes their understanding is not complex enough to differentiate between not liking something you are doing, and not liking YOU. It's up to us as the adult to understand that it's not personal, and also help them understand their feelings more. Again - emphasize in a matter of fact way "that's a shame, because I love you very much" - then go on to validate their feeling, for example "I understand you are very upset. Its hard sometimes to be patient when there is something that we really want, isn't it?". Or something to that effect. Usually this puts their feelings in more perspective for them, and they will usually at that point cry as opposed to being angry at you, and will let you comfort them. You sound like you love your children very very much - you are certainly not a failure, and I can guarantee you this is not unusual behaviour for a child and its not a result of anything you've done wrong. The best thing you can do is be sure not to re-enforce the behaviour by reacting to it (I know its hard). I'm sure he will wake up in the morning and not even remember the exchange took place. Hang in there, its just a phase :) xx